


The dream catcher

by Amanzala



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Siblings, Anal Sex, Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Immediate Attraction, Lies, Longing, M/M, Near Death, Piercings, Rough Sex, Rough handling, Sakura being bitchy, Secrets, Sickness, Slow Burn, Tattoos, basically a love story, rich- poor romance, soulmates ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-02 05:30:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 96,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8652757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amanzala/pseuds/Amanzala
Summary: They say that Soulmates are meant to be together and nothing can stop that from happening.Naruto is a young man who is struggling to make ends meet. He is not wealthy and is doing everything he can to help and support the only person he calls family, including selling his body. For this reason he tried to stay away from all things romance until a strange man walks into his life.Naruto falls in love with him and tries to keep his secret life away from him but in time Shikamaru finds out.Maybe his feelings will help him forgive Naruto for this betrayal.... Or maybe he would walk away from him forever. After all, not all stories have a happy ending





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate  
> A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in ways you have never experienced before. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them.  
> word porn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soulmate
> 
> A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet- a connection so strong that you are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. Your soulmate understands and connects with you in every way and on every level, which brings a sense of peace, calmness and happiness when you are around them.

He held his jacket closer to himself, it was kind of chilly tonight but no worries, he'll be home soon, all warm and toasty. After looking both ways, he crossed the road and went into the store; he needed to get the groceries or else his sister will throw him out and will not let him back in unless and until he went back for them. He smiled fondly as his thoughts strayed to her. Ino was his big sister but Naruto always took care of her as though she were a baby. Their mom died giving birth to him, Ino was 3 at the time and when he was 10, their dad died in a car crash; with no known relatives, they were put in the system. Ino had done everything within her power as a 13 year old to keep in touch with her baby brother, always sending him cards and presents on his birthday and any other celebrated holiday, always assuring him that she'll take him home as soon as she could and she had done just that. When she turned 18, she fought for custody, somehow miraculously won at 19 and had taken him to a new city with the little savings she still managed to have left after the proceedings. She had wanted a fresh start for them both. By then Naruto was 16 and old enough to shoulder some responsibilities which he did, he got a small job working at an electronics store after school and during the holidays, he took on more jobs. He knew what Ino had done for him and how much she had sacrificed for him, he wanted to show her that it was all worth it in the end. Before he'd graduated high school though, Ino had fallen ill and despite persuasions on her part, he had refused to go to college choosing instead to work and help provide for their upkeep, pay the rent and help with her medical expenses.

 

The illness, his heart dropped everytime he had to think about it. At first, they had thought it was something minor from the symptoms she had complained of but one day, she had collapsed at work. Her colleagues had rushed her to the hospital and after a series of tests, she was diagnosed with some sought of kidney infection. They were told that she needed a transplant but in the mean time she would have to be taking certain medications and coming in for occasional tests and treatment to keep the infection check and stop it from spreading to the other kidney. The drugs were insanely expensive and soon enough they'd needed an extra source of income to keep up with the treatment, but Naruto hadn't minded that, he did whatever he could lay his hands on and they had somehow found a way to manage. As the years progressed though, it had become worse and he'd had to get some other Job that he would otherwise never have considered if not for desperation. But it'll be fine, he thought, everything will be alright. They'd gotten a donor just last year, all they needed now was the complete money and he was more than halfway there; they'll be able to do the transplant and this nightmare will be over. He'll leave that job forever.

 

He entered the store, took out the list Ino had written and began to shop, when he was done, he approached the counter and stood behind the man the clerk was attending to. The man collected his purchases, paid and turned to go almost running into Naruto. The man righted himself, adjusted the grocery bag and shifted his gaze on him and when Naruto locked eyes with the stranger, his breath caught. Time literarily stood still. He had lazy looking dark eyes that seemed to know too much, they made Naruto feel like this stranger could tell all of his secrets just by looking at him. Naruto felt naked under his penetrating gaze. Those eyes spoke of a kind of superior intelligence that not only intimidated him but also made him want to let himself go in the reliability and dependability they held; they spoke of strength in a very reassuring way. He wore a very expensive looking suit without the jacket though, it was probably in his car or something but he had on his waistcoat and the sleeves of his shirt was rolled to his elbows. He had dark hair which he held up with a band, the tips were spiky and Naruto estimated they'd fall just below his shoulder if let down. Even his hairline was spiky and Naruto for some reason found this sexy. Tiny diamond studs glimmered in both lobes and Naruto was sure he had glimpsed a Rolex on the man's wrist before he'd looked at his face. Why couldn't he take his eyes off this man? He felt hypnotised by the compelling aura surrounding the mystery man and he finally understood what people meant when they said they felt like they knew someone even though just meeting them for the first time. It was almost like he knew stranger and understood him even without them exchanging any words. He unconsciously took a step forward as though pulled in by some magnetic force, wanting to close the space separating them; he wanted to merge himself with the entity before him, body and soul.

Shikamaru knew for sure he was gawking stupidly seeing as his mouth was hanging open but he couldn't help himself. He'd had a long day, needed to go home and have a hot shower before going to bed but first he'd rushed to the store to pick a few things. He was about to dash out when he'd turned and almost run into someone, he was going to apologise but as he faced the person, he was met with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes he'd ever seen. They were the color of the deep blue sea and it almost felt like he would see crashing waves in them if he looked deep enough. The eyes were captivating, they looked like they had seen enough of life and ached to tell their story to anyone who cared enough to listen, their innocence drew him in and he saw in them an earnestness that one never just came across. He caught himself wishing he could swim in their depths forever. He wanted to know this guy. The guy was young, probably not more than 20, he had very blond, spiky locks of hair and he had the look of someone who laughed alot even though life had dealt him one too many blows. He was several inches taller than the skinny blond and he noticed that the guy couldn't take his eyes off him too. He wondered if he felt the strange pull and when the younger man moved in a little, he understood that the feeling was mutual. Goddammit he was drowning in those eyes and he didn't want to be saved.

The stranger recovered first. He bowed his head slightly while offering an apology, took a step to the side to let Shikamaru pass and stepped up to the counter. Shikamaru stood where he was for a few seconds, debating whether or not to talk to him; he may never see him again and this meant he had lost the one opportunity he'd had to talk to the blond, but then, if this had nothing to do with coincidence, they'll somehow run into each other again. He walked towards the exit and as he neared the door he looked back to get one last look at the blond and it was almost like he had spoken to him because the guy turned also. They locked eyes for what seemed like forever before he stepped out into the chilly night.

 

Naruto waited for the clerk to bill him as his mind wandered to the strange encounter he'd just had. What the hell was that? Who was that man? This was one mystery he knew he would never be able to solve unless he met the stranger again which had an extremely low possibility. He paid for the things and left the store, wishing the black Audi he'd seen drive off had waited to give him a lift.

 

***

 

He let himself into the quiet apartment through the kitchen door. It was not a big place but it was not too small or uncomfortable either. It was a two bedroom apartment with two bathrooms, a small kitchen, a parlor and a little balcony. As soon as they'd entered the space while looking for a place, Ino had declared it their own. It did have a homey feel. He dumped the groceries on the kitchen counter and went to the parlor, Ino was sitting im front of the tv, his blanket around her as she stuffed her face with very buttery popcorn while watching a soap opera

 

"doesn't it ever bother you that you have chosen to let this thing have a better portion of your lifespan?", he complained as he sat heavily beside her, dipping his hand into the bowl for a handful of popcorn

"this thing, as you so impishly put it, is the heart and soul of every woman in Japan"

"Ino, I am not a woman. Could you please have mercy on me every so often before I die from having to see this every single night?. Cause of death: Soap overdose"

Ino snuggled closer to him with a laugh and rested her head on his shoulder

"stop being such a grouch"

Just then his stomach growled, he was hungry. He hadn't seen any food in the kitchen and from the way Ino had made herself comfortable on him, she wasn't going to be doing any cooking anytime soon

"uh Ino, I brought the groceries, you know? How abou--"

"shhh they're getting to the best part"

Oh boy, if he didn't try to help himself right now, he would go to bed hungry. He gently extricated himself, picked a tissue and wiped his sticky hand as he went into the kitchen and got to work unpacking. He put a pan on fire, poured a little oil into it, seasoned two hams and placed them into the pan, he'll make them burgers, at least that wasn't hard to make and didn't take long. He reduced the already low heat some more and began to wash the vegetables when he felt skinny arms snake around his waist

"what are you making?", she asked, resting her head on his back. Ino was shorter than him by a foot and a half and she was so fragile he was sometimes scared to hug her so she doesn't break. He turned and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling closer while placing a kiss on her head. She was blond like him except she was a sunflower blond, she had always told him he was the blondest blond she had ever seen

"glad to see you still care about my stomach"

She chuckled

"just the stomach though so don't get any ideas"

"I'm making us burgers, care to do the onions?"

Ino pulled away from the hug with a laugh as she picked up the spatula, turning the ham

"nice try, very suave"

He joined in the laughter

"can't blame a guy for trying"

They worked in silence for sometime before he spoke up

"how was your day?"

"oh you know, went to work, came back home, made a smack, watched tv. The usual"

"I meant how did you feel today?"

 

Her shoulders stiffened, he was walking on eggshells but he had to ask. Ino hated it when they had to talk about her health, she said it made her feel like a nuisance; it reminded her of her shortcoming and the burden she had unwittingly placed on his young shoulders. But he didn't mind, he worried about her most times and had to know how she was faring; left to him, she would not work at all but Ino had insisted, she could be so stubborn sometimes and Naruto had agreed to let her work as long as the job was nothing stressful. She worked at a beauty shop and he was fine with that

"I didn't collapse if that's what you're asking"

He put down the tomato he was slicing and went to her

"hey, I'm sorry. I know you hate having this talk but you know I've got to check on you. If our positions were reversed you'd do the same"

She turned the hams once again before looking up at him, mentally scolding herself for her reaction. He was just being the concerned baby brother he always was

"you're right, I'm sorry. It's just..."

Naruto pulled her in for a hug

"I know"

Then pulling back he looked into her beautiful green eyes as he rubbed a thumb against her cheek

"you know I love you right? I mean you're such a stubborn stubborn woman but I love you all the same"

Her lips cracked into a smile as she gave him a light punch on the upper arm

"you're weird, you know that right?"

Naruto giggled

"you're the one with the tattoo of a horned pig", he said referring to the little tattoo she had behind her ear; a very delicate but impressive tattoo of a wild boar representing some kind of boar god or something. Naruto secretly thought it was cute even though he liked to tease her about it. Ino knew this and never failed to return the jab

"Naruto you have a scary looking fox with nine tails tattooed on your bicep and you call me weird? Plus its a boar not a horned pig. This is what you get for refusing to go to college"

"ok first of all, you're the one who called me weird and second, Kurama is not scary". He had named his beloved bicep fox Kurama, getting a major eye roll from Ino. Ino had gotten her first tattoo, the peter pan characters, just below her prominent collarbone when she was 17. It was all ink with Peter, Jane, her baby brother and Tinkerbelle floating diagonally in a line that was a little curved. After they had moved to Tokyo, she had taken him along to a tattoo parlor to celebrate winning his custody and had gotten another. While she'd had the boar head and a navel piercing done, he'd had the moon phases done behind his left shoulder. Two years after that, on his 18th birthday, she'd taken him to get another; that was when he had gotten Kurama on his right bicep, she had encouraged him to get a piercing too and he had chosen to do a couch piercing on his left ear.

She let out a laugh. Ino always enjoyed spending time with her brother, he was fun to be with, funny and extremely caring. She loved him with the whole of her heart and would do anything to make him happy, too bad this sickness had gotten in the way of that. Ever since she'd fallen ill, Naruto had let his world totally revolve around her, always close by, giving up everything just to make sure she was comfortable. He had refused to go to college, saying it was a waste of time since he was terrible at school even though she knew it was because he wanted to keep a close eye on her. He took on extra jobs, worked overtime and when things had gotten tougher, gotten a job as an escort. At first he hadn't wanted to tell her about it but she had stubbornly persisted, she had wanted to know where all that extra cash was coming from. She had pushed until he'd spat it out, she could see how ashamed he was saying it and she had felt regret for insisting. Naruto was her angel, she didn't know what she would have done without him; he never complained, never took offence when she got just a tiny bit bitchy and gladly did the extra jobs around. 

She stood on her toes and gave him a peck

"love you too. So how was your day?"

"was fine"

"anything exciting happen?"

Naruto hesitated briefly, remembering the encounter he'd had just that evening and wondering if he should tell her. After a few seconds of deliberation, he decided to let her know; Ino would make a big deal out of it but he needed to share the experience with someone

"yeah, something actually happened". She turned sharply, her ears already perking

"really?"

He nodded

"uh huh"

She looked at him and when he was not saying anything, gave him a hard poke on his side

"spill"

"I.. Uh.. I met someone"

She gasped, her hands flying dramatically to her mouth. Naruto rolled his eyes, drama queen

"you met a guy?"

"kinda"

She knew he was gay but that didn't faze her, it never had. Naruto remembered the first time he had come out to her, he had been pretty scared of how she would react and it had taken almost a full year to tell her but when he finally did, she had given him a hug, telling him it didn't matter and that she loved him all the same and would accept any guy he chose to date. As long as he was good enough and deserving of Naruto that is. He knew this news excited her because she had been bugging him to date for over two years now; she said she didn't want him to waste his life and miss out on happiness just because of her

"what happened? Where did you meet? When are you seeing him again? Did two exchange numbers? Wait, you did exchange numbers right?"

Naruto chuckled at the barrage of questions 

"I don't know when we'll see again, if we will at all. We didn't exchange numbers, we didn't even talk"

She looked confused

"what? What do you mean you didn't... Back up. Tell me everything"

Naruto had just finished assembling the burgers. He put them on one plate and walked to the parlor, they ate there since they didn't have a dining table. She took two cups of two cups of tea along with her and sat facing her brother

"Naruto, my ears burn"

He took a deep breath and began to tell her the story. He watched as she went from wide eyed, to open mouthed, to wide eyed and open mouthed, to having a stupid look of excitement with the mentioned facial expressions on her face. She nearly screamed when he was done

"oh my God! Naruto you just met your soulmate"

He groaned, not that again

"it's true, that meeting was too abnormal to be normal, it was preordained". He sighed, she sounded like some medium, all she needed was a crystal ball in front of her, a handful of heavy rings and bracelets and a turban. 

"arrrgghhhhh. Tall, dark and handsome! Damn, why haven't I been so lucky?"

"actually he isn't--"

"you have got to keep your eyes peeled for when you meet again because you will"

"we might not--"

"ah ah ah", she commanded with a palm to his face "I have banished negativity from this house, she is not even allowed in here for a sleepover"

She let out a squeal

"it's just like how dad always said he'd met mom, he told us that story a whole lot"

"what story? I don't remember dad saying anything like that"

"that's because you were too young to understand"

"too young? Ino dad died when I was 10"

"my point exactly. What could a kid less than 10 understand about these things? You two will meet again, mark my words. Just make sure you seize the opportunity when it does come, ok?"

Naruto saw the earnestness in her eyes and chose to humour her

"yes mom"

She jumped

"yes! Oh God this is really happening. Love at first sight"

"who said anything about love? It was just shock, I'm going to bed"

He got up, cleared the plate and cups and went to the kitchen with Ino at his heels

"yes it was. What did your horoscope say today?"

"dunno, didn't check"

"you never check. Lemme get my phone"

She dashed off to get the gadget as Naruto struggled to hold his laughter in. His sister really was a case, she believed so much in fairytales and happy endings. He grabbed the sponge as he began to wash the dishes. Happy endings? Ino said they always come true, maybe if he believed hard enough, he'll get his fairytale ending too.

Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your soulmate will be the stranger you recognise.  
> R. H. Sin
> 
> There you have it, my first ShikaNaru fic. I know some might wonder why I decided to pair these two instead of SasuNaru but I ship these two and I think they are two very compatible characters, they are opposites and this in turn makes one compliment the other perfectly. Plus there are very little ShikaNaru fics out there. 
> 
> I'll add more tags and characters as the story progresses. Please feel free to drop your comments, I'll really love to know what you think and how you feel about it.
> 
> P. S. I don't know of any kidney disease like the one I described that's why there's no name for it. It's just a product of my imagination


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hand shakes, your knees go weak,  
> That's not the one
> 
> When you meet your 'soulmate'  
> You'll feel calm.  
> No anxiety, no agitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two. Dunno how I managed to write this so fast but I did so here you go

Shikamaru sped towards the other side of town, his thoughts drifting to the blonde guy he'd run into. Literarily run into. He chuckled, remembering how disoriented he had been when he'd hit something solid, but when he'd looked at the person, he felt like his heart had stopped. Really, why he hadn't been able to talk to the young man was beyond him. What had he been thinking letting him go like that? 'if this had nothing to do with coincidence...', yeah right. Now it's been two weeks and he had not seen him; he had purposely driven by the store at about the same time they'd run into each other, occasionally going in but never once seeing him. He had even considered asking the clerk if he knew the guy but thought better of it, he did not want to be tagged a stalker. 

 

Maybe he was an angel? After all, people have had encounters with 'angels' as they chose to call them. Or maybe he was a ghost? That would explain how he had mysteriously disappeared so that try as he might, Shikamaru couldn't find him. Or... Alright Shikamaru, quit it already, he is human and a very fine specimen at that. He had never seen such eyes, they seemed depthless and were oh so blue; and the face itself had not disappointed him. Ever since that night, the face of the young man had continued to haunt him, somehow he felt like he would not be able to rest until he saw him again. The blonde had woken up something in him and only he could put it at ease. 

 

If he had known fate would play such a cruel game on him, he would have tried to get the guy's number without hesitation.

 

He parked his car and walked into the apartment building, not bothering to press the buzzer. He let himself in with his key, went straight to one of the bedrooms and jumped on the figure lying on the bed. The man groaned

"wakey wakey", Shikamaru drawled lazily as a scattered mop of spiky dark hair came out from under the duvet

"wha...?

"it's daylight, Kiba, and unless you became a vampire somewhere between last night and the wee hours of this morning, I suggest you get up"

Kiba mumbled something incoherent and drew the duvet back over his head. Shikamaru grabbed it and yanked it back with Kiba tugging on it

"if you don't get up, Kiba, I'll open the curtains"

Kiba was renting the pent house of the building and the position of his bedroom faced the rising sun directly. In order to keep the light out, he had put up thick, dark colored curtains. This threat made him end the tug-of-war; he glared at Shikamaru before embarking on some kind of I-just-woke-up-and-I-do-not-want-to-get-up stretches while still lying in bed. Shikamaru sniggered

"nice moves"

Kiba flung a pillow at him while laughing

"go to hell, Shikamaru"

"sure. Go get dressed, you're coming with"

Kiba finally sat up, looking so dishevelled like he had just gotten out of a fight with a pack of wolves. He yawned

"where's Neji? Thought he'd spent the night but I didn't see his car outside"

 

Neji was Kiba's fiancé. A workaholic who was from old money and who was too cool and reserved for Kiba's loud and boisterous nature; they were direct opposites but then he guessed opposites did attract. He found himself wondering if his blonde stranger was also an opposite of him.

 

"he left early, has a meeting with his dad and some partners"

"it's Saturday", Shikamaru said stupidly as though it explained anything. Kiba looked pointedly at him 

"some people can actually work any day, unlike you, brother"

 

Kiba often wondered how it was that his brother managed to be so lazy. Their dad was a calm, cool headed, smart and logical man and although Shikamaru had so wisely inherited those traits, he definitely did not get his lazy side from their old man. Neither was it from their mom. Shikamaru was a very intelligent man who could think up a perfect solution to every problem in no time at all but who found it difficult to get his ass moving. Hell Shikamaru was too lazy to date anyone, always saying it was a drag

 

"I go to the office Monday to Friday"

"because dad makes you"

"touché"

 

Kiba climbed out of bed and walked to the bathroom. He was a slim guy with a very fit body. Unlike Shikamaru and their dad, he had no piercings on his ears nor did he let his hair grow as long as theirs but he went all out with tattooing. He had a full sleeve tattoo on his left hand and on his right, tattoo beginning from his shoulder to his elbow and then two circular inks each about two inches thick on the lower arm; a small majestic looking deer stood above his right ankle and an Aztec symbol between his left thumb and forefinger. The image of a wolf breathing greyish fire covered the better part of his upper back and a little of his neck. Shikamaru feared that his baby brother would soon be immersed in ink and when he had voiced out his fears, Kiba had only said 'Neji doesn't mind' and that had been the end of the matter.

 

Two hours later they'd had breakfast, Kiba was dressed and they had bundled Akamaru, Kiba's beloved dog, into the car and were off to wherever. Although a mighty dog, Akamaru was very gentle and friendly, until you got on his bad side, so they generally had no problem taking him out with them. He was a spoilt but surprisingly well behaved dog who loved his owner beyond words and was very protective of him; Akamaru could fight off an entire jungle for Kiba.

 

"still haven't seen your mysterious blonde?", Kiba glanced at his brother before focusing on the road. Shikamaru had made him drive; when they had gotten to his car, his big brother had walked straight to the passenger side, tossing the keys to Kiba. He'd taken the backrest lower so he could relax properly on the seat. Lazy ass

 

"no", the older man replied with a sigh. "I think I made a mistake not speaking to him"

"you like him?"

 

Shikamaru thought this through. Did he? He wasn't sure. It's been two weeks and he still couldn't say what it was he had felt looking into those blue eyes, what it was he still felt. All he knew was something inside him had shifted, it had felt... What was the word? Right?

 

"I can't say, all I know is that I want to see him again". And ease his fears, take away his worries, shoulder his burdens, soothe his pains and make everything alright for him, he added silently.

"you know, it was almost like this when I first met Neji"

 

He gave Kiba a look. His brother had never once mentioned a thing like this in the one year he and Neji had been together

 

"really?"

"yeah. It was a feeling I couldn't quite put my finger on, all I knew was that I suddenly felt kind of complete, you know? Like all those missing parts had finally assembled"

 

Shikamaru chewed on the words. Complete? He wouldn't go as far as saying he felt that way but he did know he had made a rare connection, one that he burned to taste again.

 

"you just sounded really smart, Kiba", he teased as his brother barked out a laugh

"that was my inner guru and now, he returns to his meditation. Namaste"

Shikamaru smirked

"see you in two decades oh mighty one"

Kiba laughed again as he parked the car

 

***

 

"eyes front, Ino, we are not getting that"

"please Naruto"

"I'm not even looking and if you stop, I'll leave you behind"

"you're no fun", she pouted as she linked her arm into her brother's. Ino had wanted to go to the farmer's market today and had dragged him along. As if that wasn't enough, when they had finally finished their shopping and were on their way to the train station, they had seen a fair and Ino had diverted without a second's thought. 

 

They had been here all of 10 minutes and his sister was ready to buy the whole fair. It was warm today, thank God they'd dressed lightly. Ino was wearing a peach colored chiffon maxi skirt, the inner lining ending halfway down her thighs so one could see her legs from mid thigh down; a body fitting white halter crop top, brown sandals and a straw bag. Her waist length hair was held up in a ponytail and a lovely armlet adorned her upper left arm. She looked beautiful, if he did say so himself. He was dressed in white tees, olive chino shorts and grey sneakers; a watch and a bracelet sat on his left wrist while he wore an anklet on his right leg. 

 

They stopped in front of a gypsy selling some beautiful and unique jewelleries. He was looking at a hoop earring for himself when he felt something wet and cold touch his hand, he looked down and was met with the most adorable eyes staring back at him. The dog was a big furry one, he was snow white with dark colored outer ears; a nice scent was emanating from him and Naruto figured it was some kind of dog shampoo. He scratched behind the dog's ears, already falling in love with the big guy

 

"hey"

The dog bent his head lower, leaning into him a bit and Naruto laughed

"are you lost? Where's your owner?"

 

Ino looked down to see who her brother was talking to and let out a gasp when she saw the dog

 

"awww look at you!", she cooed as she joined in scratching his head. The dog made a pleased sound at the back of his throat and licked her other hand. She laughed

"where's his owner?"

"dunno". Naruto liked around as though expecting to see someone standing with the tag 'dog owner' around his neck. He squatted in front of the animal and he could almost swear he saw a smile on its face. Ino giggled when it rubbed it's head on her belly

"maybe we should--"

"Akamaru!"

 

The dog perked up at the call and the siblings turned to see a spiky haired brunette jogging towards them, the man was ruggedly handsome and was dressed the same. He wore black tees, ripped jean shorts and black boots; series of tattoos covered his toned arms while some peeked from the sides of his neck. He reminded Naruto of a beautiful wild wolf and when the man opened his mouth to speak, Naruto was almost sure he'd see fangs

 

"sorry about this, we tied him but it seems his leash broke. I'm so sorry". Nope, no fangs there. Ino smiled as Naruto got to his feet

"no need to apologise, he was no bother. He's a good boy"

The man beamed, looking at the dog

"yeah, he is. Kiba", he extended his arm as he shook Naruto then Ino

"Naruto. This is my sister Ino"

"nice to meet you. Oh, that's my brother", he said, pointing to someone who approached from behind Naruto. Naruto turned and his smile froze on his lips. He was staring into the eyes of the mystery man he'd met two weeks ago. 

 

Shikamaru was stunned. The blonde he couldn't seem to stop thinking and dreaming about was staring back at him, all blue eyed and gorgeous. He was speechless, he couldn't at all speak, it was like the proverbial cat had gotten his tongue. His stranger had materialised before him once again, fate had finally given him a break. This was a miracle, hallelujah! The blond blinked and offered him a smile, seemed like he was destined to always be the first to recover 

 

"hi". His voice was smooth, a melodic sound laced with a bittersweet edge

"hey". Shikamaru's heart was pounding but he still felt a kind of calm, he felt peaceful. The world was right again 

"you're the one from the store", Naruto said quietly. Ino and Kiba, who had been watching with interest, gasped. They were openly gawking and felt no shame at all. Shikamaru nervously rubbed the back of his neck and gave a small smile

"yeah. Umm..."

Nothing was coming to mind. But he felt like without speaking, the young man could hear and understand him. He could only keep staring into his eyes, getting lost in the warm promises they held. His eyes moved down, and he saw how moist and full the blonde's lips were, they liked like he could break them and draw blood if he bit them just a little. He licked his lips and extended an arm

 

"shikamaru"

The younger man took it

"Naruto"

 

Naruto. He tasted the sound of the name in his head and he loved it; nice to finally put a name to the face. As their hands touched, he could swear bolts of electricity shot up his arm, hitting right at the bullseye in his heart. Naruto made to take his hand away but Shikamaru tightened his grip, he was not ready to let go just yet. Maybe Naruto felt it too because he did not try to free himself; instead, his hand relaxed, comfortable in their position. Shikamaru found the gesture oddly relaxing.

 

Naruto could not explain what was happening but it was happening and it both scared and excited him, he did not want it to end. The man, Shikamaru, was focused so intensely on him and though this would have creeped him out had it come from someone else, he felt soothed. He felt like he was in a familiar place, a sanctuary away from the horrors of life; a safe haven. 

 

They had forgotten their siblings, they were locked in on each other, their heartbeats syncing and becoming one. They were tuning their hearts to the one frequency only they could catch; the eyes of one had become the mirror of the other's soul, a clear reflection of the heart. It felt like they were both trying to communicate something to themselves, an odd feeling of déjà vu; a soul whispering to the soul of the other: 'i know you'. They were enraptured in the moment and jumped when Akamaru let out a bark. Their joined hands separated, the spell broken. There was a stretch of silence before Kiba spoke up

 

"nice meeting you two but we've got to get going. Thank you for looking after Akamaru". He felt drained from the intense sparks those two had been giving off, how were they still on their feet?

"it's no problem at all", Ino smiled "nice to meet you too"

 

And with that they went their separate ways. Naruto turned back to the departing brothers and once again locked eyes with Shikamaru before taking the turn around the corner with Ino.

Shikamaru was about to get into the car when he suddenly exclaimed, making Kiba jump

"shit! I didn't get his number"

"do you want to go after him?", Shikamaru nodded. They hopped into the car and Kiba made a u-turn that would put Vin Diesel to shame, driving towards where they'd last seen the duo go but when they got there, they didn't see the pair. Naruto had once again disappeared.

 

***

 

They were putting away their purchases and Ino had not stopped talking about the afternoon

"oh my God I can't believe I finally met him. He's so handsome and his brother..."

"is gay"

"you don't know that"

"actually I do. I'm gay, remember? We're a brotherhood, we know ourselves like that

Ino laughed, palms up in surrender

"I can tell they're rich, they were decked head to toes in designer wears. This is like some fairytale: The Prince and The Pauper"

"and by prince I do believe you make reference to none other than I?", Naruto asked in a horrible imitation of medieval aristocrats. Ino immediately fell in role

"but of course, your blondeness, far be it from me to call you a pauper lest you have my head on a stake come dusk"

"aye my fair lady, aye"

 

They laughed at their stupid joke before Naruto said seriously 

 

"he's rich and we're just... Us. Do you think...?"

"hey, if he wants you, he'll want you for you not for anything else. Your status won't matter"

"what I do.. Ino, my job isn't exactly... You know...?

She held both sides of his arms, rubbing her thumbs on them

"we'll sort it all out when the time comes, ok? For now why don't you take it one step at a time?"

He nodded an ok. 

Ino was worried about her brother. He was so carried away by his concern for her that he often forgot about himself; he forgot he also had to be happy. He'd sacrificed enough for her these three years and he was just 20 for goodness' sake. He deserved a good life and she would make sure he gets it

 

"he really likes you, Naruto"

He giggled

"Ino we barely exchanged up to three complete sentences and is just our second meeting"

"I'm serious. You guys shared something much deeper than chemistry in those few seconds you had. He'll take good care of you, I approve"

He gave her a shy smile

"he hasn't even said anything"

"he will, soon"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Settle your heart, child, your time will come  
> One of these days, you will meet eyes with someone who makes you feel so at home in the world  
> You will think to yourself, ah, there you are.  
> -Beau Taplin. A Patient Heart
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot remember exactly the first time your soul whispered to mine, but I know you woke it.  
> And it has never slept since  
> J. M. Storm

Almost a whole week was gone and he still had not been fortunate enough to run into Naruto. Strange as it might sound, he actually missed the blonde a lot; Shikamaru had never felt so strongly towards anyone like he felt for him in the whole of his 24 years. He sighed, swivelling his chair to face glass behind him. He was on the topmost floor of this building so he had a very good view of that part of the city.

 

His dad, Shikaku, and two others: Choza and Inoichi, merged their companies to form a conglomerate known as INSICH, the name gotten from an abbreviation of their names: Ino- Shika- Cho. They were a company that focused on two major aspects of production; the Choza group produced and packaged snacks, canned foods and generally all things edible. The Inoichi group focused on hair, skin and beauty products while the Shikaku group dealt with the imports and exports part of the business. They were a successful group and Shikamaru felt the decision to merge was a great one; they literarily made seven times what they did as individual companies which was saying a lot because even at the time, each company was doing very well. Shikamaru had been put in charge of negotiations and business strategising and was his father's right hand man. His dad was a smart man and Shikamaru didn't understand why he had made him something of an adviser but hey, the pay was good so there's that. 

 

He spotted a blonde haired man pass by and involuntarily jumped to his feet, pressing his face against the glass to get a proper look at him and felt a pang of disappointment when he saw the face. It was not Naruto. He stood there, hands in his pockets as he stared at the passers-by; Naruto always found a way to effortlessly wiggle into his thoughts, it was almost like he had become the center of Shikamaru's universe, an itch he badly needed to scratch. Had this been someone else's experience, he would have found it pathetic.

 

He wished he had gotten the guy's number. He remembered their meeting at the fair, he remembered his smile, he had never seen anything so breathtaking and he wanted to get another opportunity to do so. Naruto was beautiful and so was his sister and they both had good dress sense, apparently beauty ran in the family. If Naruto was a woman, what would their kids look like? He smiled at the thought, they would be beyond beautiful, that was for sure; they would probably have his blonde hair and Shikamaru would want them all to have Naruto's eyes, his eyes were a jewel that needed to be shared. But Naruto was a man like him, they couldn't have kids but who cared? They could always adopt, there were loads of kids out there that needed a home. What tha..? He had just imagined them married and was actually planning their life. Really? Where was that coming from? He didn't even know if he would run into Naruto again or if he was seeing someone. Even if he wasn't, Shikamaru had never once envisioned himself married so it was pretty strange how unfazed he was at the thought of being Naruto's husband; it had seemed so natural.

 

He looked at his timepiece, 1:21, guess he'd better head out for lunch not that he had gotten much work done, he'd spent the better part of his time thinking of Naruto. He chuckled, his dad would kill him for daydreaming instead of working. He considered asking Kiba to join him but decided against it, Kiba had mentioned having some kind of project to round up today and he didn't want to disturb him. He picked up his blazer, checked for his phone and car keys and left the office. 

 

***

 

Naruto thanked the last of his customers as he began to pack his things. 1:30, his shift was over, he wasn't working overtime today because he wanted to rest for his 7:00 appointment. He was meant to be at the agency 6:00 and he had to cook dinner before Ino got back so she doesn't further stress herself when she got back, all she would have to do is microwave the food. Today's appointment was with one of the Reserved as they were referred to at the agency; they were a select group who had the privilege of having sex with their escorts. As a rule, the agency did not permit sex between clients and escorts but because of the power and influence these people commanded, they were made an exception to the rule. 

 

His client today was someone he truly disliked but who was surprisingly generous to him. Kabuto disgusted him, he reminded Naruto of a snake and the blonde didn't know why but he scared him. He thought back to an occasion they'd had sex and Naruto had fallen asleep out of exhaustion, the man was insatiable and had a great amount of stamina. Anyway, Naruto had woken up to see Kabuto sitting on the couch of their hotel room, staring fixedly at him with a psychotic smile on his face. Naruto had felt cold shivers run down his spine. Kabuto had taken an unwanted interest in Naruto and had asked him to be his personal bitch to which Naruto had vehemently but politely refused. No way in hell was that happening. Aside Kabuto, there was Hidan and Kakashi and now that he thought of it, they all had silver hair. Not weird at all.

 

He said goodbye to Shino, the guy on the next shift, and left the bookstore. He made a mental list of the things available in the fridge and what he could make with them as he got to the sidewalk. He met a bunch of little kids waiting to cross the road and stood with them to help them, lots of crazy drivers around. He carried the smallest of them and held the hand of the second smallest, leading them to the other side and made sure they were all safely on the bus before he went on his way.

 

Shikamaru had just gotten out of his car and was about to go into the restaurant when he saw a blonde standing amongst some kids. He peered closely, trying to see if it was Naruto while scolding himself about his obsession. His eyes widened when he realised it was indeed Naruto and he barely stopped himself from racing over; he managed to wait impatiently until Naruto crossed with the kids and watched him help the smaller ones onto the bus, not leaving until the bus had taken off before he moved in Shikamaru's direction. The sight stopped him, Naruto struck him as a genuinely caring person who was apparently good with kids, he would make a great parent. There it was again, his mind had wandered in that direction once more. 

 

The younger man walked slowly and Shikamaru used the opportunity to admire him. Naruto wore slim blue jeans, an unbuttoned black and red flannel shirt, ash colored inner t-shirt and brown bucks; his hair was held up and away from his face and a series of bracelets adorned his left wrist. He seemed deep in thought and only came to when he walked into the back bumper of Shikamaru's Audi. He righted himself and would have walked past if Shikamaru hadn't called out. Naruto snapped out of his mulling and gave a killer smile at the sight of the man before him

 

"Shikamaru, hi"

Shikamaru offered a smile of his own

"hey". Finally he could talk to the blonde without staring like a freak. Thank God. Naruto kicked at an imaginary object on the floor

"you school around here?"

Naruto shook his head

"no. I work at a bookstore just across the road"

"oh, you work? That's nice"

"thanks", Naruto replied with a shy smile

"ahh.. I was about to have lunch, would you like to join me? Please?"

Shikamaru had a look in his eyes that Naruto couldn't resist 

"umm.." He looked at the restaurant and knew it was too pricey for him, he wouldn't be able to afford a bottle of water here much less a whole meal. Shikamaru sensed his hesitation

"we could go someplace else if you don't like here, it's just three blocks down"

 

Naruto hesitated a bit and opened his mouth to protest. Yes, he did want to spend time with the brunette but he didn't want to impose 

 

"please". There was that beseeching look again, that look that was begging for something. Naruto didn't know what that something was but he knew he was willing to give it. He found himself nodding

"ok. But only if you let me treat you back"

 

Shikamaru's heart did a backflip, double take and stutter beat all at once; Naruto had not just agreed to have lunch with him, but he had also basically told him there would be another shared meal. He grinned

"deal"

 

They walked side by side, making small talk as they walked. Shikamaru had forgotten he had a car and it would have been easier to just drive there but he wanted to squeeze out as much tine as he could to spend with his companion. It was surprisingly easy to talk to Naruto and Shikamaru was already wishing the the afternoon wouldn't end, it should just go on and on and on and on. They approached a small crowd gathered in front of the library and Shikamaru placed a palm at the small of Naruto's back, guiding him through the crowd as he used his own body to pave a path for them. Apparently there was a book signing going on and the small mass of people were trying to get in.

 

Naruto felt currents at the touch, it gave him a strange feeling of familiarity, like he had known the touch and had loved it. It felt like something he had before experienced. They had successfully gotten through the crowd but Shikamaru's hand stayed in place and when they got to the restaurant, he opened the door to let Naruto in first.

 

Naruto took a bite of the burger placed in front of him and hummed in delight 

"this is great. What did they put in here? I could never make my burger taste this good"

Shikamaru smiled

"I'm the last person you should ask, I don't cook"

Naruto looked at him incredulously 

"you don't? How do you live?"

"I have a lady that cooks for me. Sometimes, I just order something"

"you spoilt brat"

Shikamaru threw back his head and laughed, he was enjoying himself

"I am not. Not everyone cooks"

"it's really easy, I could cook you anything with my eyes closed"

"yeah?"

"uh huh. I'm quite the cook if I do say so myself, my sister taught me. I'll cook you something sometime"

 

Shikamaru went quiet and Naruto's head quickly snapped up, his face reddening.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply--"

"no no, it's fine. I would love that very much. Its just it took me by surprise, wasn't sure you'd want to hang out again"

Naruto stared at the burger sitting on his plate, of course he wanted to see Shikamaru again, he'd wanted that from the first day they'd met.

"I owe you a meal, remember? Still have to pay back this lunch. So..."

 

A heavy silence fell. Was this happening too fast? Should he wait a little longer? Naruto had just implied he wanted to be more than friends but was now the time? He wanted to go ahead and just ask him out but he found himself saying instead

"I look forward to it then"

Naruto gave him a small smile, he looked relieved and maybe a little disappointed

"get ready to have your mind blown"

 

***

"do you want to come in?", Naruto asked as he parked in front of the apartment building. They had finished their meal and Shikamaru felt a deep sense of loss as they were leaving the restaurant. He felt it had ended too soon even though they had spent close to two hours just sitting there, talking.

 

Naruto was funny and had a childlike excitability that was infectious. Shikamaru didn't once tire of listening to him talk nor did he stop the thought that kept repeating itself: I want to see him again. I want to spend more time with him. I want to get to know him better. He'd learned a few things about the blonde: That he hadn't gone to college, he had chosen instead to work and when Shikamaru had asked why, Naruto had hesitated and Shikamaru had apologised. He hadn't meant to pry and even though his interest was piqued, he didn't want to make Naruto feel uncomfortable. He had learned that Naruto and his sister were orphans and when he had told him how Ino had fought to get custody, his respect for her multiplied tenfold, he was touched and finally understood the deep bond the two shared; it was something that went beyond being siblings.

 

He'd learned that Naruto was quite the cook and could bake. Shikamaru found himself picturing the both of them working together in the kitchen one lazy Sunday afternoon; he smiled slightly, it was cute. Naruto loved kids and was playful and from the little time they'd spent together, he had observed that Naruto was a carefree guy who would put another's happiness before his own. That he was a sacrificial young man who would do anything for those he loved. Naruto struck him as the type to never harbor resentment against anyone, he forgave quickly and would gladly shoulder whatever was placed on him, no complaints. He was drawn to Naruto and had found these qualities endearing.

 

Shikamaru had to be back to the office but he didn't want to leave the bubbly blonde and only moved when Naruto said he had to get home, make dinner and rest for work later that evening. Shikamaru had asked what kind of work it was and Naruto made a vague comment about a nightshift and quickly changed the topic; Shikamaru noticed this and the fact that he had stuttered while saying it but he chose not to say anything, after all it wasn't like he knew Naruto well enough to say he was hiding something.

 

Much as he wanted to accept his invitation to come in, Shikamaru had to run back to work. Plus he wanted Naruto to get enough rest for work later

 

"thanks but I have to get back to work, my dad would have my neck if he finds out I took close to three hours for lunch"

 

Naruto smiled. He was kind of disappointed at this, he wanted to spend more time with Shikamaru. He hadn't asked for Naruto's number and this bothered him, he didn't want them to keep waiting for these chanced meetings

 

"some other time, maybe?"

 

Naruto nodded and unbuckled his seatbelt. He sat with both hands on his thighs, nervously twiddling his thumbs. Should he give him his number? Was that too forward? He didn't want to leave without some kind of reassurance that Shikamaru would contact him, that they would see again

 

"before I forget again, may I please have your number?", Shikamaru fidgeted a bit  
"I wanted to get it that day at the fair but I forgot and when we went where we'd last seen you guys go, you had disappeared". Again

 

Naruto smiled, so he had gone after them huh?

 

"sure". He rattled off his number as Shikamaru typed them into his phone

 

"alright I'll call you, ok? Thank you for lunch, I really enjoyed it"

 

Naruto giggled

 

"I should be the one thanking you, that burger was awesome. So umm..". He was unsure what to say at this point. What do you say to someone who just became a platonic friend and who obviously shared some kind of out- of- the- world chemistry with you? 

 

Shikamaru was also in this predicament, he picked at an invincible lint on his trouser before looking at Naruto. They locked eyes, both knowing what they wanted but neither one having the courage to go after it. Yet

 

Naruto opened his door and got out with Shikamaru looking at him through the open window. Naruto leaned down

 

"so.. Uh.. This is where I stay, feel free to drop by anytime, alright?"

 

Shikamaru gave him a lazy grin

 

"I will"

 

Naruto started to walk away but seemed to remember something because he turned back immediately

 

"umm.. Could you maybe not call tonight? My boss..". He trailed off and Shikamaru nodded

 

"it's ok. Tomorrow then?"

 

Naruto smiled uncertainly

 

"sure. See ya". He stood there and watched him drive off. He hoped he wasn't making a mistake, he hoped this was not something Shikamaru would regret. This wasn't right, he knew he was being selfish but he really liked the man. He was lying to him, even though by omission, but that didn't make Naruto feel any better. He was uncomfortable knowing he was keeping his lifestyle away from someone who genuinely liked him; Shikamaru deserved someone better.

He would have to keep hiding it from him, it's not like Shikamaru would know if no one told him, right? He'll soon have the complete cash anyway, hopefully he'll get it all and retire without the older man ever finding out.

 

He walked slowly into the building while pondering the situation, he had a feeling this would end badly if he didn't come out now and say the truth. The end would be disastrous if Shikamaru had to find out from someone other than Naruto; best tell him now so he knows who you really are, let him decide if he still wants you or not.

 

But Naruto shoved the foreboding feeling aside, chalking it down to insecurity. He hadn't dated anyone in forever and now he'd met a rich guy he liked and was just a little overwhelmed. That was it, that had to be it.

 

He repeated this lie to himself over and over again so that by the time he had opened the door to their apartment, he was almost convinced it was the truth.

 

***  


The driver pulled off as they made their way to the function Kabuto, his client, was taking him. It was a high class affair for a select few and Naruto was really not comfortable with the whole business. First of all, he was not rich and he knew there was a way these m people carried themselves, at least in affairs like these, and he didn't knew if he would be able to keep up. Second, what if he ran into Kiba or Shikamaru, what would he tell them?

 

Thank goodness Kabuto had gotten him something to wear, he knew it was an expensive suit, now he owed him and he knew the bastard would collect. He gave his companion a sideways glance; Kabuto was dressed in a black suit, black shirt and a black tie. His shoulder length hair was held back by a band he had a sly grin on his face which made him look quite sinister. Naruto shifted away from him a little, God he couldn't wait to quit this job.

 

He turned his gaze out the window, focusing on the passing lights, admiring the beautiful buildings and wondering if Shikamaru stayed here. This was a part of town that housed the wealthy and he knew the brunette would be living in an upscale apartment. When Shikamaru had told him his dad co-owned INSICH, his mouth had fallen open, he had not been able to believe his ears and had somehow started to doubt he would be good enough for the man. People of Shikamaru's status never fell for his kind except in storybooks.

 

He sighed, his thoughts running around in circles and when he felt something wet touch his ear, he jumped. He turned to see that Kabuto had inched closer to him without his knowing; the man smiled as he brought his tongue to Naruto's ear again. Naruto's first instinct was to shrink away and wipe the wetness from his ear but he stopped himself, he had a job to do. The man licked his earlobe, taking it into his mouth and sucking

 

"I wanted you from the moment I saw you waiting at the lobby tonight, Naruto. I tried to but I can't hold myself any longer. How about a little appetizer before the main course, hmm?"

 

Naruto gritted his teeth, so fucking insatiable. He quickly glanced at the partition, it was up thank goodness. Naruto sat still as Kabuto's hand went to his zipper and disappeared into his trouser, bringing out his limp penis. Unfazed, the man moved down, taking Naruto into his mouth; he sucked on him, his head bobbing up and down. He ran his hand along Naruto's length, his tongue licking the underside where it touched until he felt the blonde begin to rise. He took Naruto in deeper, deep enough to gag and not carrying at all; he wanted to pleasure himself as well as the skinny guy. He squeezed, tugged and suckled hard and soon Naruto began to feel the fullness in his stomach

 

"I.. Gonna come", he warned, telling the man to pull away of he didn't want his cum but Kabuto paid him no heed, he continued his business until he felt the warm saltiness flow into his mouth. He swallowed all of the blonde's cum, running his tongue across the tip of the shaft for good measure and sat up. He adjusted Naruto and checked himself to make sure he was ok before pulling out his handkerchief and wiping the sides of his mouth; good as new, he thought with a smirk as he glanced at Naruto; the lad looked embarrassed. Kabuto chuckled at the slight blush on his face

 

"we're here Naruto. Wipe that dazed look off your face"

Naruto glared at him before reluctantly asking if he looked ok

 

"perfect"

 

The driver opened Kabuto's door and the man stepped out, he walked over to Naruto's side and opened the door for him. The latter stepped out, linking his arm with his client's as they approached the open door

 

"follow my lead. Do not talk to anyone and don't smile too much. You have to act like a snob so even if you have to smile, let it be very minimal and controlled. If you're asked a question, give the briefest answer without offering any explanations and after that, look someplace else"

 

Naruto nodded and his companion licked his lips

"can't wait for the evening to be over, I've got many things I'd like to do to you, Naruto"

 

Naruto kept a straight face as they walked through the door, hoping the dread he felt was not evident on his face

 

He dutifully followed Kabuto around as the latter went about saying hi to practically everyone. He did as he was told and kept his mouth shut letting Kabuto answer whatever question directed to Naruto. Naruto was already bored to death and they had only been here 20 minutes. God, this sucked. He watched them exchange forced pleasantries and didn't fail to notice the fake smiles plastered on their faces, these people were beyond snobs. Geez, it must suck to some extent to be so rich.

 

They finally withdrew from the crowd and stood beside a huge stature, champagne flutes in hand. Why anyone would want a stature like this inside their home was something he couldn't understand. The house itself was too big for just a family, the furnishes and other decorations looked way too expensive that Naruto started to feel a pounding headache at the base of his skull just trying to estimate what they probably cost. They wouldn't need to sell up to a quater of the items in that room alone to get the complete money for Ino's surgery and they would still have lots of spare cash left. What a waste.

 

He was about to comment on the outrageousness of it all when they were approached by a lady. She was slim, of average height and quite pretty, she had short pink hair and green eyes that didn't try to hide her disdain as she sashayed towards them

 

"Kabuto, another arm candy; good to see your money hadn't lost it's magnetic pull"

 

"Sakura", he said by way of greeting with a stiff smile on his face

 

"looking sharp Kabuto. Who's the blonde?". She gave Naruto a stare full of daggers

 

"a friend"

 

She laughed meanly

 

"really now, you do know I stopped wearing diapers ages ago, right?"

 

Kabuto sniggered

 

"who would have guessed?"

 

She bristled and Naruto feared she would smash Kabuto's head against the stature 

 

"good to see you honoured daddy's invitation. You and your whore better stay out of my hair"

 

"I think you mixed it up, you should stay out of our hairs, Sakura. Me and my whore would like to be left alone"

 

She sniffed haughtily, giving them both the stink eye before walking away

 

"fucking bitch", Kabuto muttered under his breath

 

"who was that?"

 

"someone who was betrothed to me, all for political reasons. I met her, hated her on the spot and broke it off, she's too mean and very spoilt. She's still bitter about it"

 

He slipped a hand around Naruto's waist and pulled him closer, whispering in his ear

 

"besides, I prefer guys". He chuckled when Naruto stiffened before letting him go. Damn he was getting aroused

 

***

 

Three hours passed and finally they left. Naruto was relieved, he had gotten tired of the artificiality of it all and was surprised he hadn't dropped dead from the hateful glares he got from that Sakura lady all night. Whatever, it was all over and he could finally go home and snuggle up to his pillow on his very comfortable bed while Ino plagued him to tell her all about the evening. He gave a small smile at the thought of her, he missed her and couldn't wait to talk to her. His heart dropped as they took a familiar turn, he had forgotten they still had unfinished business, Kabuto would not let him go until he had collected his dues.

 

Kabuto led him into his glamorous five star hotel, a business venture among many other successful ones, and took Naruto straight to the elevator reserved for him which led directly to the penthouse suite. He took out his key, unlocked the door and let Naruto in as he locked the door. Naruto stood in the middle of the beautiful room and barely had time to collect himself when a rock hard erection pressed against him from behind. He felt a hot breath on his ear as it's owner spoke

 

"ready?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm quirky, silly, blunt and broken.  
> My days are too dark; and my nights are sometimes too long.  
> I often trip over my own insecurities. I require attention, long for passion, and wish to be desired.  
> I use music to speak when words fail me, even though words are as important to me as the air I breathe.  
> I love hard and with all that I have...  
> And even with my faults, I am worth loving.  
> Danu Grayson


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "but if you bury your sadness under your skin instead of letting it out, what else can it do but grow in your veins, to your heart?"  
>  \- Nikita Gill
> 
>  
> 
> Broken   
> I want you to undress your heart, and show me how much it hurts, so that I can show you how I intend to make it stop.
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry this chapter took too long to post, circumstances beyond my control. But mostly I blame it on school.
> 
> Have fun reading and if you have any suggestions or criticisms, my ears are wide open, feel free to let me know

Naruto gulped, his heart racing once more. Of course he wasn't ready, he could never be but he'd learned to just shut it out, numb himself to it all and let the tide take him to the very end. It was always a gruelling process, one that took its slave to the basest of levels, never once letting up until such person had been beaten. He wasn't ready but he'll do it anyways.

 

He shut his eyes as warm lips kissed the side of his neck, causing a cold shiver to run down his spine; he felt like he was spinning, the touch something alien even though he had felt it about a million times already. The hem of his shirt pulled out of his trouser as cool fingers brushed against his skin in their assent, aiming for his nipples. Naruto winced as they squeezed, the touch was gentle but it didn't help his revulsion. He tightened his fists, spine erect; shut it out, he whispered in his head, shut it out and it would end soon.

 

Kabuto moved them to the bed, pushing him gently onto it; Naruto landed on his stomach and the man turned him so that he was lying on his back face to face with him. He leaned in for a kiss and Naruto quickly turned his head to avoid contact, getting a lick on the cheek instead

 

"you know I like you, Naruto. Why won't you ever let me kiss you?". Naruto let out a breath, his many times did they have to talk about this?

"I already told you, I don't kiss, that's my rule". Kabuto pressed closer, his thick erection brushing against Naruto's leg and pressing against him where they settled

"I really like you and I want you, I've told you this before. I'll give you the world if you'll just let me have you to myself. I want to take you out of this life and give you something better". 

Naruto gritted his teeth. He hated when they had to do this, couldn't the man just do what he had to do and get it over with? Hidan did that do why couldn't he?

"I won't be your bitch", he spat angrily. He didn't understand what it was about this man that riled him so. 

Kabuto snarled, the words angering him to the very core. He had told Naruto over and over again how much he liked him and he had backed his words story gestures, why did the boy keep doing this?

"you'd rather be everybody's bitch? You'd rather be be fucked by the highest bidder?"

His words struck a raw nerve inside of Naruto, reminding him of the filth he had become. It hurt more than he cared to admit but there was no way in hell he would let kabuto see it

"yes" no! "I'd rather" I'd rather not. If I had a better option I wouldn't be lying here underneath you. He saw angry sparks in the man's eyes and knew that he had crossed a line just now. Kabuto unbuckled Naruto's belt, roughly pulling down his trouser and underwear, leaving him naked from the waist down. He flung them aside and began to undo his own fly

"you want to be treated like a whore?", he asked with clenched teeth. "I'll do just that"

He grabbed both of Naruto's wrists with one hand and pinned his arms above his head, pressing down hard to hold him in place. Using his other hand, he took out his stiff penis from where they struggled to be let out and guided himself to Naruto's opening. Without preamble, he rammed himself in with so much force that the whole of him went all the way in. Naruto cried out in shock and pain but kabuto was unfazed

"shut the fuck up". He rammed himself in again, harder this time, giving no thought to the blonde beneath him. "you asked for it"

Naruto shut his eyes tight as the pain clouded his vision. No he did not ask for this, this wasn't what he wanted. He moved his arms, trying to free them from their bondage but kabuto's grip on him tightened. He pushed himself into Naruto, the blondes breath catching at the movement. Kabuto was trying to punish him for his continuous denial and repeated blows to his ego and dammit it was working. 

The man pumped, gradually gaining speed, not stopping even when he heard Naruto's pained whimper

"p.. Plea..se", he pleaded "stop please". This was too much for him, it was to painful but his client ignored him. His thrusts gained momentum and he drove deeper still. He bent his head low, biting down hard on the blondes neck, tasting the salty mix of sweat and tears.

Naruto gasped as the painful movement got faster. He was beginning to feel the strain on his back, he tried to adjust himself to take off the extra pain and discomfort but his movement was once more curtailed. Kabuto held his wrists tighter, stopping whatever progress he had made towards achieving his goal. His merciless thrusts continued, his pace increasingly mocking as he felt a familiar pressure build in his stomach. It mounted and he knew he was getting closer, he couldn't stop now so Naruto better hold off any thoughts to being freed.

He neared the threshold and finally came with a quiet groan. Panting, he let go of the arms he held, savoring his release. Naruto sniffled, enjoying the freedom. He rubbed a hand on each wrist to ease the ache and tightness and to get the blood flowing in them, but his relief was cut short. He'd barely had time to catch his breath when he felt himself turned to lie on his belly.

Kabuto spread his legs wider and once again roughly went in. Naruto's toes involuntarily curled, he tightened his jaws, teeth rubbing hard against each other as he fought to maintain control. But this time he lost, his sobs broke freely out of him. He clutched hard on the bed sheet, his tears soaking the spot his head rested and they didn't stop until the assault ended. For now anyway.

He didn't move when his client stopped moving and pulled out of him nor did he answer when the man called out softly to him. He felt battered and abused, he felt ravaged and so belittled it hurt. It wasn't fair, he didn't deserve this. It was too painful an experience which was in turn a painful reminder of his helplessness and try as he might, he couldn't lick the wound. This one cut him too deep. 

He buried his face in the mattress, letting it absorb his tears as his sobs increased, becoming so much they shook his entire body. He shouldn't be doing this, he should be professional; this was a job and he was supposed to behave. He knew that if his boss heard of this, he would be furious but his eyes refused to listen to his head, they just kept flowing. 

Strong arms lifted him, adjusting him so they could hold him

"I'm sorry Naruto", he whispered against the younger man's ear. Kabuto was remorseful. He hadn't thought Naruto would react this way, hell he didn't know he would react this way himself. He was frustrated that Naruto kept rejecting him and the affection he was trying to show him kept getting shoved in his face. 

He hadn't ever thought he would end up feeling this way about him. The very first time he'd laid eyes on the kid, he had remembered having a strong feeling of desire but had only boiled it down to lust. Now though, he couldn't deny that Naruto had somehow crept under his skin when he wasn't looking and he could no longer bear the thought of sharing him with other people. 

He wanted this lad, he was willing to give Naruto a better life if only he would just give him the chance. Why does Naruto have to keep running away? 

"I'm so sorry. That was inexcusable". Even he felt disgusted by what he had just done. God what was wrong with him?

Naruto didn't want to be held by this man. Those weren't the arms he wanted around him, this wasn't the voice he wanted to hear. He knew he couldn't get to Shikamaru now but he could at least run away from this place to the familiar comfort of home. He tried to pull away but kabuto held on tighter

"stop fighting me, Naruto. Can't you just let me have you even once without a fight?". Fresh tears soaked his shirt, skinny shoulders shaking violently in fits of sorrow as another onslaught took over and he knew without doubt that Naruto would hate him forever for what he had just done.

 

***

 

Ino focused on the feet in front of her, she took a slim foot out of of its soak and placed it on her towel covered legs before she proceeded to wipe them. Her thoughts strayed to what she had been told a few hours ago. 

Today was her routine check and she had come in straight from the hospital. Naruto usually went with her but he'd come in very late last night or rather early this morning and she hadn't wanted to disturb him so she had gone alone. She had sat in the doctor's office, her hand shaking as she read the result and when the doctor further explained it to her, she felt the room spin. Her result was heartbreaking. 

She had noticed her body becoming different, she could feel the abnormality in her worsen and though she tried to act nonchalant about it, she had been scared. As the days passed and the time for her check drew closer, her heart had pounded uncontrollably because she knew without doubt that she would receive a bad news and she was glad Naruto hadn't gone with her. But she had been wrong, the news wasn't bad, it was horrifying. 

Naruto. He'd gotten increasingly worried about her, she knew that this was due to the fact that he had noticed the physical changes in her and was now keeping an even closer eye on her. She was surprised he hadn't commented on it and wanted it to stay that way. That was why she was glad he couldn't make it to the hospital with her.

What she'd been told literarily shook her world. The doctor had told her she was getting worse and she couldn't even begin to imagine what the end would look like. 

' you're deteriorating, Ino', Dr Tsunade had said in that straight forward matter of fact way of hers. ' your condition has gotten even more acute, it's worse than we thought and time will see it gets more severe. We did all we could but the infection, tricky thing that it is, still managed to spread to the other kidney after all.

' unlike the first, your second kidney would not hold off for long because it is already weakened. It would collapse totally in about 10 weeks, give or take. We have to hurry up with the transplant or else you will not survive...'

Oh God, Naruto couldn't hear this, it would kill him. He had already done enough as it was, giving him this terrible news... She couldn't.

She picked up the sterilised cuticle remover and began to work on the big toe. The best thing to do was to keep it away from him. When he asked how it went, she would downplay it, she would make it seem like the usual thing they'd been hearing. She would just tell him she still had 10 weeks, at least that wasn't an actual lie, just a few minor omissions here and there. Plus they would get the money they needed before the time fully elapses. She hoped.

A small yelp snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked at the toe she held and was shocked to see that she had stuck the instrument a little deeper than she ought to have. Shit! She could see blood, it was a tiny little drop but it was blood all the same

"oh my goodness, I am so sorry", she gasped as she stared at what she'd just done. Fuck, if boss sees or hears of this.. She looked on, confused, she didn't know what to do. Should she pull it out gently or yank it out and get it all over with quickly? She extended a shaky hand towards the toe with the object sticking out of it and then withdrew her hand once more

"I'm so sorry. Oh God..."

"it's ok, let me", the woman said in a calm velvety voice. She looked at the attendant who was in turn staring at her toe open mouthed as though the cuticle remover was some kind of weapon and almost laughed out loud. The girl looked scared shitless, she was reacting much worse than her, much worse than she should in the situation. It was just a flesh wound that wasn't worth a second thought so why the fuss? The girl looked like she would burst out in tears anytime.

The woman placed a finger on the wound, putting pressure on it as she pulled the instrument out. She straightened up, extending the hand that held it towards the girl for her to take it and saw that the girl was still gaping so she leaned down once again and held one of the blonde's small, quivering hand in her bigger one in a reassuring manner. The girl's hand was so cold, so delicate and so fragile, it was almost like she would snap it in two if she held on tighter.

"it's ok", she said softly. "it was nothing so don't worry about it, just a flesh wound. It doesn't even hurt"

The girl's lips quivered slightly, her expression frantic

"I'm so sorry", she whispered "I swear I'm usually more careful, I just--" 

The woman squeezed her hand gently, the girl was probably scared of it getting to her boss

"it's fine really, just a little wound. I won't die from it out anything"

Die.. At the mention of the word, Ino froze and the implication of what she'd been told at the hospital suddenly hit and sank in. She would die soon. She was already slowly going, gradually becoming a shell as her very substance seeped out of her. She would soon become nothing but an empty shell, a memory. And the process would be complete in 10 weeks. 

She was not ready to die, what would become of her baby brother? Who would take care of Naruto? He would break, his devastation would crush him. This couldn't be happening. What did they ever do to deserve such harsh fate? Why did things have to be so difficult for them? 

She didn't even know why her thoughts were moving in that direction at the moment and she didn't realise she was crying until the woman ran a thumb across her cheek, wiping a tear while still holding her hand

"shhh it's fine. Hey look at me", she placed a finger under the girl's chin and lifted her head. She was met with very sad green eyes and knew without being told that this girl was suffering; she was in a lot of pain, some buried deeper than others, and was going through some kind of inner turmoil that went beyond a pedicure gone bad. 

What could be the problem? What was causing her so much hurt? She suddenly wanted to know and offer her help in any way she possibly could. For some unknown reason, she didn't want to leave this girl all alone to continue suffering this way, she felt an irresistible urge to soothe her. She wanted the girl to know she was not alone

"what's wrong?"

But the girl simply shook her head as she tried to choke back a sob, her beautiful green eyes getting swallowed once more in salty liquid. She brushed her finger over her soft pale cheek again, taking a tear with it as it made it's way down. A thin arm flew up, the hand cupping her mouth as the girl broke down.

The woman moved too even before she could think. She came down from her chair and knelt before the girl, gathering her in her arms while shushing her. She whispered soft reassuring words to the weeping girl and held on tighter to her shoulders as they shook harder.

Ino leaned into the warmth that had so mercifully enveloped her, her head resting at the crook of the woman's neck, letting her sweet scent calm her aching heart. She let herself go, all the pain and sadness long buried boiling to the surface; it was like all the strength she had managed to acquire these past years suddenly deserted her and the harsh reality of her situation kept hitting at the raw, unprotected spot. 

God, this was lame. She didn't understand why she was crying on the shoulder of a strange woman but she felt comforted at the contact, she felt like the cold and cruel truth would be laid to rest in this woman's arms. She was soaking her lovely blouse with her tears but she couldn't bring herself to pull away from the strength she was being offered, she took as much as she could and she was glad the woman wasn't bothered either. 

She unconsciously snuggled closer and the woman held held on tighter, letting her know she was still very welcome. The woman knew everyone in the room was staring now but she didn't give a damn, let them look all they want, her major concern was this sad girl resting in her arms. She was glad the girl accepted the comfort she offered. 

Ino should have been worried about her boss walking in and seeing this scene but she didn't care, her boss could get an eyeful if she so wanted. Ino just didn't care anymore. A head rested beside her temple, it's owner laid a palm behind her head, as she rocked them gently from side to side

"it's fine. I promise, everything will be fine..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She looked up at the sky and whispered, take anything away from me, take it all if you want to; but please- please, let me keep this one thing.  
>  \- Lang Leav


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year guys! So sorry it took this long to update, been ill. I hope you enjoy this chapter, thank you for your kudos so far. Sorry for the spelling mistakes you'll see, so sorry about it. 
> 
>  
> 
> "there are a few things in life so beautiful they hurt: Swimming in the ocean while it rains, reading alone in empty libraries, the sea of stars that appear when you're miles away from the lights of the city, bars open after 2a.m, walking in the wilderness, all the phases of the moon, the things we do not know about in the universe, and you". -Beau Taplin || and you
> 
>  
> 
> Your flaws are perfect for the heart that is meant to love you. -curiano.com

Ino threw on a free white tee- light enough to give glimpses of her black bra- over faded jean short shorts, slipped on a pair of black slippers and went into the kitchen to brew some coffee.

She had returned from work to find Naruto fast asleep which was a rare thing because her brother hardly slept til night came. Normally he would've made lunch but she guessed he was really tired from last night and Ino felt bad about having to rouse him soon. Her mind drifted to that morning and the experiences she'd had. She hadn't expected her morning to go by so speedily, it had all happened so fast Ino found herself stuck in a whirl; she'd felt herself spin so hard she lost balance and would've collapsed if not for that woman. 

She was a God-send, a very beautiful God-send; the kind of woman Ino admired. The woman had not stopped the blow, but she had eased it's impact and cushioned her fall. If she hadn't been there, her whole day would probably have been ruined; she probably would've lost her job because her boss hated shit like that and then she would have fucking cried for hours and Naruto would've come home and seen her that way and would've asked what was wrong and because she would be in a vulnerable state, she would've spilled it all out after very little resistance and Naruto would've died of shock.

Not literal death but the news would've given him a heart attack. It was something that was bound to tear him apart and shake him so frigging hard and he would be too devastated to be himself. Just when she thought things were going well. If there was a god who liked to ruin peoples happiness, taking a pee all over their cheerios; well fuck him.

That was why she wouldn't tell him, she would keep the doctor's report to herself and find whatever excuse she could lay hands on to stop him from coming with her to subsequent checks. She hoped the money would be ready before the 10 weeks elapses, after all 10 weeks was a long time, wasn't it? It was less than 3 months but it was long enough. So there was nothing to worry about right? She'll hush it up, no harm done. 

When the coffee was ready, she poured out two cups and proceeded to Naruto's room; Ino chuckled, four years alone with Naruto and she still hadn't learned the secret to waking him up without a cup of coffee. Coffee was Naruto's own internal alarm, nothing could clear the grogginess from his head except a steamy cup of these and it didn't matter what time of the day it was. If they were stuck in some jungle and needed to run for their lives sometime in the middle of the night, she was pretty sure he'd get eaten for sure. 

Four years huh? They had only spent four years together and it was already being cut short, she was already leaving him. They hadn't had a lot of worry-free time together; Ino had known it wouldn't be a cruise but then again she hadn't expected that things would take such a turn.

She entered his messy room quietly and watched her sleeping brother, the ghost of a smile playing across her lips. What wouldn't she do to make it go away? What wouldn't she give for them to live without this dark shadow hovering over them? She put the mugs on his bedside table and lightly touched his forehead, his hold on the pillow tightened. Naruto always slept clutching one of his pillows, he'd wrap his limbs tightly around it like some kid before falling asleep. She always thought it was cute.

She watched him breathe and the thought of all he had been through because of her hit her again. He had done so much she could never thank him enough or pay him back; when she won custody, she had expected that she'll be the one doing the 'taking care of' and not him. He had been burdened for so long he forgot what it meant to be free from any encumbrances. Maybe he would've been better off without her coming back into his life. Maybe, just maybe Naruto would've been happier without her in the picture.

The thought hurt and saddened her so much her eyes watered. It was painful, knowing you were the cause of someone's sadness, especially where you loved that somebody and wanted nothing but their happiness. Knowing you loved someone but you were nothing but a thorn in their flesh pricked your heart. She blinked the tears away and sniffled, it was ok. It was fine. She reached out and gently shook him.

 

***

"Naruto". He heard the call, it sounded distant but he could swear it was close. Odd.

"Naruutoo", this time he felt himself shake a bit as the voice got closer and more insistent

"Naruutoooo!!", he jumped up, staring stupidly at the blurry yellowish thing in front of him. What the hell? What was going on? He blinked rapidly, trying to make sense of the weirdness before him. He focused slowly on a grinning Ino holding a cup of something steamy

"morrgging", he greeted with a wide yawn. She laughed at the senseless greeting

"afternoon sunshine. Here, coffee". He grabbed the mug and took a hasty sip almost scalding his tongue

"thank you", he hummed happily  
"you're welcome"

God he needed this, he was so tired. After last night's fiasco, he had intended to sleep until 11 ish since his shift at the store wasn't until tomorrow but then a call from his boss' assistant his woken him. Karin- a very sexy red head who could put you in the hospital with just a glare- had told him that his boss wanted to see him at 9. 

He had been tempted to tell her he wasn't feeling too well and couldn't make it today but had thought better of it, he should not do that with Orochimaru. Orochimaru scared him somewhat; he was a slim, tall man with pale skin that looked like it never saw the light of day. Ever. He had silky, black waist length hair, piercing on both lobes, snakelike eyes that could hypnotise and an intimating presence. 

The first time Naruto had gone to Tensei Escort Group (TEG) to apply, he had been shown to the man's office to wait for him and had met the man's son, Sai, a similarly pale skinned guy with hair as dark as his father's but which he wore short. Sai had made small talk with him until his father came and when Orochimaru had stepped in, the first thing Naruto remembered feeling was scared. He felt something eerie emanate from the man and Naruto knew this man will not think twice before crushing anyone who dared cross him. Looking into his eyes, he had felt trapped by the power and danger they held; if he hadn't known better, he would have said Orochimaru was a cold blooded serial killer who served some snake god. in summary, he could not bullshit the guy; he was to scared to do so. Instead he'd done as he was told and as soon as he'd come home, flung himself on his bed and had gone off to Lala land.

"we've got to go to the laundry but first you you'll tell me everything that happened yesterday. How was the.. Whatever it was?"

"laundry?", he whined. "oh come on Ino--"

"nope, we are going to do those laundry today. And then you'll clean your room"

"for Gods sake Ino--"

"shush this place is a mess. Don't bother protesting, save you strength cause I won't budge. Just tell me how it went"

He sighed as she sat facing him on his bed and began to tell the entire story, leaving out the part about the hotel because she had no idea he had been selling himself to bring in extra money and if she found out about it, she'd be very mad at him for stooping so low and would force him to quit. He hated the fact that he was keeping it from her but he had to if they were to reach their goal fast. 

He knew things were escalating, Ino was beginning to look different. He had noticed that about a week ago. She ate less, looked paler, was almost always exhausted and he could swear she had gotten thinner. His concern had driven him to the Internet to read about her illness and the information he'd gotten had put a hole in his heart. He had read that those were early symptoms of it getting chronic and it was going to get worse if the patient didn't get immediate surgery. He had gotten scared for her, she was getting worse. Either that or he was imagining it all which he prayed he was even though he knew he wasn't. 

"eh?", she leaned in, obviously pissed. "she called you a whor..? I will fucking wring that teeny weeny neck of hers if I ever lay a finger on her. Goddamned bitch!"

Naruto waved a hand dismissively, trying to get her off the subject. Ino could get really worked up about it, she hated hearing that anyone looked down on him or disrespected him in any way. Naruto wouldn't fight back so she did that for him while scolding him that he was too accommodating of bullshit. 

"it's fine really, she was all talk and attitude. Besides--"

"I don't bloody care what she was, ok? Just because she's some rich barbie feeding off her parents and who forgot to learn some manners doesn't mean she can talk to you that way"

"I know, but it's fine really. The client put her in her place"

She looked like she was about to give him another self defence lecture but she said instead

"anything on Mr hotshot?". Naruto blushed slightly, remembering the afternoon they'd spent together 

"yeah, we met yesterday, had lunch. He brought me home and collected my number"

""what?! Tell me everything". He did the blush getting deeper while she giggled and when he was done, she gave him a hug

"finally! This is amazing. Goodness brother I am so happy for you". He rolled his eyes

"goodness sister it was just my number, he didn't ask me to marry him". He gently took her hands off his shoulder and got off the bed. "let's go get this over with"

He walked to his closet and took out a t-shirt with ripped out sleeves, he took off the one he was wearing and put it on. He finger combed his hair and when he turned, Ino was staring at him with a weird expression, her head cocked

"you're walking funny Naruto", her voice sounded different. More than just concerned. Naruto stiffened, fuck he had forgotten all about that. 

"sure you don't need another cup of coffee? I'm walking perfectly fine", he tried to brush away the acute observation with some teasing hoping to distract her. It didn't work. 

"seriously are you ok?". The look in her eyes was beginning to put him on edge. He felt like she already knew the reason for this and would see through whatever bullshit he concocts. He was almost sure she would catch him in the lie.

"my legs are just tired. We walked around more than half the time we spent there and the rest of the time we stood. And my shoes didn't help either, that's it really"

Her expression relaxed although her eyes remained narrowed. Naruto really wasn't walking ok and she doubted walking about alone could cause that although she could understand that doing so with uncomfortable shoes on could be hazardous. But still, it didn't add up. This felt like something more. Her face suddenly contorted angrily and Naruto waited for the outburst, she hadn't bought his lie

"did that bitch do anything to you?", she asked in a venomous voice. She would kill her for sure if she did. 

Naruto blinked, his heart returning to normal as she said that. Thank goodness she had been thinking in that direction, he was so relieved he actually laughed out loud.

"what? No. No way in hell". Ino's expression remained the same. Was Naruto lying to her our was the problem something else? Naruto wear fidgeting, obviously very uncomfortable, so what was he hiding? What reason did he have to lie to her? 

What reason indeed. Maybe she was just being her over protective self and Naruto was being his truthful, honest self. She nodded, letting it go. She trusted her brother. 

"when we get back, soak your feet in warm water with a few drops of lavender and mint leaf oils, ok? Leave it in til the water cools. It'll help soothe the pain"

He nodded, smiling at her concern, feeling guilty at his deceit

"sure, thanks. Go get the bag, call me when you're done, I need to change my shorts"

"alright". She picked up the mugs and went out of the room. Naruto closed the door after her and stood in front of the closet staring at the clothes. Fuck this was messed up, that was a close call. He didn't want to continue this way, with the lies and secrets and everything; this wasn't him and he wanted to be free from this person.

He knew he was walking funny, he'd forgotten all about it and hadn't been as cautious as he ought to have been. He was so sore all over and was almost sure he would see bruising around his opening if he dared look. 

Fucking Kabuto... He'd still had the guts to hold him and offer some stupid comfort after what he'd done to him. When he was through with him, Naruto had felt so empty and downright dirty; he had lain there crying for a while until finally he'd pushed away from Kabuto, picked up his clothes from the floor and had put them back on with shaky hands. He had told the man he wanted to leave and though he'd tried to persuade him otherwise, Naruto hadn't budged. He'd given him an insanely huge tip and though Naruto would have loved nothing more than to tell him to go to hell with his money, he couldn't afford to. He had collected it, his face burning with shame, wondering when he'd finally be rid of this life. Kabuto had told him it was too late and pleaded to take him home but Naruto had declined with forced politeness, he needed his space.

He had walked slowly through the empty streets, his mind wandering round and round at what he wasn't, what he couldn't be and what he wished to be; he had been reminded of his inadequacy as a person and every other way he'd fallen short. He felt undeserving, unworthy, like trash. His vision blurred and once again hot liquid had flowed from his eyes. His had heard his heart crack, felt the crushing hurt deep in his chest that breathing had become difficult. 

He had stood beside a tree, leaning against it as the clenching in his heart caused it to break completely. The pain he'd kept caged in all the while broke free with a vengeance and he'd wept, not caring where he was or that the was susceptible to danger. He'd wept against his hands, his shoulders shaking in accord and not long after, he'd felt the aching pull, the need to hear that cool, lazy voice he knew would calm him with just a ' hello'. Hands shaking, he'd taken out his phone and had begun scrolling through his contacts when he remembered he didn't have Shikamaru's number and the man wouldn't call because he'd asked him not to call that night. 

At the realisation of his stupidity, fresh tears had flowed again. So many mistakes, he'd thought, so many things that could go wrong in the end. He had asked himself why he'd want something he couldn't keep in the end, because he knew that somehow lying to Shikamaru will backfire in his face and the man would undoubtedly walk away from him. He was always so unlucky.

He squatted at the root of the tree, his head in his hands as he let the misery pour out of him. He had remained in that position for sometime before he felt a presence close to him. He hadn't bothered looking up and soon the person stooped to his level and gathered him in a warm embrace. He had nestled against the owner's neck, breathing in a familiar scent; he'd gripped against the arms and had remained that way until he'd calmed enough to look only to find Kabuto staring back at him, fear and worry clouding his eyes.

The man had apparently been so worried he'd come after him to make sure he was ok. He'd lifted Naruto as he would a bride, and had taken him to the waiting car. With Naruto's directions, he'd located the apartment building and Naruto didn't know how but he'd somehow managed to drag himself home and had only taken off his shoes and blazer before sleep claimed him.

He took out a pair of brown chino shorts and put it on, what he wouldn't do to end this. He was so confused about everything. What Kabuto had done to him had brought him to the lowest he'd ever be able to go. God please take this pain away, he prayed silently as he heard Ino call

"coming". He shirt the closet and rushed out of his room. 

 

***

Naruto adjusted the laundry bag on his shoulder, thin muscles flexing as he laughed at what Ino was saying. They walked at a leisurely pace as Ino narrated the story of how some bimbo had showed up at work and had made a scene, screaming at Ino's boss about her not picking her calls or responding to her messages after a week long tryst. Her boss had just stood there, looking bored and unimpressed as the lady ranted and when she was done, Kaguya had simply asked security to take her away and had walked back into her office like nothing out of the usual had happened.

Kaguya was a very attractive woman, a real catch, and one mistake other women made was thinking she was interested in something long term when she hooked up with them. They practically threw themselves at her feet and she usually didn't give a damn; her aloofness was so sexy everyone wanted a bite of her. If Ino was gay, she probably would've considered seducing her. 

They walked into the place and located an empty machine. Naruto began to sought the clothes- something he should have done at home before leaving the house- and when he was done, dumped the first pile in. Ino sat on a table, watching as he poured soap in and switched on the water. Her mind wandered once again to the woman she'd encountered at work.

Hey hair was dyed a gorgeous shade of blue, she wore it short, it ended just around her jaw. She had a piercing right under her lips and a very laid back personality to go. She had spoken so very kindly to Ino, not once taking her hands off of her until she'd calmed. She had talked to Kaguya to let Ino off for the day and because she was an important customer, Kaguya had obliged. Instead of taking her home though, the woman had driven them to a park.

They had gotten icecream and they had sat on a bench under a big tree. Ino had waited impatiently for the woman to ask the inevitable but it hadn't come, she had only asked Ino to eat up else it'll melt. They had just sat there talking about absolutely nothing until Ino finally broke the silence to ask why she was quiet, the woman had simply said she wanted to spend the morning in a cool place with good company. Even though she had been shocked, Ino had quietly begun to eat up, while listening to the wind and the distant noises around. Soon she had started to feel a peaceful calm that only nature could bring. 

After what seemed like hours, the woman had asked her name and introduced herself. Konan, she had said her name was Konan. She had given Ino her card and had asked her to call or drop by her office anytime; she had then excused herself, saying she needed to get to work and had asked if Ino wanted a ride to wherever. Ino had declined, she wanted to stay longer but had walked Konan to her car.

When Konan had driven off, Ino had checked the time to find they had been here only 30 minutes; they were one of the best 30 minutes of her life. She had looked at the expensive card in her hand and had seen that Konan was a photographer. Ino wanted to see her again

Naruto turned the timer and joined her on the table. He yawned widely, stretching out his limbs like a little boy

"God I want to kill you right now. I can't believe you had to wake me up for this. I hate laundry", he pouted

"if you hate it so much, you can start walking without clothes on". Ino laughed when she visualised what she'd just said. "it'll be quite the sight"

Naruto joined in the laughter

"I'll dazzle everyone"  
"they'll need dark shades to keep from getting blind"

"I'll give them all a heart attack"  
"no way anyone could live through that"

"no one would believe a body this perfect existed"  
"you'll shame them so much they'll bathe with their clothes on"

They laughed out loud at their joke, drawing a few stares from around. Naruto peered at a spot on her face, gasping softly

"is that a zit?"  
"oh my God where?!", Ino shrieked. What the fuck was she? A teenager? Even then she hadn't had any breakouts. Naruto touched the spot he'd been looking at

"here"

Ino's hand flew there, a finger rubbing against it but all she felt was a bump-free spot as smooth as the rest of her face. Naruto's laughter rang out

"gotcha! You're so easy"

Ino gave him a hard punch on the arm

"God Naruto, you're such a..."  
"that's payback for waking me up, ok? Never said I was letting it go", he said still laughing

"you could've given me a heart attack"

Naruto wiped the tears from his eyes  
"you know, I think your greatest fear is having zits. You have zitophobia"

"that's not even a word"

He stuck out his tongue  
"it is now, go add it to the dictionary"

She chuckled, God he was such a baby. Just then a shadow fell over them and they looked up to see a smiling Kiba. Ino was the first to say hi and she did it like she would to an old friend they hadn't seen in ages. One would probably think they were old friends as opposed to them having just met a few days back. 

Kiba laughed softly  
"hey, thought it was you guys. The blonde hairs and all the laughter". Seemed like these two were forever laughing, they seemed like people who, try as it might, life could never take away their smiles. When life handed them lemons, they made sweet sweet lemonade and screamed 'in your face, life'. He admired that. 

Naruto jumped down and shook hands with him  
"hey. What's up Kiba?"

"neh nothing much, was driving by and saw you guys. You stay around?"

"yep, four blocks down. Hey where's Akamaru?"

"in the car with my fiancé, speaking of I have to go. Don't wanna keep him waiting"

"alright, I'll walk you out"

"hey nice tats, didn't notice them the first time". Kiba threw him an appreciative glance lingering over those and the piercings before moving on to Ino. They looked good, seemed like something else they shared was effortless style. "They're awesome"

Naruto giggled

"are you kidding me? Have you seen yours?". Ino said goodbye to Kiba as the guys strolled out, talking excitedly about their inks. Ino rolled her eyes, guys. 

Kiba led him to a Cadillac, when they got close, the passenger door opened and a tall and very handsome man stepped out. His brown hair fell straight, ending before his waist, shorter locks framed the sides of his face. The hair looked very well taken care of, properly trimmed with no rough edges. His black tees showed off well muscled slim arms that'll make anyone's mouth water but one thing that stood out to Naruto were his eyes. He had eyes Naruto had never seen before; he couldn't quite put a color on them but they were almost a pastel shade. Overall, the man standing before him was fit and very beautiful. 

"meet my fiancé, Neji. Neji meet Naruto". He stood the last bit with emphasis as though he'd heard spoken much about Naruto and all that was left was to put a face to the name and true enough Neji's eyes widened

"Naruto? Nice to meet you"

Naruto shook hands with the guy. He towered above he and Kiba with over a foot and had a commanding presence. 

"yeah, you too"

Just then Akamaru's head popped out the open door, he have Naruto a friendly bark. Naruto smiled and gave the dog a scratch behind the ears, getting a happy tail thump in response. Naruto giggled

"I'll let you be on your way. See you around"

"we'll see". They had already opened their doors when Naruto finally got around to asking what he'd been itching to

"hey uh.. How's Shikamaru?", he asked rather shyly, a slight blush covering his face. Kiba cocked his head, unable to hide the wide smile that had broken over his lips

"he's ok. Matter of fact we're heading there now. I'll make sure to say hi for you"

Naruto shifted from foot to foot, a hand going to his hair  
"kay, thanks. See ya kiba, Neji. Bye Akamaru"

"bye". And with that, kiba sped off. Naruto stared after them, wondering if he could truly mix in with them. They were the rich kids, the cool ones who were their own crowd; he was too inferior, too.. Oh fuck it, he couldn't do this right now. He just couldn't. He turned back into the building to return to his sister.

 

***

Shikamaru had barely opened the door when Kiba stumbled in, Akamaru at his heels and Neji close behind with a box of pizza.

"God I'm so thirsty", Kiba complained, making a beeline for the fridge

"good afternoon too to you brother. Neji"

"hey", they bumped fists. "Kiba can I have a beer?"

"there's no beer", he hollered back. "just other stuffs. Would you have yoghurt?"

"anything"

Shikamaru sniggered  
"you'll have pizza and yoghurt?"

Neji laughed  
"there's no beer, man"

"you can have orange juice"  
"right. Kiba can I have some juice instead?", he called back with a smile"

"sure". Kiba bounded back in, holding two cartons of juice and three glasses. He went back and returned two plates and a pack of doggie treat for his dog; Shikamaru always kept some in his apartment for Akamaru. He opened the pizza box and flopped close beside Neji, flinging a leg over his thigh.

"guess who we saw today", he poured a glass and handed it to his brother with a plate. Shikamaru didn't even think

"err.. I'm blank", he said dryly, bringing the glass to his lips

"Naruto"

"what!", he almost choked on his drink. "when? Where?"

"just moments ago. Saw them at the laundry"

Shikamaru shifted to the edge of his chair, heart racing at the mention of Naruto. He had missed the guy a lot, had wanted to call him about a thousand times and had barely refrained from doing so since Naruto had asked him not to call last night and though he wanted to call today, every single time he picked up the phone, he lost his nerves. He would sit there, all sweaty palmed, heart pounding; he'd even felt his head go lighter at some point. He was like a teenager with a crush

"how is he?"

Kiba chuckled  
"oh he looked hot if that's what you're asking. He and his sister could wear rags and I'm pretty sure they'll still look hot"

Shikamaru smiled. Yeah he was hot, but that wasn't the word he'll use to describe him. He would say instead that Naruto was really breathtaking and beautiful and if there was a better word than beautiful, he'd use that. 

Everytime he thought of Naruto, he envisioned him as a gorgeously cut diamond waiting to be taken. He was like a mystery, an enigma he wanted to unravel and then keep all for himself. Naruto scared him, but in a good way. Like he'd want to throw everything to the wind and run wild, like when he was with him, he could do anything and be anyone. When he was with him, he always got the feeling that Naruto was silently challenging him while at the same time urging him to be the best he could be. And Shikamaru wanted more of him.

"he asked about you, you know?" 

Shikamaru's ears perked  
"he did?"  
"yeah, said to say hi"  
"really? He did?"

Kiba took a bite of the hot pizza Neji had been eating  
"yep but why so surprised? With the huge amount of sparks that flew that day at the fair, you should expect this"

Neji sniggered, finishing up the pizza  
"he hasn't stopped talking about that day"

"really Nej, you should have been there. There was so much sparks flying I'm surprised his sister and I didn't get burned"

Neji laughed out loud this time, this was the first he'd heard of Shikamaru being so hot about someone. And kiba told the story so well; yes he knew his fiancé threw in some exaggeration at almost every point but it was still fun to listen to. He began to massage Kiba's foot on his thigh

"he seemed nice and he's good looking too"

"trust me Nej, nice doesn't begin to describe him. He's a cool guy, perfect for you Shikamaru. I can totally see him getting you off your lazy ass"

Shikamaru laughed, he could see that too. Naruto was not someone who entertained idleness and he knew he wouldn't let anyone around him do the same. Hell his energy was so infectious you engaged yourself just watching him. 

"you really like him, don't you?", Neji observed

"I..ah.. Well I don't know. I mean I do but it may be more than that"

Kiba jumped up  
"Shikamaru you've barely known him two weeks and you're already in love?!"

"I didn't say I love him, ok? It just feels deeper"

"deeper?". Neji leaned forward."like he's something you've been missing for so long even though you didn't know you were until you met him, and it feels like you just started living?

"like you feel so much at a time it scares the crap out of you but its a guilty pleasure you can't let go of?"

Shikamaru gaped at him  
"what the fuck, Neji? Did this turn into some psychic session at a point?"

The man laughed, placing a hand on Kiba's thigh  
"I know cause I've felt it before", he looked at Kiba, "still do". The two stared at themselves, looking lost on reach other's gaze. You didn't need to search hard to see how they felt about each other, they were so in love it couldn't be hidden. 

Neji treated his brother like an egg, as though Kiba was something so fragile if care wasn't taken, he'll break. Neji was not a feely person but where Kiba was involved, his softer side always showed. The way they looked at each other, the effortless interaction; they were always in synch. Shikamaru wanted that for himself too. He wanted just this once to know what it was like to be in love and what it was like to care so deeply for someone who reciprocated it. The fact that he wanted these things with a certain blonde no longer surprised him. 

"ok you two are not going to kiss, right?"

They snapped out of their daze, blushing slightly  
"you had to ruin the moment", Kiba whined

"anything to not have that singed in my memory". Shikamaru shivered exaggeratedly, "it'll hunt me for the rest of my life"

They laughed at the teasing and then Neji spoke seriously  
"you should just go for it ok? Nothing to be scared of. You wait too long, you just might lose him and if that happens, you'll never be as happy as you ought to be"

Shikamaru nodded, Neji should know. Kiba suddenly broke the serious mood with a loud chuckle; his brother was forever playful and Shikamaru knew without doubt he would get along fine with Naruto. He could already picture the four of them sitting in this very room, doing some thing or the other. 

"hey did I tell you about that time Neji tried to cook?"

Neji's face burned but he was laughing  
"God, Kiba, you won't let me live that one out will you?"

Kiba barked out a laugh  
"not on your life. Ok so one day, we were just..."

Shikamaru smiled. Watching these two always reminded him of that one thing he didn't have. It had never bothered him until now; now, he wanted it so badly he felt his bones ache. The emptiness was finally getting to him and he knew that he no longer wanted the void to remain. He would fill it up.

He would call Naruto, that was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He
> 
> He is the thought behind the feeling,  
> the swelling in my chest;  
> the starlight in the evening,  
> the yearning when I undress.
> 
> He is the sound behind the sighing  
> the song of every bird;  
> the tears in all my crying-  
> the ache in every word.  
> -Lang Leav
> 
>  
> 
> "you're a mystery to me, yet so familiar. Like a song I've never heard before, and a tune I've known my entire life"  
> -Pavana


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm back and with profuse apology. I am so so sorry for neglecting this fic for this long, was trying to round up the other one so I could concentrate on this one. I promise to try my best to be faithful, expect updates every two weeks or so. Thank you for waiting. Oh and this chapter is kind of rushed, sorry about that too  
>  
> 
> There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you  
> \- Maya Angelou

Ino slipped on her sunglasses as she stepped out of the hospital and into the street. It was quite windy today and she wished she had worn something warmer and less revealing than the shift dress; good thing she was done getting the groceries, she couldn't wait to get back home and change into something else. 

 

She had just picked up the prescriptions Dr Tsunade had given her that morning and although she hadn't done much, she was feeling too too exhausted to even walk to the train station. She needed a boost of energy, even though momentary, so that she could get back home. She hadn't been able to sleep for two nights now and she noticed a heaviness had begun settling in her chest at night; it was itchy and ticklish and made her cough. Last night, it had been so bad that she'd had to run into her bathroom, a thick towel covering her mouth as she coughed to prevent Naruto from hearing and quickly dialed the doctor. She was told that it was a normal phase, a reaction to the intrusion and her body's way of fighting off the infection. She needed drugs to calm her system so she had gone to get them.

 

She had caught a reflection of herself as she left the hospital and almost cringed at the sight of her. God she was a mess. Her body was too dried up, the gap between her thighs had gotten too wide, her limbs were like twigs and though it'll be difficult to see the dark circles around her puffy eyes thanks to her make up, she still felt like anyone could see it all just by looking closely at her. No wonder the pharmacists had stared at her so strangely she'd almost felt a need to offer an explanation to them. 

 

Yet again she would keep this visit to the hospital from Naruto; more lies, more secrets. What a fucked up life she was living. She didn't want to begin to imagine how he would react when he found out all that she'd been keeping from him. She headed in the direction of a café not far from where she was, she'll have some cake and a cup of coffee before going home. She had almost made it to the door when she noticed someone approach from her peripheral vision. She turned to see a lady on black button down shirt, blue jeans and black boots; she stopped, trying to think where she knew her and it wasn't until the lady smiled that she recognised her. Her hair was covered with a cap, no wonder Ino hadn't immediately known it was her, her blue hair would've otherwise given her up. 

 

Konan smiled a warm greeting at Ino when she got closer, she was the last person she expected to run into here. It had been about three days since she had given Ino her number and the girl hadn't called and try as she might, she hadn't been able to get the image of the sad blonde off her mind. She looked Ino up and down, she was way too skinny. Her dress ended before her knees and what she could see of her thighs was very depressing; she was eating right, wasn't she? No eating disorder or anything like? Even the toes that were exposed by her sandals seemed like nothing but skeletal digits covered with a thin layer of skin. Too frail, she was.

 

"hey there", she greeted brightly  
"hi", Ino murmured back. She tapped the heel of her sandal against the pavement and looked down. Damn she felt so guilty. After the kindness the lady had shown her, the least she could have done was call her to say thank you. She glanced back up at her and stammered an apology but Konan waved it aside with a chuckle

 

"it's fine, nothing at all. Just glad to see you're ok"

"yeah.. Thanks". She still couldn't shake off her guilt. It was funny and really stupid how that she wanted to be friends with Konan and hang out with her but didn't have the nerve to step in that direction

Konan pointed towards a blonde sitting on a table a ways from them  
"we came for a shoot, stopped for lunch before we head off to a different location"

"oh, is she your colleague?"

"client. The rest of the crew already left"

The woman stood and looked in their direction 

"seems like its time to go. Hey, if its not too much to ask can you give me a call? I know you're fine and don't need my help anymore but I'd like to see you again and just, you know, hang out"

 

Ino felt her heart leap up to the sky before crashing hard into her chest again

"sure, I'd like that very much"

Konan's eyes lit up with a smile, making Ino blush slightly

"so I should expect your call, then? You will call, right?"

Ino's guilt hit her again and she fidgeted a bit, mumbling

"I will"

"alright, I'll wait. See you around and take care of yourself, you're way too skinny"

 

Ino nodded and gave her a half smile, seemed like concern was something that came naturally to Konan 

"I will", she repeated

 

Konan didn't take her eyes off her for a little time and when she moved it was to touch her cheek lightly before saying goodbye. Ino waved at her as they got into the car before she entered the café; Konan wanted to see her and hang out, she thought with excitement, this time for sure she would grab her imaginary balls and put the call through. She smiled briefly, her cheek still tingled where she'd been touched.

 

***

"welcome to Ichiraku Ramen!", Naruto announced with a flourish as he drew aside the flaps covering the entrance of the restaurant. It was a small place with a long table top which separated the chefs from the customers, stools were lined to face the table top and just behind the counter was a kitchen. Despite having only two chefs, the place was full of satisfied customers and Shikamaru could see enough pots boiling on the cookers. A nice aroma wafted around the place and he felt his mouth water

"bet your mouth is already watering", Naruto teased as they sat and Shikamaru scoffed in playful denial. He had finally called Naruto and they had agreed to go out that evening, actually Naruto had insisted on treating him to 'the best ramen' he'd ever tasted. All through that day, he had been very nervous beginning from his inability to concentrate at work, to his struggles on the best outfit to pick with Kiba mercilessly sending jabs his way, to his wondering what to take along with him when he went to pick Naruto. In the end, he'd settled for khakis and a striped shirt and he had taken chocolates and a bottle of wine. One couldn't blame him, he hadn't been on a date in forever.

 

The old man welcomed them as they placed their orders and soon the steamy bowls were put before them. Naruto watched with eager anticipation as he had his first bite

 

"whoa", he managed as the flavours hit his tongue, drawing a satisfied grin from Naruto

 

"told ya"

 

They ate and talked about the food and other minor things and Shikamaru found he couldn't take his eyes completely off his companion, the blonde looked good. Kiba was right, the siblings could dress up in rags and still put supermodels to shame. Naruto had held his hair away from his face with a series of hairpins, making his eyes pop out more. He wore black polo over chino shorts and Shikamaru loved how the light danced on the hoop around his cartilage, it was playful.

 

He listened to Naruto talk and enjoyed the subtle excitement that accompanied each sentence. He was such an easy companion, fun company and an amazing person altogether. Being around him, one simply felt a sense of freedom, peace of mind and gentle ease in the pit of their stomach. He wished he could just kidnap the boy and keep him all to himself; should he try it though, he knew that Ino will hunt him down to the ends of the earth, feed him his deep fried balls and then shred him to pieces. God alone knew what fate awaited him at her hands if he ever hurt Naruto. Not that he planned to, he will never do that, at least not on purpose.

 

His eyes fell on the ink peeking out from under the arm hole of Naruto's shirt

 

"what's that?"  
"hmm? Where?"

Shikamaru pointed with his chopsticks  
"that on your arm"

Naruto looked where he pointed and chuckled  
"oh that's a tattoo"  
"didn't know you had one"  
"yeah its probably cause its usually covered when we meet"

True

"how long have you had it?"  
"umm four years"  
"oh. So what made you get one? Rebellion of youth?"

Naruto laughed lightly

"had this done alongside Ino when we moved here after she won custody. Kinda like a way to celebrate our freedom and victory"

Now that he mentioned it, he remembered seeing ink below her collarbone when he went to pick Naruto and there was another around her ankle region if he wasn't mistaken. Freedom huh?

"what was it like?", he asked suddenly, "being in foster care?"

Naruto stiffened momentarily and Shikamaru almost smacked himself. Such a stupid and insensitive thing to ask, not to mention a horrible topic as a first date discussion. What gives, man? Hell it wasn't like he'd earned the right to pry. Before he could apologise, Naruto spoke up

"it was... Cold. Always so empty. It was really painful, knowing you had family out there but couldn't be with them"

Naruto looked quite sad and forlorn as he spoke, staring into his bowl of ramen even though Shikamaru knew he wasn't actually seeing anything. His eyes were obviously seeing a whole different picture.

"they were kind people, they tried to take care of me as best they could but it was different. Losing your parent, getting separated from your sibling and being plunged into a strange world was unnerving and especially hard for me as a 10 year old. There really was no coping mechanism for me, I always felt alone"

 

Shikamaru touched his shoulder and gently squeezed as he whispered an apology, he truly was a first class idiot for bringing it up. But Naruto looked at him with a smile and brushed it off, saying it was past and he was ok really. But Shikamaru had seen a deep deep sadness in his eyes, he had glimpsed into the soul of a broken boy who was himself teetering at the brink of collapse. What was that darkness Naruto was covered in but was too scared to let anyone take him away from? There was a part of him hidden under piles and piles of pain that it would take decades to dig through. It was the one thing he knew that had the power to keep them at a certain level of disconnect and even keep Naruto away from him.

 

The drive back was quiet, the car was full of their intermingled thoughts and wistfulness. It hadn't ended on a bad note, they just had come realize a few things. While Shikamaru was wondering if he could truly gain Naruto's trust to the extent of knowing him through and through, Naruto was thinking that his companion had seen a crack in his façade and had glimpsed the chink he had tried so hard to hide from the rest of the world. He was thinking that Shikamaru could never be satisfied with having a partner who couldn't fully let him in, he was thinking that he wouldn't totally have Shikamaru's trust and it will wound whatever effort they tried at for a happy relationship. He was thinking that if Shikamaru saw the other him that was covered in dirt and grime, he will definitely turn away and never look back.

He didn't notice that the car had stopped until a hand touched his cheek

"we're here"

Naruto blinked reality into his head and forced a smile

"sorry, guess the night took me away"

Silence

"are you ok? About what I said--"  
"I told you its ok", he replied softly, "please don't worry about it. That's a past that doesn't bother me anymore"

Shikamaru let out a breath and nodded, it was best not to push it. They got out of the car and walked up the stairs in silence and when they got to the door, Naruto thanked him quietly. He had already said goodnight and taken out his key when Shikamaru grabbed his wrist and held on until Naruto looked up to find himself standing almost toe to toe with him. Shikamaru was standing so close that Naruto could smell his light cologne very easily. They stood in silence, staring into each others eyes as their hearts pounded; the air had shifted into something electrifying amd sound had completely ceased or perhaps it was that they had unconsciously tuned it out and locked themselves in their own world.

Naruto inhaled through his mouth in a futile attempt to calm his racing heart and he felt himself lean closer to meet Shikamaru. He saw the dark eyes narrow, moist lips part and eyes flicker briefly and knew that the tingling je felt all over him was a mutual thing. He closed his eyes when a hand touched his face, the thumb running a track over his mouth

"may I?", Shikamaru whispered close to Naruto's lips and Naruto's eyes blinked open. Was there even a need to ask? 

"yes"

There was a brief moment of hesitation but Naruto closed his eyes again in anticipation and when the warm lips pressed against his, he felt his head spin. The lightness increased as the sweet taste of ramen and pork that still lingered from their dinner teased his senses; a certain force- mild and brutal- hit him smack in the middle so that he felt himself levitate. He swooned and his legs probably would've given way had a hand not held him firmly around the waist as the mouth pressed harder. He grabbed on to Shikamaru's shirt and pulled closer. Naruto gasped softly when something soft and slippery slipped into mouth and moaned when it went deeper. He was beginning to feel the tightness in his body and knew that soon he would be plunged into a path he wouldn't want to return from but he found that he did not care about that, not now. He grabbed on harder and was about to invite Shikamaru in when the mouth suddenly pulled away and cold night air replaced its warmth.

Shikamaru gently pulled his lips away and held Naruto in a tight embrace. If he hadn't ended it, it would have escalated into something neither of them was ready for at this point. He couldn't remember when he'd last gotten bombarded with so much need from just a kiss alone. He held on until he felt Naruto's heart return to normal then he whispered in his ear

"are you ok?"

Naruto nodded as his breathing normalized, he didn't trust himself to speak at this point

"I have to go, ok?"

Naruto nodded again

"thank you for seeing me again. The ramen was awesome"

Naruto chuckled against his neck and snuggled closer

"can I call you?"

Naruto nodded yet again. He really wanted to say something but his throat was squeezed shut. Shikamaru pulled back a little and gave him a peck on the forehead

"alright, tomorrow then. Go on in"

Naruto gave him a final hug and pecked his cheek; he unlocked the door, whispered another goodnight and quietly shut the door with a wish that it didn't have to end here.

***

 

Orochimaru walked into his office in that calm way of his and waved Naruto back down to the seat he'd jumped from. They had met two days back to talk about a client who had specifically requested Naruto and the boy had agreed to meet with him today. That man, his preferences, his choice, his methods... If it had been his decision to make, he wouldn't have thought of giving him Naruto. He strongly felt that Naruto should decline this client, he was too fragile and having Kabuto and Hidan was enough, he didn't want him to take on any more of their kind

"how are you, Naruto?"

"I'm great sir". More than great, he felt awesome. Who wouldn't after a night like last night? Shikamaru had been worried and he'd sent him a message to apologise for dredging up sad old memories, and then early that morning, he had called to check, on him and they had spent a solid 15 minutes saying a 'brief' good morning.

"he should be here any moment", Orochimaru observed as he checked his timepiece. "I just want you to know that this isn't mandatory, it's just a meeting for you to check him out, weigh the pros and cons of servicing him and then decide. You are free to say no and I'll send him someone else.  
"if he makes you uncomfortable or gives you vibes you don't like let me know immediately. Remember to set your limits; ask him exactly what he wants and say what you want also. Don't mince your words, just be straight with him, he's a straight man and as long as you ask, he'll answer"

Naruto nodded at the elaborate instructions and wondered what made Orochimaru this way, he was practically clucking like a hen. He hadn't met the client face to face yet but no one needed to tell him that his boss was against it. He had gotten a little understanding of the client's kink from their last talk. BDSM. Apparently that was his thing. But Naruto had tried not to think too much about it until they'd met and talked. 

A quiet knock on the door broke his thought and at his boss' answer, a flaming redhead peeked in to inform him that the guest had arrived; Orochimaru thanked her and Karin withdrew quietly.

"lets not keep him waiting"

They went up to one of the hosting rooms and Orochimaru reminded him to stay calm

"you're not coming in sir?"  
"no I'll see him when you two are done"

Naruto nodded and opened the door. It was morning, barely 11 o'clock, but the room was dark, probably because the thick curtains were drawn. There was someone sitting with his back to Naruto and Naruto couldn't get a good enough view of him as he was mostly hidden in a darkened area. He approached cautiously and as he neared the, the man stood and slowly turned around, moving a little into the light.

The first thing Naruto noticed was the peculiarity of his eyes but he was still unable to fully see it without peering intently at him which would've been extremely rude. They both stood in silence as the man sized Naruto up and down while the blonde struggled not to return the favour; he now understood why Orochimaru had been so concerned. If his boss was a serial killer, then this man was a demon who belonged to a special class of its own. Dominance, power and formidable force oozed from his pores; he could suck you in with just a glance and bring you to your knees with barely a flicker of his eyes. He gave off the air of someone who would serve you a dish of what you asked for five times bigger and five times hotter. This was not a man anyone should make their mortal enemy.

He bowed his head slightly as he greeted

"good morning Mr Tendo"

A cold silence responded as the seconds ticked by. Naruto rose his head and waited for his greeting to be answered or an indication that they were to proceed with their meeting. Looking at him briefly, he saw that the man was very attractive and very very--

"please", he finally spoke in a deep melodious voice that had a sensual masculine timbre to it. The voice sounded quite amused, probably because of how Naruto had addressed him

"call me Pain"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are all broken, that's how the light gets in- Ernest Hemingway
> 
> "Oh my darling, its true. Beautiful things have dents and scratches too"
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading. I apologise once again for the delay


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "but how can you love a person who is not whole?"
> 
> "because you, like the moon, are not only beautiful when full. In all your phases and fractions and ivory white pieces, I love you"- Beau Taplin // Moon Phases

"ya'ouch!"

"Ino hold still, you're ruining it"

"awwwwwouch it hurts", she whined pitifully, blinking the tears from her eyes. They were sitting on the big couch, Ino's legs stretched out from the opposite end to rest on Naruto's thighs as she plucked her eyebrows while he painted her toes. The plucking this time was quite painful, causing her to curl her toes which in turn frustrated Naruto because then it smudged the polish he'd already applied. Naruto bit his lips to keep from laughing and gently uncurled the toes resting on him

"I already told you, use a razor"

"and I already told you, it'll give me tiny bumps"

"not if you put some alcohol on it as soon as you're done"

"hell no, this isn't the first time I've tweezed, ok?". She yanked and almost screeched at the pain, drawing out a loud laugh from Naruto. She glared at him and stabbed the tweezers in his direction 

"zip it"

Naruto wiped the tears from his eyes with a smirk and brushed a perfect stroke of burgundy on her big toe. Almost a week had gone by and he was yet to give Orochimaru his answer, thinking back to his meeting with Tendo- no, Pain- he had a strange, unsettling feeling in his stomach. Pain, who choose that as a name? Weird as it was though, it suited the man. When they'd finally gotten to the heart of their discussion, Naruto had by then been able to see him perfectly and what he saw was utterly unbelievable. He had counted three pairs of piercings on both sides of the bridge of his nose, two spider bites under his lips, six piercings spanning the length of his ears, industrial piercings, a tongue piercing and dermal piercings peeking out of his open shirt; his nails were painted blood red, he had a shocking mass of orange hair and purple eyes that Naruto could swear had spirals in them. Pain's expression had been set on neutral and not once had Naruto being able to relax; he'd only been able to hold the dominant's eyes for about three seconds before the powerful eyes intimidated him enough for him to look away from it. The way the man spoke told Naruto of a low tolerance for defiance and he'd talked about some hard-core shit in such a calm matter of fact way that one would've at first thought they were talking about the weather. 

 

BDSM. Could he do that? That's wasn't his thing and truth be told, he'd rather do without trying it but the offer was too good to pass up. He was getting a huge tip, that was beside the cut TEG would give him and Naruto estimated that the tip itself would be sufficient to complete the rest of the money if he got it about five or six times; really some people had so much to throw away. He had been thinking hard about it and his fear was what caused the reluctance in him although Pain had told him that there would, of course, be limits and he wouldn't make Naruto do anything he didn't want to; the man wanted to put him at ease and let him know he would be safe, yet...

 

Ino's leg twitched and his gaze fell on the skinny legs, his heart stuttering at the sight of it. She wasn't looking so good and this morning she looked exceptionally exhausted; her eyes were puffy, her skin pale and even breathing seemed to exert her. She still hadn't told him the results of her last examination, whenever he brought it up she'd give a vague answer and quickly change the topic. He doubted she was keeping anything away from him but what was with the evasive attitude? Besides even if she was, who was he to complain? Wasn't he keeping secrets too? But that was different, he defended, what he was doing was for her own good and he couldn't afford to give it up now, not when she was looking like this. 

 

He concentrated on the polishing he was doing and admired the dark colour against her pale skin; he really did well buying this colour, it was gorgeous on her. She whimpered again and he smiled sadly at her, he was not ready to lose his sister just yet but he knew things were going down hard and fast regardless of how much they tried to deny it. It might end badly if they didn't do something quick. He took a deep breath, pushing aside his reserve- chalking it down to selfishness- and decided what to do. He would see Orochimaru before his shift at the bookstore today and tell him his decision. This wasn't the time to be worried about some toys being used on him, besides, its not like it'll be an everyday thing. Nope, this was the time to think of Ino's health and her life. He would do it, for her he would.

 

***

 

Shikamaru sighed again, making Akamaru lift his head from his thighs to look at him, he scratched the dog's ear and muttered an apology. He'd had a crappy day and had to leave the office earlier than he usually did so it didn't get any worse. His dad had harped him to no end about some deal he had failed to close in time, incurring extra expenses on them when it wasn't his fault to begin with. For the past days, he's had a lot on his plate and they kept piling it up without considering him at all, most nights he had to take his work home with him to finish up so how was he to blame for not having the time to close the stupid deal? He'd ended up driving to Kiba's after he'd had something to drink and changed, and discharged the lady who usually looked after Akamaru when Kiba was at work. Deep down however, he knew his frustration stemmed from Naruto, he missed him a lot. 

 

They hadn't seen since their date which would make it one week tomorrow, and they hadn't talked much either. Each time Naruto called, he was either too busy to say anything other than "I'll call you back" or if they got around to actually talking, it was too short cause they got interrupted by work. As the days wore on, Naruto's calls had waned and Shikamaru feared that he thought he was ignoring him; he too hadn't been able to call as much because of the same work and he was pretty sure there were some texts he had forgotten to reply. He felt very guilty for that. All through today, when he badly needed to hear the blonde's voice, no calls from him had come. He needed to apologize.

 

He wondered how Naruto was doing. From the few short conversations they'd had, he noticed that Naruto had seemed quieter, more withdrawn and a little distracted, like something was weighing heavily on his mind; he was more reserved than usual which could only indicate that something was amiss. He had at first thought it was because of his seeming neglect and all that and he had apologized but Naruto had reassured him that he understood and that it was ok, and although he believed that the boy wasn't really worried about that, he still knew there was something else bothering him. Hell he was a hundred percent sure that Naruto was keeping something that was gnawing at him hard enough to make him bleed but he wasn't able to share. He understood that you don't just tell someone you just met all that troubled you, still it pained him that Naruto didn't trust him enough to let him in. He was willing to help in whatever way he could but he didn't want to push to the point of invading, he needed Naruto to speak up himself even though he couldn't see that happening soon. He briefly thought of asking Ino but decided against it, that was over reaching and Naruto might be upset if he found out. 

 

Relationships. This was one of the reasons he stayed away from them; it was difficult to keep up with its demands, you had so much to think and worry about. Their hold on you was strong and they had the power to bring every aspect of your life to a halt. In the past, he preferred to just be on his own and deal with his own very familiar shit; he knew his lazy and laid back personality would not let him fuction as the partner he was meant to be and honestly, he could do without trying. Now though, he had not only found someone he wanted enough to have a solid relationship with, he was also willing to shake off his laziness and work hard to make them work. He chuckled dryly, if anyone had told him two months ago that he would be beating himself up about a guy, he would've laughed in their face. Never in his life had he been this frustrated about a guy. He was sure Naruto liked him but the boy was just not giving him enough for him to feel wanted. He hated to admit it, but that hurt.

 

He sighed again and this time Akamaru sat up and rubbed his head on Shikamaru's chest; the dog was very sensitive to emotions you could almost say he's got a little human in him. He'd obviously sensed Shikamaru's tenseness and was trying to offer him some doggy comfort. The man chuckled

"making you worry, am I? Sorry"

Akamaru made a sound at the back of his throat and set his keen eyes on him. Shikamaru looked at his watch, he remembered Naruto had once said something about working Thursday shifts 12-2, it was a little after 1 o'clock, he would go check on him. Right now, he wanted to see him and convince himself that Naruto was alright.

"wanna go out?"

Akamaru barked his assent and thumped his tail; after he had picked a jacket from Kiba's closet, man and dog strolled out of the apartment.

 

***

 

Naruto watched the girls scan through a book and then point towards him. He craned his neck to get a better view of the book to see if he had a little knowledge of it's content. Usually, customers asked whoever was on duty about a book they were interested in or for recommendations on a particular topic and as part of their duties, they were supposed to at least read a few of the new books that arrived and make inquiries about them on the internet to meet these demands. When he'd first come to apply, his boss had asked if he liked reading and he had wasted no tine saying yes, he loved books and read one everyday. It was a big, fat, over stretched lie but he'd had to say so in the moment of desperation. Since getting the job, he'd had Shino give him a run down of the books he read and for others, he checked the internet.

 

He was rearranging the shelf after the girls left when the bell above the door jingled. He turned to welcome the customer only to find familiar lazy looking eyes staring back at him. He smiled as he walked up to Shikamaru, he hadn't expected to see him so soon as he'd been really busy lately. The man looked stressed out and Naruto couldn't help but feel sorry for him, must be hard for someone who hated work to have so much to do.

"hey", Shikamaru's smile was unsure and Naruto tried for a bright smile to put him at ease

"hey"

"sorry I didn't call before dropping by, spur of the moment thing"

Naruto chuckled, Shikamaru apologized too much for everything

"no, its ok". Naruto was restraining himself from giving him a tight I- miss- you hug, instead, he pointed him to a set of comfy sofas in a corner for them to sit

"nice place", Shikamaru observed when they sat and Naruto nodded. It was indeed a beautiful place with cozy spots for people to sit and read if they so chose; for a small place, it was pretty standard. 

Naruto's eyes wandered across Shikamaru's face and he noted how fagged out he was

"have you been resting at all? You look like you only sleep two hours every night"

Shikamaru ran a palm over his face and laughed at the near accuracy of the inquiry

"I'm fine. Tired but fine"  
"you're off early today"  
"yeah. Thought I'd give myself a break already". He rubbed his eyes with an exhausted sigh but there was a way he'd said this that made Naruto lean towards him in concern

"Shikamaru, are you ok?"  
"uh huh", he replied quietly, "shitty day though"

 

Ah. No wonder he left work early and dropped by to see him without first calling, he was very distressed. There was, however, a way he looked at Naruto while he'd answered that made Naruto wonder...

"uhh, you know, my shift will be over in say 30 minutes, can you wait til them so we'll go to my place? I'll make you something to eat"

 

He was a little nervous asking, he wasn't so sure what to say to him by way of making him feel better but one thing he'd learned early in life was that a good meal always made everything better. Maybe not everything, but lots of things. It probably wasn't just work that made him look so drained, something personal? Family? He would ask but he didn't want to pry so for now, he'll just do his best to make him feel better without necessarily intruding; if Shikamaru wanted to talk about it, he will. His companion have a small smile and rested his head on the backrest of the sofa

"sounds great. I'll just check Akamaru, make sure he's comfortable since we'll be here a bit"

"you came with Akamaru? Why didn't you bring him inside?"

Shikamaru rose his head to look at Naruto 

"I didn't think dogs were allowed in here"

"they are, as long as they're well behaved. Plus if they weren't, you'll see a 'no dogs allowed" sign hanging somewhere"

Oh. He hadn't thought of that at all and even if he had, he still wouldn't have just assumed

"let me go get him"

Naruto got to his feet instead and waved him back down

"it's fine, I'll do it". He walked to the door before Shikamaru could protest and as soon as he stepped out, he caught sight of the white dog tied to a lamppost. Akamaru got up when he saw Naruto and gave an excited bark, almost jumping in place; he giggled when he got a lick on the cheek as he bent to untie the dog, he was a cute one. Naruto patted Akamaru's white head when they entered the store and proceeded towards where Shikamaru sat; the man's eyes were closed and he had an expression resembling worry plastered on his face. Naruto paused and watched him searchingly, again asking himself if he shouldn't just ask what exactly the problem was but just as he bent to touch his shoulder, Shikamaru's eyes opened. Shikamaru tried for a reassuring smile but fell short. They locked gazes and Naruto suddenly felt his heart trip with anxiety; it was irrational, he knew almost impossible, but somehow he felt all of a sudden Shikamaru could see through him- his lies, secrets, the other life he was living and the assent he'd given to Pain's offer just that morning. There was something that clouded Shikamaru's face that gave Naruto the creeping feeling that Shikamaru knew and was stung by it. He felt guilty, he felt exposed, bared and stark naked; his neck began burning in shame until he managed to push it back with vehemence telling himself it was all baseless worries. Shikamaru didn't know, he couldn't possibly know but that didn't stop that feeling of being on the edge of something that was about to collapse. It wasn't just guilt, it was a warning sign of danger. His mind again told him he couldn't continue that way and think that in the end, he would be unscathed; his heart again told him to just believe. 

 

***

 

Ino walked quietly beside the blue haired woman as they made their way to a deserted area of the quiet park. The evening air was a cold and a bit raw, good thing her outfit was enough to battle out the element. She had carefully selected a high necked top, tucked into a red and black pleated mini skirt, long black socks that ended mid thigh and a long camel coat; truth was, she hadn't just been conscious of the weather, she had also put into consideration the fact that she would be seeing Konan. It wasn't like it was a date or like she saw it as such or was trying to impress the lady, it was just that she-- what? Funny, she wanted to look good for Konan.

 

She had finally gotten around to calling her and Konan had been very happy to hear from her, they talked almost everyday and for the almost two weeks since then, Ino found she was getting more and more enamoured towards her. Enamoured? No, that was too strong, she wasn't attracted to Konan that way; Konan was a woman like her and Ino wasn't gay. But essentially, she's begun experiencing a kind of excitement talking to her and whenever they were together, Ino found she wanted to be around her more. She glanced at the woman and felt her heart slow; she was beautiful and Ino appreciated her sense of style more and more with each meeting. Today's outfit was a scoop necked sequin blouse, black skinnies, black leather jacket and black boots. She also loved Konan's piercing and was thinking of maybe getting another done when she had the opportunity, she would ask Naruto if he wanted one too.

 

Konan guided them to an empty park bench facing a little pond and waited for Ino to take a seat before she did the same close to her. Ino was still a little shy and reserved and Konan was thinking what she could do to ease her and make her feel comfortable. She really liked the girl, she wasn't just good looking, she also had a kind of delicate innocence about her and what she would term as perhaps a sense of responsibility? She wasn't sure, Ino hardly talked about herself so Konan didn't know much about her personal life

"that's a nice tattoo. Peter Pan, isn't it?"

Ino lightly traced a delicate finger over the permanent marks with a smile

"yes, my first"  
"first?", Konan cocked an eyebrow, "so there's more?"

Ino giggled and nodded 

"one other"  
"wow, that's cool"  
"thank you"

 

Konan watched the blush creep up Ino's pale neck and smiled, she was an innocent and even though she didn't know what she was doing, Ino was wrapping her fingers tight around her little by little. At first, when she hadn't been able to stop thinking about Ino, she had boiled it down to concern and worry but the more they talked and hung out and saw each other, the more she wanted to know her and just be there for her. Was it strange? Feeling so strongly for someone you'd just met? She doubted, it had been the same with her ex, hadn't it? She had almost loved her at first sight. 

 

The wind blew and loosened a few strands from Ino's hair and into her face. She liked her hair- a lovely shade of blonde, very long and so silky, and the way she held it in a loose low bun gave her this laid back, nonchalant, sexy look of someone who had it without even trying. Konan felt her mouth dry and tried to swallow. The last thing she had expected in her life was to meet a heart broken girl in a salon and then subsequently fall for her, it was like in stories except stories like this didn't happen to a woman of 26. She was still staring at Ino when the girl looked her way and she felt herself get caught in those green eyes, like she was getting swallowed and was all too willing to go. The eyes glinted and Konan realized all at once that she was ready to take it a step further, she wanted more with Ino. And it was with this reality stamped on her mind that she moved closer to Ino and lowered her head.

 

She smelt the freshness of the earth almost tasted the softness of the air, these elements mixed with the scent of mild flowers emanating from Ino drowned her. She couldn't think what it was she was doing, the only thing that made sense to her was the blonde staring at her with wide green eyes that were inviting her to bliss and lips that looked too soft to belong to a human. If she could... She wasn't sure what was happening to her body but it was moving and soon she had closed the gap between them, her lips hovering over Ino's; she held still, waiting for an unwelcome sign, her forehead rested on Ino's and at the blondes soft gasp, Konan saw black and swooped down. She took the small lips, tasted them, savoured their sweet flavour and wanted more; there was smooth chocolate oozing from Ino's lips and Konan drank it in, craving satisfaction but not getting enough. Her arm had encircled Ino's neck from behind and she drew her closer, Ino made a small sound and her unresponsive lips finally moved. 

 

The wind blew again, stirring Ino's hair and stirring something that she had long buried in her. It moved subtly and challengingly, daring her to fight it and she had to admit, it was undeniably captivating. A hand touched her chin, tilting it higher to her companion and she in turn bent it to the side in response. Ino wasn't aware of anything other than being enveloped in a feeling she was neither able to contain nor give expression to. She didn't understand it, it was too complex, too alien, too strange; she feared she couldn't handle it and she of she wasn't careful, she'll soon be swallowed whole, unable to get out.

Konan deepened the kiss and Ino let her, already giving herself to the need eating at her. Her hand rested behind Konan's head and she dug into the mane. The soft strands tickled her palm and a few fell between her fingers; she traced through the short length, beautiful, just like the woman. Woman. She was kissing a woman. What was she doing kissing a woman and clinging so desperately to her? What was she doing letting herself get overtaken in this strange desire and getting carried away in a feeling she wasn't accustomed to? What the fuck was she doing here exactly? Was she that desperate to be needed and wanted and touched? Did she need that badly to forget her imminent death and drown out her pleas to be saved that she would let a woman get intimate with her? She wasn't gay, she wasn't a lesbian, she wasn't attracted to women, she didn't make out with the same sex, she didn't... With a jolt, Ino pulled away almost jumping and placed a palm flat on Konan's shoulder to stop any forward movement. She was breathing heavily both from the kiss and fear. What was she doing?

 

"I'm not gay", she whispered in a shaky voice and a bowed head

"what? Ino I'm sorry if--"

"I'm not gay!", she said it clearly and much more forcefully this time. Konan gawked at her, surprise written all over her face

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"

"I'm not gay". Ino was shaking hard so Konan reached out for her to offer some reassurance and let her know she didn't mean to take advantage of her like that but Ino slapped her hand away, anger flashing in her eyes 

"stay away from me".

She jumped up from the bench, picked up her purse and ran off without a backward glance. She tried to forget the tingling on her lips left by Konan's mouth and wipe off the image of a shell shocked Konan still sitting on the bench, hurt etched deeply in her beautiful eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens- RUMI


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She is strong, but not in the ways most people think. She loves more than she'll ever get back and she knows it. And yet, she loves anyway  
> -J. M. Storm
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry for any spelling errors you find

You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel  
-Johnny Depp

 

Ino sent a sigh to the ceiling, God she felt horrible. Her mouth was dry and tasted like chalk; she was having a pounding headache; her eyes were heavy from lack of sleep, no thanks to the persistent coughing despite the drugs she was taking; her vision was blurry and she was frustrated from lack of contact wth Konan. Two days had gone since her stupid outburst and nothing from Konan. She had tried calling and texting but all were ignored, Konan hadn't bothered returning them. Since the night of the incident, she had been thinking hard about it and she could not understand why she'd reacted so aggressively. Granted, she wasn't gay hut she didn't have anything against them either; her brother was gay, wasn't he? The problem was shock at being kissed by a woman. Or perhaps shock that she had enjoyed it. The truth was that the moment Konan kissed her, she had lost reason, thought, rationality; she had momentarily forgotten her fears and worries and the intensity of what was stirring in her her shook her. She got scared of the fact that Konan made get forget, got scared of admitting the shift that occurred inside of her. But the greatest fear had stemmed from a reminder of Konan's ignorance. Konan didn't know a lot about her, how would she react to finding out about her illness? She had gotten scared of finding out the answer, so she'd fled.

 

Remembering what she said to Konan, her face reddened and she struggled to stifle a groan. So pathetic. Her words had cut Konan and though she understood that the woman needed space and probably wouldn't want to have anything to do with her anymore, she still didn't want Konan to go away. It was unfair, trying to keep her close when it might cause so much hurt to both of them, she was still too selfish to let go. Was it too much asking for this? Wanting it? She wanted Konan with her but she feared Konan might be the one to suffer in the end because none of them could say how it'll end for her no matter how much they hoped and prayed. 

 

She reached for the drugs and bottle of water stationed on her nightstand, the drugs should help with the headache. Christ, her head felt like it would split open any time. She was thinking that maybe she should drop by Konan's office and apologise in person, it sounded like the mature thing to do. But what if she got mad on seeing her? Now that would hurt like a bitch; perhaps she shouldn't. She groaned out when a sudden pain ripped through her skull, sucks.

 

***

 

Naruto turned the omelettes into the plate, lifted the tray and proceeded to Ino's room. Almost 9:30 and she wasn't out yet which could only mean that she wasn't feeling too good this morning. He'd noticed how gloomy she's been over the past days she moped around, distracted and withdrawn, always lost in thought. They didn't hang out as much, her time at home was spent locked away in her room and she tried to keep conversation with him to the barest minimum. If he was going to be overly dramatic, he'll say she was becoming depressed. He asked severally if something was up but she would wave it aside with a small smile, claiming it was just exhaustion. He knew it wasn't true but if he tried to push, they might end up in a fight. 

 

He balanced the tray on one hand to let himself in, Ino was lying face up in bed, her eyes very much open though dull looking. She greeted him with a smile when he laid the full tray on the bed

 

"breakfast in bed. You spoil me, Naruto"

 

He poured them both coffee as he sat facing her, the food in their middle. Ino sat up up slowly, wincing at the sharp pain that invaded her head at the change in position. Naruto leaned forward

"are you ok? Does your head still hurt?"

"yes but its better than when I first woke. Took some pills"

 

Naruto did a quick scan of her face: still pale but at least there was a hint of colour on her cheeks

"do you need help eating?"

Ino smiled at his concern, het brother was too good to her. She probably would've been in a worse state if he wasn't here. And to think she had ignored him these two days. The kid seriously needed a break 

"nah, I can do that"

 

She took the plate he offered and cocked her brow

"eggs and sausages. Just what I needed"

"yeah, well no need to thank me", he gloated before his head shot up, concern clouding his face again. "you're not being sarcastic, are you? Can you stomach the grease?"

"of course I can, I don't feel so sick. Quit your worrying". He relaxed again. Actually the thought of food in general made her feel nauseous but she didn't want to make Naruto feel bad, she decided to eat as much as possible and try not to throw up. She wanted him to know that she really appreciated his effort.

 

"how's work? Sorry I haven't asked in a while"

Naruto inelegantly shoved a forkful of eggs in his mouth and looked at the ceiling

"great. Both ok"

"anything new and exciting happen?"

As quickly as the image of Pain materialized, it was exorcized. He wasn't going to even mention that man, Ino was sure to freak. He shook his head and bit into a sausage

"no"

 

They lapsed into companionable silence. Naruto's mind drifted to his newest client once again and his heart sank low into his stomach. Karin had called him last night, Pain wanted to see him tomorrow afternoon for a 'practice session' to get Naruto acquainted with his way of doing things. He hadn't slept well last night because of it and no matter how much he tried to steel himself, he knew he could never be prepared. He wondered why he attracted sadists.

 

"say, Naruto", Ino's voice broke into his thoughts. He looked at her but her gaze was fixed on the contents of her plate. The neck of her oversized sweater slipped down one shoulder as she played around with a half eaten sausage

"hmm?"

The tips of her ears reddened. She took a sip of her coffee the looked back at him

"umm.. How did you know you were gay?", her voice was so small he almost didn't hear her. Naruto cocked his head, how?

"err lets see.. It was kinda like a feeling of just knowing. Like chicks didn't do it for me at all. Staring at them was like staring at wood, I felt nothing. At first I was in denial, how the hell could I drool over the six packs and shit I saw on tv?"

"oh"

"yeah. Thing is, some people might not know it until they meet someone who'll make them want to date the same sex"

"ohh"

"uh huh. And no matter how much you try to run away, it doesn't just leave. Its something deeper than an adventurous need to explore. You want them, you want to be with them"

"ohhh". But could it happen to someone her age? Wasn't it something you had to discover early in life?

"yep. It could happen anytime. Some people don't even know they're gay or accept it until they're married with kids"

 

Ino sipped from her mug absentmindedly, frowning at him; it was as if he'd read the question straight out if her mind. At any age huh? But wasn't she jumping to conclusions here? Kissing a woman and enjoying it doesn't automatically make her gay. How about the fact that she had fallen for Konan? She couldn't see a near future where she'll get up any time soon. She would've preferred keeping this to herself for now but Naruto was the gay one and he could help shed some light on it. He was the only one she could talk to about it. Her face burned, she took a large bite of a sausage and spoke as quickly as she could

"I kissed a woman"

 

Naruto almost choked on his coffee at what he'd just heard. Ino kissed a woman 

"what?", it came out a whisper so he cleared his throat and repeated the question. Ino, obviously uncomfortable, shifted and locked on his forehead

"when?"

"few days back. It just happened"

"oh". So that was why shed asked what she'd asked just now. "did you.. hate it?"

Ini didn't hesitate 

"no"

"did it feel right?"

"yes"

"do you regret it?"

"no"

Naruto nodded

"seems like we'll soon have an initiation ceremony into the gay club"

Ino hooted a laugh

"who's the lady? Someone I know? Wait a second, she's the one you've been talking to every day for hours, right?"

"not every day and not for hours. I don't think you know her. She's a photographer"

Naruto gave her a sly look

"hoho. Soo you've been making out with this woman and your brother had no idea? Shame on you"

Ino looks down on her fingers, shame on her indeed. She really hurt Konan's feelings

"we only kissed once. I freaked and ran out on her. She hasn't picked my calls since"

That explained the gloom then, his sister was sad and confused. He wished she had told him about it earlier; from the way she sounded, Ino obviously felt something for her

"you really like her", he observed. "why don't you go to her and apologise?"

"I've thought of that, I just..."

"don't think, you'll hesitate. If you like her enough go talk to her. Explain why you took off and tell her you like her"

"what if she doesn't want me anymore?"

"what if she still does? You'll never know unless you try"

He was right, she should try first. She leaned close and flicked his nose

"strong words coming from you"

"I have certain depths you are yet to explore"

Ino chuckled

"I bet. Speaking of depth, how are things with Shikamaru?"

"what has Shikamaru got to do with my depth?", he asked incredulously as he stole some eggs from her plate. Ino hummed suggestively and rose her brow

"my God, Ino, we haven't.. Shit". He began to clear the plates with a red face, "fuck". He hurried out of the room and from the rustle he heard, Ino would be on his tail soon

 

***

 

"there is a beau-te waiting to see you"

"huh?"

"you have a visitor, a hot chick waiting in reception. Damn babe, why do you always get the hot ones?"

 

Konan straightened up from the photo she was editing and stared at Deidera in confusion. That was a problem with him, he couldn't deliver a message in simple language if his life depended on it, one had to pause and decrypt. He touched his long hair

"blonde, model-skinny, gorgeous, with legs to die for"

 

Konan froze, immediately knowing who it was. What was Ino doing here? She hadn't yet recovered from the hurt and embarrassment, she was still nursing her wounds especially at Ino screaming at her to stay away. That was why she'd tried to avoid contact with her all the while; she had deliberately refrained from picking her calls and replying her numerous apology texts. She wasn't even sure she was ready to face her just yet. She really liked the girl and if Ino was here to say they should be just friends, then she was kidding. With a sigh she got up and thanked him as she left the room.

 

Heading to reception, she could feel her nerves go haywire at the thought of seeing Ino and she hoped she didn't overreact. She took a deep breath and stopped in front of the blonde and when Ino's head rose, she paused in shock. The girl looked worn, with sad puffy eyes and Konan didn't want to believe she was just as affected by this, it was wishful thinking trying to consider that Ino was suffering just as much as she was. She held firm, not wanting to give in to the urge to soothe her. She wouldn't give Ino the satisfaction of further torturing her; she had gotten the message at the park loud and clear.

 

Ino stood as she saw Konan, her neck burning in shame again. God she was so sorry, she really hoped Konan would hear her out and understand. After her talk with Naruto, she had decided to go to konan's office on her way to work, and though shed thought she was ready for the confrontation, her resolve melted a little when the beauty stood before her. Ino looked down at Konan's sneakers, struggling to remember how to speak. She knew Konan could do without seeing her right now and she was probably wasting her time but her tongue refused to move

 

"I'm here, Ino. You wanted to see me?"

Ino shifted to her left foot and muttered 

"yes"

"I'm listening"

The blonde head nodded but didn't rise

"there's a room we could talk if it'll make you comfortable"

At Ino's nod, Konan led the way. She opened the door to let Ino in first and stood when she saw Ino hadn't taken a seat. Ino pulled at the hem of her jacket and finally looked at Konan

"I'm sorry"

Konan nodded

"it's ok, I should be the one apologizing, I practically forced myself on you. Sorry about that'

"you didn't"

"I did". She didn't need Ino's pity, she was going to take responsibility for her actions. Without been sure of her sexuality, she'd gone and kissed her and ended up scaring her. She was lucky Ino hadn't smacked her. Ino had kissed her back but that didn't matter, what mattered was her reaction

"I didn't even know if you're gay, I put you in a tight spot"

 

Ino's head felt light, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. She was meant to be the one apologizing but Konan had stolen that role and she didn't know how to tackle the shift in position. Konan sighed 

"listen, its alright. You didn't have to come here to say anything. In really sorry I haven't returned your calls and texts but I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at me. Don't beat yourself up about it. I have yo get back to work, ok?"

 

As Konan started towards the door, Ino's heart clenched. Konan had gone cold on her, they had gone back to interacting as total and complete strangers. Normally Konan would've at least made contact with her as they spoke but she'd kept her distance this time. How could she believe things were ok when Konan wasn't acting the same? She hated the cool composure with which Konan had spoken and the nonchalant way she was dismissing her.

 

Yes, Konan hadn't known her sexuality when she kissed her but it wasn't for lack of trying, she always stonewalled her everytime she asked questions to get to know her better. Ino didn't tell her anything about herself, hell Konan didn't even know she had a brother. She had been afraid from the very start to let herself get too close while at the same time trying to keep her close- she had been unconsciously doing the push and pull thing. She had been so stupid and selfish and insensitive and now she wanted Konan to just stop, turn around and look at her that way again. But she was looking for an easy way out of the mess she had created.

 

"Konan please", her voice was small and choked. She was so nervous and scared of what it would mean if walked out. Konan opened the door and fixed her with a sympathetic look before it hardened to something unreadable. She held the door wide open

"I have to get hack to work, deadline. I'm not mad, ok? I promise"

"but__"

"but nothing. I take full responsibility, I'm sorry"

 

Ino could hear Konan's silent plea for her to leave hanging in the air. She didn't want to go without resolving the matter but Konan looked like her mind was made up. She wasn't so good at dealing with rejection, didn't know how to speak when she was hurting. Her feet shuffled forward, faltering when she reached Konan. She stopped and tried to catch Konan's eyes but her eyes were averted, looking anywhere else but at her. Konan didn't want to look at her. Ino's heart broke and not knowing what else to do, she muttered a low "I'm sorry" and walked out on shaky legs. Never again, she told herself, never again did she want to feel this way. 

 

***

 

Naruto opened the door to their apartment with shaky hands after four tries. He journeyed to his room in a blank state of mind which would have been difficult due to the tears blurring his vision if not for his knowledge of the familiar turns. He walked straight into his bathroom, trying his hardest to scrub off his filth and wash the stink of sex Pain had left on him. He scrubbed himself raw under scalding water, yet it lingered. His ass stung whenever he brushed the area he'd been whipped. He could still smell him, still taste their sweat mixed together, still feel the sting of the whip on him, still feel Pain's eyes naked with lust roam over him. He shivered despite the hot water, he felt much worse than he had when Kabuto had forced himself on him. Pain had treated him like a fucking animal, made him beg for sex, teased him mercilessly until he'd almost wept from his need. Who begged for sex? Even sluts didn't.

 

He angled his head up so that the water could fall directly onto his face and wash away the tears that won't stop falling. Christ, this was messed up. Fuck. How many more men did he have to whore himself to before it would end for good? How many more times did he have to let some goddamned prick shove his dick up his ass before they had enough for the surgery? His first time with Pain and he was ready to bolt. He wished there was a better option open to him now, see if he wouldn't leave this job as quickly as anyone could say 'jack'. He'd been cuffed, blindfolded, whipped like some fucking animal, his arousal played with to the point he'd had to go as low as begging with tears streaming down his face. Pain had taken him mercilessly, he had fucked til he almost passed out. He had bruises on his skin and on his soul; he'd been marked and he couldn't think of a way to recover from it. He towelled himself dry, threw on an old shirt and pj bottoms and curled into bed. He heard Ino call but didn't answer, he wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk.

 

If it wasn't for Ino...

 

Ino peeked into Naruto's room. She had waited for him all afternoon and into the evening so that they could talk and she'll maybe stop feeling so bad about yesterday but it wasn't until a little after 7 that he returned. His shower went off minutes ago but he didn't come out so she went to check on him, ask him to come have dinner. 

"Naruto", she whispered so as not to disturb him if he was sleeping. She called out again and made to shut the door when she heard no response. He must be tired after hosting whoever, they had taken a long time today. Naruto would most likely get up at night to find something to eat, she'll leave his food in the microwave. She had almost totally shut the door when a sniff reached her, she paused, listening intently. Nothing. Thinking she imagined it, she tried to shut the door when she heard it again. What tha? Did he catch a cold sometime during the evening or was he crying? It better be the former. She quickly walked to his bed and leaned over him, his eyes were closed but she could see clear liquid slip out of them. Her heart squeezed, she always hated it when Naruto cried and what the hell? She hadn't seen him cry in forever. She touched his shoulder

"Naruto, what wrong?"

 

No answer, only silent tears. Her heart beat faster as she tried to inspect his face as best she could in the dimness of the room. She hoped the client hadn't done anything to him; she couldn't do anything if they did but fuck if she didn't locate that agency and go give them a piece of her mind. 

"hey buddy, did something happen?"

 

Naruto could only shake his head. Ino was worried now, she hadn't seen him like this before. Usually he said something no matter how little and unhelpful, this silence was gnawing at her. She was sure that Naruto won't talk no matter how much she begged and though she would've loved to camp here with him until he slept off, she couldn't let him find out about her coughing. She couldn't afford to upset him more. But then she couldn't leave him this way. Her eyes caught his phone lying at the head of his pillow and inspiration struck. She grabbed it, placed a kiss on his temple and walked out.

 

***

 

"noooooooo. Come on!", Kiba growled at the pieces scattered all over the board. He had made the mistake of agreeing to play shogi with Shikamaru and his brother wasn't sparing him. No matter how long he took his to weigh his options before making a move, Shikamaru was always a step ahead of him. He hadn't managed to win him even once. Shikamaru sniggered

"you put up a worthy fight this time"

"ah fuck it. This stuff makes my head ache". He scattered the pieces, already sure he would lose anyway and leaned back into the couch. Kiba and Akamaru were spending the night over at Shikamaru's; he's been worried about Shikamaru since the fall out with his dad over some stupid deal. Unlike him, Shikamaru avoided conflicts and confrontations and got upset when a problem arose due to a fault from him even though it was unavoidable. He wasn't a man so easily ruffled therefore his mood this past week was a cause for major concern.

"ready to say what's been on your mind?"

"I didn't say anything was__"

"were skipping the denial part, ok? Talk"

Shikamaru sighed and ruffled Akamaru's fur. Where to begin to tell it. There wwd just so much he realized he needed to talk about, it had accumulated so much so that finding a way to make them make sense seemed almost impossible

"Naruto?"

Guess that was a good place to start

"yes"

Kiba was quiet. He hadn't thought his guess would be spot on or that his brother would give a straight answer. This must weigh heavily on him

"what about him?". He was kinda reluctant to hear what Shikamaru would say, fearing that he would say that Naruto refused to date him. If that was the case what would happen to Shikamaru? He needed someone like Naruto in his life. Besides he liked the guy a lot and resolved to go talk to him if that was it. He'd be damned if he'll let a catch like that slip through their fingers.

 

"dunno man, he's been acting weird lately"

"weird"

"yeah, kinda. I don't know how to explain this and I can't exactly prove it but I know he's keeping something that's tearing him apart but he won't talk about it. Hell he doesn't tell me anything except the fun stuffs". Hw took a deep breath and waited for the inevitable jabs to come from Kiba. They didn't

"maybe he's not comfortable talking about it?"

"maybe. But something just feels... off. He's always so cheerful or at least he tries to be but sometimes I catch this thing in his eyes that makes me feel unsettled"

Kiba frowned. He understood, sometimes he got those vibes from Neji and had to persuade him to talk to him otherwise Neji, being the reserved man that he is, would choose to say nothing.

"have you tried talking about it? Like asking him?"

"I have, all he says is that its fine"

"you have to ask again"

"I know. I have this feeling that whatever this is, it could stand in the way of us really being together. He's running away, but from what?"

Kiba believed him, Shikamaru's instincts were always spot on. If he said something was up, then something was up

"stuffs like this can break relationships, how much more you guys who haven't really started something solid? I know you're trying to respect his privacy but you have to know when to push and when to pull. Talk to him, ok? Let him know you're there if he wants to talk and tell him what his secrecy is doing to you"

A nod.

"you love him, yeah?"

 

Shikamaru smiled, no use denying it. He wasn't even officially dating him yet and he'd already fallen in love. What the fuck? But then again, nothing surprised him any longer when it came to his feelings for Naruto. He must realize how deeply his feelings for him ran

"yeah"

"then don't let him go"

Before he could reply, his phone rang: Unknown

"hello?"

"uhh hi. Shikamaru?"

A lady?

"yeah", he tried to place the voice as he answered hesitantly

"its Ino. I got your number from Naruto's phone"

"oh hey"

"listen, I'm so sorry to call so late.."

"no, its fine. What's up?"

"err it.. its Naruto"

He perked up 

"what about him?"

Ino hesitated

"thing is, I don't know. He ah.. since he got back from work, he's refused to eat or do anything else. He's been lying in bed. Crying"

"cryng?', what the fuck?

"yes. Well not the wailing kind, you know? The tears are just falling. I know you think its trivial__"

"I don't. I'm on my way"

"thank you, I'm sorry about this"

"you're not disturbing, actually I'm glad you called me. Please stay with him until I get there"

"I will, thanks"

 

He rushed into his bedroom, throwing on a coat over his night clothes. He didn't have time to change. He explained things to a concerned Kiba as he grabbed his car keys and flew into the elevator when his door opened. His mind was already a jumbled mess.

 

***

 

Ino greeted him quietly as she opened the door, her relieve apparent

"he's still in bed but I doubt he's asleep"

"has he spoken or eaten?"

"no", she sounded sad. Shikamaru touched her gently on the back 

"get some rest, ok?"

 

As if she could, knowing her brother was going through shit that most likely had to do with her. Still she nodded 

"his food is in the microwave, put the timer on 3 minutes if he decides to eat"

"will do"

"thank you for this, I wouldn't have known who else to call otherwise"

"I keep saying its ok, anything for him"

 

Ino smiled as she led the way to Naruto's room. She was right, Shikamaru was the one for her brother. She said goodnight when the got to his door and went into her own room. 

 

Shikamaru knocked twice but didn't get an answer so he let himself in. He walked straight to the bundle on the bed and squatted beside him

"Naruto", he whispered, laying a hand on his forehead to feel his temperature, pushing the blonde hair scattered over it to the side. 

Sniff. Silence.

"hey"

Naruto's eyes slowly opened and Shikamaru could see how bloodshot they were

"Shikamaru?"

He offered a light smile, "yeah"

 

Naruto opened his mouth as though to speak but his eyes soon swarm with tears. His lips puckered slightly and he shut his eyes but a few managed to slip past. Shikamaru wiped them away, took off his slippers and scooted in beside Naruto to cuddle him. He felt Naruto relax against him, his quiet breathing brushing soft strikes of air on his neck. He kissed the blonde head and buried his nose in his hair

"its ok, I'm here"

Naruto sniffled against his neck and whispered something incoherent

"what?"

"I'm sorry"

Shikamaru paused, wondering what he thought he was apologizing for

"you didn't do anything wrong". Naruto shook his head and began to quietly sob. Shikamaru's heart cracked some, worrying so much about him and feeling sad that Naruto didn't trust him enough to talk to him.

 

Naruto's eyes closed at Shikamaru's words. If only he knew. Shikamaru trusted him and Naruto kept betraying that trust while trying to justify it. He should tell him now, explain everything because if Shikamaru had to find out himself, it'll be big trouble. He might never forgive Naruto. His mind screamed at him to just do it, he should listen but he was too ashamed to listen. He was being a fucking coward but he was too scared of how the man would react. He didn't think he could afford to lose him now that his feelings have become more defined, he was already in too deep. He hated lies and pretences, hated deceiving those he loved- and by God, he did love Shikamaru, but that was the only course left open to him.

 

That was why this was hard for him. Once again he felt that staying so close to him could alert the man of what he'd done, what he's been doing; that he'd begged a bloody sadist to fuck him senseless. He couldn't afford to see the way knowing this would hurt Shikamaru. Fuck. He rested his head on the man's strong chest and breathed him in. He was lucky to have someone like Shikamaru look at him at all, someone who didn't mind how different they were in every way, someone who wanted him for who he thought he was and wanted to make him a part of his world. Someone who was willing to try. He was digging his own grave and setting aside the flowers to be put on it. It was just so difficult, doing the right thing.

 

He felt himself calm despite the internal conflict he was going through. He listened to Shikamaru's heart beat, it was gentle music to his weary mind. The fading scent of his cologne drew him in, it was mild and made him tingle when he inhaled. He itched to have him erase the feeling of Pain that still tortured him. Naruto kissed his neck and heard Shikamaru inhale at the unexpected action. He kissed it again, climbing higher this time; he trailed kisses up his neck, jaw, until he hovered over his mouth. Shikamaru's heart was pounding heavily, perfectly mirroring Naruto's. He wanted him and he wanted to have him now. He tipped his head upwards and joined their lips together. It was their second kiss but it still tasted innocent with subtle tones of danger across it. It was raw, sweet, hot, naked. Like there was nothing to hide.

 

Wanting to show him everything he was through that kiss, Naruto pressed closer and poured the whole of his heart into it. He tasted the other's lips with the tip of his tongue, moaning softly when Shikamaru took it into his mouth and sucked it gently. He needed this right now. He grabbed a fistful of Shikamaru's and was just about to pull when he felt strong hands wrap firmly around his arms is to hold him in place. 

 

Shikamaru pulled away and panted, this wasn't why he'd been called here and it definitely wasn't what he'd intended doing. Much as he wanted Naruto, he wouldn't take advantage of him when he was in such a fragile state. He didn't have the mind to

"wait"

Naruto pressed closer again and he had to tighten his hold on him to keep them away from each other

"Naruto, I don't want..."

Naruto stiffened. "yo.. you don't want me?". He sounded so hurt and shocked. Shikamaru winced, he hadn't meant it like that

"what? No, that's not it. Its just.. I can't, not now". Naruto made to pull away, he found feel the wetness where their cheeks touched. Now he'd gone and made him cry again, guilt ripped at him. But his hold didn't break; he held him closer instead

"hey don't do that, please", he whispered in Naruto's ear, "I want you and you know that. Now is just not a good time"

Shikamaru's face rested on Naruto's head as it fell lower; the boy was hurting and it made him hurt also. He felt that the barrier between them was quickly becoming stronger and he couldn't take it any more; whatever it took, he would break it and reach Naruto. He won't let him go without fighting for him, he loved him and he would stand by him until they got through whatever this is. Tomorrow he'll beg him to tell him what was wrong so they could find a solution; that was one reason he was here, to get through shit with him. No way he would let him keep thinking he was alone. What was the use of being together if he couldn't be there for him? So they hadn't become exclusive but they were as good as a couple. Their feeling for each other was out there for all to see including themselves.

 

He typed a message to Kiba, telling him he'll be spending the night over. His brother's response was was quick: how was Naruto? He'll call in the morning. He stayed awake until Naruto's shoulders stopped shaking and his slow breathing told him he was asleep. He shut his eyes too and drifted off.

 

***

 

Ino's throat itched harder and her chest was on fire. She coughed hard into the towel, so hard she thought she'd pass out from the accompanying pain. Her vision blurred slightly, she had to lean against the bathroom wall to support herself else she was sure to fall. She hoped Shikamaru had calmed her brother though from the silence, they may be asleep already. Thank goodness. She'd heard few murmurs from their end but not enough to make out what they were saying; she hoped Naruto won't be upset that she called Shikamaru.

 

She winced when a heavy bout hit her. She coughed hard, wishing she could just rip out the fucking throat and be over with it. She wanted to push out the heavy weight that had settled in her chest, it was so uncomfortable. Her eyes watered as it lessened she breathed hard and wiped her mouth, attempting to out the towel aside when she froze. She blinked at the towel, mouth wide open, not believing her eyes. Her heart dropped straight down, hitting her damaged kidneys hard, rocking her bad. She tried to grab at the sink but she lost he grip and slid down the wall instead. Her breath came out in short bursts, her gaze unstable. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening, this couldn't be happening. God she wasn't ready.

 

The tears rolled down her eyes as she threw the towel aside fearfully as though to take away the hellish reality glaring at her. She turned away, weeping hard. She could feel the thick, red substance that was spread across the towel, mock her as her world crashed once again around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because  
> I have known despair, I value hope  
> Because  
> I have tasted frustration, I value fulfillment   
> Because  
> I have been lonely, I value love  
> -Leonard Nimroy
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you guys so much for your kudos, means a lot. Thank you for reading, enjoy your week.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a week late with this, so sorry. Had a very busy week last week is why. Thanks for sticking around 
> 
>  
> 
> Her soul was too deep to explore by those who always swam in the shallow end  
> -A. J. Lawless

"good morning", Ino's subdued greeting reached Shikamaru, snapping him out of his wandering. He gave her a smile which she returned tiredly; she was already dressed, for work perhaps

"you look like you pulled an all nighter"

She chuckled

"you could say that". Between the frigging cough, the accompanying pain and the blood she'd coughed up, sleep hadn't exactly been top in her list last night. "how is he? Did he eat? Say anything?"

Ever the protective sister, Shikamaru thought with a smile

"no but he's fine. Still asleep"

She breathed a sigh of relief, het shoulders relaxing a little. She nodded at the kettle on fire

"that for coffee?"

"yep"

"great. Dunno how you would've woken him up otherwise. Without his coffee, that boy is like a zombie"

Shikamaru laughed at the picture she just created in his head. Yeah, for someone so energetic, it was surprising that coffee was the key to unlocking him; he never really considered Naruto a coffee person, he would've expected him to be up and doing from the moment his eyes opened. Thank goodness he'd thought to put sone water on for coffee, he would've loved to make him breakfast but he was handicapped in the kitchen; no way he was going to poison him. 

 

"you have no idea what happened?", he'd asked last night jut felt he should ask again in case she was able to come up with a assumption last night. She shook her head

"no and I can't think of anything". At the kettle's whistle, Ino put out the fire and poured the steaming water into the coffee pot to brew. "Shikamaru"

"yeah?"

"please take care of my brother. He's really not as strong as he wants you to believe. He's soft on the inside, he keeps so much inside him; I don't want to see him get hurt. Naruto is everything to me, he deserves a happy life". A way more happy life than he's living now. She gave a sad smile

"he makes you think his tough and had everything under control but in the end, he's just a 20 year old kid who needs arms to hold him. I won't be with him forever and I want to be sure he's in safe hands". She looked at him, a pleading look in her eyes

"you'll take care of him, won't you?"

Shikamaru frowned slightly at the sudden shift in mood, Ino had gone from jovial to bittersweet and gloomy in less than a minute. She suddenly looked sad and weary

"I will"

She gave him a long look as though she wanted to say something, but then she patted him on the arm

"he likes his coffee black, three sugars. I'm off to work, I'll call him later"

"take care of yourself"

"sure, bye"

 

He got to work draining the coffee as he thought of Ino's words. If he was going to be positive, he'll say she was talking about when she got married but the regret that laid beneath the surface of her words unsettled him. Now he was convinced that there was something fundamental he wasn't aware of and the siblings weren't talking. If they needed help, he was willing to offer it but not without being asked so it doesn't seem like he's butting into something that doesn't concern him. Maybe he should ask Naruto again what the problem was, see if he'll say.

 

***

 

Naruto opened his eyes slowly at the sweet aroma that tickled his nostrils, his mouth watered heavily before his brain could process anything. He yawned while stretching, already incoherently demanding his coffee. Shikamaru chuckled at his cuteness, wishing every day could be like this for them: sleeping, waking, him making Naruto some coffee and every little thing that counted. Naruto on the other hand felt a slight ache in his head and wondered why he was having traces of a headache so early in the morning, until the events of the previous night slowly began to fall in place. And for the first time in years, Naruto fully gained consciousness without the help of caffeine. He stared abashedly at Shikamaru from under his lashes, feeling ashamed of his behaviour last night; first he'd gone into an emotional outburst, then he'd tried to make out with him, making the poor man feel guilt at his restraint. He sat up slowly, scooted closer to where Shikamaru was seated and gave him a sheepish peck 

 

"good morning"

"hey", Shikamaru inspected his face with mild concern, "how are you?"

Naruto pushed the hair away from his face and gave a half smile

"I'm great, thank you"

 

Shikamaru didn't reply, his eyes were fixed on Naruto's arms. They moved from hand to hand until the man finally grasped a wrist, inspecting it carefully. Naruto felt his breath leave him when he noticed what the brunette was staring at: the bond marks were still on his wrist though faded. Fuck, he frantically began to think of a reasonable excuse to give

 

"what's this? What happened?"

Naruto made to pull away but Shikamaru held on

"Naruto?"

Naruto kept his eyes averted, shame gnawing at him. Christ, imagine his reaction if Naruto told him he'd been tied to a bedpost for the noble cause of getting fucked

"its nothing"

"doesn't look like nothing"

Of course it doesn't, they still looked angry even though hours had gone by. Thank goodness Ino hadn't seen it, what would he have said to her? No way she would be satisfied with whatever lie he managed to cough up

"are you in some kind of trouble?"

He shook his head, eyes still averted

"you won't tell me?", Shikamaru asked after a moment of silence, sighing when Naruto shook his head again. How could he possibly reach him if he insisted on being this way? It was painful that Naruto wasn't letting him in, that he couldn't trust him. He came closer until there was only a few inches between them

"why don't you trust me? You don't tell me stuffs even though I know they're there. What do you keep pushing me away?". He took a shuddering breath and felt dread at what he was about to say

"if you don't want this...", Shikamaru paused because he couldn't finish the sentence and waited. If Naruto didn't want to be with him, it'll be the most painful thing that ever happened to him but he wouldn't force him. Persuade, yes, but not force.

 

Naruto whipped his head to face Shikamaru, scared of the implications of the man's words. It wasn't true, he did want them to be together, it was just that he couldn't tell him about Ino's health because one thing will lead to another and in the end, Shikamaru will find out what he was doing and he'll be pissed. And then he'll stay away from him. Basically, it boiled down to one thing: rejection, he didn't want to be rejected by Shikamaru

 

"it.. no, I do trust you. If I didn't, I wouldn't have told you so much about myself"

"but you're keeping things away"

"I... they're just trivial stuffs I don't want to bother you with"

"it doesn't matter of you think they're trivial, as long as they're there, I'd like to know. I really like you Naruto but it feels like you're deliberately shutting me out. It makes me feel unwanted"

 

Naruto laid a hand on Shikamaru's arm, the man had hit the nail on the head. He was right but Naruto still thought it was better for him to remain ignorant for now, that was the best thing for them. Ok maybe for him still they'll both get hurt in the end and he didn't want Shikamaru hurt because of him

 

"please don't say that, I want you. It's just, some things are best left as they are. Besides, I've got it all worked out; but I promise, I'll tell you in the future". If you're still here, he silently added.

Shikamaru's eyes softened at Naruto's worried expression. He rested his head against Naruto's and pecked his nose

"right, sorry for being pushy"

"you weren't. I'd have done the sane anyhow"

Silence.

"say, Naruto"

"yeah?"

"I never asked officially even though I know you know how I feel. Would you like to date me? Exclusively?". Oh boy, he could feel the loud pounding of his heart and was sure Naruto could hear it too. He wasn't at all as calm as he looked and he was wondering what he would do if the blonde said no. His fears were quelled when Naruto flung his arms around his neck, tight. 

"yes", he whispered softly in his ear. Shikamaru breathed a huge sigh of relief; for the first time in his life, he was glad have a boyfriend, someone to worry about beside family. He pulled away gently

"the coffee will get cold"

Naruto giggled. "Ino squealed, didn't she?"

"about your obsessive compulsive caffeine consumption when you wake? She did"

"did she say I was half dead without it?"

"yep. That the house could be on fire and only coffee would wake you"

Naruto scoffed playfully, "they're all lies I tell you, lies"

Shikamaru leaned in and gave him a long, slow kiss, pulling away with a smile. Yeah, he wanted this; even their idle conversations were comforting. Naruto looked great in the morning too with his scattered mop of blonde hair sticking out in every imaginable direction, and his eyes that seemed to sparkle more. He chose to ignore the heavy pounding of Naruto's heart against his chest when he hugged him and he waved aside the almost worried expression on Naruto's face when they'd pulled apart, dismissing it as nervousness.

"plans for today?"

Naruto scrunched his nose in thought, "aside a three hour shift at work, nothing else for now"

"what time does it end?", Shikamaru poured them two cups, put the amount of sugar Ino told him to in one and gave it to Naruto 

"thanks", he collected it and immediately took a sip. "2"

"how about lunch? I'll pick you up"

"are you going to take me to that place with the awesome burger?"

Shikamaru chuckled, "nah, we'll go some place else"

"where?"

"you'll have to wait and see"

Naruto cocked a teasing brow, "a surprise? Do you know how creepy those things are? For all I know, you could be planning to kill me and sell my eyes in the black market"

"do you know how scarce blue eyes are in the market? They'll go for a great price. I knew you'll fetch me lots of money"

Naruto giggled, "money whore"

"hey I love my life", Shikamaru replied with a smirk. 

***

Ino stood in front of the magnificent building, trying to build enough courage to walk in. Last night had opened eyes and made her realize that she wasn't ready to let Konan go. As she stared at the thick mass of blood she'd coughed up, she kept thinking that even if she died, she didn't want to do so estranged from Konan. But supposing she survived? Then she'll live the rest of her life regretting her action. She wanted to make amends, fix her life, face her fears and at least feel like she deserved something this good. In her despair, she'd decided to return to Konan's office again and apologize again, this time with enough explanation to make her understand. And if Konan wanted her this way, fine, if not.. she didn't want to think about it. She gathered her courage and walked into Akatsuki Studios.

 

"she's here again", Deidara announced with a knowing smirk and this time Konan didn't need to ask. She couldn't believe Ino came back again after she'd practically blown her off two days back- something she felt so guilty about. She'd wanted to save her pride, but not at the expense of Ino's feelings. She excused herself but she was stopped by Deidara's call

"she's in the third conference room, thought you'll need some privacy". Sasori looked up with a cocked eyebrow and inquisitive expression and she knew she'd barely shut the door before Deidara spilled what he knew and speculated on the rest. 

 

"thank you", and she was grateful for his thoughtfulness; truth was she didn't want anyone eavesdropping on their conversation no matter what it was. When she opened the door to the room in question, Ino stood. She looked even more exhausted, pale with dark circles round her eyes; her voluminous neck scarf looked like it would pull her down any second. 

 

"good morning"

"hey"

Ino nervously clutched her purse tighter to her side, the toe of her boot digging into the soft carpeting on the floor

"I'm sorry to barge in again"

"its good you did. Look, about the other day, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to be brisk or __"

"it's fine, I understand". Ino couldn't look Konan in the eyes, she was still battling doubt despite her earlier resolve. The possibility of Konan staying with her after she'd heard of her illness was low, who saw fire and jumped right in? She wouldn't. That was for sure.

"if that'll be all...?". Konan wasn't trying to be rude, she just stand here and stare all day at the girl she badly longed to have but couldn't. No need to have it rubbed in her face. Ino shook her head, soft tendrils falling from her high bun as she did and Konan itched to push them away from her face. The girl remained silent

"come on, let's go", she turned to open the door, "we could have some coffee and biscuits before you leave". Despite everything, she still missed Ino and she wanted spend a little time talking with her.

 

Ino's heart thudded as Konan made to open the door. If she stepped out now, she might not be able to say what she'd come to and she wouldn't have the nerves to return again. She remained in place instead of following, and said what she'd come to say

"I'm sick, her terrified voice choked out, "I'm sick and I'm dying". Konan stopped with her hand on the knob, she slowly turned to face Ino with a shocked expression

"what?"

Ino blinked several times, surprised that she'd actually done it, and now there was no going back

"I'm dying. I didn't think it was fair, getting all chummy with you when my time was ticking by". She stepped forward and then as though thinking better of it, stepped back. "all the while, I haven't let anyone come close, I only had my brother because I didn't want anyone else to suffer"

She swallowed and wiped a tear that slipped 

"it won't be fair to you, letting anything happen without first telling you. I didn't know how you'll react when you found out or if I wanted you to find out. I know I was very secretive about my personal life and I'm sorry about it. I'm sorry I freaked out that day and I'm so sorry I said those things to you"

 

Her hands were shaking terribly when she reached out to wipe her cheeks again. She slowly began to break again and her world continued to shatter all around her until she thought she too would crumble. She tried to take deep breaths to gather herself when she felt soft warmth gather round her. Again she felt a painful grip around her heart and for the second time in her life, Ino cried on Konan's shoulder. 

 

Konan held her tight and tried to shush her; she'd suspected that Ino's caution was from a need to keep an aspect of her life away but not once had she thought it would be something this big. It was hard to believe Ino was going through so much. She could kick herself for being so stupid and insensitive instead of trying to understand what the problem really was. She kissed the side of the blonde head and held the fragile shoulders tighter, now she understood why the girl was so skinny and delicate. So much pain, so much sadness, no wonder she was breaking

 

"shh sweetheart, I've got you. I'm right here"

"I'm sorry Konan", Ino sniffled, "I'm so sorry"

Konan pulled back a little, she rose Ino's face with both hands and wiped her cheeks with both thumbs. "it's ok"

"please don't say you want to be just friends", Ino whispered, fear evident in her voice, "I'm not sure I can__"

The rest of her words were swallowed in a light kiss that made her head float

"I'll never be able to be just friends again". She pulled her in a hug, relishing the feel of the skinny girl against her after days of being apart. To say she'd missed her was understate things. 

"would you like to come to my place? We could talk there". At Ino's nod, Konan beamed. If Ino was willing to talk about it, then they had a shot. So she was sick, but that didn't stop them Konan from having feelings for her, if anything, it only made her want to be there for her some more. With an arm draped across Ino's shoulder, Konan led the way out.

 

***

 

"here we are", Konan opened the door to her apartment, Ino's eyes wandered appreciatively as they stepped in. The apartment was cozy: monochrome paint with splashes of colours popping from the soft couches, throw pillows and other décor; several photos of animals and some beautiful people hung artistically on the walls.

"have a seat anywhere, I'll get us something to drink"

Ino grabbed her arm before she could move. "can it wait a little?"

Konan understood that Ino wanted to get it off her chest as quickly as she could, "alright"

 

Ino sat on the big couch and waited nervously for Konan to join her. The woman's reaction was very unexpected, yet she was happy that Konan thought she was worth it. The woman sat a ways from her and not comfortable with it, Ino scooted closer until their shoulders touched; she needed to draw strength if they were going to do this. And so she started from the very top: their father's death, separation into foster care, the long fight for custody, the move. When she spoke of the illness, she shut her eyes as the words began to choke her and probably wouldn't have been able to go on if she hadn't felt her hand lift and a kiss placed on it. She talked about how it had destabilized their lives, her last test result and how she was keeping it a secret from Naruto. When she talked of the sacrifices Naruto was making and how hard he was working because of her, she began to cry again. 

 

It cut Konan deep to see how much they've suffered, they've been through so much for people so young and who only had each other. Life was cruel to them and now she understood why Ino had cried so much the day they met, why she'd kept her life a mystery until now. Anyone would expect that the other person would run when they heard of such an illness. She held Ino in a side embrace 

"it's ok. We'll get through this, all three of us. We'll fight it until we win"

Ino furrowed her head deeper into her shoulder as her tears slowed, now she'd gone and dragged Konan into this all because she was too selfish to let go

"Konan you don't have to__"

"shh I didn't find you just to lose you". 7 weeks, huh? That was very short; she wouldn't say this to Ino but she was scared shitless. Thinking of never seeing her again was a nightmare she'll do anything to counter. She kissed the girl's forehead and noted that it felt warmer than any normal body temperature should; also her forehead was damp with perspiration. She felt a slight shiver against her

"Ino?", she looked down at her. Ino was paler and she looked spent. "do you feel sick? You should rest"

"yeah, I should go now". She breathed deep, trying to find the strength to stand. All of a sudden her energy had waned, she felt so weak and sleepy and she didn't want to impose. She made to rise but it required too much effort, a wave of dizziness hit her before she even got an inch off the couch. This was bad, she needed her pills but that wouldn't be enough because she'd skipped breakfast. She'll need a long rest to feel better which meant she might miss work. Kaguya would be mad at her.

"don't be ridiculous, I'm not letting you out when you're like this". Konan stood and lifted her effortlessly, "you'll rest here until you're strong enough. Do you have your prescriptions here?"

Ino nodded. She'll have her take them in bed before she slept off. And then she'll ask Sasori to mail her the photos she was working on so she could work from home. She laid Ino on the big bed, returned to the parlour to get her purse and a glass of water; following the instructions on the casing, she took out the required amount of tablets and watched Ino take them

"do you have to be at work today?", Ino mumbled an assent. "don't worry, I'll call your boss to excuse you for today. You're not going home until later"

Ino didn't have the strength to argue, she was very grateful for Konan's concern. As Ino closed her eyes, Konan stood and watched her; so beautiful, it was unbelievable that this girl was withering before her. She wasn't going to lose Ino, not in a while to come. She was about to tiptoe out when a soft voice called out

"Konan?"

She returned to Ino's side, "do you need something?"

"stay, please?"

Konan hesitated, she didn't want to discomfort her. "you're sure its ok?"

"hn"

Needing no further prompting, she took off her shoes and slipped in close to cuddle Ino

"Konan?"

"yes babe?"

Deep deep breath. "would you like to meet Naruto?", another breath, "my brother?"

Konan smiled, "I would love to". Meeting the most important person to Ino was a huge step in their relationship. Naruto huh? She couldn't wait to meet him, she wondered what he was like. She brushed the back of her finger against Ino's smooth cheek; this thing they'd just begun, she wanted very much for it to last. She closed her eyes and drank in Ino's soft misty scent; she needed this girl. She prayed that this beauty that had fallen in her hands didn't get snatched away, she didn't know how she would survive otherwise. They'll get through this, they would.

 

***

Naruto flexed his shoulders under the suit and cursed, God he hated these things. They were too stiff and too constricting; he couldn't wait for the blasted evening to end, if there was anything he hated more than suits, it was events that demanded them. He scowled involuntarily at the people making conversation around him, he found their general attitude so fake and distasteful he could puke.

Three days after he'd had sex with Pain, the man had needed his services for this goddamned event. It could've been anything, why this? He glanced around worriedly as he thought of the man. Pain has excused himself to receive a call about five minutes ago and he still wasn't back, and Naruto didn't feel comfortable standing alone, this wasn't his element. In his state of unease, he failed to notice someone approach until she spoke

"geez you really get around, don't you?"

Naruto turned to find himself staring into fierce, green eyes that appraised him loathsomely. His heart sank to his feet

"ah... good eve__"

"shove it you gold digging whore". Naruto flinched at the acidic bite of her words. Of all people to meet, it had to be the pink haired demon and it had to be when Pain wasn't close

"who's your victim this time? Cause I know Kabuto isn't in the country right now", her eyes spat malice and condescension as she spoke. He was offended by her words though he felt they were true to some extent but because he wasn't by nature a confrontational person, he couldn't shoot anything back at her. His eyes darted across the room where Pain had disappeared earlier, hoping he'll see the man. No such luck

"look I don't want any trouble"

She cackled, "trouble? I can't bother with the likes of you, you petty swine. You're so far beneath me all I see is a speck when I look down"

Naruto felt his cheek flame up at the blatant insult. Who the hell did she think she was? So she had all that he didn't by way of privileges but it still didn't give her the right to say that

"hey that's not__"

"are you bothering my date, Sakura?", Pain's deep voice was low and dangerous as he rested his hand possessively on Naruto's waist. Naruto breathed, almost giving him a hug in relieve. Sakura paled, an undisguised look of fear crossing her face as she took a step back. She shook her head rapidly

"n... no sir", she stuttered, making Naruto gloat. Pain fixed her with a gaze threatening enough to draw a tiny squeak out of her. He regarded Naruto, gauging his reaction to her obvious harassment; from across the room, he had seen how upset Naruto was but he seemed to have calmed a little. He pulled the boy slightly closer to him, clearly marking his territory while his gaze hardened as they fixed once more on the brat again

"out of my sight", he hissed.

She didn't need to be told twice. She scrambled away on legs that were very shaky it was a miracle they didn't give way under her. Guess he wasn't the only one who got those dangerous vibes from Pain. He'd noticed earlier how people had stiffened as they walked by, their breaths returning only when they'd walked a good ways off. He looked up at the man

"thank you"

Pain glanced at him briefly before shifting his gaze elsewhere

"I shouldn't have left you alone with this lot"

Naruto stared at his shoes. "it's nothing", he murmured even though he knew that Pain knew it was something

"what did she say to you?"

He rose his head to meet Pain's angry eyes before shaking his head

"nothing to worry yourself about". Pain's eyes narrowed at the lie but he didn't push

"did anyone else speak to you?". At different times, he'd noticed more than a few patrons steal glances at Naruto and he couldn't blame them; the blonde was extremely good looking, he was the kind of sub that dominants wanted and more than half of the men in this room were doms. He didn't want anyone trying to steal the lad from him, not that they would dare, they'd rather wait until he was done with the boy before they clamoured for him

"no". It took a moment for Pain to avert his eyes

"don't pay attention to them, they just love to make people feel miserable". He took a sip of his Champagne and said nothing else.

Naruto wasn't going to be able to ignore the truth in Sakura's words biting though they were. No doubt, he was a whore, didn't matter why he did it; the fact that he opened his legs to be fucked for a price attested to the fact. But she was wrong, he was not a gold digger. They didn't have much but he and his sister got by just fine, they were content. Not once had either Ino or him complain about not having excess cash. He met Sakura's angry eyes and wondered why she hated him so much when she didn't even know him. The woman would choke him with whatever she could lay her hands on if she had the chance. Sending one last glare his way, she dropped her champagne flute on a passing tray forcefully, not caring that it fell, and stomped away.

Naruto was left with a feeling that the next time he saw her, it won't bode well for him. That woman would do anything she could to mess him up and he was sure she'd do it with no remorse. The thought left a nasty taste in his mouth as he swallowed his wine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He ran his hands over my past- lingering over the dents and worn edges of my heart. And when I thought he'd run away like the others had... he told me I was a warrior, and that I'd never fight another battle alone  
> -Alfa
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading. Thoughts? Criticisms? Suggestions? Feel free to let me know. Have a great weekend


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I am so so sorry for the delay in updating. I just started an interning and it has been so time consuming and demanding. I don't have much spare time on my hands and I mostly return home exhausted. Also, the folder I had written this chapter suddenly went missing, I had to write another that's why its this shabby. Please forgive me for that too. 
> 
> Ok..
> 
>  
> 
> "I am deathly afraid of almosts- of coming so close to where I want to be in life that I can almost taste it, almost touch it, then falling just a little short"   
> \- Beau Taplin// just short

Konan knocked and waited nervously for the door to open, she was to meet Naruto today and she was very not calm. What if he didn't like her? What if he didn't approve of their relationship? She knew that Ino had feelings for her, but she also knew that Naruto was a priority in Ino's life and should he disapprove... She didn't want to begin to consider the repercussions. She adjusted the shopping bag in her hand and kept her fingers crossed that all will go well. The door opened and she'd barely had the time to take in the person that stood there when Ino flung herself on her with an excited squeal, wrapping her hands tight around her neck and her legs around her waist. Konan held her with a chuckle, barely containing her own excitement at seeing the blonde. They had officially started dating three days back and though they talked every day, they hadn't seen since. Konan could hardly believe Ino was her girlfriend; she was holding her girlfriend. Her hands rested under Ino's thighs to support her, she hoisted her up and gave her a kiss

 

"hey babe", she watched the blush creep up Ino's cheek and grinned at the cuteness. Ino was still getting used to their very new relationship

"hey", she buried her head in the crook of Konan's neck and gave it a peck, "I'm so glad you came"

"like I'll miss it for anything". She gently let Ino down and bent to pick up the bag that had fallen when Ino jumped on her. "we can't go in like this, gotta make a good first impression, yeah?"

 

Ino giggled, Naruto wouldn't mind if they did, he'll probably only tease them. As they walked in, Konan's eyes roamed over Ino's thin legs, well accentuated by her yoga pants and felt her heart drop. She was reminded of Ino's big revelation and its implications; it felt like she was watching her wither before her and was powerless to stop it. But she was also reminded that it was all the more reason why she should stay by her side. She had long ago resolved to help her in whatever way she could and she would, even if she had to empty all of her bank accounts for that purpose. As long as it'll help save the person she had given her heart to

 

"have a seat", Ino pointed to an old but very comfortable looking couch, "I'll go get him". She practically skipped away and without thinking, barged into Naruto's room

"heeeyyyyyyy!", her brother stood before her wearing nothing but boxer briefs and an embarrassed look. "why didn't you knock?!"

"I'm sor__"

"look away!", she watched in amusement as he grabbed a shirt and placed it over his thin waist in an attempt to hide his body. Naruto could be such a prude. He got too shy too quickly about inconsequential things. She smirked and nodded to his crotch

"I've seen that before. I changed your diapers"

His ears reddened

"I was just a baby"

"yeah but__", she ducked out of the way to avoid the sweater Naruto flung her way

"get out"

She chuckled

"ok ok. She's here, hurry out or I'll bring her to you". She shut the door quickly to stop the pair of jeans aiming straight for her head. Trust Naruto to overreact.

 

***

 

Naruto walked into the parlour sporting a pout, he threw Ino a glare full of daggers and got a tongue in return. She obviously wasn't sorry. His eyes fell on the woman who stood at his entrance; she was tall and exuded a kind of confidence that made one lean back with ease. She was beautiful, with a look that he would term both feminine and androgynous depending on how she chose to tweak it. Thanks to his escort job, he had developed the skill to tell a few things about people by sizing them up and from her demeanor, he saw someone who didn't trust or let people in so easily but when she did, she cherished the bond for life. He saw someone who would give her last to protect those she loved, someone who didn't speak much but had sufficient intelligence, wit and strength well hidden under a deceptive layer of calm. She was a woman who loved with all her heart

 

"Konan, this is Naruto. Naruto, Konan". He took her extended hand and felt a warmth seep into him at her strong grip. Looking into her eyes, he just knew that Ino had snagged herself a good one; if he died today, he'd do so knowing he was leaving her in safe hands. Her expression was rather neutral, her face relaxed and giving nothing away but her eyes were very much vibrant and by them, Naruto could tell she was an artist of sorts

 

"nice hair"

She unconsciously touched her hair with a smile

"thank you". Meeting Ino's brother, she could see why Ino was so particular about him. He was a cute one with very blonde hair and a very seemingly fragile disposition. She found his blue eyes striking; they were beautiful, the siblings both had beautiful eyes and Konan wanted to take close up shots of them. Green and blue. Distinct colours that still managed to look alike; they complimented, like each had a piece of the other in them.

 

"right. Now I can get you something to drink"

 

Naruto sat on the couch beside Konan, thinking how amazing it was that she was still here despite knowing Ino's condition. His sister had been very excited and very nervous the day she told him about Konan's reaction, to say he was surprised was putting it mildly. He was going to voice out his thoughts but she beat him to it

 

"I know of Ino's illness and I want you to know I'm not toying with her"

Naruto nodded

"she told me, and to be honest I was shocked to hear you didn't bolt"

She chuckled

"I wouldn't be able to even if I tried, I really like your sister"

"yeah I can tell"

 

She laid a hand on his and squeezed it gently, giving him a reassuring look. She didn't need to say it out, he understood. She was telling him that he wasn't alone any longer and that they'll make it through with nothing fatal. He nodded at her, feeling solace at her touch

 

"what do you photograph?"

Konan blinked, confused at the sudden question but answered nonetheless

"mostly people"

Naruto gave a self satisfied smile 

"I knew it, the have the eyes of an artist". His eyes fell on her hands before he looked back at her face, "and your hands look like they build things nicely"

 

She didn't get to ask him what he meant as they heard Ino return. She didn't understand what he meant, but she had a feeling it wasn't just a compliment; Naruto had just told her something very important. 

 

***

 

The days passed, sometimes slowly, other times quickly and the siblings found themselves stuck between happiness at their good fortune and sadness at the unspoken moment that drew near. It was hard to believe- and accept- that 6 weeks was all they had left. It wasn't time enough for one to put their houses in order if they were to die. Of course Naruto would be upset if he heard her say that but she had to be honest and prepare even for the worst. There was no good basking in denial when the inevitable was just around the corner; death was inevitable, wasn't it? Fight it all you wanted but ultimately you'll lose, death always won. If nothing else, the pile of blood stained towels and handkerchiefs in her hamper were enough indication. She'll burn them soon, she just hadn't had the time to.

 

She thought of the people who meant so much to her and felt her world slip lower down, she was going to leave them behind with nothing but painful memories and the thought itself caused her breath to catch. She was fading fast, withering so quickly from the inside and still she hadn't told her brother the truth of what to expect. She let him continue to believe the lies she'd fed him. It wasn't fair to him, but how was she supposed to tell him something like that and not expect him to break? She knew that coming out was the right thing to do but she wasn't ready to see his face when he realized she'd been lying to him.

 

Naruto had become a lot bothered although he tried to hide it. He talked less, was always thinking, always working so late. She'd watch him and feel guilt at what she had done to his young life. She wished she could just hold him tight and erase all of his fears and pains, she wanted to tell him she was sorry for taking him out of a worry free life and drag him into her messed up world. That she wanted to give him a home he'd be comfortable in and make up for the times they'd spent apart and give him all the love and attention he'd missed. She hadn't intended to take away his youth or make him grow up so fast or give him bad memories instead of good. She hated to admit it but perhaps he would've had a much more enjoyable time without her in the picture. It was painful, but it was probably true. 

 

Her phone beeped, it was a text from Naruto that he'll be gone most of the afternoon but that he'll be back in time to make dinner. She gave a sad shake of head; Naruto was working so hard, pushing himself because of the demand she'd placed on him. He was just a kid, he shouldn't have to go through all of this. Just two nights ago, Naruto had held her hand, looked deep into her eyes and told her that everything will be ok, that the extra days they'll have after the 6 weeks would be enough for them. She'd nodded and swallowed the knot in her throat, her heart ripping at the earnestness in his eyes. She hadn't been able to tell him that there wasn't going to be an extra day for them. That would've been too cruel, wouldn't it? She'd cried on his shoulder that night and whispered her apologies in his ear until she'd fallen asleep. What hurt the most wasn't the lies themselves but what they were doing to her brother. It hurt to watch him grasp at imaginary straws in the hopes that fate will forget to take her dues, it hurt to watch him put so much effort to hold together something that had all of collapsed. Every time she thought of how much Naruto trusted her with no questions asked, her heart always shattered to a million pieces. 

 

***

 

Naruto turned Ino' hamper upside down without ceremony, a small smile playing on how lips at what her reaction would've been had she seen it. She wasn't back from work yet and since he had some free time on his hands, he'd thought he'd do the laundry then maybe talk to Shikamaru while he made dinner. He thought back to his rather puzzling afternoon. When Pain requested time with him, he hadn't expected that he'd drive them to a little, and very expensive, café in some quiet part of town to spend time in his company. Pain had talked to him, asking him a few questions here and there: how old was he? Did he go to college? What he loved doing? Why work as an escort? When Naruto hesitated at the last, the man didn't push, instead he moved the topic into neutral grounds. When they were leaving, he scribbled his personal phone number on his card and handed it to Naruto, telling him to call or drop by his office whenever he felt he was ready for a real job or if he needed anything. It was weird, Pain had fucked him senseless, protected him, and then offered him help. He hadn't asked questions because he was afraid he'd end up making the man feel insulted, he'd simply stashed the card in a safe place, deciding it might come in handy some day. What did Pain even do for a living that he thought Naruto would be of any use to him? He'd forgotten to ask. 

 

He began sorting through the clothes when he noticed a towel with a red design on it. He frowned, Ino didn't have a towel like this, she used whites and purples except shed just gotten this one what with her penchant for shopping. He unfolded it to take a better look and paused again at the irregularity of the colour that sat at the corner, it looked like a splash or perhaps a large dab. He rubbed a finger on it, the dried colour bruising hard against his flesh and leaving a few particles on the finger. Red paint? The colour was too thick and too deep to be paint. Besides, Ino would never put paint on her towel. His eyes caught another towel with the same splatter of red, same with two others. Was that... blood? He hadn't noticed any injuries on Ino and even if she was injured, this blood was too much to have come from a domestic injury. His frown deepened when he noticed a few face towels sitting beside some rolled up clothes and just like that, his heart began to pound. A sense of foreboding settled over him and he couldn't say why, but he instinctively knew something was off. Really off. He dumped the towels and headed straight for her bedside drawer.

 

He opened one of them and began to rummage through it in search of anything at all that can help him understand what was going on. He didn't care that he was making a mes or that he was intruding on her privacy. If something was awfully wrong with Ino, she'd tell him, right? She couldn't possibly keep something so important away from him, right? If that was blood... Fuck. Where had it come from? She'd said everything was fine, she'd said the examination result was bad but not so bad; she hadn't gotten any other prescriptions aside the ones he knew she took. Yes she had begun looking worse over the weeks but wasn't that normal with diseases? They ate you up from the inside until you were nothing but skin on bones.

 

He abandoned the drawers and flung open the doors of her closet, going straight for the boxes at it's base. His hands shook as he felt a growing sense of urgency, he didn't have time to pause and think though he couldn't even guess at what the nagging feeling in his chest tried to tell him if he did. He just needed to satisfy himself that there wasn't anything he didn't know, he'll arrange her room when he was done and ask her what the red thing was when she returned. He searched her bags and folders but found nothing out of the ordinary. He was about to breathe a sigh of relieve and shut the closet when he saw the edge of a hardcover peeking out from under a pile of jeans. He puled it out, opened it and instead of the book it claimed to be, there were pages of examination results and other medicals he'd never seen. His heart stopped, breathing became impossible for him as he went through every one of them; he had to stop after the third one to blink the hot blurriness in his eyes before he could focus enough to see the words written.

 

Her evasion, her reluctance to talk about her health, her increasing inability to get up from bed in the mornings, her constant state of exhaustion and the frigging paleness of her skin were all starting to make sense to him now. It wasn't just the illness, she was losing quite some blood and she was in a very bad state of health. Her kidneys had all of given way and he hadn't known; she'd told him there was time and she'd let him keep believing it all this while. He was sad, but he was mostly angry. Ino had some explaining to do. 

 

***

 

Ino let herself into the dim apartment, wondering wat Naruto's deal was with darkness; he'd rather stay in a dimly lit room like he was some vampire. She on another bulb and noticed him sitting on a couch with a far away look in his rather blood shot eyes. He looked like he'd been crying and immediately her big sister alarm began to ring. She hoped nothing bad had happened

 

"Naruto?"

He glanced at her, his gaze hard and unreadable

"what is it? Is something wrong?", she hoped it wasn't the same as the last time he'd cried. He scoffed bitterly and stood

"why don't you tell me? Is something wrong? Something I should know?"

She shook her head, looking genuinely confused

"what? I don't understand"

His eyes turned an electrifying blue, an intense rage burning in them 

"right, neither did I until I saw this". He stuck an open palm at her to reveal the bottle of pills she'd hidden alongside the hardcover. Her eyes widened in shock, the shock giving way to fear

"Naru__"

"and these", he grabbed the results from the couch and flung them angrily in her face, not caring at her flinch

"it's not__"

"do not fucking tell me its not what I think it is, they're self explanatory", he yelled, emitting sparks from his eyes. "how could you keep something like this away from me?"

His eyes begged an explanation to quieten the turmoil going on in him but Ino was too stunned at his hurt expression to talk. God she had never seen him this way, so angry and really really pained

"Ino I have been doing all I can to see that the surgery happens. I joined a goddamned escort agency and I let myself get__", he took a shaky breath, "why?"

"Naruto..."

"did you enjoy seeing me kill myself for a fucking lie?"

She gasped

"please don't say that"

"then what the hell am I supposed to say?"

Ino looked away from the accusation pumping out of Naruto's eyes

"I didn't want you to__"

"don't try to make this about mw", Naruto growled. Ino turned pleading eyes on him, eyes that begged him to understand

"Naruto, please...", she reached out to touch him but he slapped her hand away. He noticed the hurt etched on her face at his action but at this point, he was too mad to care. He grabbed the jacket he'd kept beside him and marched to the door. It took a moment for Ino to get what he was doing, she ran after him

"Naruto please wait", she held his arm but he yanked it out of her grip harshly and faced her

"don't touch me, don't even come close to me". She would've done otherwise but his eyes warned that he could hurt her badly if she didn't let go. With pain slicing deep into her, she took a step backwards and watched him walk out, slamming the door in her face. 

 

Ino collapsed against the wall, just before the first drop of tear rolled onto her coat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "crying is how your heart speaks when your lips can't explain the pain you feel" -unknown
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you guys so much for sticking with this fic despite all its short comings. I love you all so much.
> 
> Have a great time


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some say it is painful to wait for someone, others say it is painful to forget someone. But the worst pain comes when you don't know whether to wait or forget.  
> \- via frenys.com

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I apologise enough? I doubt it but I didn't expect to be so tied up with little to no time to write. I'm sorry. 
> 
> I tried to scribble this chapter as quickly as I could. This isn't edited or anything, its exactly as I typed it out so it might be quite rough. But I hope you understand. Plus it could have been longer but I don't have the luxury to. I'll see if I can make it up in the next chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> Love you all, thanks for sticking around.

Naruto sat underneath a tree in some park and let his thoughts dance around with him, taking him where they fancied. After he'd walked out on Ino, he'd just kept walking and walking without paying attention to where he was going until he realised he was standing before a pond in a small park. 

 

He stared at the rustling leaves on the ground though he was seeing nothing but black and red. Red. Blood. Ino. She had lied to him and deceived him, what was her plan? To suddenly die and leave him clueless as to why she died earlier than she'd led him to believe? He gritted his teeth. He felt so hollow and so frustrated; he was so tired of everything, he just needed a day of ease. They both did. His head swarmed as his annoyance peaked, he would've never thought that Ino would keep something vital away from him; what was the point of struggling if the person you did all of it for didn't seem to care? Was it that Ino had given up and was no longer bothered what happened? Well what about him? Had she stopped giving a fuck about his own feelings? Except the sexual part of his escort job, he shared everything else with Ino, he made sure to tell her stuffs to the minutest details and he thought she was doing the same. But look. He had to find out in such a horrible manner. He wondered how many more secrets she had hidden away from him and if he could trust her to talk to him in the nearest future. 

 

He swiped angrily at the wetness in his eyes and let his eyes continue to bore a hole in the ground. He remembered Ino's face when he'd confronted her and her expression when he'd walked out on her, she had looked scared and sad and normally he would've felt guilty and then remorseful at how he had treated her. Normally. These weren't normal circumstances though and all he felt was anger and bitterness, no remorse anywhere. In the end it still brought them back to this point after going a full circle: what could they do about it? Two weeks over a month, he hoped that was enough time to be done preparing, he hoped that was enough time to beat the time. The disease, fucking son of a bitch. He sighed softly as a gust of wind brushed past him. He was too tired to think, he needed a good night's rest but there was no frigging way he was going back home; he'd rather sleep in the park than look Ino in the eyes right now. 

 

He took out his phone and blinked in surprise at the screen, he didn't know it has gotten this late, he'd been so stuck in his head he hadn't noticed time ticking by. Now that he looked, the place was a little darker than he was comfortable with, he'd best find some place he could spend the night. He didn't need to think long and hard, though he had a number of acquaintances, he had no friend per se because he head been too preoccupied with other things to make friends. He slowly scrolled through his limited contacts list, mentally cancelling out every one until his eyes rested on Shikamaru's name. He stared contemplatively at the name, hesitation keeping his finger suspended over it. He wanted to dial, he wanted to spend the night someplace safe and comfortable and with someone who'll make him feel better. Shikamaru would make him feel much better and at least soothe the after effects of the blow he'd received. The problem was that he would want to know what was up, and if Naruto refused to tell him, he would be hurt. He wouldn't push, but he'll be hurt. And Naruto didn't want him to be hurt. 

 

He sighed and shut his eyes, this was fucked and just so tiring. It was weird, but he'd hardly realised how tired he was until today. What he wouldn't give for a day off worrying.At his phone's vibration, he checked to see a call coming in from Ino. He stared at the screen in anger before shoving it into the pocket of his coat, Ino was the last person he needed to talk to now. So maybe she was worried that he wasn't home yet, but still he felt she was being hypocritical right about now. He bit his lower lip and shook his head to clear the bitter thoughts that kept assaulting him. He knew he was just trying to find a way and a means to vent but he didn't want Ino to be totally at the receiving end. Perhaps if he looked at it objectively, he too could be faulted. He had been negligent; he had ignored the obvious signs before him and he'd chosen to see what he wanted to. Yep, he had a hand in this folly also. 

 

Right about now he missed his father, he would've known how to handle this situation. Hell if he'd been here, Ino wouldn't have tried pulling such a cruel stunt on them. And by God had she been cruel. So cruel to him. His phone made a beeping sound, pulling him out of his mulling; a text from Ino begging him to come home. As if. He'd gotten sucked into his thoughts that he'd missed time fly by again. 

Another 30 minutes passed and he hadn't moved, neither had he decided where to spend the night. Crap. He stretched his feet out with his hands and head pointing upwards. His eyes hovered over the dark sky, beautifully lit up by so much stars. Back when he was a kid, his dad used to show him the various constellations and point out certain stars to him. He found Orion's belt- that one had always been easy for him to find, he began to search for the North star. His dad had said early explorers used it to find their way home when they were lost. Not that he was lost, he knew his way home. Did he? What was home really? Wasn't it meant to be a safe haven? A sanctuary away from the storm called life? Who was he kidding? Of course he was lost and he'd been too blind to see just how far he was from home until he'd found himself standing all alone, talking to an empty world. God he felt so empty.

 

His phone buzzed again and this time he sighed in annoyance, why wouldn't she just stop with the calls? He snatched the phone out of his pocket and answered

 

"what?", he snapped

"where are you?"

Naruto paused at the sound of a man's voice, obviously not what he'd expected to hear

"Shikamaru?"

"yes. Naruto where are you? We've been worried sick"

So Ino had called him, huh? He should've known she would

"I'm fine"

"where are you?", he asked again, "I'll come get you"

Naruto halted. It wasn't that he didn't want Shikamaru to know, it was that Shikamaru might insist on taking him home when got him

"there's no need for__"

"where are you", he could tell Shikamaru was on the verge of snapping so he answered

"at the park"

"what park?"

"I don't know", he looked around in search of a landmark or something but he came up blank

"what do you mean you don't know?"

"well I... I went for a walk and I wasn't paying attention", he mumbled, I just found myself here"

"you walked there, so that means you're not far from home"

"I guess"

"I'll check around. Wait where you are", he hung up before Naruto could answer. 

 

So Naruto waited with a bunch of nerves waiting alongside him. He couldn't understand why Shikamaru kept getting dragged into his drama, and he wasn't quite sure how to handle his seeming bad mood. If anything, Shikamaru should he tired of his drama now. He wanted to pace but his legs were too weak to hold him, his only option was to sweat out his anxiety. And sweat it out he did. He waited and waited, and when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he jumped. He turned around to face Shikamaru's dark eyes narrowed in something hovering between fear and anger. Naruto got unsteadily to his feet and scuffed his boots on the damp soil

 

"hey"

Shikamaru said nothing in reply and he remained in silence until Naruto looked up at him again

"Shika__"

"let's go"

Naruto wordlessly followed him and got into the car when Shikamaru unlocked it

"I'll take you home"

"no!", Naruto ejaculated before he could stop himself, causing Shikamaru to give him a look

"why not? Your sister's worried about you"

 

Shikamaru watched as Naruto twirled his thumbs in apparent nervously but he could see that his kind was made up. What had happened? A fight, maybe? It had to have been a pretty serious fight for Naruto to leave and not want to want to go back. Ino had been beside herself with fear, she had been near hysterical when she'd called to ask if Naruto was with him, he could taste the frustration oozing from her voice when he'd replied in the negative.

 

And then he too had started to worry; they'd called and called but Naruto hadn't picked and it had kept getting later with each passing second so that he'd began to imagine and fear the worse. He was relieved that Naruto was fine, but then again he was upset with his behaviour. Shikamaru understood the need for one to sometimes want their space but he was annoyed that Naruto had chosen to shut them all out and ignore the many attempts they made to reach out to him, all he'd had to do was let them know he was safe. And if he didn't want to be with Ino, he should've at least called him or something. He hadn't done anything to push Naruto away or make him think he couldn't talk to him. God he was tired of this dance they were doing- the push and pull, the movements they made around each other that stopped them from meeting in the end, all the mixed signals that kept getting tossed his way- but for the sake of his feelings he couldn't let go. 

He gave the jittery blonde a look

"lets go home Naruto"

Naruto glanced nervously up at him  
"but__"

"we'll go to my place"

 

Naruto's face was awash with relief as he stood and walked alongside him. Shikamaru knew Naruto wanted to speak but he wasn't in the mood to listen. He was afraid he would snap at him and then hurt his feelings. Something he didn't want to do to Naruto though it seemed the boy wasn't reciprocating the sentiment. 

 

He unlocked the car automatically and stepped inside, starting the car only when Naruto had put his seatbelt on. The drive down was a quiet one- heavy with silence. And what was worse, Shikamaru didn't seem bothered by it. Naruto fidgeted in the silence, the more grounds they covered towards Shikamaru's home, the more the distance between them grew. He knew Shikamaru was weary, who wouldn't be with someone like him? With all that had been going on, Shikamaru must've has enough. How could he make the older man see that not knowing was best? That the silence was for his own good? He reached out a hand and placed it on Shikamaru's arm sitting on the gear. Shikamaru's arm stiffened as though to pull away, the man gave him a short sideways look, and then he looked away. His hand remained in place though, and it was enough to put Naruto at ease through the rest of the drive.

 

***

 

Konan placed a cup of tea in Ino's hands and watched her take a sip with shaky hands. Ino had called her, sounding like her world had all of collapsed around her. She'd rushed over and as Ino intimated her on the matter, Konan felt sympathetic but also upset that she'd lied to her brother

 

"I'm sorry, Konan"

Konan smiled and pecked her forehead  
"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to"

Ino sniffled, her lips puckered and shaking

"but he's not responding", she hiccupped, "he doesn't want to talk to me. And he's not back"

"he'll be fine. The guy you called? He said he'll go get him, right? Am sure he's picked him up already"

Ino looked up at Konan, her green eyes sad and moist pools 

"but he hasn't called and a lot of time is gone"

Konan glanced at her watch. It was only 10 minutes since he had called, that was hardly a lot of time but considering Ino's state of mind, she'd rather not point it out

"it's ok. They'll be fine"

Ino nodded. She took another sip of the hot liquid before putting the mug aside. Thank goodness for Shikamaru, she wouldn't have known what to do about Naruto's absence and lack of communication otherwise. She was sure Naruto would reach out to him, if anything she was surprised he hadn't gone to Shikamaru immediately he walked out. Imagine her surprise hearing he wasn't with him. And thank goodness for Konan, her girlfriend's presence helped her maintain a semblance of sanity else she could only guess what would have become of her. She was sure Shikamaru would find Naruto but what was taking him so long? She'd expected a call earlier that he'd gotten Naruto but nothing. She picked up her phone in the vain hope that she had missed his call, sighing when she saw she had no new notifications. She wanted to call him but that will be like further pressurising him, she wouldn't want to do that. She'll just have to wait patiently until he gets back to her. 

 

She leaned into Konan, feeling her assuring warmth steady her a bit as Konan held her closer. She knew that Konan was also disappointed in her for what she did but she was glad she was here and didn't try to beat her up too much about it. Sure she was ashamed, she wished Naruto would please forgive her or at least give her a chance to explain. Not that there was much to explain, hell, her reasons seemed so trivial to the point of being stupid now that she thought of it. Naruto was putting so much on the line for her to deserve such treatment; she got that he was hurt, and angry, and hostile, but please, couldn't he forgive her? If he was willing to forgive her and come back home, she will tell it all to him and she will make sure to let him in on everything that related to her health and well being. She promised she will.

 

***

 

The apartment was beautiful, but Naruto didn't have the luxury to inspect it; he was still frazzled by Shikamaru's attitude. He briefly considered telling him the truth but he had to wonder: was telling him a fraction of the truth going to satisfy him? How much of it was enough? Wouldn't telling be like some form of infringement on Ino's privacy? Was he even in the position to say a word about it? Plus Shikamaru was smart, he would put two and two together, see that it didn't add up, then demand for more. And what would he do when that happened? He wasn't such a great liar, he'll be caught for sure. He hadn't been told to sit, so he stood with his back against the wall; he was so lost in thought he jumped when Shikamaru's voice reached him. Shikamaru stared at him contemplatively before speaking again

"I asked why you're on your feet"

Naruto looked at his shoes  
"you didn't ask me to sit"

"do I have to before you do?"

"its your house"

Shikamaru sighed, probably for the thousandth time that evening

"Naruto, look at me"

He did

"why do you think you're here? Why do you think I came to get you? You're my boyfriend, you are not to make me a stranger or act like one to me"

Naruto again looked down at his shoes but Shikamaru moved also and rose his head so that their eyes could meet 

"you're doing it again"

"doing what?, Naruto muttered. He felt jittery standing so close, breathing in Shikamaru's familiar scent, looking into his dark eyes that screamed need and still showed some hurt. Naruto wished things were different, that they had met under different circumstances. He knew for sure Shikamaru would want to- no- insist on helping if he told him but he didn't want him to. Not for pride, but because he didn't want to be seen as a gold digger. He could take care of himself and his business, he wanted to prove perhaps to himself and maybe his sister, and definitely to life that though he was young, he could handle whatever came his way. Was he being stupid? Perhaps. After all he was jeopardizing important ties for that reason. But was he going to bend over? He doubted, he had come too far to do so

"running. Why are you doing this Naruto? Why wouldn't you just let me in? Just this once?"

 

Naruto felt his eyes water once more that evening. He couldn't say what was making him teary at this moment but God he was so wounded and so sad he wasn't sure he could hold it in. He didn't want Shikamaru to see him cry, that was sure to make him feel worse. But what was Shikamaru thinking? That Naruto didn't trust him? If only he knew

 

"I..", his breath caught and so did his words. He wanted to assure Shikamaru that he trusted him, that he wanted to be with him, that he felt so much for him he dared say he loved him. He wanted to tell him that he had dark secrets and they made him feel insecure, he wanted to tell him that he wanted to let go and simply fall but he was unsure it was the right move because he felt almost certain that soon enough Shikamaru will see and what then? He could only hope he'll stay but what were the odds? The chances of that happening was so low it could barely be seen. 

 

He wanted to be strong; he was fragile but he wanted to be strong for the sake of his sister, yet the weight was becoming too much for him to handle. He was breaking under it and he had no one to turn to. If he had known, he would've kept Shikamaru at arms length at least for the time being. And when all was settled, if Shikamaru was still there, then they could have a proper relationship. 

 

Shikamaru wiped the tears rolling from Naruto's eyes before they went too far. He was shocked to see the tears suddenly well up in his eyes and the sight distressed him. Making him cry was the farthest thing from his mind, but what was eating Naruto so deep? Perhaps he should drop all talks of this matter if it worried Naruto so. He pulled the blonde head to him and placed it gently on his shoulder; he cradled it, and wordlessly held on as his shoulder got wetter. Naruto sobbed on, letting out soft sounds that rang loud in Shikamaru's ears, piercing all that could be pierced. 

 

His hold tightened when Naruto pressed closer into him, like a lost child needing shelter from the biting elements. His heart clenched and sobbed alongside the boy. This was more than just about the fall out he'd had with his sister, it grated too hard and resounded too deep to be that. It was more. He tried to shush him, he whispered soft words in his ears- words that were incoherent to him but which seemed to mean something to the boy judging from the way his sobs began to reduce, he held him as closely as he could in an attempt to pass on some strength to him. Now he regretted his initial action, he'd virtually ignored Naruto and shut down all of his attempts to talk to him. Perhaps he should have been more understanding, perhaps he should be more patient with him, perhaps he should push less and give him more space

 

"I'm sorry", he whispered gently in Naruto's ear, "I'm so sorry"

 

And he truly was. Hadn't he promised himself that he'll go at Naruto's pace and try to be there for him until the boy decided to talk about everything? He was making that promise again, and God help him, he'll keep it this time. He'll be there until the very end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "can I fall asleep with your lips touching mine and your limbs wrap around me? I promise to volunteer my own heart to shush your fears, and when you want to stop breathing, I will share with you my breath, the space I occupy, my soul, and even a part of my eternity, just to make you mine, just to make you feel loved"
> 
> -Cynthia go// Hush// excerpt from a book I'll never write #21 (@cynthiatingo)
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I doing this?   
> Because I couldn't imagine not having you in my life  
> \- The Better Man Project

"you know, nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, can steal that picture from my head", Kiba took a sip of his tea and sighed dreamily, "so adorable"

 

Shikamaru rolled his eyes at this though he was smiling. Kiba and Neji had dropped in after an early morning workout to laze about and have breakfast, and when Shikamaru mentioned that Naruto had spent the night, Kiba had demanded to take a look. All three of them had crept into Shikamaru's bedroom and when they had seen the blonde sleeping with his thin limbs wrapped around a pillow, Kiba had begun gushing about how adorable the sight was and how he reminded him of a little kid. Of course Shikamaru had thought so too. Naruto hadn't just reminded him of a vulnerable little kid, he had also reminded Shikamaru of all the reasons he shouldn't let him go and all of the reasons he was proud to call Naruto his own. Truth be told, he hadn't wanted to tear his eyes off Naruto and it wasn't until Neji had pushed them all out so all their talking didn't rouse him that he had been able to walk out.  
Kiba laid the mug on the table and sighed again

"he's like that cute baby brother I never had. Do you know I always wanted to have a kid brother, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru sniggered, "God alone knows what you would have made him into. Probably a little version of yourself"

"you mean an upgraded version", Neji piped

"exactly"

Kiba scoffed and threw a glare their way, "I would've made an awesome big brother"

"we would've had to put the both of you on a leash at some point"

Against his will, Kiba laughed, knowing it was a total truth. He had been a hellion as a kid, would have been worse if he'd had someone else to groom for the role. Neji looked at his watch and cocked a brow  
"7:30. Gotta run"

"hey you said you'll work from home today", Kiba eyed him accusingly, "you promised"

"I'll make it up__"

"no frigging way. When I said I was going to try out this recipe I saw on some site, you said you'll stay for breakfast"

Shikamaru gawked at his brother, did he just say...?, "you want to cook?"

Kiba nodded happily, "yep. Read this pancake recipe somewhere and I wanted to try it out"

Shikamaru blinked, "right here? My house? My kitchen?"

"yep. Pretty sure you've got enough materials for the pancakes"

"they're called ingredients, Kiba, and I am not letting you burn down my apartment"

Neji chuckled at the look on Shikamaru's face. Kiba scowled, "who said anything about burning? When I'm done, you will beg to have more"

Shikamaru shook his head, "we're eating out. End of story"

 

They all turned to the door at a sound, only to see Naruto stumble into the kitchen with a dazed look on his face. He blinked slowly and muttered an incoherent sentence which Shikamaru suspected was a greeting. He chuckled at the effort Naruto seemed to exert at this. Neji frowned in puzzlement. "what?"

Shikamaru quickly got up and walked to Naruto, he cradled the blonde head gently as though Naruto was sporting a hangover, and gave him a small kiss on the side of the head. "hey, he muttered softly. Naruto replied by pressing his head into Shikamaru's shoulder. "there's coffee, ok?"

 

The blonde grunted his assent and Shikamaru led him to the table, steadying him when he bumped against the edge of the table. Naruto really wasn't a morning person without his coffee. He poured Naruto a cup, placed it in his hands and sat beside him, watching as he drank slowly. Neji and Kiba watched in silence until Shikamaru explained with a small chuckle that Naruto's function was apparently limited when he woke up, and it remained that way until he had coffee

 

"that is actually a thing?", a bewildered Neji asked, "I always thought it was a hoax"

Shikamaru nodded with a smile, "so did I, until I met him"

Kiba chuckled, "see why I needed a baby brother?"

"you could adopt him", Neji suggested with a small nod in Naruto's direction

"I could. But then Shikamaru would be dating his brother", Kiba laughed, "imagine that"

At Naruto's soft sigh, they stopped talking. "good morning", he greeted more audibly with a slight blush. He could only imagine the picture he'd painted in their minds just a few minutes back. God he needed to work on resetting his internal machine upon waking up

"morning", Kiba replied cheerily, then went on before anyone else has the luxury of speaking, "have you seen yourself sleep? You are so cute I could eat you up"

Naruto chuckled. "you'll choke, no doubt"

Kiba shook his head, "I can stomach anything"

"yeah? Well don't forget to write your Will, ok? Cause if I don't choke you to death, my sister will"

Kiba cackled. He did like this guy. If Naruto was here, then hopefully, he and Shikamaru had worked through whatever had Shikamaru on edge. He really wanted them to work. "hey man, wanna taste this amazing pancakes I learned to make?"

Shikamaru almost choked on his coffee when Naruto nodded. "no. You are not going to poison my boyfriend, ok? We are eating out"

"it'll be great", Kiba insisted

"when did you even learn to do that?", Shikamaru asked before he addressed Neji, "dude you've got to keep him away from fire all through this month"

Naruto chuckled, "you haven't even given it a try, Shikamaru"

"Naruto, Kiba is worse off than I am in the kitchen. And I am terrible. You know that"

"oh". Then it was a good thing that he could cook, at least he could make them all something to eat. "what are they called?"

"what?"

"the pancakes, what are they called?"

"right. They're called...", Kiba frowned as he struggled to remember, "I don't remember, but they've got berries in them. Some foreign recipe, you know?"

"you don't even know what its called?"

Kiba shot his brother a glare, "do too, I just don't remember"

"is it fluffy ricotta pancakes?", Naruto asked as he laid his now empty mug on the table

"umm.. no, I don't think that's it"

"baked apple and cranberry?", he asked his fingers began to toy with the edges of Shikamaru's hair. The dark hair fell just below his shoulders and was soft to the touch; Naruto liked it. 

"uh uh. Says it could pass for a dessert too"

Naruto frowned, "perfect British pancakes? They can be topped with mixed berries? Maybe cream?"

"yes!", Kiba screamed excitedly, "that's it. You know the stuff?"

"yeah, make it too"

Kiba's eyes widened, "really?"

"hn hmn, they're my sister's favourite kind of pancakes. I'll make it. Its super easy"

Kiba hooted at his elder brother, "in your face"

The man scoffed, "we could always eat out, no need to stress yourself Naruto"

"why the hell not?", the blonde asked so innocently, "we're all going to have breakfast, and Kiba wants to learn to make the stuff. We'll just kill two birds with one stone"

"you really cook?", Neji wondered out loud. He couldn't keep the awe out of his voice

"uh huh. Its actually easy if you get a hang of it"

Kiba jumped off the table, "it's settled then, we're doing this"

Naruto stood also while Shikamaru followed suit with a sigh, "fine. We'll wait in the parlour"

He had taken three steps to freedom when Naruto grabbed his arms and steered him in the direction of the fridge "actually, 'we' includes you", he looked at Neji at the man's chuckle, "you too"

 

Kiba gave another cackle as he watched the other men tie their aprons while Naruto began to rummage through a cabinet Shikamaru directed him to for whatever they'll need. If Naruto could get Shikamaru to agree to join him in the kitchen, then he didn't need anyone telling him that Naruto was the medicine his brother had been missing. He was stunned out of his mulling when a piece of cloth landed on his face. He caught the apron as it dropped and rose his head to meet his brother's smirking face. "quit your day dreaming and get to work"

He scowled but before he could reply, Naruto shoved a bowl of eggs and a whisk in Shikamaru's hands and said sweetly. "same goes"

 

Kiba sniggered out loud as he began to pour the milk, as unhurriedly as he could, into the bowl Naruto had set before him. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the blonde show Neji how to measure the flour before leaving him to go help Shikamaru with beating the eggs. He gave a small smile, had he already said how much he liked the kid? He was a great addition to their family.

 

***

 

Naruto stared at his phone as it rang again, the caller I. D seeming to mock him, reminding him that sooner rather than later he'd have to pick up and talk. He was pretty sure Shikamaru had called Ino sometime the previous evening to tell her he was spending the night at his place. If anything, that should have quelled her worries. But apparently it hadn't, the calls he'd missed from the early hours of the morning before he'd woken up until that moment attested to the fact. Perhaps she thought he would forgive her after a night's sleep, and they could go back to pretending they were one big happy family. Too bad though, she couldn't be more wrong. If anyone had told him that at some point he would be this angry with his sister, he wouldn't have believed it. But here he was, angry and unyielding to her pleas; was she even remorseful? 

 

He tsked, as it disconnected but before he could even fully turn his attention away from the phone, it began to ring again. Lucky he had set the volume really low last night and left it so, at least the other wasn't bothered by the ringing

 

"won't you get that?", Shikamaru's soft voice reached him. Naruto gave him a short sideways glance before turning his eyes back on the dish he was wiping. 

Shikamaru sighed softly. Of course Shikamaru disapproved of his behaviour but he didn't understand how Naruto felt and truth be told, Naruto didn't think he would be able to put into words how bad he felt, how much Ino's betrayal hurt him. He added the plate to the stack in the cabinet and picked the next one to work on when Shikamaru gently took it off his hands and held Naruto by the shoulders, turning him so they could stand face to face. The blonde looked up at him and managed to hold his eyes for about two seconds before he looked down again

"Naruto..", he waited patiently until blues eyes rose to meet his again. Shikamaru silently marvelled at the depth Naruto's eyes seemed to hold; they seemed itchy to tell him a story but he could see a thick veil carefully hooded over them so that one couldn't so easily read what was in them. But he could see as clear as day, the hurt etched into them, burned so deep into them it was a mystery how they still managed to shine as beautifully as they did. "what she did, is it so bad?"

Naruto nodded and made to look away again but Shikamaru pulled him closer by the shoulders so that Naruto looked back up at him. "won't you at least talk to her?"

Naruto bit his lips and shook his head,"I don't want to"

"why not?"

"she lied to me, kept something so important away from me", his lips trembled slightly, "she... she...", yeah he was sure he would burst into tears again. Look what Ino had done to him, what she was doing to him. He shut his eyes as a soft brush of warmth teased his lips. He opened his eyes when Shikamaru pulled back his own lips from Naruto's, still maintaining the proximity

"why don't you hear what she has to say? I'm sure she's sorry"

"Shikamaru there is nothing she could say that'll excuse it. I'm not ready to talk to her right now, I really need some space"

Shikamaru nodded. He understood what that felt like and of course the times he'd felt that way, he didn't want anyone pushing him to do otherwise. He'd let Naruto go at his own pace, he knew the blonde just needed time to vent and when he had done so, he would undoubtedly let his sister back in. Their bond was too strong to so easily be severed

"alright then. You're welcome to stay as long as you need, ok? But please promise me you'll talk to her sometime soon"

Naruto gave a tiny lopsided smile , "I will"

"real soon?"

"real soon"

Shikamaru ran a thumb lightly across his cheek before pulling away, "ok"  
They went back to work sorting through the dishes. The house was silent as they worked- Kiba and Neji, after profusely thanking and complimenting Naruto for the meal, had gone back to wash up and get Akamaru so they could come spend the afternoon with them

"thank you", Naruto said in a small voice.

Shikamaru turned to him with a smile, "its fine, no need to thank me"

"I.. umm.. I promise to tell you everything someday soon. Real soon", he added with a shy smile. "I do trust you a lot, please don't be mad about the.. umm.. silence, ok?"

This time Shikamaru pulled him into a hug, murmuring into his hair. "ok. And I'm sorry about last night, didn't mean to make you cry. And I'll be right here for you until you sort through everything, I won't leave you, no matter what"

 

Naruto felt his heart skip a beat at the promise. Shikamaru didn't realise what he was saying, he didn't have the faintest idea what he was getting himself into. He was letting the brunet get even more tangled in the very complicated mess he called his life, he only hoped that when all was said and done, it wouldn't be too late to salvage what was left of their relationship. He had a sinking feeling though, that Shikamaru might live to regret all of this. That in the end, he would walk away from the very words he had just spoken.

 

***

 

The proceeding two days were a great stress reliever for Naruto. He spent the days in Shikamaru's apartment and the brunet worked from home those days, to keep Naruto company although the blonde insisted he was ok. They'd talk, make meals together, sit tangled up in bed while seeing a movie or two before bed (Shikamaru mostly slept off before the first one ended and Naruto excused it on the ground that the man had done a lot of work earlier, and not because he was too lazy to try and keep his eyes open so late). 

 

Kiba dropped by the next day to hang out with Naruto- they mostly played video games with both getting their asses thrashed by the other at some point. And the day after that, Kiba, Neji, and Akamaru came over for dinner, and when Kiba heard that Naruto had beaten Shikamaru at shogi (a mere fluke, Naruto had argued), he'd screamed the apartment down in excitement. Akamaru had remained glued to Naruto's side most of that day, taking all the scratches Naruto sent his way with all the dignity of a pampered puppy, following him into the kitchen when he wanted to get some food for Akamaru or a snack for them all, and lying with his head on Naruto's thighs when he wanted to take a nap. And when it was time for the duo to leave, the dog had stayed whimpering behind the blonde until Kiba had understood what he wanted and let him stay the night.

 

That night, Naruto laid contently enfolded in Shikamaru's arms. He listened to the man's heart beat, he felt a pang at the decision he'd finally made. Much as he had enjoyed every moment they spent together, he knew that time had come to an end. It was time to return home and face the thing he had run away from at the start. He sighed loudly, and burrowed closer to Shikamaru

"what is it?", Shikamaru's voice pierced through his thoughts

"nothing"

The brunet pulled away slightly to look at his boyfriend's face. "nothing? This is the third time you've sighed since we got into bed which is barely ten minutes now"

Naruto laughed softly as a flush crept up his cheek. "so now I'm dating a psychologist? You read my mood so easily its creepy"

Shikamaru chuckled in delight, "hey you're the one who chose to stay with a creep"

Naruto sighed dramatically, "and now I'm stuck until the world's end. Take me now, Lord"

Shikamaru chuckled lightly stopping when Naruto's face lost some of its humour

"I... Well I was thinking, its time I returned home. I haven't spoken with Ino since I left and I just thought that.. that it's time we settled this"

Shikamaru had been talking to Ino everyday since then and although she had been glad Naruto was with him, safe and sound, she was still anxious to have him back. The fact that Naruto didn't want to speak to her had hurt her a lot

"that's great", he replied as he traced a finger across Naruto's cheekbone. The blonde let out a soft sigh and leaned into the touch

"you don't look so surprised"

Shikamaru gave a lopsided smile, "I was expecting that; I knew you'll make that decision sometime soon"

Naruto bit his lower lip, "fucking creep"

Shikamaru's chuckle ended when he leaned down and kissed Naruto slowly on the mouth

"thank you", Naruto whispered against his neck, "for letting me stay"

"as if I'd let you stay somewhere else", with God knows who, he added silently. They laid in silence for about two minutes before Shikamaru broke the serenity, "by the way, when things have settled, I'm taking you for a week. Can't have Ino hogging you for herself all the time"

Naruto giggled, "wish you all the best in the tug-of-war sure to follow"

"and I'll miss your cooking. Oh God, I'm going to starve to death without my boyfriend"

"its ok, I'll make sure Kiba drops by to feed you, ok?"

Shikamaru gave a mock gag, "or you could just shoot me in the head and get it over with"

"where's the fun in that?", the blonde replied with a yawn

He kissed Naruto again with a small smile, "go to bed"

 

Naruto obediently snuggled even closer and mumbled something resembling a goodnight. Shikamaru didn't like to think of this as the last night they'll spend together because he intended having Naruto over as often as he possibly could, but the pang of loss and regret at his leaving still hovered. It had been an awesome three nights, causing Shikamaru to be reminded of the fact that he had been somewhat lonely before a certain bubbly blonde came into his life. More. He wanted more of this with Naruto, more time with him, more of everything he could get; more of everything Naruto was willing to give. If he could, he would ask Naruto to marry him and be over with it. He chuckled at the half serious thought, imagine the look on Naruto's and Ino's faces when he did. That night, Shikamaru slept with a smile on his face, already carving out a future for them.

 

***

 

Ino walked into an apartment scented with cherry tomatoes and crème caramel. Her first thought was Konan was in except Konan didn't have her key, and second, though Konan could cook, her cooking didn't feature flamboyance; she was an average cook at best. This wasn't like the meal of a five star chef, but it was an above average aroma. The only person she knew who could do this to her taste buds in less than three seconds was the one person she knew cooked way better than she did, and though she didn't dare, she couldn't stop herself from hoping. 

 

Was Naruto home? Please let that be him, she prayed silently as her steps quickened in the direction of the kitchen; she came to a halt at the door, exhaling shakily and almost bursting into tears at the sight of the extremely blond head bent over the pan, an apron tied securely around his thin waist. She leaned against the doorframe and took several calming breaths; she closed her eyes, counted to five, then opened them again and sure enough he was still there. 

 

It wasn't an illusion. It was real. Naruto was actually bent over the sizzling pan, cooking. She wanted to run to him and fling herself on him, and latch onto him tight, and apologise profusely. But she knew the action wouldn't be appreciated, Naruto might be here but it didn't mean she had been forgiven. For all she knew, Shikamaru might have cajoled him back. 

 

Just as she took a breath to speak, Naruto turned, and as her eyes met those beautiful blue ones she had missed so much, Ino felt herself shatter. Her lower lip puckered, they trembled while she tried to steady them but soon enough, the tears fell. They always fell in the end. She blinked, and the more she blinked, the more they seemed to roll down her cheeks. She placed a palm over her mouth to stop from sobbing out loud and out of the corner of her eyes, she saw a blurry figure approach. She sniffed, trying to recover her composure but a very familiar and very much welcomed warmth enveloped before she could so she did the only thing she was allowed to, she leaned into him and cried on his shoulder. 

 

Naruto said nothing all the while as he listened to his sister's not-so-quiet sobs. The guilt hit him when he saw just how much Ino was suffering, how much his coldness and seeming indifference had hurt her. She had needed his support but he had deserted her for his own selfish reasons. He held her tight, letting Ino's head snuggle at the crook of his neck. He didn't say a word, neither did he do anything besides hold her while he tried his best not to join her in her teary display. God he had missed her- that much he couldn't deny- but still there were a few things they needed to talk about. Crucial things. Ino soon calmed, she sniffed noisily and looked up at him with red and swollen eyes, she looked so small and so damn fragile

"you're back?", she asked fearfully in a small and rather voice. Despite the fact that she had considered the possibility of this being a short visit, Ino couldn't keep the hope out of her voice.

Naruto gave a curt nod and stared right into her eyes. "yes", at the relief apparent in Ino's eyes, he quickly added, "doesn't mean I've forgiven you"

Ino nodded with a sniff. Naruto stared at her thoughtfully. Using a thumb, he wiped the tears from her face, silently making up his mind to never fight with Ino for so long. "there's a lot we need to talk about"

Green eyes blinked remorsefully at him. "I know". It was unpleasant to talk about, but she had long since made up her mind to tell him everything, he deserved that much. She nervously twirled her fingers. "I'm so sorry, Naruto", her lips trembled again as fresh tears began to roll down her cheeks, "I really missed you, you know?"

Naruto went about wiping her tears as though it was his civic duty to. Seeing Ino cry was the worst. He wanted to tell her that he had missed her also; he didn't though, he kept his mouth shut and tried to follow through his plan as he had mapped it out in his head. His plan hadn't involved a tearful make up on his part

"you're probably hungry, I made dinner", he said instead, "when you're done eating, we'll talk". He gently extricated himself from her grasp and began to walk away. He had almost made it to the door when he turned back to face her, "I'll draw you a bath", he said before he turned around again and exited. 

 

Ino felt a strange mix of emotions as she watched brother walk away; she was happy, but apprehensive at the same time. She knew Naruto was willing to forgive her or perhaps he already had, but she didn't want to risk being too hopeful. She had yet to see how her brother acted out his anger to the fullest. She knew for sure though that things would look up, maybe not at first, subsequently though, they will be able to go about their activities normally, without having to walk on eggshells around each other. Naruto said he hadn't forgiven her, yet he had gone out of his way to make her favourite meal and he had already gotten back into the role of taking care of her. 

 

She gave a small smile of happiness as she deeply inhaled the aroma wafting about the kitchen, her stomach growling in response. Things will get better, and she hoped that this will mark the beginning of a fresh start for them. 

 

***

So they talked that evening. It involved a lot of tears on Ino's part and a lot of silence on Naruto's. As she narrated, and explained, Naruto began to see clearer and clearer that they were undoubtedly screwed. His eyes widened some, his heart rate sped up, and he started to perspire; when Ino began to apologise again, he paid her only half an ear, his mind rapidly calculating the balance they'll need before they can safely breathe and his head scrambled, thinking what he could possibly do to get a substantial amount of money faster. Perhaps he should ask Orochimaru to send more clients his way cause he knew for sure that the man was particular about him and for that reason he refrained from letting Naruto service a lot of people. What gave the man the notion that he was fragile, he had no idea, but he knew that much as he appreciated the sentiment, it was time to put his comfort aside and do what he could for his sister. It was Ino first. 

 

He thought briefly of Shikamaru and felt a pang of guilt but really, what else could he so about it? It was stupid, but he hoped Shikamaru will one day understand when he told him. He almost snorted aloud at his overly optimistic thought, who excused the fact that their boyfriend was a whore who had kept that part of their lives a secret? Who understood the fact that their relationship was almost made on a bed of lies? 

 

He sighed, hugging Ino to himself as his whole being fell into a jumble of confusion. God he loved his sister and he would do anything for her; he also loved his boyfriend and he wouldn't want to hurt him for any reason. But right now, right now Ino's life was at stake, and if he had to, he would pick her life over his relationship. The thought caused his stomach to churn in bitterness and pain, but there was no other choice. Ino had done a lot for him, risked her own happiness and future to have him back and take care of him. He owed her that much. If anything, he owed this to her. 

 

Thirty minutes later, Ino had fallen deep asleep on his chest. He gently got up and effortlessly picked her up bridal style, taking her into her bedroom. As he laid her on her bed, his eyes roamed over the skeletal being that was his sister; his heart twisted. It was fine though, they'll get through this somehow. He put the duvet over her, placed a kiss on her forehead, turned off the light, and shut the door silently behind him.

 

***

 

Naruto laid wide awake with his eyes glued to the ceiling. Yeah he missed sleeping under the roof of their little apartment, he missed lying in his bed, and he missed the familiar warmth of his duvet. He was glad to be back home, but fuck he missed his boyfriend. He missed their light banter, the cuddles in bed, the kisses Shikamaru loved to shower him at any time of the day or night that he fancied. He wished he could hear his voice before he went to bed but then it was pretty late, he wasn't so sure the man was awake and Naruto didn't want to bug him. As if on cue, his phone pinged; a message from Shikamaru asking how he was and how their talk went. He said he missed him and he'll call in the morning. But meanwhile there was this boring thing his family was usually invited to and he didn't want to go alone, would Naruto go with him to keep him alive?

 

Naruto chuckled at the silliness of the request, trust the man to be bored of anything that required him to move his legs. He would love to go with him though; thank goodness he still had the suit and pair of shoes Kabuto got him, at least they were expensive enough for him to blend in with the rest of the people who would be there. Ahh fucking high society, not his cup of tea. 

 

He sent a quick reply to Shikamaru before shutting his eyes in an attempt to go to bed. He could handle it, he had done this numerous times with his clients, he would be able to not embarrass Shikamaru in front of all those people. And he hoped- prayed- that he didn't run into any of his clients there. God help him, what would he do if he did? Or worse, if he ran into that Sakura bitch? He shivered involuntarily, drawing the duvet closer to his body. No need thinking the worse, he chided, for all you know, the evening will be hitch-free: no clients, no Sakura. And even if they are there, they might not run into themselves. Hopefully, Shikamaru will have them leave in less than two hours. Naruto giggled, the brunet could totally do that. He sighed back into his pillow with a small smile lacing his lips.

 

Naruto effectively pretended that the weight that had settled itself at the bottom of his stomach wasn't really there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [s]he said:  
> "don't get too close. Its dark inside. Its where my demons hide.  
>  And I answered...  
> "get too close, there is a hell inside of me, its where you demons can live.   
> \- A Gentleman's Lounge. Members Only


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Betrayal..
> 
> I cannot undo what I have done;  
> I can't un-sing a song that's sung.
> 
> And the saddest thing about my regret-
> 
> I can't forgive me  
> And you can't forget
> 
> -Lang Leav

They stepped into the well lit hall, a very large and intimidating looking room that almost stopped Naruto's ability to breathe. It was extravagant: the decor, the desserts he spied sitting at one end of the room, the people prowling all over the room dressed in clothes too expensive for one to put am actual estimate on them, and the generality of the affair as a whole. Who spent so much money on a dinner/gala/ball thing? Who? 

 

Shikamaru laid a palm on the small of his back and led him to a lone space beside a large window overlooking a very colourful garden lightened up by the lights stationed there. Shikamaru stopped at practically very step to say hi to a few acquaintances here and there from the moment they'd stepped in, giving an automatic reply to each of their inquiries while simultaneously putting a stop to any prospect of useless chatter. His date already looked grouchy and bored to death, and Naruto would have tire of being here too if he wasn't so entertained watching Shikamaru's interactions with the patrons and his facial expressions that changed sporadically. It was rather entertaining. 

 

Naruto let out a chuckle as they settled in their quiet spot, quite away from the prying eyes of the others. "gee Shikamaru, you've got to tone down your excitement, ok?"

Shikamaru gave a smirk, taking two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter. "what can I say? Its always such a rush being here". He handed a flute to Naruto and leaned against the windowsill, eyes roaming searchingly all over the room. He couldn't find Kiba. Kiba was supposed to be here alongside him to represent their family cause their parents were out of town. If Kiba had skipped out on him, so help him...

"where's Kiba?"

Shikamaru took a sip of the drink and frowned. "hell if I know. He was meant to be here earlier cause of Neji". Neji almost always stood in for the Hyuuga family; his father was dead and his uncle rarely made a public appearance, and even when he did, Neji was usually at his side. They should have been here about an hour earlier. If Kiba had left him all alone to fend for himself in here, the kid was going to owe him big time. And Shikamaru will collect. No two ways about that. The little traitor. He jerked at the feel of cool unhesitant fingers roving in a familiar fashion over his forehead. Naruto gave him a smile

 

"that scowl is world class, way deeper than the grand canyon". The blond stood on his toes and gave him a quick peck on the same spot. "Kiba will be here soon, stop thinking of ways to take his head off"

The brunet chuckled, "fine. But he still owes me"

Naruto scrunched his nose. "I've always wondered why this", he gestured around the room with his empty hand, "is necessary. You could always meet up at small luncheons or something. This thing is too grand and soo..."

"boring?", Shikamaru offered helpfully

Naruto nodded. "achingly so". He gave his companion a sheepish smile, "sorry"

Shikamaru outright laughed at this. "why do you think I asked you along? And why do you think I'm willing to kill my brother for ditching me?"

Naruto frowned at the question. "misery loves company?"

"exactly", Shikamaru nodded with no remorse at all. "if I have to endure hours of this, might as well have someone to share it with"

Naruto narrowed his eyes playfully, "you have no shame"

"absolutely". Shikamaru reached out and brushed a blond lock from Naruto's forehead. The boy had combed his hair away from his face, though a few tendrils fell here and there, framing his face in a blend of tan and gold. He hadn't worn his earring today, just a watch on his wrist; he left the two upper buttons of his shirt open, no necktie. Naruto looked sexy as hell, and he hadn't even needed to try. "my parents are out of town, I wanted to introduce you"

 

Naruto's eyes widened in shock, shock gave way to surprise. He fidgeted. "it's fine. There's always some other time", he sais uncertainly 

 

"yeah". Shikamaru regarded the blond. "Naruto my parents know I'm gay and they've got nothing against it". His dad quietly accepted it, his mum, after worrying about how she could possibly get grandkids with both her children being gay, suddenly began bugging him to bring a boy home not two months after he came out to them. "they would love to meet you", and he was sure his mum will take to Naruto. The mere fact that he could cook was enough to gain her approval.

 

Naruto stared at his shoes before looking up worriedly at Shikamaru. "are you sure? Cause..."

"I'm sure". He understood that Naruto was unsure and probably insecure, but he didn't have a reason to be. The good thing about his family was that they couldn't care less about status, character was what was valued. Besides if that wasn't the case, then that was just too bad for them. Definitely wouldn't stop him from keeping his blond.

 

A scent wafted towards him, gently tickling his nostrils, though he didn't see the need to pay attention to it. Naruto was certain it had reached Shikamaru also as the man looked up, eyes narrowing at something approaching. Naruto looked up and he could swear his heart stopped. Why was the mother of bad luck after him? Oh God, of all times, of all people. He begged a silent prayer that the interaction will be this: hi and then bye. Let nothing more be said, he pleaded, otherwise he knew that his his night would end horribly. Somehow though he just knew that he was screwed. 

 

"didn't figure you the type, Shikamaru", Sakura said in lieu of greeting as she came to a stop before them both. 

Shikamaru gave her a bored look. "you should keep up with the times, Sakura, seems you're the only one in the room who has no idea I'm gay"

Sakura rolled her eyes dramatically. "the world knows about you and your brother, quite a shame I must say. I just didn't figure you the type to hire company for the evening"

Dark brows lifted, "hire?". The fuck was she talking about? What gave her the idea he hired Naruto? Shikamaru was finding it difficult to keep up with her conversation, this was probably one of the reasons he preferred guys, ladies were too complicated and talked the same. They practically spoke in parables and shit. 

 

Sakura bristled haughtily, her figure-hugging gown glinting maliciously under the lights. She cocked an elegantly shaped brow, "pretend all you want, changes nothing. I know what he does, seen him around some". Green eyes regarded Naruto. "seemed like you're into high society. First Kabuto, then Tendo-sama. And now him". She let out a condescending laugh, "you are undoubtedly a fucking gold digger". 

Without waiting for a response from either of them, she began to walk away. "whatever, none of my business. Enjoy the rest of your evening", she called out before disappearing in the crowd. 

 

For some time, both men stood in stunned silence, neither one of them wanting to believe what had just happened. Shikamaru recovered first. He scoffed angrily at what she said and turned to address Naruto, he was going to apologise for Sakura's ill manners. He didn't believe what she said, didn't like that she insulted his date; he was sure there was a reason for Naruto to have been with those men, if he actually was seen with them. For all he knew, she was mistaken. 

 

As his eyes rested on Naruto, all of the doubt and confusion he felt listening to Sakura was stilled and was replaced with dread. Deep and unforgiving dread. Naruto looked like a deer caught in the headlights, he looked so frozen over Shikamaru was almost sure the blond wasn't breathing. For some reason, the champagne in Naruto's glass looked like there was a tempest going on in the flute. No, he gaped at the lad, Naruto was shaking. The boy was shaking so hard he looked like he would shatter any moment. Naruto looked scared to death, his eyes were looking any where but at him. And Shikamaru just knew, he knew that Sakura's words were no lie. Naruto had been seen associating with wealthy homosexuals in public functions. Naruto was a frigging escort. Naruto had fucking kept that fact of his life away from him. And more than anything, that hurt. It hurt so much he could feel his chest constrict. Naruto had lied to him, he had pretended. He had been pretending about everything, maybe about his feelings also. He glared at the boy for a full half minute before he finally moved, he grabbed his wrist and roughly dragged him along as he marched away.

 

Naruto felt like he was hyperventilating, there was a possibility that he would have a panic attack at the moment. Oh God, this wasn't how it was supposed to go; the day he was supposed to tell Shikamaru everything hadn't come. Shikamaru was not supposed to find out this way, they were supposed to sit and talk after he quit. He was supposed to apologise to him and explain his reasons for being a whore. He hadn't anticipated that the evening will take a turn for the worse and put his relationship in jeopardy. He wanted to talk, just say something to his boyfriend but his throat was locked up and the knot forming inside it was getting bigger and bigger. God he was ashamed, he couldn't look into Shikamaru's eyes because he knew that what he'll see in there would be terrible. 

 

The next thing he knew, he was being violently propelled forward; Shikamaru was walking away and he was dragging him behind him. Shikamaru's grip was firm and vice like, it was painful and Naruto knew there will be a mark there before the evening ended. But that was nothing compared to what his heart felt; his body was numb and he was so close to bursting out in tears. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kiba and Neji walk in, Kiba seemed to be smiling at him but then he looked at his brother and his expression changed. The last thing Naruto saw was kiba turning worried eyes on Neji before Shikamaru shoved the bathroom door open, dragged Naruto in behind him and slammed Naruto hard against the closing door, effectively locking them in. 

 

Naruto winced slightly at the contact- partly in pain, partly at the look in Shikamaru's eyes. As his back touched the solid wood, Naruto shifted back, seeming to melt into the door in trepidation. Shikamaru leaned in close, so close in fact that anyone would have thought he wanted to kiss him, except the anger ablaze in his eyes negated the possibility. Naruto knew he wasn't getting off easily. No amount of explanation could make Shikamaru understand, no amount of begging could make Shikamaru forgive him. As he stared at the dark eyes, Naruto knew it was all over. His heart clenched.

 

"explain". Shikamaru's voice was quiet but was laced heavily with venom Naruto felt it creep up his stomach to his already aching heart. He shut his eyes, willing this nightmare to go away when he opened them again. Let this be a horrible dream trying to teach him the importance of honesty. Let this be a nasty and very vivid dream teaching him that lying to the person you loved was wrong, and that the hurt and pain sure to follow wasn't worth it. 

 

"don't make me ask again", Shikamaru growled, causing Naruto to open his eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but he still couldn't get any words out. His tongue felt heavy. His eyes watered so badly he couldn't see his boyfriend's handsome face, all he could see was a blurry image before him. He blinked, and as he did, the tears rolled down the sides of his eyes. He saw Shikamaru follow the liquid as it trailed a path down his cheek, and when he locked eyes with him again, he seemed angrier.

 

"I...", Naruto took a breath and tried again. "I'm.. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry", he apologized. He sounded pathetic even to his own ears, and if their roles were reversed, he would definitely be disgusted. "I really wanted to tell you_"

 

"it's true then?", Shikamaru asked softly in a very hurt voice. 

 

"I..", Naruto began but his voice cracked and went still again. He was heartbroken. Shikamaru was hurting, and it was all because of him and his selfishness. Shikamaru had trusted him but he betrayed the trust, over and over and over again, and now there was no forgiving it. If only he had come out clean from the very beginning, or even just stayed away from the man, none of this will be happening. 

 

"you kept this away from me?", the older man asked with eyes so clouded in shock Naruto could almost reach out and wipe the look from his eyes. 

 

Shikamaru blinked at him, "did you have sex with them?", he asked in a deathly quiet voice but Naruto felt the words pierce right through him, leaving a huge gash where they'd run through. This was it, the big confession. The time to tell the brunet he had been dating a slut, the time to let him know he was dating a guy who shamelessly took in any cock for a price. He felt dirty and so small. He could feel his neck burn in shame. 

 

A fist slammed hard against the door just beside his head, causing Naruto to jump in fright. "answer me, dammit!", Shikamaru practically roared on his face.

 

Naruto yelped, trying and failing to move further away from the fury directed at him. "ye.. yes", he whispered, his head bowing in defeat.

 

And finally, his sobs broke free. They came silently, but they came with painful ripples. His feelings churned, Shikamaru's feelings reached him and they burned. With every tear that dropped, the hopelessness of their situation devoured him. Was it too much to ask Shikamaru to understand and forgive him? Was it too much to ask that Shikamaru not hurt him so and please be the one thing that stayed with him apart from his sister? Was it too much to ask that they go back to how they used to be and maybe, just maybe forge something anew? He leaned forward, coming close to the man in front of him, close enough to smell his cologne and feel his body heat. As he sobbed, his head bent lower and found itself resting on Shikamaru's strong shoulder. He didn't lift it, he didn't flinch at the body's stiffening; he rested against it, and he wept. He expected a push but nothing came: no gentle touch, no soft words, no angry gestures. Just stillness.

 

"how many?" And those were the words that shattered him and almost brought him to his knees. Naruto gasped as fresh sobs wracked his body. This thing was killing him, it was rending his heart in two.

 

Shikamaru grabbed his upper arms and drew them apart from each other. He looked into Naruto's eyes; those same blue eyes he had fallen hard in love with, those eyes that had looked at him earnestly while the lips told him lies. Naruto lied to him. He held Naruto at arms length, watching the tears pour from his eyes. Despite all he felt, he still wanted to reach out and wipe the puddles staring painfully back at him. He wanted to pretend Sakura hadn't approached them, bearing bitterness and anger. He watched the blonde cry and he again realized how deeply he loved him. He loved Naruto so much, he couldn't believe they were standing here like this, at the verge of putting to end what had barely started between them.

 

"answer me". His voice was harsh and his words were forced. He felt Naruto shrink further away, he saw the way the boy seemed to beg for mercy. But Shikamaru refused to spare him. He will make Naruto say it with his own lips so that he would feel how it tasted. "fucking answer me!", he yelled

 

"fo.. four", Naruto squeaked shamefully. "four of them"

 

Shikamaru let go as though he'd just been burned. He stared in shock at the boy shivering before him. Naruto wasn't even looking at him to see what he was doing to him. He was sleeping with four men while they were dating, and he had never had sex with Naruto. Much as he wanted him, he refrained from doing so because he respected him, he was willing to go at his pace, to build trust and make sure Naruto knew that he respected his choices. Meanwhile, Naruto was busy whoring himself for whatever reason, not bothering how Shikamaru would feel about it, conveniently forgetting that a relationship was supposed to be about the both of them and no one else. 

 

Shikamaru took a few steps back. He laughed, but the laughter was devoid of humour; it was harsh and full of bitterness. "so I've been dating a man whore, huh?", he asked in a shaky voice. God his heart was breaking to a million pieces and the one responsible didn't even have the guts to look at him. "a fucking man whore?"

 

Naruto winced as the words hit him in the chest. He looked up frantically at Shikamaru and almost balked from the coldness the man's eyes emitted. He couldn't deal with the way Shikamaru was staring at him. Yet he was desperate to reach him and beg him to understand, he didn't want Shikamaru to leave him like this. At least not without knowing that he regretted every moment he'd spent with those other men. He wanted to tell him that he loved him but he could see the futility in doing so. He had damaged everything so bad it would be almost impossible to fix. He willed his legs to move, stepping closer to the brunet until he could touch him. 

He lifted a hand and tentatively placed it on Shikamaru's arm. "ple.. please let me explain", he pleaded, "it's not how you think__"

 

Shikamaru roughly yanked his arm out of Naruto's grasp, giving him a glare that could have stopped his heart on the spot if it could. "don't insult me any further, Naruto, what's difficult to understand about you having sex with multiple partners while you and I dated?"

 

Naruto gave him a wounded look. "I swear, Shikamaru it's no__"

 

The brunet gave a resigned sigh, backing further away from Naruto. He laughed mirthlessly. This was it, wasn't it? You start something good and you think you've got it, then it suddenly gets yanked away from you but you don't realise it until you're lying face flat like some stupid ass. And Naruto had made him look the fool; his innocent act, his seeming simplicity, he had used it to deceive Shikamaru and by God had Shikamaru fallen. And now, he had crash landed. Fuck, it hurt. It was by far the most painful thing he had experienced. He wasn't sure how to deal with it, he knew he would walk away but after that, what then? Things won't be the same, things could never be the same again. 

 

Not sparing a glance at the smaller man, Shikamaru began to walk away. If he looked, his heart would break some more, he could possibly hurt the boy and though he was in pain, he didn't want to hurt him. He was already at the door when Naruto's small voice reached him

 

"I'm sorry", he stuttered tearfully. He was still speaking though Shikamaru couldn't hear him any longer. Anger was bubbling inside of him and it roared so hard it was almost breaking down his control. He ignored the blond, opened the door, and banged it shut with finale. This was the end. 

 

Naruto crouched low beside a sink, and cried. He was hurting all over with no one close to help him. He was alone, squatting in the bathroom of an expensive hotel, with his battered heart strewn all over the floor. No one was here to support him, he had to go back to Ino because she was the only one who would be there to comfort him. She was the only one who would be there for him, the only one he now had. He was back to the very beginning. Where it was just the two of them. Guess he was destined to be the loser who couldn't have anything besides the love of family. And to think barely a week ago he had been furious with his sister for lying to him, and now the tables had turned on him. 

 

Shame ate at him. He didn't know how he could stand up and walk out of this place without tripping and falling on his pain. It would probably be best to stay in here until the patrons left, then he could salvage what was left of his beaten pride and go home to the only person who wanted him. He let out a quiet sob. He didn't know how to fix this with Shikamaru; he really wanted to be with him. After finding love, it was difficult to let go of it and act like there had been nothing. Trying to hold on would pierce at him make him bleed, still, he didn't want to let go. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to be with the person he loved. He wanted to just have this one thing and he wouldn't ask for more. 

 

He didn't hear the door open until he felt the presence of someone crouching in front of him. Naruto looked up amidst his tears and saw Kiba staring at him worriedly.

 

"hey man. What happened?", Kiba asked in a concerned tone. He sounded so gentle that Naruto's breath caught. Kiba was here because he didn't know; once he knew, he would leave Naruto here like his brother had. And he would totally deserve it.

 

He bit down on his now quivering lip and muttered.  
"he's gone, Kiba, it's over". He was agonized and gradually becoming emotionally unstable. He realized he couldn't do this; it would be too difficult and he needed a break from difficulties. "I.. I hurt him and now he's gone"

 

Kiba gave the blond a sympathetic look. He didn't like seeing Naruto like this, and the way Shikamaru looked when he'd stepped out, Kiba hadn't seen that look in eons. His brother was pissed to the point he could chew steel. Whatever Naruto had done, it had pained Shikamaru and it was going to take a long time to get him to calm. He hoped Neji would be able to reason with him. Soon as he'd spotted Shikamaru storming into the bathroom with Naruto in tow, he had sensed trouble.

 

"come, I'll take you home". Naruto stared at him with a mixture of surprise and gratefulness, as though he couldn't believe Kiba was offering to take him home. Kiba gave him a gentle smile, "its ok, lets go". 

 

Naruto took his offered hand and Kiba hefted him up. He took out a handkerchief and handed it to the blond. When Naruto was done shakily wiping his face, Kiba fixed his suit and adjusted his hair. Naruto looked a mess: his eyes were red and puffy, his composure all of gone, and he looked so afraid he couldn't even look Kiba in the eyes. This wasn't something Kiba usually did, but he did it anyway. He gave Naruto a full hug, enveloping the thin boy in his similarly slim body. 

 

"I'm not sure what happened, but I want you to know my brother loves you. Don't doubt that for a second, ok?". He pulled away and looked into blue eyes that were pooling again. At Naruto's sad nod, Kiba took his hand and led the way out. 

 

Naruto could feel no judgement coming from him.

 

***

 

Shikamaru angrily stepped into his apartment and made a beeline for the fridge, hoping a chilled glass of wine would help in cooling him off. His temper was high and by God he had exceeded his boiling point. It was a miracle he hadn't gotten any more physical with Naruto than that. The damage would have been bad, he would have scarred him pretty bad. Why was this fucking happening to him? Was this some kind of test or what? He was willing to give Naruto anything, and he meant anything at all, if only the blond had simply asked. But no. He had to go sleep around with wealthy men to what end? For money? Christ!

 

"Shikamaru"

 

The man turned at the sound of his name, he'd almost forgotten the other brunet. Neji seemed to be waiting for him to emerge from the bathroom earlier, and as he did, the man had wordlessly taken his keys from the valet and driven him home. 

 

"what happened?". Neji had remained quiet all through the drive home, he had been conscious of Shikamaru's mood and hadn't asked what the matter was. Now though, he felt it was time to get him to talk it out. 

Shikamaru took a sip of his whiskey and scowled. "well apparently, my boyfriend is a fucking escort". He stared deeply at the golden liquid swirling happily in the tumbler

 

Neji frowned. "what? What makes you think that?"

 

"Sakura ran into us. She's seen him about"

 

Neji's frown deepened. Shikamaru should know better than to bother about what that woman says. Everyone knows she's an angry woman who vents her frustrations on whoever was unlucky to run into her. "you know well enough not to beli__"

 

"he didn't deny it!", Shikamaru growled. "when I asked if it was true, he fucking cried and started apologizing". His fist around the tumbler clenched so hard it seemed he would crush it. "he didn't deny it", he repeated in a small voice. It was killing him, what Naruto did to him was slowly ripping his heart to shreds and he didn't know how to begin to pick up the pieces. The time he'd decided to give it a shot, open his heart to someone, the guy decided stomped it without thinking twice.

 

Neji moved closer so that he could stand close enough to Shikamaru. He had never seen him like this, the man was hurting so bad, and even though he was trying to keep it under control, it was obvious he was falling apart. "so maybe he's an escort, but I'm sure there's a rea__"

 

"he slept with them", Shikamaru turned dark, bloodshot eyes on Neji's paler one, "what reason could he have for having sex with other men?"  
Shikamaru sounded like he was pleading for a plausible enough explanation to ease the effect of the blow he received that evening. 

 

Neji felt terrible watching his friend trying hard to grasp at straws. More so, he found it increasingly difficult to picture Naruto sleeping with other men just to make end's meet. The boy was the honest sort, he didn't seem the cheating type, so if he did this, he must have a reason to. Yes it might be difficult to guess what that reason could be, but still, Neji felt it would be pretty important. 

 

Shikamaru took another sip of the liquid and scowled as another growl escaped his throat, he suddenly whipped around and flung the half full glass at other end of the wall. 

 

"dammit!", he yelled in frustration, the breaking glass making a perfect imitation of the current state of his heart. "there is no good enough reason, Neji, he should have talked to me. If there was a problem, I would have helped him"

 

Taking a deep breath, Shikamaru stilled, glaring at the broken glass strewn all over the floor. "sorry", he muttered, "I should get this cleaned up".

 

The other brunet grabbed his arm and pushed him in the direction of his bedroom. "go clean yourself up, I'll do it"

 

Shikamaru stared off into the distance with a sad smile. "I really loved that kid, you know? In the end he didn't feel the same"

 

Neji gave his shoulder an affectionate squeeze. He wasn't so good with words, he could listen, but he didn't speak so much. His gestures however were the channel through which he conveyed his feelings. This was his own way of saying he was here for him. "that's not true. He loves you too, it's obvious he does"

 

Shikamaru looked at him with pained eyes. "then why did he do this to me?"

 

Neji shook his head, Shikamaru looked so vulnerable and small. Neji was slighted on his behalf. "you should talk to him", he gently offered, "let him explain"

 

Shikamaru scoffed, looking away to the side. "I can't talk to him. I can't bring myself to look at him. I'm afraid that...", his words drifted to a stop. Taking a deep breath, Shikamaru proceeded to his bedroom. He just wanted to shut his eyes, he hoped he'd be able to shut his heart to the numbness creeping over it. He was tired, his head ached; he needed rest.   
"I.. I left him alone", he realized, coming to a halt, "I shouldn't have__"

 

"Kiba's with him", Neji consoled. He watched Shikamaru's shoulders sag in relieve at the news. With all his anger and outbursts, Shikamaru still cared deeply for Naruto. He hoped they would be able to convince him to talk one last time to the blond when he calmed. "get some rest"

 

Shikamaru grunted an assent and quietly resigned to the privacy of his bedroom, glad to have company like Neji with him.

 

***

 

As Ino opened the door, Kiba watched her eyes widen comically at the sight of Naruto leaning dejectedly on him, remnants of the tears he'd shed on the way over, still lacing his eyes. She quickly stepped aside to let them in, following behind as Kiba gently let Naruto down on the couch

 

"what happened to him? ", she asked fearfully, watching her brother seat forlornly, with his head in his palms.

 

Kiba looked gently at Naruto's hunched form before looking at her. "he had a fight with Shikamaru"

 

Ino stared at him. "just how bad was this fight?". The worry in her voice was increasing by the second, and unconsciously, her eyes roamed critically over her brother's body to survey for any damage. He seemed intact, physically at least. "what happened?", she asked again, not seeming to comprehend why Naruto would be in such a wrecked state because of a fight with his boyfriend.

 

Kiba shook his head. "sorry, I have no idea". And he really didn't. He hadn't asked, and even if he had, Naruto won't be in a good enough state of mind to give him coherent answers. He gave her a sympathetic look, he didn't like that he was no help at all, but he knew Naruto would talk to her.

 

Ino sat beside Naruto, her fingers brushing light and comforting strokes on his head. Automatically, he leaned into her with a sniff. "thanks for bringing him home, I appreciate the gesture". Some people might not have bothered.

 

"its ok", the brunet said softly. "I should run, ok? I've got to check on my brother but I'll call him later to see how he's doing"

 

Ino nodded her thanks and when she attempted standing up to see him to the door, he waved her off. Before he left, Kiba squatted in front of Naruto, whispering softly to him. Ino heard her brother's sniff, felt his nod, and heard his muttered reply. Kiba ruffled his hair affectionately and jumped to his feet; he bid them farewell and jogged to the door, silently shutting it behind him as he disappeared. 

 

The siblings sat in silence. Ino didn't let go of Naruto as he pressed closer to her; she wasn't sure why but she felt dread brew slowly inside her. Naruto took a deep breath, slowly pushing away from her to rest against the couch, obviously not wanting to discomfort her with his weight. He lifted both legs and placed them on the cushion while he had both arms wrapped protectively around his knees. He gave Ino the picture of a sad little boy who just realized he had been living the illusion of a happy life; he reminded her of the ten year old who was being torn away from his only remaining family. 

 

Ino's heart clenched painfully as it was gripped by sadness and helplessness, Naruto looked afraid and so small, just as he had the day a man and a woman had walked into the orphanage and taken Naruto away. And as Naruto turned his eyes on her, Ino saw in them at the moment exactly what she had seen that day, ten years ago: despair

 

"talk to me Naruto", she urged softly. She watched his eyes become glassy, she saw the pressure build dangerously high, and slowly, she saw him crack

 

"we... I think we're over". He bit his lower lip in regret. "he was so furious, he walked away"

"I don't understand, why?". A soft sob escaped him as he broke. Ino reached out and wiped the tears as they rolled down his smooth cheek.

 

"he found out", Naruto hiccupped, "he knows what I do. He was mad"

 

Ino felt sorry for him. She now realized that Naruto had not told Shikamaru, and worse still, she realized that she had not once asked if Naruto came out to him. She cursed her stupidity and utmost carelessness. She should have encouraged him to come out clean as soon as they became exclusive. But she had been so wrapped up in her own drama, she'd neglected him

 

"God, Naruto, I am so sorry". Her brother was breaking and she couldn't do anything but say some empty words that could not undo his pain or even take it away. "maybe if you give it time he'll come around..."

 

Naruto gave a snort full of pain. She didn't understand, nothing could make Shikamaru come back to him again. He would beg and plead, but Shikamaru wouldn't want him again; not with how much he had betrayed his trust, not with how much he had hurt him. The only thing he could do was ask for the man's forgiveness, but anything other than that, was simply wishful thinking. Shikamaru hadn't outrightly ended their relationship, but Naruto would be a fool to misunderstand the look he had sported in his eyes. Naruto shut his eyes, what he wouldn't give to take that evening back, what he wouldn't give to wipe off the pained way Shikamaru looked at him; what he wouldn't give to just turn the hands of the clock so that he could tell the man the truth. But the damage was done, and it was irreversible. He had to live with the consequences of his decision.

 

"it's not that easy", he muttered quietly. He'd started crying again; he was so ashamed, he couldn't even look his sister in the eye. Ino would be so disappointed in him, she would be disgusted, she would hate him. He had acted so self-righteous when he found out she was keeping the truth about her health away from him. He had walked away from her despite her attempts to reach him. Now she would see that he wasn't any better, hell he was worse, and she would hate him for it. But was the moment of truth- no more lies, no more pretence- he was going to tell her even if it killed him. He wanted to face her, look in her eyes and say it, but he couldn't dare make himself do so. Coward, he told himself he was a coward, too afraid to face the consequences of his actions. Too afraid to see the outcome of his actions. Yet, he still couldn't look at her.

 

"h... he knows...", he whispered tearfully into empty space. "I sleep with them and he knows"

 

At first Ino couldn't seem to get the words to sink in. Comprehension had shut down, then when she willed it open, shock prevented absorption. She blinked in confusion, "what?", she breathed. She didn't want to believe she just heard what she did.

 

Naruto rose a shaking hand to wipe off the wetness pouring down his face. "I sleep with my clients, he knows, and he's mad". And you would be too, he added silently. It was just that he didn't think he was emotionally prepared for another onslaught, his heart won't survive another attack from a loved one. At Ino's silence, Naruto opened his eyes and frantically stuttered through an explanation. It payed better that way, he said, you made quicker money if you let them sleep with you. Considering the urgency of their situation, time wasn't something they had, he had to go with the alternative that had better prospects. 

 

He really couldn't do this, Ino was frozen in shock and fuck he couldn't stand the thought of her walking away when her mobility returned. He wiped his eyes again, the skin underneath them felt raw from all the rubbing. They might be bruised come morning. "Ino please say something", he managed in the midst of his crying, "I'm__"

 

And just like that, he felt his head rest on her shoulder, a palm lying securely behind his head. "I'm so sorry. You did it for me, and I'm sorry you went through all that". Ino's voice broke as she spoke. Her words were drowned out by her attempts to keep from breaking down. Why did he go so far just because of her? Why did he risk his happiness to make her happy? There was something wrong with this picture, there was everything wrong with the way things were. And to think she hadn't noticed. Naruto was sleeping with men for money to cater for her needs and she had been oblivious all the while. And now her brother was sad, and heartbroken; and it was all because of her. 

 

She hugged him tighter to herself, feeling his tears soak through her sweater. Naruto never complained, never blamed her for anything, never looked at her with disdain. She would never know what she did to deserve a brother like him. And she knew that never in a million years will she be able to pay him back for this. 

 

"shh sweetie it's ok", she hushed. This made him cry some more. Ino shut her eyes, cursing the universe for their ill luck. It wasn't ok, and it might not be for a while. But saying the words might be a first step to recovery.

 

"you... you don't hate me?", Naruto asked in a small, scared voice.

 

Ino pulled them apart; she shook her head, moving close to join their foreheads together. "I could never, ever, hate you Naruto. If anything, you should be the one to hate me. I've put you through so much trouble__"

 

"I don't hate you", Naruto tearfully interrupted. "you're my sister, I'd do anything for you"

 

And that was the problem, wasn't it? She didn't want him to do any thing to the point of him losing everything but her. He should be happy, he should__

 

"but he hates me now", Naruto said quietly, the regret clear in his eyes. "he doesn't want me any longer". The look in his eyes was tearing Ino apart, yet she could do nothing to take it away. "I love him, but he's gone, and I don't know how to get him back"

 

As Naruto broke down again, Ino clutched him to her chest. She was willing to absorb the tears he shed and she was ready to shoulder his own pain for a change. Yeah, she had heard love was cruel but it wasn't until this moment that she understood how deep it cut and how badly it burned. She didn't know how to begin to help Naruto heal; she was getting a full view of just how fragile the he was and she was afraid that she might not be able to help him totally mend. She would try to give her brother back his happiness or at least a semblance of it but he could not be whole until he he got back that piece he'd found and then lost. She knew for sure that Naruto would never go back to being the same again until Shikamaru was back in his place.

 

If only she could switch places with him, take the pain he was feeling and suffer in his stead. It wasn't fair that she should be happy while her brother, who gave everything up for her, remained sad and alone. He might have her, but it still wasn't the same. 

 

As he wept, Ino prayed that a miracle happened to give Naruto back his smile, she would gladly trade anything to make it happen. She stared out the parted blinds, the darkness outside seeming to feed the gloom within the confines of their apartment. It made her shiver. She buried a hand in Naruto's hair, swaying gently in comforting movement. Ino shut her eyes and leaned against the backrest; now more than ever, she prayed that dawn hurried to break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just once,   
> I want to be the one who is begged to stay,  
> Instead of the one on their knees,  
> Watching another lover walk away 
> 
> -Jessica Katoff


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are plenty of ways to die, but only love can kill and keep you alive to feel it.  
> \- Leo Christopher

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's my Friday morning update to celebrate a new month. Have a great weekend guys

Naruto slowly blinked his eyes open. They felt raw, grated, and ultra sensitive to the little bit of light penetrating through his curtains. It was almost like a hangover, except it was a million times worse. He squinted against the dull ache throbbing behind his eyes, and with a low sigh, he turned away from the light, tentatively reaching out to his phone. He knew he was not going to see any messages from Shikamaru, yet he couldn't stop himself from looking. He wanted to believe that Shikamaru wouldn't give up on him so easily, wouldn't back down without at least trying. And so he held on to the tiniest bit of hope that the man had, sometime within the night, sent a message demanding an explanation or something of the sort. He knew there were no messages waiting for him, yet when the screen of his phone blinked to life, displaying nothing but the time and weather forecast against his background, he felt his heart sink in despair. 

 

He felt like shit. He was tired, and hungry, and achy, and in need of sleep, but he just couldn't bring himself to want to eat or do anything relaxing. It was like all of his will for anything had evaporated last night. He gripped his phone tight, willing his chest to rattle less in pain; he wanted to call Shikamaru and just... Beg. Maybe beg that the man try to forgive him. He'd learned, between the previous night and the few minutes he'd spent awake that morning, he'd learned. He'd thought he was doing the right thing but he had ended up finding out in a horrific way that it was not worth it. None of it was, really. He rubbed the spot in his chest where his heart beat, it felt sore- inside and out, it felt raw. He ached. He needed a reprieve, he would welcome anything as long as it came with a promise to take away this feeling because he couldn't for the life of him imagine going on this way for another week, two weeks, maybe a month? No. He was certain it'll take longer than that to not feel so empty and lost anytime thoughts of Shikamaru reared its head. 

 

He rolled to his side, and shut his eyes tight as he felt them water for the thousandth time in less than twelve hours. He had cheated, he knew. He was wrong for doing so, he knew. But it hurt a whole lot that Shikamaru thought everything was a lie. That Naruto didn't feel anything for him, that Naruto was nothing short of the gold digging whore that woman had more than implied he was. He bit down hard on his lower lip to hold back a sob, he didn't want to wake Ino up with his crying, no use letting her suffer alongside him. He briefly entertained thoughts of getting up and making them breakfast, but then falling back to their usual routine after a terrible episode seemed almost surreal and much too pretentious. It only took less than two hours for his world to crumble around him, and for the life of him, he had no idea where to begin rebuilding it. He knew though that even if he succeeded in doing so in the long run, he wouldn't return to normal. There would still remain cracks and holes that mortar couldn't repair. Some holes couldn't work with substitute refilling.

 

But would it be wrong to call him and just hear his voice? Because he missed him already. He ached to talk to Shikamaru, itched to touch him, longed to be cuddled up in his arms. He wanted to rest against his strong chest and hear Shikamaru tell him that everything was fine, that everything would be ok. It won't happen though, the tears on his pillow was enough indication. His lips trembled as fresh tears started to fill his eyes again. It wasn't fair, he thought bitterly, it wasn't fair that it should end like this. That it should end at all. He'd never asked for much in his rather short life, he was always content to go with what they had as long as it met their needs. Practically every spare cash he got went to getting his sister her drugs or in getting something they needed as a basic necessity. He never splurged because he saw it as a waste, he hardly got himself anything unless Ino insisted or got it herself for him. He would starve if it meant she got what she wanted; yet he didn't mind. But this one thing he had gotten and hoped to keep, was taken away from him.

 

A hesitant knock drew his attention to his door, the sound coming off as unsure. He didn't want to answer, partly because he wasn't in the mood for company though it was his sisters', and partly because she was going to force him to have breakfast and he didn't think his stomach could actually hold anything no matter how empty it was. Ino would barge in and end up worrying way more than she should if he didn't answer, so he did. At his muffled "yes?", the door opened a crack and his sister's blonde head peeked in, her eyes a little wide with concern. Naruto sat up, giving her a tremulous smile that was meant to be reassuring though it fell every bit short of that. At this, she pushed the door wider and walked in, carrying a tray full of breakfast; instead of putting it in the bed though, she laid it on his bedside table and sat gingerly in front of him. Her proximity helped him some, she was familiar and she reminded him of a constant- something that wasn't going to leave no matter what. He felt a little grounded. 

 

Ino took in her brother's pale looking face, red rimmed eyes, the wetness surrounding his eyes, and the bags nestled comfortably under them; Naruto didn't look like he'd slept at all. He looked dishevelled, but not in any way rested. She lifted a hand, gently pushing blonde locks from his eyes  
"hey", she greeted softly, her voice intending to soothe his weariness. Naruto shut his eyes, leaning into her soft touch, so Ino rubbed a thumb across his cheek. "how are you?". Stupid question, of course he wasn't ok, he couldn't possibly be ok after everything he'd been through but she just wanted to be sure that her brother didn't fall apart before her. Much as anyone tried to be strong, there was always a limit, a breaking point. Same applied to Naruto. So maybe she couldn't altogether give him what he needed now, she could still try to stop him from tumbling too far into despair.

 

Naruto felt his raw throat close at the enquiry, hoped that he didn't tear up again, and gave a watery smile. "I didn't sleep so well" - which was overstretching it because he'd hardly slept at all until the early hours of the morning when his exhaustion finally got the best of him- "but I'll be fine". As he opened his eyes to look at Ino, a treacherous tear used to opportunity to slide down his face, "don't worry"

Ino wiped off the offending liquid and leaned in, giving him a peck on his forehead. "you know I'm here, right? I'll always be here if you want to talk. Ok?"

He gave a nod and they separated. Ino took a deep breath, "Naruto we need to talk about what you told me last night"

Naruto's eyes widened in fear and Ino could sense the trepidation leaking out of him. He looked down, staring intently at the back of his palm. She didn't know what he thought she was going to say, but she did know it was nothing he should be afraid of. She laid a warm hand on his and gave it a squeeze. "its ok, buddy. Please look at me". 

Naruto rose his head, his eyes were rather glazed and unfocused. He looked so vulnerable and so damn sad; Ino's guts twisted at his helplessness. "Naruto you have to stop"

Blue eyes blinked in confused sadness, not understanding what she was talking about. "stop what?", Naruto muttered after a moment of incomprehension

"no more sleeping with men for money. No more of that escort job. I know you did it because of me but now I'm asking you to stop"

Ino saw the panic in his eyes subside. He smiled a little at her. "I know", he replied quietly. He blew out a breath and nodded. "I know", he said again. 

 

As soon as Shikamaru slammed him against the bathroom door the previous night, Naruto decided that that was the end of his services in TEG. He had intended telling Ino later that day what his decision was. He needed to set things right, to make adjustments so that no one got hurt again in the future. Ino hadn't been happy finding out the extra that came with his job, but she said she didn't hate him, and that was what mattered. Last night he saw no anger or disgust in her eyes while they'd talked; no judgment. Only understanding, self-blame, and a deep seated kind of sorrow. He needed to set things straight, to get forgiveness. To get back love. He just didn't... His eyes opened when he felt gentle hands wipe his eyes, he didn't notice he'd begun crying again. God he was broken, he was so broken his sadness couldn't help but leak out at every opportunity it got

 

"I'll resign tomorrow", he confirmed. He would have made it that very day but truth be told, he didn't think he was up to stepping out that day.

 

Ino gave him an encouraging smile. "good. And I'll try to do more to contribute__"

"no". Naruto's voice came out a plea

"Naruto__"

But he interrupted her with a vehement shake of head. "no way, Ino"

"but__"

"I'm not having you strain yourself to a breaking point. You can't push yourself too much, your body won't stand it. And I__", his voice broke so terribly he had to stop for calming breaths. His hands were shaking and it wasn't until Ino held them in each of hers, giving them a light squeeze, that the shaking subsided some.

"that's enough now", Ino gently scolded. "I'm not complaining"

"neither am I", he whispered frantically. 

And she knew he would never complain even though he was dying inside. She didn't want him to keep making sacrifices for her, she didn't to make him work so much he forgot... Well that was a bit late now, wasn't it? The deed had been done, the damaging blow given. Ino regarded her brother and tried again. "Naruto__"

"I said no". His voice was stronger this time, his tone laced with a finality that gave no room for arguments. "get all the rest you can, I'll sort it out". He hoped. At the moment he couldn't see any uplifting enough prospect to make him believe he could get any money when he left TEG; he didn't have a college degree which meant the opportunities he was likely to get were pretty low. He'd have to get a job that payed by the hour and take on as much overtime as he could. Though that still wasn't enough to cut it. Yet, he would hope. He tried for another smile, once again falling short

 

"don't worry about me", he tried to soothe, "I'll be fine". Liar, his heart told him

"liar", Ino gently whispered in agreement with it. Because what he just said had nothing at all to do with their conversation. No, it had everything to do with his emotional health. 

Naruto sniffed and looked away. "really, I'm__"

"you're not fine", Ino began as gently as she could, "maybe you will be in the future, but right now you're not, and you won't be in a while to come".  
Naruto shook his head, biting his lips to tame the tremors they were making.

"Naruto I'm your sister, I know you've tried to be strong for my sake, but please I don't need you to do that now. You have to let it all out so you can feel better, there's no weakness in crying when you're hurt. I'm here, I won't leave you. I'll hold you, and I'll stay with you until the end"

 

As Ino's words left her lips, they crushed him, ripped him apart, ran him down, left him writhing on the floor with a bleeding heart. He cracked. His throat hurt from holding back the tears, his head hurt from trying to keep the memories at bay, his chest constricted while reminding him of the empty space that lay in it. He broke. Because it was too much to try to stave off, because he didn't have the strength to do it on his own. Because the weight had become so much he wasn't able to bear it alone. So he shattered, and he let his sister see his tears because she would be there to wipe it all off in the end. He had fallen, but Ino was there as the bedrock to cushion his fall and keep him rested until he could walk again. He didn't know what to do, everything had spiraled out of his control so fast he'd barely been able to register it until it was out of his reach. Mow he was left to suffer the whiplash. 

 

He rose a shaky hand to wipe his face but Ino grabbed it, held it down and reached out to him, her hand closing behind his neck, pulling him closer to her shoulder. "that's it", she whispered to him, "let it out. Just like that"

 

And he did. He rested on her bony shoulder and he let out all he had been holding back. His fear of losing his sister to death, the ache he felt as his heart beat, the burden of a broken heart, the loss he had to suffer for hurting the only man he ever loved. His heart clenched tightly, squeezing out a gasp from his lips. It hurt, it was painful, it was unforgiving; the cut was deep, the pain was relentless. It throbbed, it gnawed, it wrenched. He could do nothing but take it and suffer through the rough sensations. He didn't know if he could ever be ok, he doubted he would ever recover; he needed someone to take away the pain he felt washing all over him.

 

Ino's grip on Naruto didn't waver; she listened to him sob, the sound breaking every inch of her. "there baby, you'll feel a lot better after". She let out comforting words, whispering them in his ears, while encouraging him to just let go. If he held too much, it'll crush starting from inside and simply destroy him before he knew it. Heartbreak was like a disease, it'll quietly spread through, slowly but surely eating you up from the inside until one day you find yourself too far gone. It'll break you to nothingness and make sure you never recover, you'll walk with the painful scars all through your life because it already latched on tight. In order to prevent that from happening to her brother, she had to teach him to let the breaking happen so he could heal faster.

 

Her hand began a gentle massage on his head, she felt him suddenly relax, and little by little his sobs subsided until she could hear only sniffs and the occasional whimper. "all good, sweetie?".

 

He nodded slowly but didn't lift his head from her shoulder. She didn't mind, she loved supporting him. If this was a way for him to draw strength, she'll gladly let him. Ino put a hand into his hair, gently massaging his scalp with her fingers as she idly thought of the now cold breakfast, she'll have to reheat it later. 

 

***

 

Naruto stepped into the train and took a seat by the window in a quiet corner; there weren't many people riding the train at the moment cause they were mostly either at work or school. He hadn't been able to go to the agency the previous day as he'd said, nor the day after; he'd spent most of the time moping around, thinking, and feeling too tired to do anything. On the third day though, he pushed himself out of his room, got dressed, and made his way to TEG. His boss was sad to see him go, Orochimaru asked him many times if there was anything he could do to make him stay but there obviously was nothing. He'd said his goodbyes, and he'd walked out of there feeling both empty and full of regret at the same time. If only he had made himself do this earlier. 

 

He considered making a detour to Shikamaru's apartment about a thousand times, however, the mere thought of being unwelcome was enough to ground him and make him focus on his mission for the morning. He didn't think he could ever be ready to see the look of disappointment in Shikamaru's eyes at seeing him. He still hadn't called him, no messages or anything. Every morning he woke up and automatically reached for his phone before reality dawned on him again. He had to wonder if it was the same for Shikamaru: if he thought of Naruto as often as the blond thought of him, if he constantly checked his phone for any notifications from him, if he felt a crushing disappointment at meeting a blank screen, if he came so close to reaching out to him as they used to. He wondered, if perhaps Shikamaru missed the sound of his voice, if he hadn't thought of at least finding out why Naruto had done what he did. He didn't want to come out bluntly and say he'd cheated even though he'd done just that, he'd cheated so many times he practically lost count, yet he couldn't bring himself to say it. He smiled wanly, he really was a self-preserving bastard, he thought. 

 

His phone rang, he stared at it, an unknown number; he wasn't really in the mood to talk but for the sake of being courteous, he answered

"hey man"

Naruto paused. Kiba. Kiba hadn't called since the night he took him home and Naruto simply figured Shikamaru told him and the man was mad at him for hurting his brother. He wouldn't blame Kiba if that was the case, hell, he understood. Expected it even. "Kiba"

"hey. So, sorry I didn't call earlier, things have been a bit...". Naruto understood the reason for his hesitation, he suddenly felt shame choking him. Kiba cleared his throat, "so how have you been?"

Naruto squinted into the passing scenery, seeing absolutely nothing

"sorry, that was a stupid question", Kiba gave a nervous laugh, hurriedly apologising at Naruto's silence. He heard the brunet take a breath as though bracing himself to say what he was going to say next. "he told me". The words were spoken very softly but Naruto winced as they reached him. He didn't hear any anger or malice in Kiba's tone, yet he couldn't help but shrink further into the seat

"I...". He shut his eyes, he was at a loss for words. More than anything he wanted to explain himself, say his reason. Let Kiba know that he hadn't chosen it that way. At a loss as to how to begin to pass across an understanding, he simply muttered, "I'm sorry", looking down on his jean clad thigh as though Kiba could see the humbled move. Naruto remained silent despite the many things left unsaid. For some reason, he felt he owed Kiba an explanation, for some other reason, he couldn't get his tongue to move. He listened to Kiba's light breathing on the phone and began to wonder if it wasn't best for one of them to just hang up now before it got too awkward. Naruto would save face that way. The brunet didn't though

"is that all you have to say?", Kiba's voice was expressionless, devoid of emotion, and seemed to demand more. Naruto shut his eyes tight, willing the threatening tears away

"I...", he choked, then quieted. What did Kiba expect of him? What was he supposed to say?

"Naruto?"

He inhaled audibly, taking calming breaths. "yes?"

"my brother is a mess. Last night, I walked into his apartment and saw him smoking". Kiba laughed shakily, "he hasn't lit a cigarette in almost six years. He...", Kiba let out a breath, "he was at work until very late last night and he came to work before I did today which has never happened before; he's hardly given himself a break, he isn't eating so well. And I'm scared that at the rate he's going, he'll develop a frigging ulcer or something much worse"

 

This time the tears finally came, silent though they were. He shouldn't be hearing this. Or maybe he should so that Naruto could know the extent to which he hurt the man that didn't hide the fact that he loved him for who he thought he was. Shikamaru was willing to accept him but Naruto had by his own hands ruined what they were building. He deserved the pain he felt.

 

"listen, man. My brother... Shikamaru really loves you". Kiba let out a quiet sigh. "yeah. That's why... this is very difficult for him. He's never really opened up to having anyone this way. I mean, you're the first person I know he's fallen in love with"

"I love him too". Very much. Naruto plucked out his face towel and wiped his face

Kiba stayed silent for another stretch that Naruto again began to cry. "Naruto?"

Naruto sniffed into the towel before answering. "yes?"

"can you please fix this?"

Naruto's heart twisted painfully at the request; if it was something he could do, he would've done it way before Kiba asked. "I want to, I really do. But...", he wiped at his eyes again, "but he doesn't want me anymore.", he finished sadly. Shikamaru didn't want him any more. Why was it so hard to accept?

Kiba barked out a less than humorous laugh. "trust me Naruto, he does. He wants you so much its tearing him apart"

Naruto's heart had no strength left to hope. "but I don't know what to do", he whimpered into his phone, "he.. I'm not sure he..."

Kiba waited, but when Naruto showed no signs of finishing the sentence, he spoke up. "promise me you won't give up on my brother. I'm not...", he paused, seeming to recollect his thoughts, "this type of Shikamaru is new to me, I don't know how to make him better. But you can. Please can you promise to hold on for as long as you can?"

 

Naruto sobbed softly, grateful he was seated quite apart from other occupants in the train. He nodded, then remembered that kiba couldn't see him, "I'll try". He wasn't sure how much rejection he was wired to brave but he was ready to give it a shot. It was worth the initial pain if in the end it got him back in Shikamaru's arms.

 

Kiba let out the breath he'd probably been holding. "great. Thanks man"

 

Naruto blinked blearily into the distance, wondering what Kiba was thanking him for. If anything, he should be the one saying thank you for this. This was the man's way of saying that despite all that happened, he wasn't pissed at Naruto, but he was rooting for a reconciliation and their getting back together. He wasn't certain he was deserving of Kiba's trust but he would try. "thank you", he whispered back

"be safe, ok?", Kiba replied softly then added sympathetically, "I know it isn't the easiest thing but Shikamaru, he's very forgiving. This is the initial stage, it's why he might be difficult. Scratch that, he will be difficult, but don't let go of him. Ok?"

"kay"

They said goodbye, Kiba said he'll be in touch. When they hung up, Naruto wasn't sure how he felt so his reaction was rather sluggish. Luckily, they reached his stop so he put on his sunglasses- mostly meant to shield his eyes from people who were sure to gawk at their state, walked bravely out of the train, and began his short journey home.

 

***

 

That night, Naruto sat on the edge of his bed, staring hard at the lines on pyjama bottoms as he thought about his talk with Kiba. "... Can you please fix this?", a request/plea that hadn't been aimed to destroy him even further, except it had. That was the topmost wish on his list, he desired so much to fix what he had broken. If he got it, he won't make a request for anything for another ten years. He promised.

 

He stood and walked to his bedroom window, barely taking cognisance of the silence in their apartment. Konan had been away for work, she'd just gotten back into the country and since she'll be gone again in a few days, Naruto persuaded Ino to go spend time with her. It took a lot of energy on his part to convince her to take what she had now, cause Konan won't be back for another three weeks or so. She was worried about him, she wanted to stay and take care of him, but Naruto stood his ground. Truth was, he needed to be alone, to process; he'd wanted to call Shikamaru for days now, but he simply hadn't had the mind to. Kiba's call earlier that day helped nudge him right.

 

He began to pace. He wasn't sure what to say when he called, neither was he sure how he should react if Shikamaru went hostile. He bit his lips in contemplation and before he convinced himself otherwise, he snatched his phone off his bed and dialed. It rang, once, twice, three times. He waited with a pounding heart, nervously pacing the length of his room. He could literally feel the cold sweat form on his forehead despite the coolness of the bedroom, unsure what to say in greeting and how to proceed with the conversation. That is if Shikamaru did decide to pick his call.

 

"Naruto", came the stiff voice at the other end.

 

At the sound of Shikamaru's voice, Naruto froze. All the while he had subconsciously thought Shikamaru would let it go to voicemail, but he'd answered. And fuck he wasn't as ready as he thought he was to hear the man's voice. He sounded beat, so tired. The way he'd said his name, God, it felt like a breath of fresh air to him.

 

"do I need to hang up?", Shikamaru asked as the silence stretched

 

"no!", he called out frantically. Naruto's heart began to pound hard at the possibility of losing this opportunity. If Shikamaru hung up now, it was probable that he might not pick his calls in the future. "please don't hang up", he pleaded quietly. Just please let me talk to you. "I... I miss you", he continued in a mellow tone. He didn't really have much energy to talk, being on the phone with Shikamaru seemed to sap out whatever bodily strength he had

 

"don't...", the voice was strained, almost pleading. He understood how Shikamaru felt, why he seemed to beg that Naruto stop this torture he'd begun. He understood because he felt the same way

 

"please Shikamaru, just hear me out", he whispered tearfully. The last thing he wanted was for the man to decide he didn't want to talk anymore. "I'm sorry, I know I should have told you, explained it all. But I..."

 

"you owed me the truth, Naruto", Shikamaru gritted out, "you shouldn't have let me find out that way"  
Naruto felt his legs weaken some. "I know. And I'm sorry__"

 

"that's it, isn't it? You think you can say a simple sorry and everything would go back to the way it was?"

 

Naruto winced at the bite in Shikamaru's tone. His knees bucked and he had to lean against the wall for support. "n... no...", he stuttered painfully. He bit his lips hard, "I just... I didn't do it because I wanted to. I swear there was a rea__"

 

Shikamaru gave a bitter laugh, the sound of it punching a hole in Naruto's chest. "whatever the reason, you ought to have trusted me. I made sure to tell you I loved you, I showed you how much I cared about you. But you...", Shikamaru's voice hitched. "I trusted you", he whispered in an unsteady voice

 

Naruto couldn't stop the tears that wet his face, even if he tried, the pain rippling over him won't let him. He rubbed the heel of a palm over his eye, as he slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. "I loved you too", still do, "it wasn't a lie. None of it was a lie". His voice held something of a broken plea in it seeking to be heard.

 

Shikamaru quieted, even his breathing over the phone was so silent Naruto almost thought he was no longer there. Until he spoke. "you shouldn't have let me think I could have anything with you". His tone was forlorn, like he was lost. "you shouldn't have made me think I had you before you snatched it away". He didn't sound angry, just resigned. Pained. "you shouldn't have let me fall in love with you if you weren't ready to build something with me". He sounded, dejected and hurting, like he had no idea how to begin to heal.

 

"Shikamaru..."

 

"I was willing to give you anything, you didn't have to sleep with any man. I was willing to go all the way, you just never let me in", he sounded broken, almost mechanical. "you never wanted me".

 

Naruto let out a weak sob. It wasn't true, none of that was true. He loved him too, trusted him, wanted them to go all the way. He wanted him and even with their relationship all of ripped to pieces with no signs of ever being made whole again, he still wanted him. That was why he still pined, why he still cried at odd hours of the day, why he woke up every morning with no zeal at all for anything.

 

"please hear me out...", Naruto pleaded amidst his tears. There was nothing sadder than knowing the person you loved thought you didn't love them in return. It was sad because you knew they were hurting because of you but you couldn't do anything to stop it. You wanted to reach out and take away the pain, help them see your feelings were no illusions. Yet you couldn't. It was sad because you both hurt, you could try to touch them but you'll fall just a little short. And that little distance just out of your reach was what always mattered.

 

"I can't", Shikamaru pleaded right back. "I don't know how to deal with this...", he whispered in a lost tone, "I can't keep doing this, I can't keep feeling like this"

 

He meant he couldn't keep holding on, Naruto knew. He knew he meant it was so painful to keep going because they'd hit a brick wall that wasn't going to collapse any time soon.

 

Shikamaru took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "I need... You shouldn't call me back, I need some space", and with no ado, he ended the call. No goodbye, no nothing, he'd said his piece and then turned away. Naruto gripped the phone to his chest and he wept for all he was worth. He wanted to cry the pain, the sadness, and the frustration away. He wanted his tears to fill the hollow that was now his heart and replace the void with something that didn't hurt so much. Fuck, this wasn't like they made it out in the movies, nothing he'd ever heard prepared him for this. It almost seemed surreal that they were done, even while sitting here, crying, he still couldn't believe it.

 

He remained squatting in that corner, long after the tears stopped and he didn't even know when he drifted off to sleep. When he opened his eyes again, he was laid curled in a tight ball right where he'd been squatting. His eyes were heavy, and he was wrapped around himself as though he was trying to hide from an unseen, to protect himself from whatever was coming. He gingerly straightened his limbs, they were sore, there was a cric in his neck, and his head hurt. He woke his phone, the time displayed was 23:03, he'd been on the floor a while. He saw a message from Ino and quickly typed a response with a bit of explanation as to why he had been silent so she didn't begin think the worst. He was drained, he didn't feel up to it to think about his discussion with Shikamaru, but he knew sitting idly would help him do just that. It was late, he won't go into the kitchen to cook anything, he'll arrange his closet instead. 

 

He got up and started to work furiously, almost blindly. He refolded his tees, hung up his shirts, rearranged his underwear drawer. He reorganised the drawer that held his accessories, took down and reordered the sections that held his slacks and chinos. Next, he took out a stack of jeans to refold, and as he did, something dropped to the floor. He looked down to see a little square card staring back at him. He picked it up to further examine, and he immediately recognised it: Pain's business card. It had his personal mobile behind. He remembered that Pain did say to call if he needed help or if he was in search of a different job, perhaps he should cash it in. What was the harm there? Considering he badly needed a source of income to fall back on. 

 

But what if the job Pain had in mind had to do with sex? Being his personal fuck machine? He felt a dull throb behind his eyes at the thought, he sat back on his bed and kept his eyes on the number. Even though that was a possibility, still, what if Pain did have something else in mind other than that? At the moment, he was ready to take the leap and see if it was something he could do. Otherwise he could always say no. Then again, he might have forgotten he'd given Naruto his card and offered him a job. Naruto gritted his teeth at the thought; from what he observed of the man, Pain was a very deliberate man who didn't indulge in frivolity. When he did a thing, it was with a goal in mind. He wouldn't have offered to help if he hadn't meant it. With a determined sigh, Naruto picked up his phone and opened the dialer; he paused in thought. It was late, the man might be asleep and he might not take it lightly to have his sleep interrupted. 

 

He almost growled out loud at his dallying, he could wait until daybreak but what if he lost his nerve? He thought as he began to punch in numbers, what if tomorrow came and he chickened out because he remembered how intimidating the man was? He lifted the phone to his ear and listed to it ring, shutting out any further naggings in his head. On the third ring, he picked up

 

"yes?", Pain growled into the phone, obviously irritated at having being called at this time. His voice sounded rougher than usual meaning he'd most likely been asleep before Naruto so graciously interrupted.

 

Naruto bit his lips in regret, debating whether or not to hang up and call at a better time, but the absurdity of that stopped him. It'll be stupid to run after he'd already answered, might as well finish what he started. "h.. Hi", he cleared his throat and tried to calm his shaking voice in a bid to sound more confident than he felt. "sorry to call so late. Its Naruto". 

 

A pause. "hello pet", Pain's baritone softened some and Naruto could feel the ghost of a smile lacing the man's greeting. His throat constricted at the familiarity of the name he'd grown to associate with Pain, his eyes watered at the gentleness with which the man's tone washed over him almost like a soothing balm. He felt shielded, he felt... "what can I do for you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "but above all, I wish for your happiness, even though I am aware you require my absence to find it"  
> \- Beau Taplin. "my greatest sorrow"


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.  
> -word porn

Naruto took a nervous breath as he stood before the mighty building, trying to feel courageous enough to take the first step towards it. Because he wasn't so sure what to put on for his impromptu "interview" with Pain, he'd ended up going for jeans, toms, tees, and a blazer so that he fell within the corporate look with a laid back kind of feel. The moment he'd heard the man's voice last night, all of his reservations about contacting him started to wane and before the end of their conversation, he'd felt strangely at ease. Naruto didn't know what it was about Pain that gave him a sense of security. He almost laughed out loud. It was weird really, that the same man he'd been so scared of initially turned out to be someone he felt safe with.

 

He glanced up the imposing building and wondered again if perhaps he wasn't underdressed for this meeting, his outfit choice seemed like child's play when compared to this place; there wasn't going to be anyone dressed in a casual manner in there. Christ, he should have spoken to Ino first, she'd have given him great advise on how to appear. He briefly entertained thoughts of returning home for a change of clothes but immediately shook it off; he didn't have enough cash to spare, and even if he did, going back and then returning would waste a lot of time and he couldn't risk upsetting Pain by being late. With a slight nod to himself, he willed his legs to begin it's journey into the building. 

 

He went through the revolving doors, and remembering Pain's directions, he walked through the huge lobby and towards a table sitting at a corner adjacent to the revolving doors. He was greeted by a lady he assumed to be the receptionist, said who he'd come to see, and when he identified himself, she quickly gave him directions to what Naruto assumed was the boss' office. As the elevator ascended, he felt his heart rate quicken with each floor he covered; Pain hadn't told him what he expected from him, not even a hint at what said job was likely to be. He hoped with all of his heart that he would be able to do it well. If he was given the job, that is. Pain had assured him though that the pay was good and Naruto had no doubt that it was going to be great, he just feared falling short of the man's expectations. 

 

At the ding of the elevator, he snapped out of his mulling and stepped into a very wide space that almost seemed like a world of its own. It wasn't partitioned so Naruto knew that the whole floor was occupied by Pain and his secretary alone. The area was minimally decorated, with items placed in such a manner that gave one the impression that the arrangement was fuss-free whereas to a trained eye, it obviously wasn't. Naruto didn't know much about interiors but he was sure every item on that floor was very expensive, and had been strategically positioned by a very good interior decorator with a keen sense of style. The area was designed to be hospitable and formidable at the same time. His eyes roamed over furniture and decor, to rest on what he should have supposed was Pain's secretary's work station, except there was no one there. Feeling a little out of place and confused at the emptiness, he took out his phone, intending to put a call through to the man to let him know he was there when a hand rested gently on the small of his back in a rather familiar fashion

 

"I was beginning to wonder if I needed to go down there, throw you over my shoulder, and bring you in myself just in case you happened to have developed cold feet at the door". 

 

Naruto looked up at the sound of the voice to see an amused looking Pain staring down at him with the shadow of a smile on his lips and a cup of steaming coffee in his other hand. The man looked very relaxed and quite happy to see Naruto- if the slight twinkle in his eyes was anything to go by. Naruto felt his shoulders sag in relieve and for a moment, he almost turned around fully to give his companion a hug. He settled for a nervous smile instead. "that would have been a sight"

 

Pain gave a full-on grin. "no doubt". 

 

Pain inspected Naruto's face for sometime with a small frown gradually forming on his brows. He had without doubt noticed how ill rested the blond looked. That morning, Naruto had woken up with eye bags much bigger than he'd ever had, not even a shower or cold splashes of water could make them vanish totally. Hell he'd even considered applying some of Ino's make up to conceal it. He saw Pain's eyes narrow ever so slightly, making him feel more exposed than he should've otherwise felt under the intense gaze. The humour had died in Pain's eyes and was replaced by concern, anger, and something else that Naruto had trouble identifying. He twirled his thumbs nervously but before he could think too hard on anything to say, Pain applied a little more pressure where his hand rested to propel him forward 

 

"my secretary is at a meeting on my behalf", he said by way of explanation, directing Naruto to an area partitioned in glass. As they got to the door, Pain slid it open and stepped aside for Naruto to enter first. "I saw you hovering and excused myself to come meet you"

 

Naruto blinked tiredly at him. "are you sure its ok to? Cause I can wait until..."

 

"it's fine. She'll get back to me on everything they talk about. Besides, those things are always such a bore, an excuse to leave is always welcome"

 

He motioned to a couch, sitting beside Naruto when the blond took a seat. Pain was sitting close to him, so close in fact that Naruto could clearly see every little detail in his eyes. They were grape- an enticingly mellow shade of grape- and they were undoubtedly beautiful. He marvelled at how much power those eyes held, how much they commanded without their owner having to say a word. It was kind of mysterious. Naruto felt his blue was dull in comparison, almost lifeless, and__

 

"what's wrong, pet?", Pain asked without preamble, "you look terrible"

 

Naruto tried to look away, wanting to hide his vulnerability away from his companion. He wasn't here to break down emotionally or to turn this into a therapy session of sorts. But the man caught his chin in a gentle but very firm grip

 

"look at me when I'm talking to you", the dom commanded in a stern voice. Naruto obliged, trying as much as possible to hold gazes with him. Pain relaxed his hold on his chin but didn't let go of it completely; he let his thumb wander back and forth over the dip just underneath his lower lip. "well?", he cocked a brow in demand

 

"it's nothing. I just didn't sleep so well last night". Naruto swallowed at the partial lie, hoping that the man left well enough alone. He had come for a job interview, not to talk about his relationship crisis to a man he'd slept with while in said relationship.

"why not?"

Naruto again gulped as Pain continued to caress his skin softly in an unhurried manner. "what?"

 

"why didn't you get enough rest?", Pain asked quietly. Naruto got the feeling that lying to him any further would get them nowhere. He bit his lower lip, not missing the way Pain's eyes rested on his mouth, lingering longer than necessary on it before shifting back to his eyes.

 

"I just had a breakup", he mumbled, shutting his eyes as the pain he'd managed to keep at bay seemed to slowly begin to stir. He didn't want to cry or anything because damn, he was frigging tired of crying especially as the tears weren't changing anything. "it sucks", he added at Pain silence.

 

"what happened?", Pain finally asked in deceptively mellow tone.

 

Naruto took a breath and gave a brief explanation of the matter, downplaying the extent of damage Ino's health was suffering. He didn't want Pain insisting on giving assistance him, he wanted to work for the money he'd get.

 

"hmn", was the man's only reply. Naruto's eyes closed again so as to stop from crying. He didn't know why, but he realised he didn't want Pain thinking of him as a weakling. He wanted to be viewed as strong and capable of being something other than a damsel in distress. As he felt warm a finger press on his lips, his eyes snapped open with a small gasp to see that Pain was leaning very close. 

 

"I told you to look at me when I'm talking to you". Pain's facial expression was carefully concealed, and the look in his eyes unreadable. Naruto couldn't tell what the CEO was thinking. Suddenly Pain pulled away from him and proceeded to get up. "let's go", he said. It took Naruto about three seconds to realise what was going on

 

"um... where are we going?", he asked carefully as he rose also. Keeping up with Pain could be tasking; after hearing all that Naruto just told him, suddenly getting up and asking them to get a move on was a total non sequitur, not a reaction he would expect.

 

His companion barely glanced his way as he picked up his earlier forgotten cup of coffee. For a moment, Naruto began to feel himself panic. What would he do if Pain proposed a sex related job? He didn't want to go back to that life, he really didn't want to repeat his past mistake

 

Pain cocked a brow. "you asked for a job", he deadpanned as though that answered Naruto's question.

 

The blond fidgeted slightly. "I did, but... well you didn't say what you have in mind"

 

The corner of the older man's lips lifted ever so slightly in a not-smile. "oh? You think I'll ask for your body in exchange for pay?"

 

At Naruto's deep blush, Pain's not-smile completely vanished. "much as I'd love to make you my sub, I know it won't be enough for you. You'll only do it because you have to, just like the job you just left. I'm not a sadist, I want you to be happy; I'm not a masochist, I like to be satisfied. For that reason I won't try to take advantage and force you to do something you'd rather not"

 

Naruto worried his lower lip uncertainly, "I'm sorry". And he truly was, for jumping to conclusions.

 

Pain simply stared at him and Naruto got the feeling that he'd felt insulted by the earlier insinuation. Naruto wanted to apologise again for that, feeling very ashamed, but Pain spoke before he could do so. "let's go", he said again, already making his way to the exit. Naruto followed.

 

They walked out of his work space, past his secretary's desk and in through an archway just out of sight of anyone who didn't know the place well. As Naruto walked in, he realised they were standing in a kitchen. He looked at the man in confusion

 

"you told me once that you loved cooking", Pain began to explain as he poured the mug full of now cold coffee down the drain. Naruto gave a cautious nod, still not following entirely. "I want you to cook something for me", he finished 

 

Naruto's eyes roamed round the pristine, well equipped space. There were enough implements here to work comfortably with; from the well-stocked shelves, he saw there was more than enough ingredients to put together a wide enough variety of dishes. "something?"

 

Pain smiled, "something". He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms in front of him. "I have a chef come over to make me lunch every day so its well stocked. I'd like to taste your cooking, if its up to par, I'll give you a job in one of my restaurants"

 

"your restaurant?", he echoed almost stupidly. He hadn't pegged Pain as a restaurant owner, but now that he thought of it, it wasn't a far-fetched notion. Pain was definitely a man to put in time, effort, and resources in investments.

 

"my restaurant", the man affirmed. "I own a chain of restaurants here and there, all part of the business"

 

Naruto gulped, suddenly losing whatever confidence he had. He was a good enough cook but he'd only cooked domestically- no pressure, no intention to impress, no job on the line. Of all the things he had thought up, considered, anticipated even, this was not one of them. He didn't know what to cook that will impress this man enough. For someone like Pain, taste was refined and all of those meals he'd eaten from high end chefs had to have polished his taste buds and made him have a high standard. Naruto didn't think his cooking was good enough to compete with a chef's.

 

"cold feet again?", Pain seemed to tease though there was some hardness in his tone. Naruto didn't want to lose this opportunity for being seen incompetent and lacking in confidence, yet he couldn't shake off the cold sweat forming on his forehead. "there's no need to be scared", Pain said gently, "just relax, clear your head, and pretend you're cooking for your grandkids"

 

Naruto gave him a puzzled look, "huh?"

 

A corner of the man's lips quirked. "its what my chef says", he explained with a shrug. 

 

Naruto laughed- a full, hearty laugh- which in turn made Pain smile. He realised he liked it when the man smiled. He didn't move away when Pain approached him, neither did he look aside when the man looked right into his eyes. "you'll be fine", he murmured quietly, "pick up the pieces, start again. Don't dwell too much on what holds you back. Whatever is meant for you will always make its way back to you"

 

And then he did something Naruto wasn't anticipating. Pain bent his head lower, until Naruto could feel the tingle of his breath against his lips. Without so much as a hesitant air, he placed a chaste peck on Naruto's lips, letting the sweet aroma of the coffee he'd been sipping earlier tease him. His lips glided smoothly over Naruto's, not demanding a thing, while seeming to give away so much. It felt like the touch of a gentle lover, one who placed the needs of the other first. Naruto's eyes widened some in surprise. Back when he was still an escort, one of his rules was this: no kissing. He'd never kissed any of his clients, at least not on the lips. When Pain had sex with him, he'd never made to kiss him, the feeling of the man's lips against his was foreign. It was soft and very warm, patient and understanding; not what you'd expect from such a hard man. Pain pulled away from him, running a thumb over Naruto's mouth

 

"get to work, pet", he commanded gently. "and do not disappoint me"

 

Despite the dull throb in his chest, Naruto felt himself smile again. A genuine smile it was. "grandkids", he replied, "got it"

 

***

Shikamaru's eyes remained focused on the blinking cursor on his laptop screen, he'd been staring so hard at it for a while now as though it held the answer to all the mysteries of life. He wasn't sure exactly how long, but he knew he'd been sitting in that chair for some time now under the pretext of getting some work done. Or rather, it had been his intention to get some work done, except he hadn't. He should get started, he thought idly, making no move to do so. It wasn't that he was content sitting this way, it was that he couldn't seem to do anything about it at the moment.

 

He took a lazy drag of his cigarette, wincing at the bite he felt in his throat as the smoke tinged and then tingled it. He almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of the situation: giving up the habit of smoking years ago, meeting and falling in love with a "great" guy, getting his heart broken, and falling back to the neglected habit he'd grown to despise. Now that he thought of it, it was just like a circle. He tapped the ash on his makeshift ashtray, and glared at the slim and elegant poison he held between his fingers, he really should give it up before it became a part of him again. Damn that Asuma for teaching him to light a cigarette and then dying in a fucking plane crash. If he was still alive, Shikamaru had no doubt that his mentor would've had some kind of wisdom to offer him at this point. Right now he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, tightly entrapped with no vision on how to speed up the whole "moving on" process. 

 

A click signifying his door being shut caused him to look in the direction of the archway linking his parlour to the dining area which was where he was working. Kiba's slim profile soon filled this vision, holding a box of pizza in one arm and something in a fancy looking leather on the other hand. He wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone, but it was going to be futile trying to tell that to Kiba. As long as his brother was already here, he wasn't going anywhere until his mission was accomplished.

 

Kiba stood. watching Shikamaru briefly, quickly taking in his brother's appearance: spiky hair held carelessly away from his face by a band, rumpled shirt with a few buttons hanging open- definitely what he'd been wearing at work, cigarette sitting on fine china on the table, and bags staring back at him from under Shikamaru's eyes.

 

"you look like shit", he observed casually as he began to make his way to Shikamaru. "and is that mum's china? The one you stole on her birthday?", he asked with his eyes glued to the tiny ceramic holding the cigarette.

 

Shikamaru snorted. "I feel like shit", he replied, totally ignoring the part about their mother's china. 

 

"of course you do, Shikamaru", Kiba retorted as he unburdened his arms, "you're smoking again and generally doing everything within your power to end your life as quickly as possible"

 

"go bug your fiancé, leave me alone", Shikamaru said tiredly, reaching out for the cigarette again

 

"Neji is still at work"

 

"well find something else to do, Kiba, you can't keep trying to babysit me"

 

Kiba felt himself snap. He grabbed the cigarette from Shikamaru's fingers and angrily stubbed it on the plate. "enough of this", he growled in his brother's face. "this is the last time you light one ever again, you hear me?"

 

Shikamaru scowled in annoyance. He seemed ready to speak but Kiba beat him to it. "this has to stop, man. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

 

Shikamaru scoffed. "doing what?", he asked petulantly, though he knew exactly what Kiba was talking about

 

"have you talked to him?", Kiba said by way of reply. By "him", Shikamaru knew who he was referring to. He didn't feel like having a discussion centred around himself and Naruto so he decided to take it as a rhetorical question but on seeing Kiba's cocked brow and expectant expression, he knew an answer was actually needed else Kiba won't let him be

 

"he called", came the short reply 

 

"when", Kiba was still glaring at him. Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably under his brother's scrutinising gaze

"last night"

"and?"

This time Shikamaru's gaze shifted away from Kiba. He sighed. "what do you think, Kiba?", he asked in frustration. "what else do you think he said except that he was sorry and he had an explanation"

 

Kiba's expression softened a little. "well did you hear this explanation of his?"

 

Shikamaru looked down on the table. "no", he said simply. Now that he thought about it, he probably might have been unfair- refusing to listen to the blond, taking out his anger on him. He hadn't given Naruto the chance to talk even though it was he who called to begin with.

 

Kiba sat down beside his brother and regarded him, sizing up his response to the answer he'd just received. He wanted to tread cautiously and tell Shikamaru as soothingly and carefully as possible that he was being an idiot which was in turn making him act like an ass. "you're being a jerk, a very unfair jerk", he said calmly, noticing that Shikamaru had neither winced nor showed a reaction to that statement. Which meant that deep down, he must have realised this himself. 

 

"he's trying to reach out and talk to you but you're looking the other way and its causing you both a lot of pain. All you have to do is listen to him, and if his reasons aren't viable enough, then you can decide whether or not to stay away"

 

Shikamaru let out a sigh, sinking low on his seat so that his head ended up on the backrest. "I know", he said, sounding really beat. "I know I should. It's just...", he paused as though trying to collect his thoughts to form a coherent sentence. "its just that its... I mean I'm..."

 

"I get it, bro, I really do", Kiba soothed. It was hard he knew, and it was scary. Dealing with stuffs like this wasn't easy but Shikamaru needed to find a way. Kiba didn't want him to throw Naruto away and end up regretting it in the long run. He really wanted his brother happy. 

 

"he owed me some honesty", Shikamaru said at last 

"and you owe him a chance", Kiba replied 

Shikamaru lifted his eyes to Kiba's then, looking every bit a vulnerable one. Yeah he got what Kiba was saying and the truth of it was as glaring as the sun. "we'll see", he said with a nod. Kiba nodded right back, choosing to believe him.

 

"make it soon", he replied. He stood then and reached out to Shikamaru's head, ruffling his hair as he would a kid's. "you're going to change your clothes and then we'll eat"

 

Shikamaru rose with a groan. "yes mum"

Kiba hummed. "and make it quick, don't want the icecream melting"

Shikamaru gave him a look. "you brought icecream?". Kiba never brought icecream 

"of course", Kiba shrugged, "its one of the universal comfort foods. Everyone knows you eat icecream at least once when you're heartbroken"

 

Shikamaru scoffed then began to walk away. But then he stopped and turned around, wanting to thank Kiba for being with him but his brother, seeming to read his mind, shook his head once. "someone's got to take care of your sorry ass". That was Kiba's way of saying "don't sweat it", so he didn't. With a small smile lacing his lips, Shikamaru made his way to his bedroom, wondering if Naruto had had any icecream.

 

***

 

Naruto killed the flame and opened the pot a little to let out the steam, Ino didn't like her rice any more cooked than it currently was, he did not want to chance the steam softening some; letting out the steam was a good way to prevent that. He leaned against the fridge, thinking back to his morning. It was a victory, minor though it was, a victory nonetheless. Something worth celebrating at least. Pain told him his cooking was great but it didn't meet up professionally though he'd said it could with some training. And so he'd told Naruto that he would have to let the head chef train him for a period of 6 months and that he would be paid for the tasks he was sure to be given during that period. They both knew Pain hadn't needed to do that, yet he had. He knew of Naruto's need to take care of his sister, and since he was certain the blond wasn't keen on charity, he'd made it a two way thing: training and working at the same time. The man hadn't said so but he didn't need to, Naruto could tell and he was grateful.

 

The first person he wanted to share the news with was Ino, and then, of course, Shikamaru; hell he'd already begun scrolling through his contact impulsively in search of the brunt's name and had been so close to dialing his number. But mercy chose to remind him. Instead, he'd called Ino, and she was ecstatic on his behalf. He was almost sure she would try for a mini celebration of two since it was just the both of them; Konan already left the country that morning. 

 

He sighed heavily, rubbing lightly on his sleep deprived eyes. He was exhausted- physically, mentally, emotionally- yet he was having difficulty resting. He didn't find sleep as easily as he used to, neither did it stay as long as it normally did. No point wondering why that was. He untied the apron, hung it on the rack, and left the kitchen in search of his phone. It wasn't a full twenty four hours since he'd last attempted to talk to Shikamaru, he was thinking maybe he should try reaching him again. Granted, Shikamaru might be unwilling to talk to him, and there was also the possibility of the man getting annoyed at him and asking him not to call him ever again. There was that. But there was also the possibility of the brunet actually listening to him and- if he was going to be overly positive- deciding to give them another go. He could ponder on these possibilities all he wanted, but the thing was he knew he couldn't be certain of a reaction until he tried. And he was willing to try.

 

He flung himself on the big couch and sat staring at his mobile device for as long as he debated within himself. It wasn't really a debate though, he was trying to muster as much courage as he could, you needed strength to face a fear and right now, his heart was racing with a fear of being rejected. Slowly he reached out and grabbed the device, slowly he woke the screen and began to scroll. Slowly, his thumb moved until it touched Shikamaru's name on the screen. And he waited while it rang. The ringing went on for as long as it was allowed to before it disconnected. Naruto brought down his hand and stared unfeelingly at the screen. It was no surprise that Shikamaru didn't pick up, he had kind of expected it really, which was probably why he felt nothing just a numbness creeping out from his chest and making its way down to the rest of his body. He tried again, and again, still no answer; perhaps the brunet really meant it when he'd said he needed space. Naruto gave an empty smile to the room thinking he he had all of suffocated the Shikamaru with his shit. Let it go, he thought, leave it be. But he found he wasn't able to, not without a last try. This was going to be last dial, maybe for awhile; if Shikamaru didn't pick up, he'll leave him be. He tapped on the screen again, and listened quietly as it began to ring yet again. 

 

***

 

Shikamaru heard his phone ring and with a grunt, he left the kitchen, strolling into the parlour to get it. Kiba, the fucking idiot, had left him to do the clean up after they'd eaten, saying he'd read somewhere that doing dishes was psychologically relaxing. The ass. He got to the dining room, picked up the phone, and felt his heart slam against his chest at the caller I.D. Naruto. How was he possibly calling back so soon? Shikamaru was frozen; he couldn't seem to bring his fingers to move, neither could he seem to tear his eyes off the screen. It was as though reading the name alone made the blond seem close, but yet far. He thought back to his afternoon with Kiba, remembering what his brother said about giving Naruto a listening ear instead of killing off what they had been trying to build without giving it at least a chance. What Kiba said was undoubtedly true, Shikamaru had even at the time promised to give ear; now though, he was given the chance but for some reason, he was unable to take it. Why the hell was this so difficult? Was he afraid that Naruto might have a viable enough reason? A plausible explanation? That in itself should make him happy because at least then he'll know that Naruto hadn't had a choice or that he'd thought he didn't. Yet he felt anxious, paralyzed even. He cursed under his breath as it disconnected the third time, he told himself to wait, if he called again, he would answer.

 

He stood beside the table, the phone set before him; he waited and waited some, still nothing. Shikamaru's gaze bore a hole through his mobile, he was annoyed at his stupidity and a little disappointed that Naruto didn't call again. Why wasn't he calling back? He knew what he wanted, so what was keeping him from going for it? He could call instead of waiting for the other to do so, he could also show that he wasn't willing to let go just like that, that he was willing to try. But for reasons unknown to him, he was unable to bring his thoughts to fruition. Perhaps what he needed was a little more time. 

 

He let out a breath and stepped away, walking unhurriedly back where he came from in the hopes that he Naruto might call back. Until he was out of earshot, he didn't hear his phone ring. 

 

***

 

"ahrrgghhhh that was fantastic, Naruto, thank you", Ino said for perhaps the thousandth time that evening. She hadn't stopped with the thanks and praises since dinner, after she'd finally stopped with the questions earlier: So you got a job in a kitchen? I am so proud of you! When do you begin? Next week isn't far away, you'll have to begin preparing yourself, you know? What's its name? Oh, that's a very high end restaurant, buddy, how did you do it? You know the owner? How come I don't know him too? A former client? Naruto are you sure that's ok? He won't try to__? Well if you say so. But promise to leave the job immediately if he begins to make passes at you, ok? Congratulations! And on and on. Naruto couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips listening to his sister gush, she could be really cute and just as excitable as he about stuffs.

 

"thanks", he said as he passed a plate to her for wiping. Ino took it happily, slowly humming a theme song from one of her soap operas as she worked. That was the last plate, so he began to wipe down the sink to dry, he intended retiring to bed very soon. Between his interview that morning, and Shikamaru's not picking his calls, he felt exhausted. He understood if it was that the brunet hadn't been with his device or he had been but wasn't able to pick, what he didn't understand was why he hadn't tried returning the calls or at least sending a message. Actually he understood, he understood perfectly. He briefly considered calling one last time before he went to bed but quickly cancelled out the thought before it got rooted too deep; some other time.

 

"when is Konan due to be back?", he asked with his back to Ino as he worked. He wasn't necessarily in the mood to talk, he just needed some form of distraction to stop himself from thinking. When Ino didn't immediately reply, he half turned and asked again

 

Ino blinked. "oh umm in a week", she replied a little sluggishly. Ino paused with the job, suddenly feeling too spent to even talk. One minute she was dandy, and the next, she was feeling faint. 

 

She had been feeling odd all through yesterday but it had worsened that morning, the sensation coming and going at will. She hadn't wanted to put a damper on their happy evening so she had refrained from telling Naruto; besides it hadn't been all that bad in the afternoon through to the evening. It was just as they'd begun rounding up eating dinner that she started to feel not very well. She needed to go lie down. She set the plate on the rack, leaning against the cabinet when she was hit hard by vertigo. The room was spinning, her vision was blurring; her joints burned all over, her head hurt, and she felt so nauseous. Ino opened her mouth a tiny bit and took a large gulp of air, hoping the oxygen would work some kind of magic in restoring her system to normal and clear off the suffocating mess she was becoming. She continued to breathe from her mouth, taking her time to savour the air running from her nose, through her windpipe, to her lungs, and out again. Breathe, that's it, just breathe. 

 

She shut her eyes, counted to ten, then slowly opened them. As she tried taking a step, she felt herself swoon, almost like gravity had rid the ability to keep her grounded. She tried calling out to Naruto but her tongue was too heavy, and any additional effort at trying harder only seemed to make her feel worse. What was happening? She hadn't skipped her medications, she hadn't even been feeling like her health was regressing some lately. Ino felt a cold sweat break over her forehead, and despite the coldness of the air wafting in from outside, her shirt was beginning to soak through with perspiration. She felt sticky, she needed to get out of these clothes and into something dry and comfortable, she needed a hot bath; her tongue was parched, she needed something cold to drink. With the last of her strength, Ino cautiously turned around to face Naruto, even if she couldn't walk to him, she could try calling out again, or she'd wait until he turned around.

 

She let the wood give support to her, struggling to breathe as a sharp pain ripped through her from just behind her ribs. She felt her eyes burn at the sensation, a wicked sort of pain that wasn't fading quick enough. She held still, gritting her teeth hard as the painful throbbing continued; it had come hard and seemed to keep the pace for a few seconds before slowly beginning to dissipate. Those few seconds seemed like a lifetime. It hurt, it hurt very much. She blinked rapidly to hold her eyes from leaking out the tears that had formed reflexively in response to her protesting kidneys, she would love more than anything to curl into a ball and wail her eyes out if that would help. But it wouldn't do anything except make her feel worse. She took a small step, feeling wobbly even before her foot touched the floor; it have her the feeling of trying to walk on air with zero gravity to pull her down. It was probably the hardest thing she had ever attempted to do in her entire life, but she tried. She forced her mouth open- the process seeming to take an eternity and more, feeling her tongue rise reluctantly in obedience as she tried one more time to call out

 

"na...to", she called out weakly. She was sure it hadn't made a difference, her brother couldn't have heard that. But almost immediately, Naruto half turned

 

"did you call__?", that was as far as she heard before she saw Naruto's puzzled expression morph into a horrified one. She felt herself propel forward as though someone had pushed her from behind; her legs became jelly, they couldn't hold her anymore. The floor was getting closer and closer. She was falling! She thought frantically, she needed to break the fall otherwise she would land hard on her face and break her nose. She didn't want to break her nose, she'd heard it was painful and the it'll ruin her face for as long as the injury was tender. She couldn't walk about with a face having splotches of purple, blue, and a horrible shade of yellow. She needed to... 

 

The last thing she heard was her name being yelled desperately from some faraway distance, then hurried footsteps before her world slipped into dark nothingness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe that's it. We eventually go numb; because you can't break a heart that is already broken.  
> -unknown


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all have someone we never speak of. Someone who meant so much, that even breathing their name makes your soul tremble with memories and pain.  
> \- Nikita Gill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrggghh late again. Sorry, went down with a serious bout of ulcer. Its almost 23:00 pm over here and my eyes are having a hard time staying open. 
> 
>  
> 
> Had to scribble this in less than the usual time, forgive its shortcomings.
> 
>  
> 
> And thank you all for your amazing responses, we love you much.

The sharp smell of disinfectant, the sound of light footsteps clicking hurriedly about, the steady whirls and hums coming from the vital signs machine right behind him. They were all terrifying. They made his heart beat too fast, they stopped him from thinking that all of this was some nightmare he was trapped in. This is reality, they screamed, there's no waking up from it. It had been difficult for him to shut his eyes for long; he wasn't able to shield himself away from the painful picture of his sister lying calmly on the hospital bed. She would have looked like she'd just lain for a nap if it wasn't for the feeding tubes, and the pipes attached to both her sides.

 

Naruto reached out and gently slipped his hand under her hand, he wanted to lace their fingers but he chose not to so he didn't end up upsetting the tube on that arm. The image she gave was surreal; he still felt panicky when he remembered Ino falling face first to the kitchen tiles. He had barely made it in time to her, just in time to cushion her head between his palms to break her fall otherwise she might have sustained some form of head injury considering how hard the impact would have been. The drive down to the hospital was hazy, the only things that were clear as day to him were the hard pounding of his heart, and the light weight of Ino's head resting on his thighs. Everything else had blurred: The traffic lights, the man who had been kind enough to drive them over, his own breathing, all passing by without any significance.

 

It was sad to think that after everything they'd done, it still ended up this way, Ino was going to leave him this way. He shook his head vehemently and corrected himself; she wasn't leaving, she wasn't going anywhere. He knew Ino, his sister was strong, a fighter, she wouldn't lose a battle for her life. She would survive, she would be fine. One day- he didn't know when, but he was certain that one day- they were both going to leave this hospital alive and in one piece. She had to survive, because he didn't know how he would continue to live without her. Unconsciously, his grip on her hand tightened, he didn't notice that his hands were shaking.

 

"you hear me, Ino?", he whispered to the sleeping form, "you're not walking away from me so easily. You promised that we would adopt a kitten before Christmas, that's five months away". 

 

His throat constricted as he thought of how empty their apartment would be if he was all alone in it without Ino's banter, without the sound of her stupid soap opera filling up the whole house, without the scent of her cooking to welcome him home from work. He wouldn't even have anyone to cook for at home.

 

"you can't leave", he pleaded softly, his eyes filling up to blur his vision. "you still owe me four bowls of homemade ramen. We'll make it six for the delay". He stopped to listen to the sound of the machine. "you promised", he sniffed, "you said you won't leave me again". He broke down, quietly crying, "you promised. Please Ino", he hiccupped, "please don't leave me". 

 

He wasn't expecting an answer; Ino hadn't woken up since her initial collapse back in their apartment. His breath hitched. "wake up, ok? I'll be waiting for you", he sniffed, wiping his eyes with the back of his other hand, "I'll cook you something nice when you do".

 

A cough startled him, he turned to find Dr Tsunade watching him with a careful expression. He wasn't sure how long she had been standing there or how much of his monologue she heard but her face was carefully concealed to show nothing but professional detachment. 

 

She extended a can of soda to him, "take this. It's not food, but its sugar. It'll give you a boost"

 

Naruto took it, mumbling his thanks and meaning it. He wasn't hungry, didn't think he could keep anything in his stomach, but he was grateful for her concern nonetheless.

 

She hummed an answer. "I need to talk to you". Tsunade was a brisk woman, she wasn't the type to play around or mince her words. Naruto hadn't figured out if it was because of how busy she was or if it was simply her nature but her tone kind of made him feel like he should always be on his toes.

 

"ok"

 

She silently tilted her chin in the direction of the door before proceeding out of the room. Naruto let go of Ino's hand and followed. Outside, she was waiting by the wall in the waiting area that faced Ino's bed directly. 

 

"we expected her to be awake by now", she started without preamble, still watching the sleeping form on the bed. "naturally she should only have fainted, not slip into a coma"

 

Naruto forgot to breathe. His grip on the soda tightened, "coma?". Coma? That stuff that took ages for anyone to wake up from? The same thing that people sometimes aren't fortunate enough to wake up from? His heart beat faster.

 

Tsunade noted her mistake in causing Naruto to panic and hurried to quell it. "its nothing too severe. We've run some tests and apparently her kidneys are no longer functioning. The drugs only helped some, but in the end, the disease progressed faster than we anticipated. She should have woken up but the damage had caused limited functionality in her body. This is probably a way to keep up with the body's needs".

 

Naruto nodded. By their calculations, it wasn't supposed to be for another three weeks before something like this happened. And even then, it wasn't supposed to be this bad.

 

"from what we've seen, her immune system isn't responding as it should even with our administrating antibiotics. For now, we'll begin restricting visits to her room, you'll probably not get to see her for awhile, days even. We're taking all precautions to keep possible contaminants to a minimum"

 

She waited for a reaction or questions from Naruto, he only sighed tiredly, hopefully in understanding.

 

Tsunade went on. "if we leave things like this, her body won't be able to keep fighting, it's already too weak. We're pumping her full of leucocytes but her response is too slow. We have to do the transplant as soon as possible. Before the week runs out".

 

Naruto blinked, feeling a mixture of relieve and fear. It was good they were going to do the surgery and all, there was still time to save her life. But they didn't have the complete money for the surgery and he didn't even have the slightest idea how to begin getting some cash before the week ran out. 

 

He gulped. "I... We don't have it all, we couldn't get everything before...", fuck his mouth was dry with anxiety. What was he supposed to do now?

 

Tsunade placed a hand on his shoulder. "its ok, pay in what you have for now. This is an emergency, we have a policy that lets you pay in installments as long as a half deposit is made. For now, her life comes first"

 

Naruto's eyes filled up with tears of gratitude. "thank you", he whispered sincerely.

 

"just doing my job", she replied. "in two days, if her white blood cells have multiplied enough from the treatment we're currently administering, we'll do the surgery". 

 

Her pager went off, Tsunade took it out of her coat pocket and had to look. She tsked. "another emergency", she said half to herself, "I have to go". 

 

She returned it into her pocket, then she reached out and gave Naruto's shoulder an affectionate squeeze, "go home for a little bit, get some food and sleep in your body. You won't help your sister by having a break down yourself".

 

Without waiting for his response, she took off sprinting in the opposite direction.

 

Naruto's legs sagged in relieve, he leaned against the wall in support. This was the best thing that could happen to them now; his sister could get her transplant, she would get well. She would come home. His eyes watered again, and again, he wiped them. They were going to be alright. He returned to to Ino's side with leaden legs, flopping down heavily on the chair he'd earlier vacated. He watched her; her face was eerily pale. He brushed a finger over her forehead; her skin was eerily cold to the touch. He wondered if she was cold.

 

He wasn't sure how long he sat staring at her, but soon, a doctor he believed he'd met earlier brought him back to reality with a light tap on the shoulder. She told him she was here for a routine check, she said he had to excuse them and that from now he would have to please sit outside as per Dr Tsunade's instructions. She told him to try getting some rest otherwise his body might crash. She had kind eyes. 

 

Naruto excused himself and walked out to the hall, seating on the long chair in the waiting area directly before Ino's door. When she left, she closed the door. Giving Naruto a reassuring nod, she walked away. Naruto watched her go, he remembered her name. Shizune. He shut his eyes, thinking to himself that it was a nice name.

 

***

 

The day passed slowly- uneventfully- but slowly. Aside the emergency rush that came in staccatos, the slow rhythm of the hospital was hardly altered. Naruto looked out the window to his side, he was a little surprised to see the sun shining well enough to signify that afternoon had come. The last time he'd checked, it wasn't even 10:30 in the morning. He wondered what Ino would have been doing at this time if she wasn't hospitalised. Probably working. No, it was Thursday, she didn't work Thursdays so she probably would've been home waiting to bug the life out of him when he got back from his shift. He smiled forlornly, he missed her. He missed talking to her, hearing her yap about some crazy customer, listening to her sing tonelessly while she cooked with her earpiece on- she'd argue this wasn't true even though he'd so graciously pointed out that no one could carry a tone with their ears blocked, no one could be that gifted. 

 

With a sigh, he rested against the seat and shut his eyes; as he did, he felt his pendant beat lightly on his chest- once, twice- before it stilled. It felt cool against his warm skin, very familiar. He clutched the object through his shirt, it had been a gift from Ino years ago. He'd gotten it on his eleventh birthday, his first birthday in his foster home. It had been celebrated; a small party for the family and close friends. Even as a kid, he had seen their efforts to get him settled into their home, to make him feel like he was a part of their family. But it hadn't been the same. The lights felt too bright in his eyes, the laughter forced, the joy faked; the cake had been bland in his mouth, when he'd blown his candle, his wish had been to have his sister and father back but he knew it wasn't going to come to pass so he'd ended up crying. When the time came to open his gifts, he'd done it like an automaton, his fingers deftly working through the packages, his smile firmly in place despite the heaviness in his chest. 

 

It wasn't until he'd gone through them all that he noticed a tiny little barely-there square box, wrapped in sheets decorated with smiling boars. He remembered his heart speeding up expectantly because he had known. Even back then, Ino had had a stupid fascination for pigs with horns as opposed to the usual horses with horns that girls seemed to love for no apparent reason; seeing that little thing at that moment lighted up his day a thousand fold. He'd opened it with fingers shaky from excitement, he'd seen the loving care with which it had been wrapped and it had tugged at a place in his heart, a place reserved for his doting sister alone; he had taken out the tiny box that no one might regard with significance, and he had opened it to see an oval shaped pendant beaming at him from a silver chain. 

 

And stupidly, he began to cry again. Not because he had expected something bigger, but because the unexpectedness of the accessory overwhelmed him. He had cried because the necklace whispered to his heart that his sister was near and watching. The note attached to it, bearing Ino's flowery writing, bold and elegant- just like she- was full of love. It even scented like her. That was the first time she told him that she would come get him, and he had held on to that promise for as long as he'd remained in that house. Until Ino finally got him. 

 

He felt a tickle on his jaw and reached out to touch it, his fingers met wetness. He sniffed, he hadn't known he was crying. He was tired of crying. 

 

At a sound nearby, his eyes snapped open; it was only a little kid walking beside an older woman pushing an old man on a wheelchair, he had a drip by his side. They went into the room next to Ino's. His eyes remained glued to the trio until the door was shut. Again, he looked out the window; the clouds now covered the sun, allowing for just a little light to pass through them. It was dreary, giving him a dour feeling inside. The sky was grey, maybe too grey for birds to fly in? He couldn't even see any planes in the sky. Speaking of planes, he was yet to contact Konan to tell her what happened. How would she react? It was going to be difficult for him to break it to her that her girlfriend of barely two months was hospitalised and in danger of dying. In his haste, he hadn't thought of taking along his phone; even if he had, he still wouldn't be able to reach her because he didn't have her foreign number. He would have to get it from Ino's phone and he hadn't brought that along either. 

 

And there was Pain, the boss of his new boss; he had to inform him that he wouldn't be able to start work the next week as they'd agreed. Pain would ask questions, he would demand answers, and when he got them, he would offer assistance. He had to think of a way to gently decline. 

 

He sighed again. He remembered something his dad used to say: All will be well, he would say with a smile. He would hold on to that, and replay it over and over in his head until he believed it. He tried to conjure a picture of his dad as he thought of this but it was next to impossible; instead he let Ino's face come to mind. He felt relaxed. 

 

***  
***

 

Shikamaru remained seated in his Audi, still a little unsure whether or not to step out. For all of his earlier anger, and subsequent hesitations, he'd somehow found himself parked in front of Naruto's apartment building. He had earlier thought to go for a drive, but his hands continued to steer him until he realised where he was. It was almost like he couldn't stay away, like all the times he'd spent resisting and convincing himself he needed time and space had been exhausted. He had to admit, he had been worried. Since he'd last missed Naruto's calls, the blond hadn't called back or texted. He knew he'd made a stupid mistake for not picking up at the time but it wasn't like Naruto would have known that he was staring at his phone as it rang, so the blond couldn't be mad about being ignored. Naruto hadn't reached out again, and neither had he. Two days was past and his frustration at waiting kept piling on. Much as he wanted to say he could live without Naruto and just as easily find another guy, he knew that would undoubtedly be the greatest attempt at self deceit that anyone could make. It was foolish to tell himself that Naruto didn't mean so much to him and that he could stop loving him any time soon. It would be very foolish, and he was no fool. 

 

He stepped out of the car, resisting the urge to get back in and drive away. For one, he wasn't sure what he was doing there. It hadn't been his intention to drive this way. Two, he didn't exactly have anything to say to Naruto. That wasn't true, he did have a lot to say to him but he wasn't ready to say them, neither was he ready enough to fully express these things in words. Still his legs moved. Through the street, into the building, up the stairs, to stop right in front of Naruto's door. His hand lifted but was suspended just a few inches away from the door and it remained that way until he finally got it connected to the solid wood. He rapped twice on it, and waited for an answer, flexing his fingers as he did. No answer came, neither did he hear any sounds from inside; his first thought was they were at work, he'd come at a bad time. But the second, and the most bothersome, was there was someone inside but they didn't want to open up cause it was him at the door. That was stupid, wasn't it? The door didn't even have a peephole to begin with. 

 

He knocked again and listened. Nothing. He briefly considered leaving and returning some other time, or just giving Naruto a call or something. But if they were actually ignoring him, he was going to camp out here until someone answered. He might not have felt ready to talk to Naruto earlier, but now, he kind of wanted to. He wanted to see his face, and hear his voice, and watch his gesticulations, and look into his eyes again. Those eyes that captivated him in no time; it was probably the first thing he'd fallen in love with before the boy himself. He jolted at a light tap on his shoulder. He turned back to see an elderly lady staring back at him suspiciously. Guess he must look like a suspicious being standing in front of a locked door, gazing steadily at the wooden structure, with his hair hanging low over his shoulder, diamonds glinting from his ears, and his denim shirt unbuttoned a little lower than he would've preferred. Perhaps he looked to her like a pimp but without his complete bling ensemble.

 

He cleared his throat and gave her a respectful nod. "sorry, I didn't mean to bother you with my knocking". He ignored the slight lifting of her brow. "I came to see Naruto"

 

Her gaze turned levelled and cautious. She narrowed her eyes at him, pointing to the door behind her. "I'm their next door neighbour. Who are you?"

 

Right. If he remembered correctly, he'd never before met their neighbors or any else that lived in the building for that matter. There was no way she would know who he was. 

 

"I'm his... friend". He nodded as though trying to convince himself that this was true, "his friend. I haven't heard from him for awhile, and I was worried. Wanted to see how he's doing"

 

Her eyes softened some, a sympathetic smile appeared on her lips. "oh, you didn't know?"

 

He blinked at her in confusion, "know what?". His heart was starting to feel funny, what if they'd moved? Would this woman know where they'd gone? Would she tell him? What if he tried to contact Naruto but he was unable to reach him because they were out of the city or for some other reason?

 

She frowned, "his sister collapsed three days ago. My son was visiting then, he drove them to the hospital. They haven't been back since". She sighed dramatically, "the poor child..."

 

Shikamaru tuned her out. What the hell? Ino collapsed? Had she been ill or was this something sudden? Was someone in the hospital waiting alongside Naruto? Fuck. He wished he had known about this sooner. With a hurried thanks, he began to sprint toward the stairs, vaguely registering that the woman was still talking but not really caring. He needed to get to them and make sure Naruto got some support; if he didn't want him there, fine, he would leave, but as long as Naruto didn't ask him to leave, he would be there for him. He hoped Ino was doing ok, he hoped Naruto was holding up fine. 

 

He took the stairs two at a time, trying to calculate how long the drive would take and the shortest possible route he could take to__ . He paused, he hadn't asked what hospital they were. He raced back up the stairs, luckily the woman was still staring in the direction he just came from. He skidded to a stop before her and asked what he'd come to. She told him, he recited it once under his breath, said a thank you, and dashed back down the stairs.

 

***

 

Naruto squashed the can in his hand, aimed at the bin hanging off the wall to his extreme right, and threw it. He missed. He stifled a groan, he didn't want to get up; he was too tired, his body was slowly beginning corporate unwillingly. The lack of adequate sleep and rest was taking a toll on his body. He stood gingerly, and stretched his sore limbs; before he could move though, movement to the side caught his attention. He looked to find Dr Tsunade standing over the can and giving him a disapproving look.

 

He smiled a bashful smile, "I was going to pick that".

 

She looked at the crushed item below for a little time, and without saying a word to him, she bent and picked it up. "you shouldn't continue like this", she it held up for him to see, "you can't try to survive on this alone". 

 

She threw it in the trash and continued towards him. "go home and have a proper meal, your sister isn't going anywhere"

 

Naruto leaned exhaustedly against the wall and shook his head, "who will look after her if I leave?"

 

"we will. This is a hospital, we check her very often"

 

"I mean, she needs someone here with her"

 

The doctor sighed. "Naruto, she doesn't even know we're here. She can't hear or feel anything at this point. Even if she can, she doesn't know you're here because you're sitting outside her closed door".

 

Naruto looked away, his eyes focused on Ino's door. Why wasn't she waking up?

 

"isn't there someone else you can call for awhile?"

 

He shook his head, still not looking at her. There was Konan but she was out of the country. He still hadn't called her to let her know of Ino. Aside her, he probably would have had Shikamaru here with him but they had yet to talk, so...

 

"came by to look in on a patient", Tsunade informed him, "I'll be back to check on her in a few". With a nod, she went ahead; Naruto didn't miss the concerned look she had on her face.

 

Naruto went back to his chair, and sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He understood the reasons for her concern, he could already feel it in his body, seeping down to his bones. But how could he rest when his sister was lying not fifty feet away from him, battling for her life? And it was painful because he couldn't even see her, he was siting right in front of her room but he couldn't see her. He sat up straight, blinking back the tears trying to make their way out. Crying wouldn't help, it'll only make his eyes red, and his head ache but anything other than that was more of an exercise in futility. He'd learned that already.

 

He looked out the window again, and noticed a reflection other than his on the glass; without thinking much of it, he turned to the opposite side to get a better look at the person. When he did, his breath caught. Shikamaru was standing a few feet away, tendrils of black hair falling over his face, his eyes dark and focused piercingly on him. He was breathing faster than normal, liked he'd run some. The brunet didn't move from his position, he just continued to stare at him steadily as though he was trying to get permission to move.

 

Naruto got unsteadily to his feet, feeling himself sway at the many feeling beating at him from all over: Confusion, fear, shame, sadness. Hurt. He thought of approaching the man but didn't. Couldn't actually. He couldn't be sure that Shikamaru was here because he'd heard about Ino. It could be that he'd come to see someone and missed his way, or perhaps he'd even dropped by to see the patient next door. Naruto stood facing him but made no move to approach the man.

 

Then Shikamaru moved, his stare didn't waiver as he neared. He walked calmly, steadily, a subtle wind seeming to propel him forward. Naruto's heart pounded so hard he was sure the whole ward could hear it; his palms felt sweaty, he wiped them on his jeans. Shikamaru came to a stop before him and Naruto saw his eyes held a little bit of remorse. Yes, it was remorse he was seeing in them. They stood close enough to kiss if one of them made to do so, so close that Naruto could smell him without inhaling too hard. Naruto inhaled shakily and against his choice, took an involuntary step back. Shikamaru didn't show any signs of annoyance though he was sure the man had noticed this; what the brunet did was to step close again to bridge the physical gap he'd unwittingly created. 

 

Naruto blinked at him, Shikamaru blinked back. 

 

He reached out a hand to Naruto's face, and Naruto tried not to shrink away in fear. He didn't know what to expect, but having Shikamaru rest the palm of a hand on his cheek was the last thing on his mind. He gulped, confused at the show of emotion but welcoming it nonetheless. He missed this, he needed it. Shikamaru drew his head close, Naruto let him until his head came to rest on his shoulder. He shut his eyes, and inhaled deeply. He couldn't believe this was happening, that Shikamaru was here and holding him as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. 

 

Shikamaru gently pulled them apart. "how are you?", his eyes darkened some as he looked right into Naruto's eyes.

 

Naruto gulped again. Their proximity was intoxicating. He nodded, "good", he murmured back. 

 

He felt much better with Shikamaru here, everything began to feel a little more bearable. He finally started to really, truly feel that everything would be ok. Shikamaru observed him for sometime, and seeming satisfied with what he saw, signalled to the waiting chairs. 

 

Naruto sat, the brunet sat beside him. The man's presence was more than enough to tell him that he was there. Naruto heard loud and clear. Shikamaru put his hand on Naruto's hand resting on his thigh; he squeezed gently in reassurance. 

 

Again, Naruto heard. It didn't stop his heart from breaking once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are so selfish. That even after breaking my heart, you keep coming back to make sure it can't recover.  
> -H.M 
> 
>  
> 
> And sorry for the medical terms I used wrongly here, I don't have any background in medicine and I was absolutely lazy to confirm if I used them properly. Lol
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading, I really appreciate it. Have a great weekend.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you are still my favourite chapter that I keep on re-reading night after night till my eyes are red with tears and my heart hurts from the memories of your lost touch"
> 
> \- Cynthia go // you're my favourite chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late again, I know. So sorry, but I've been busy. You'll see in fact that this chapter is quite rushed but here we go. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

Naruto's consciousness returned slowly- almost in trickles- as he became more aware of his surroundings. His eyes were still shut, he was mostly reluctant to force them open because of the light he felt reflecting on his face; it would make his eyes hurt, and it would be a fight trying to get his heavy eyes open. The hall was quiet, there were noises coming from other parts of the hospital but the ward they were was mostly quiet. He yawned tiredly, rubbing his eyes as he did but still leaving them shut when he was done with the act; he must have slept off some without even realising that he had. Fuck he was drained. 

 

He took a deep breath and adjusted his head on the wall on which it rested; a scent gently played by his nostrils. He knew that scent, his foggy brain told him, he burrowed his head upward, pressing into the warm wall supporting him. He breathed, then he got it; it scented like Shikamaru. It was faint but still very identifiable. He felt himself hope a little that the man was somewhere close by but he knew it was just wishful thinking because his brunet was nowhere close and would rather not be. He felt a sense of loss, he could almost swear that he'd seen Shikamaru not long ago but it must have be a dream born out of his heart's longings. He had been dreaming. Or had he? Without thinking, he jolted upright, his eyes snapping open as he did, and sure enough Shikamaru was sitting right beside him. He blinked as Shikamaru flexed his shoulders and finally turned to pin him with a stare; it was then that Naruto realised his head had been resting on the man's shoulder, not on the wall.

 

"bad dream?", Shikamaru asked in his quiet voice. Naruto had startled out of his sleep so abruptly the action had in turn jolted him also. He inspected the blonde's face when Naruto didn't immediately reply. The boy looked pale, his face drawn, his eyes tired; he looked like he had been pulling all nighters for days at a stretch. It made him look small, or maybe Naruto had lost some weight since they'd last seen. He took in his slightly sunken cheeks and confirmed that Naruto really did lose some weight, something he couldn't afford to to begin with. 

 

Naruto blinked, his eyes shifting away from Shikamaru's piercing gaze. "I...", he croaked. Frowning at the sound of his voice, he cleared his throat and tried again, "I'm ok". He wasn't, not really.

 

They sat in silence. Naruto thought to thank him for offering his shoulder as a pillow for him, he though to thank him for being here with him to wait. And over and over again, he thought that he needed to broach the topic on both their minds so that they could try to settle things soon if it was possible. Because he didn't know about the other man, but he missed Shikamaru and he was getting so tired of their growing distance. He threw his companion a sidelong look; he was finding it difficult to read Shikamaru's current mood to assess whether or not he was approachable at the moment. He badly needed to say something to him, or at least get him to say something. Anything would be better than this silence they were basking in. He wanted to believe that if Shikamaru was here, then that meant that they still had a chance; that there was the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation. He really wanted Shikamaru to forgive him. But If he said that he was ok with just that, then he was a liar. He didn't only want to be forgiven, he also wanted to be taken back. 

 

He felt an itch to reach towards Shikamaru and hold his hand but didn't dare, that was going to be too presumptuous. The man's being here didn't mean anything had changed between them. It could just be that Shikamaru was here for the sake of company so that Naruto wouldn't have to deal with this alone. But was it ok to assume that if Shikamaru was here, then that meant he still cared? He might not know much about stuffs like these, but he knew for sure that you didn't leave other things more important to you to spend time with someone you were indifferent to. 

 

He balled his fists tightly to refrain from giving in to his stupid thought of backing down and asked one of the questions bothering him. If nothing else, he believed he had the right to ask. "how did you know we were here?"

 

Shikamaru looked at him shortly before replying. "your neighbour told me"

 

Naruto frowned inquiringly, "my neighbour?". He couldn't remember ever introducing Shikamaru to any of his neighbours so there was no way he could have recognised any of them if he ran into them someplace. His breath caught. Except... Well except Shikamaru went to his apartment which was not possible because Shikamaru hadn't wanted to see him. Despite this, he still felt hope well up inside him.

 

"did you...?", he swallowed at the darkening of Shikamaru's eyes. The man was now regarding him with stoic eyes.

 

"yes", came the simple reply.

 

Naruto's heart slammed mercilessly against his chest. One word, and he felt himself spinning. A million thoughts raced through his head, a thousand feelings playing in his chest as lots of implications from this admission hit at him. Hope- the wicked thing- welled up some more and spread even further, telling him that there was, might, still be a chance. So perhaps he should take it now, tell him everything; he must have put two and two together by now if he was here, why not just seize this opportunity to take back what you lost? 

 

Naruto clutched hard on the hem of his shirt. He wet his lips, "I__"

 

But Shikamaru got abruptly to his feet, cutting short what Naruto had to say. "I'll get us something to drink", and just like that, he walked away.

 

Naruto stared after him sadly, feeling miserable that things still hadn't changed. Shikamaru didn't even want to talk to him, he still hated him. He blinked against the tears in his eyes; they were almost now a constant, always with him, always handy even when he didn't need them to be. He glanced at the empty spot beside him and then back in the direction Shikamaru disappeared. He felt alone.

 

***

 

Shikamaru didn't breathe until he turned the corner, where he let himself rest against the wall with his heart beating wildly away. He pressed his teeth together, annoyed both at Naruto and at himself; Naruto because the blond still looked at him with fear, trust, pain, and love. He looked beaten but somehow, Naruto looked at him with something resembling hope. He made him want to believe just about everything resting heavily on the tip of Naruto's tongue even though the blond was yet to actually say a word to him. Himself, because he should have been ready for the confrontation sure to follow their meeting. He felt he was ready to see the boy and get an explanation out of him- the same explanation Naruto had been trying to give him in the first place- and if he was able to, then he would reason with Naruto and try putting that event behind them. Because he still loved the blond, he still wanted him. He wasn't as ready for it as he thought though, he knew what Naruto wanted to say but he didn't think he had it in him to stop and listen. Naruto was hurt, but then again, so was he.

 

Shikamaru rubbed his eyes in frustration. He was yet to ask Naruto the question troubling him, he knew that if he got around to doing so, then a bigger part of his confusion would be laid to rest and his own hurt at being betrayed would of course be gently quelled. It was just that going back to that moment he'd so cruelly discovered his boyfriend's alternate lifestyle, and getting reminded yet again of the pain uncomfortably lodged in his chest was enough to put him off. Had he trusted Naruto? He had, much more than any of the few guys he'd dated. Had he loved Naruto? Damn straight he had. Did he still love Naruto? His heart clenched tightly at the answer brooding within him. Yes, it told him, more than anything in the world right now. He still loved Naruto for all he was worth, he still wanted to hold him, take him back, claim the blond as his alone, be here with him until they'd made it through this. But he also knew that without letting go, he couldn't serve as enough source of comfort to him. His presence would only be a burden to both of them and make things utterly unbearable.

 

He pushed away from the wall and made his way downstairs, easily locating the vending machine he'd spied earlier on his way up. He got a coke for himself, and iced tea for Naruto. Making his way back up, he was stopped by a very busty blonde with long lashes and an intimidating aura. She nodded a polite greeting at him, sporting a faint look of recognition in her eyes.

 

"excuse me", she began in a serious voice, are you by any chance Shikaku's son?"

 

Shikamaru nodded back at her, "yes". He didn't need to ask how she knew him; aside the fact that their company was quite popular, it was possible she'd seen him at some social function or another.

 

She nodded as though confirming an earlier thought. "I'm Tsunade, I've received donations on behalf of the hospital from your father's company"

 

She waited until she noted recognition- though slightly- in his eyes before she went on. "you're here to see someone?"

 

Shikamaru nodded again and motioned towards the stairs, they moved. "yes. They're at the ICU"

 

The blonde doctor frowned in contemplation, "recently admitted?"

 

Shikamaru's legs felt leaden as he took the stairs one at a time. "three days ago"

 

"I do rounds there, in the ICU I mean", she explained. Her mind was whirling, she was thinking on all patients admitted in that ward in three days; there had been a total of six but she couldn't point out exactly when each of them came in.

 

"the patient's name is Ino. Her brother is here with her", the fact that he'd skipped mentioning Naruto by name didn't elude him.

 

Tsunade's widened eyes was the only thing that gave off her surprise at this bit of information, "you know the siblings?"

 

"yes. I only heard of the situation today else I would have would have been here earlier"

 

The doctor walked silently beside him, wondering what their connection was but not deigning to voice out her concern, it wasn't any concern of hers and if there was one thing Tsunade was good at, it was minding her business. Without warning, Shikamaru came to a stop at the top of the stairs and faced her squarely. He noted that if he was shorter and had to stand with his eyes forward, he would be gazing straight into her cleavage.

 

He cleared his throat. "I need you to please be honest with me and tell me upfront what Ino's condition is". He knew doctors, they had this thing with keeping between optimism and pessimism which in turn got them beating around the bush. But Shikamaru wasn't interested in optimism, he was interested in the truth. Granted, he would like more than anything for Ino to survive, but he wanted the cards laid on the table so that he could know what exactly they were likely to face in the long run. He wanted to know what the odds were for or against them, for no other reason but to be mentally prepared.

 

Tsunade considered this request briefly, then settled for a short explanation. "grave".

 

Shikamaru felt his head spin. Now his worry was increasing for fear of how Naruto would take this. Much as he'd resolved to be there for the blond, he still had no idea how he would react if Ino failed to make it through. He knew for sure that Naruto will not take it well.

 

He swallowed, "chances of survival?"

 

"50-50", she replied, carefully adding, "it all depends"

 

"on?"

 

"her responses". Tsunade shoved her hands into her coat pocket and fiddled with her pager. Partiality wasn't a word anyone could associate with her; when it came to her work, she put in as much effort to treating her patients regardless of who they were. Yet even she could attest to having just a tiny bit of a soft spot for the siblings. 

 

She thought back to when Ino first walked into her office. The girl looked scared shitless, as though she'd just witnessed the beginning of the prophesied apocalypse. She would never forget Ino's expression when she got an explanation of her test results, and she would never forget that protective instinct that immediately gripped her. Unconsciously, she'd begun regarding Ino as she would her own daughter and she made a promise to herself to do all that she could afford to to see the girl put this episode behind her in one piece. Her sentiments though were not obvious to anyone, she had them carefully concealed behind her hard exterior as always.

 

"we're administering a number of treatments right now to strengthen her defense system before we do the surgery. The quicker her response, the quicker the possibility of carrying out the procedure".

 

Shikamaru knew there was more she wasn't saying, possibly she was reluctant to say for the sake of not giving false hopes or causing premature despair. But he needed to know. He fixed her with a levelled stare which she silently read.

 

She sighed in concession, admiring his sharp wits. "if she doesn't respond as expected, we'll have two options left open. First being to go on with the transplant and pray it's a success. In situations like these, the patients most often die on the surgery table from an inability of the immune system to keep up, or they die afterwards from organ rejection".

 

She paused to inspect the brunet, he looked calmer than most would've been. He looked like he was calculating, weighing, deciding. She had to admire his mental strength, it was quite advanced for a 24 or 25 year old. Now that she thought of it, if she had gotten married back when she was supposed to, she would've had a child his age. Maybe older? Either way, she hadn't, it was too late now.

 

She cleared her throat and pressed on. "second, wait for the treatment to work some before proceeding. The pro being that it increases her chances of coming out of the theatre alive. A major downside would be waiting too long with no improvement until it becomes too late to do anything".

 

Shikamaru frowned at all the grim options presented to him, none any much better than the other in an actual sense. If only there was one without the mention of death.

 

"I haven't told Naruto all this yet", Tsunade pointed out to him with a knowing look. Meaning he shouldn't say a word to the boy just yet. He nodded his acquiescence, if need be, he would find a way to gently break it to him. They began to move in one accord. Just before they took the turn that'll lead to where Naruto sat, the doctor paused. 

 

"if I may, can you try to persuade Naruto to please go home and get some rest? He's been here since his sister was brought in, and I haven't seen him eat anything note worthy. Plus there's no way he could rest comfortably on that chair"

 

"I'll make sure he passes the night at home"

 

"thank you"

 

They would've shaken hands, but Shikamaru's hands were full. They settled for a companionable nod and with that, went their separate ways.

 

***

 

Naruto took the iced tea extended to him but he didn't immediately open it. Shikamaru sat heavily beside him, still maintaining their earlier physical proximity through a clear emotional distance.

 

"how long has this been going on?" 

 

Naruto looked at him in slight confusion, not really understanding what he was talking about.

 

"Ino", was Shikamaru's explanation.

 

Naruto blinked down at the drink trapped between both his palms. "umm exactly two years"

 

Two years. Shikamaru turned the information over and over in his head. Two years. Meaning he could assume that this was the reason for Naruto cheating, this was why he let men have sex with him for pay. This right here was the reason the boy had broken his heart, and this was the reason he so fervently insisted he had. It was to save his sister untimely death.

 

He opened his coke with a bit of anger. "the doctor said you haven't been home since you came".

 

Naruto gave him the look of a deer caught in headlights. "I shower in the male nurses' bathrooms every day", he mumbled a defence as though it made any difference.

 

"still you need a bath, food in your stomach, and proper sleep"

 

"I rest ok"

 

Shikamaru took in his haggard appearance: uncombed and untamed hair, dark circles around his eyes, hopelessly rumpled shirt, and his overall exhausted state. "you don't"

 

Naruto's eyes instantly turned beseeching, their blue sparkling an intense plea. "but I can't. There's no one here to stay with her__"

 

"I'm here, aren't I?", Shikamaru gently interrupted in understanding.

 

"but I can't leave you here, she's my sister...", he drifted to a stop.

 

"does that make it the reason I can't stay with her?"

 

"no it's just, she's, well... She's my responsibility"

 

Shikamaru laid a hand on Naruto's and squeezed, "I know. That's why I'll stay until tomorrow so you can get enough rest before you come back".

 

Naruto's eyes widened. "tomorrow? Shikamaru I'm not leaving you here alone until tomorrow". It wasn't Shikamaru's obligation to stay past a comfortable time to take care of his sister while he rested at home in a comfortably warm bed. It had been his intention to persuade the man to go home when evening came. And evening had come.

 

"I'll drop you off and pick you up tomorrow", Shikamaru replied with finality.

 

"but what about your work", Naruto tried weakly, already knowing he was defeated.

 

"I'll deal with that". After a brief moment of silence, he added, "we'll leave in twenty. Would you like to see her before we go?"

 

Naruto shook his head sadly, "I'd love to, but I'm not allowed. No one can see her for now".

 

Shikamaru understood the caution the doctors were taking though he couldn't help feeling bad for him, "it's all for her own good". And yours, he added silently. 

 

All was for Ino's health and to make sure she lived through this current bout. If she lost her life from their carelessness, Naruto would be the one to suffer more; he would've lost much more, and his grief would surpass any point either of them could ever imagine. He had to hope that when all was said and done, they'd get their happy ending. And he wasn't talking about just the siblings alone. 

 

***

 

The ride down to their apartment was quiet. Naruto's tiredness didn't stop him from being nervous all through the drive. He wondered what Shikamaru was thinking, he wondered if the man would tear his arm away if he dared go ahead to lay a hand on it as he'd wanted to all day. He still wanted to open their earlier conversation and continue from where they stopped but he wasn't all too certain that it was an attempt that would be appreciated. He leaned against the seat and began to ponder upon his life for the millionth time in one week. He wished there was a way to find out if everyone at a point had to go through stuffs like this, with every single person they loved either gone or at the verge of leaving. He wanted to know if this was how things normally happened and how the story usually ended, but there was hardly anyone he knew at the moment who he could compare his life with.

 

When the car pulled to a stop, he opened his eyes and spared a look at his companion. Shikamaru's eyes were glued to his front, his hands tight on the steering wheel; Naruto had every cause to suspect that the brunet kind of anticipated what was brewing in his mind. So he asked himself again if he should go ahead and try, see if maybe this time Shikamaru would at least talk to him. He opened his mouth, but no words came out of it. He shut it, swallowed hard and tried again but his presently parched tongue was not cooperating. He toyed with the idea of saying a hurried "bye, see you later" and bolt into the building; 'toyed' being the operative word because he didn't think he was going to be able to run away again.

 

He had long decided to give honesty a chance. It was too late now, the bad deed had been done; still, it was worth a shot. Even if there couldn't be the happy ending every fairytale painted, at least he could say he'd sincerely apologised and done all that needed to be done to clear the air. His guts twisted painfully. That would never be enough for him, that would be the most painful thing his heart would have to fight through but it wasn't within his powers to coax Shikamaru into staying with him when all was said and done.

 

His eyes burned, causing a slight blurring of his vision. He wanted to do all of that, but Shikamaru wasn't giving him a chance. He thought back to the times he'd made the move to but met a blockade at each turn. Shikamaru hadn't really been open to hearing him out; the man was hurt, sure, and that was why he'd stayed away. But how about now? He'd come to their apartment, rushed over to the hospital when he heard about Ino, and offered to assist in the way he could. By normal standards, those were indications of his willingness to move on. He was therefore finding it difficult to reconcile Shikamaru's attitude with the above mentioned acts.

 

"this was why, wasn't it?", Shikamaru's distant voice broke through the silence.

 

Naruto's heart stuttered in shock. He couldn't dare look at the man, he was afraid he would see something he was better off not seeing. The questions wasn't one in need of further explanations; it was curt and straight to the point. This was why he'd become an escort, why he'd slept with clients, why he'd cheated when they began to date, why he'd never gotten around to telling Shikamaru any of it. All of those events revolved around one thing, namely: Ino.

 

He picked at an invincible lint on his jeans and nodded, "yes".

 

"why didn't you tell me? Did you think I would've stopped loving you?"

 

Naruto clasped both of his shaky hands and shoved them between his knees. Had he thought Shikamaru might have stopped loving him? Yes, he had and that was probably why he'd been very self preserving from the start. 

 

He wet his lips. "I didn't want to talk about Ino's health. I mean, I didn't think I was in the position to tell anyone about it"

 

"and the part about that job?"

 

Naruto could taste the spite pouring out of every syllable. "I thought... I'd wanted to tell you many times but I felt if I did you'd ask me to leave and if I refused, you'd want to know why"

 

"of course I would've asked you to leave", the brunet sneered back at him, "every man in my position would".

 

Naruto hung his head. "I really wanted to tell you, I swear I was really close to__"

 

"then what stopped you?!". Naruto noticed Shikamaru's hands had tightened more on the wheel. His knuckles were white, the bones looking like they were going to break skin and pop out any moment.

 

"I didn't want to hurt you", the blond whispered back painfully. That wasn't right, he thought, the one he hadn't wanted to hurt was himself.

 

Shikamaru's hands dropped from the wheel. "you want me to believe you had my interest at heart while you kept lying to me?". He flexed and unflexed his hands, "you think doing what you did didn't hurt?"

 

Naruto pushed further into the seat, trying to hide his face in shame. Shikamaru was right, in doing what he'd done, he had inadvertently hurt him instead of preventing it as he had initially set out. 

 

"I'm sorry", he said simply for lack of anything else to say. And he was truly sorry, for hurting the man he loved and who loved him back regardless of all their differences. He was sorry he had gotten his own heart shattered to pieces, and he was so sorry he was handicapped at fixing what he had broken.

 

"did you...", Shikamaru paused for a gulp, "do you have feelings for any of them?", he asked with something resembling fear lacing his tone.

 

Naruto whipped his head to his companion, gaping at him, "no, I don't. I don't love any of them". 

 

He didn't. There was of course the possibility of him growing to love any of the ones who had offered to have him for themselves but he hadn't given in. Not to Kabuto, not to Pain. He could have loved any one of them if he'd given it the chance but he hadn't. And it was because of the man sitting beside him.

 

"you're the only one I love", he muttered more to himself than to Shikamaru.

 

Shikamaru roughly rubbed a palm over his face, "can I really trust that?"

 

Naruto's hurt dug deeper than it had been mere moments ago. "I don't have a reason to lie to you anymore". 

 

A stretch of silence followed his admission so he thought to do the only thing he could think of doing. He pushed open the passenger door, but before he climbed out, he glanced up at Shikamaru's hooded face. 

 

"I'm sorry. I know you're sick of hearing me say it but I'm really sorry. And I do love you. Even if you don't believe anything else I tell you, know that it wasn't a lie. None of it was a lie". 

 

He didn't wait for a reply because he knew none was coming; he let himself out, said a thank you, carefully shut the door, and made his way to his empty home.

 

***

 

Naruto sat on the floor of his bedroom, feeling all sort of battered at his earlier talk with Shikamaru. Amidst the myriad emotions plaguing him, he vaguely remained aware of what he needed to do before his return to the hospital the next day. He had to contact Konan, there was also Pain to talk to; then he had to have a bath- not the showers he'd been having for days in the hospital- but an actual bath. He would cook something to eat just so he didn't have to lie to Shikamaru when the man asked if he'd had meal. He would pray for his sister's recovery, he would lie in bed and hopefully slip into a restful sleep. That was the plan.

 

He got up to make his way to Ino's bedroom so he could get her phone but when he got to her door, he couldn't bring himself to push it open and step in; standing at the threshold with his hand wrapped around the knob, he held still, almost like he expected the boogeyman to be waiting for him in there. He released the knob and instead retreated back to his bedroom. Numbly, he stripped off his current attire and stepped into his bathroom. The next forty-five minutes consisted of him crying his eyes out under the shower for no particularly identifiable reason other than his heart needed release, followed by a quick but efficient scrub, and a change of clothes done rather numbly. Instead of going into Ino's room to get her phone as he'd earlier intended, he bypassed her door and went into the kitchen. He tried to close off all images of his sister standing at the gas stove either cooking or watching him cook while she entertained him with her infinite number of conversation topics. He couldn't say he was absolutely successful in his venture, but at least it wasn't as vividly tormenting as it ought to have been. 

 

He made a light meal of spaghetti with lots of vegetables he could've done without. He ate it all anyway, not because it was tasty in his mouth but because he needed to fulfil all righteousness. He shoved forkful after forkful into his mouth, feeling it turn to ash as he chewed, all the while thinking how to gently pass on to Konan the events of the past three days. He wasn't sure what her reaction would be like mainly because he didn't know her well enough yet to make such predictions. But he knew she was as logical and controlled as they came, he could therefore bank on her not being a drama queen about it.

 

When he was done eating, he cleared the place up but he was too tired to do the dishes so he simply dumped them in the sink and returned to the big couch. As he flung himself on the cushion, he felt something hard probe a butt cheek, a closer inspection revealed Ino's phone hiding behind a favorite throw pillow of hers. Seemed like she had left it there the night she collapsed. He considered dialling Konan then but he was met by another trouble: He wasn't all too sure he could afford an international call, they were usually expensive. He massaged his throbbing temple, vaguely wondering if there was some aspirin in the medicine cabinet. He didn't want to sleep with a headache.

 

As if on cue, Ino's phone started to buzz rather rudely, it made him startle. On the screen was an unknown number but the zip code wasn't from within the region. Harbouring the possibility of it being Konan, he picked.

 

"hello?", he winced at the roughness of his voice. It sounded dry and almost completely lifeless in his ear. He tried again after a swallow.

 

"Naruto?", came Konan's own voice slightly broken by static.

 

"yes. Hi"

 

He heard her release a relieved sounding breath. "I've been trying to get to you both for days. What happened?"

 

Naruto shifted uncomfortably. He would've preferred they made small talk for a little time so that he could find an opening to ease into his main objective. "right, sorry about that", he replied. He knew he probably sounded stupid but that was the best he could come up with in reply.

 

"its ok. Well what happened? Where's Ino?", Konan asked with all the concern of a girlfriend who had missed her girlfriend.

 

Naruto gulped, best get it over with. "there was an... Incident"

 

"incident?", was the reply when he supplied nothing else.

 

"yes. We've been in the hospital"

 

For a moment all he could hear was Konan's breathing amidst the awful static. "what happened? Someone got hurt?"

 

Naruto rubbed his thumb and index finger over his eyes. "no... I mean yes. Kind of...", what the hell was stopping him from being plain about it?

 

"where's Ino?". Naruto could only let the quiet say what he wasn't able to. "it's her, isn't it?", he could make out Konan's voice shaking slightly. "Naruto", she pressed almost desperately.

 

The static miraculously cleared.

 

"yes", he let out a breath before continuing. "we'd just had dinner, she collapsed suddenly while we were doing the dishes"

 

"when this this happen?", she rasped out

 

"three days ago. It's why you couldn't reach us. I left both our cells while I was hurrying out"

 

"where is she now?", Konan's voice betrayed her turbulent emotions.

 

"hospital"

 

"Naruto?", she asked after a moment.

 

"yes?"

 

"please be truthful. Is she...", she hesitated, like she was afraid to ask because she absolutely dreaded the possible answer. Naruto patiently waited for her. "is Ino still alive?"

 

The question came tentatively with a fear of what the answer possibly could be. It would have been more difficult than this if he had to reply in the negative.

 

"yes"

 

She let out a relieved sigh. "thank God", she let out another grateful breath. "what's her condition?"

 

He heard a faint rustling and a distinct beep. "she's kind of in a coma__"

 

"coma?", Konan sounded scared and very shocked.

 

"they said it wasn't very critical", he hurried to placate her just the way the doctor had done with him. "just that her system is working through some sort of infection"

 

"God. Naruto, is she going to be ok?", she whispered fearfully. Naruto knew she meant it as 'please tell me she's going to be ok'. Now, much as he'd want to say so and believe it himself, he didn't want to give them both false hope. He wanted to be positive but he had to be diplomatic about it. 

 

"I hope so", he whispered back, the rest of his words were swallowed by the sob that was close escaping his throat.

 

Without warning, Konan let out a frustrated ejaculation followed by a muttered string of curses.

 

"Konan?"

 

"sorry. It's just that all flights out of Russia today are cancelled. Bad weather". After a series of rapid taps, she let out an agonised groan, "shit", she complained.

 

"it's fine, you can leave early tomorrow"

 

"yeah, I just booked". She sighed again, "I'm so sorry, I should be there with you". She sounded a bit calmer than a few seconds ago though there was still an undercurrent of fear in her tone.

 

"it's fine, it wasn't like I told you earlier"

 

"are you still in the hospital with her?"

 

"no. My... Shikamaru's there". He half feared that Konan would ask how they were doing or what they were trying to do to mend their broken relationship. But apparently the woman knew discretion; she very tactfully went around the subject.

 

"get some rest kiddo", she said sympathetically, "I'll see you in a few hours, alright?"

 

"kay. I'm sorry I couldn't get to you before today"

 

"it's not your fault", she gently waved his apology aside.

 

They said a quick goodbye, and after further reassurances of seeing him soon, Konan let him off the phone. He briefly thought of calling Pain but he didn't feel up for another round of explanations. He was tired. Tired, he thought groggily as he turned off the lights and made his way towards the bedroom, he was using that word very often lately. When he got to Ino's bedroom door, he made the detour without needing to think about it, and paused by the currently open door to take the room in. He smiled faintly; the joyful colours, the playful decor, the neatly stacked closet, a portable shelf holding a small array of books, the scent. They all screamed Ino. Being in her bedroom was like being inside his sister's own tiny little world, he didn't want to leave it just yet.

 

He shut the door behind him as he walked in. He laid on her bed gingerly, almost expecting her to jump out of her closet and harp on about him rumpling her well made bed. Though he normally would have found something of that nature annoying, at this point, it would have been comforting. No such comfort came. He turned out the light, grabbed a hold of an impossibly fluffy pillow, cuddled it tight in his arms, and shut his eyes.  
In no time, his body's weariness overtook his fears, numbing every prickling pain his heart felt, and silencing every murmur of doubt stinging deep in his mind; Naruto soon drifted off to a quiet, dreamless sleep where even the naggings of life failed to reach him.

 

***

 

Shikamaru made a quick detour to his apartment after dropping Naruto. He rushed through a shower, had a quick change into warmer clothes, and set off at a speed. He'd told Kiba what happened and where he would be for the night when he called to explain why he was going to be late to the office the next day. Kiba understood, wanted to join him but Shikamaru was adamant in his refusal. Kiba's workload had increased significantly over a few days, which in turn triggered his migraine; he needed his brother getting all the rest he possibly could. When Kiba failed to convince him, he offered Neji but Shikamaru declined also; Neji was supposed to stay back and take care of Kiba. 

 

He sat back in the chair, trying to get comfortable but this proved an impossible feat. How the hell had Naruto managed to spend three whole days on this thing and still claim to have been able to rest on it? His body momentarily stilled as he thought of Naruto. His Naruto, his blond. Before Naruto left him in his car, he'd said he loved him, he's said that none of what they had was a lie. And looking at things logically, he should believe; everything was now before him, clearly straightened out. The way Naruto looked at him was so honest and heart wrenching that he'd felt himself falter. He believed now that Naruto had not deliberately done what he did, he simply did what he thought he'd had to. Yes, he totally got it, but why was it so hard to act on this new knowledge? It should change everything now, set them on a different track; he should be happy that truly what they had was real and not just a product of his wishful thinking. He should be, but he wasn't. And he could not figure out why that was. For all the strength of his IQ, and the tons of smartness he was blessed with, he could not figure out matters of the heart. He should try talking to someone. 

 

He shifted uncomfortably on the chair and with an annoyed groan, got to his feet. He glared at the deathtrap, wondering if perhaps the hospital left chairs that could give one a spine injury out here on purpose. Fucking piece of trash, next time he saw that busty doctor, they were going to talk about the chairs.

 

"I'm not sure why you're glaring at the chair, but its not going to be as effective as you think". Shikamaru whipped his head in the direction of the voice to meet Neji's amused face. "punch a wall, it works better".

 

Shikamaru relaxed a little and smiled at his friend, "I'll hurt my hand"

 

"lucky for us princess, this is a hospital. You'll get treated immediately".

 

Shikamaru chuckled in amusement, throwing himself back on the abominable structure. "what are you doing here?", he asked the now advancing man, "I said I was ok".

 

Neji sat beside him with a sigh, "just as soon as you ended your call with Kiba, he made my hair into a bun, dressed me up and sent me out of my apartment". 

 

This got a grin out of Shikamaru, he should've known Kiba wouldn't give up so easily. "it's a pretty neat bun", he commented while observing the glossy hair piled atop Neji's head.

 

Neji grunted happily in agreement. "anyway he asked me to give you this". He picked up a grocery bag and set it on Shikamaru's thighs, "food", he explained.

 

"he cooked?"

 

Neji let out a laugh at Shikamaru's horrified expression, "nah. They're McDonald's. Kiba was sure you hadn't eaten, I said you had. We made a bet", he glanced sideways at Shikamaru, "which of us is the winner?"

 

Shikamaru's stomach growled loudly in response.

 

"damn it", Neji muttered good naturedly under his breath.

 

He took the burger Shikamaru extended to him and began to unwrap it while his companion got the other out for himself. They ate in comfortable silence for a little while before Neji spoke again.

 

"so what's this whole business about?"

 

Shikamaru shook his head, "was shocked when I found out, he never said a word about it to me". They lapsed briefly into a silence broken only by the sound of crunching vegetables. 

 

"he told me she's had this condition for about two years now", Shikamaru went on, "it's pretty dire right now. She needs immediate surgery".

 

"surgery? As in...?"

 

"transplant"

 

Neji's eyes narrowed some, "donor?"

 

"already have one, just need to administer some treatments first before they begin the procedure"

 

"and Naruto?", Neji noted the stiffening of Shikamaru's body beside him. "how's he holding up?"

 

Shikamaru relaxed again, "better than you might expect, except he's beginning to look weaker. Like he can't keep up the strong front for very long"

 

"you're worried about him", Neji pointed out with a nod. The say he'd said it didn't seem like he was waiting for an answer and Shikamaru didn't bother with one. 

 

Neji remained in silence, chewing slowly like he was chewing on something other than his food. He looked to Shikamaru like he was putting together, and then considering.

 

"this changes things", the man finally stated.

 

He didn't need to explain the statement, Shikamaru understood clearly. "I know"

 

Something in the way he said this made Neji cock a brow at him, "do you?"

 

Silence.

 

"have you two talked about it?"

 

"kinda"

 

Neji's already cocked brow lifted even higher, "kinda?"

 

Shikamaru shifted uncomfortably. He hated it when Neji subjected him to an interview, it was usually disconcerting. He wondered if Neji secretly had a degree in psychology. "well he tried to at first but I wasn't able to... But we kinda did when I dropped him off"

 

"kinda. The presence of the word 'kinda' dims the effect all else you've said"

 

"we didn't talk so much about it", Shikamaru explained, "he wanted to, but I think he was kin__ a bit scared because he wasn't sure I'd want to". He picked at the greasy paper used to wrap the burger. He was angry at himself for that, no one could accuse Naruto of not trying, and no one could not call him a dick at this point.

 

"he said it wasn't a lie. That he still loves me and that he doesn't have any reason to lie to me anymore". Neji's silence prodded him to keep talking, "I know he's not lying, I'm sure of it, but I don't know what to do".

 

Shikamaru felt like he was talking to a shrink, and God knows he hated shrinks. But Neji was no shrink, so he kept going. "I mean I do still love the kid, I want to start afresh and pretend this didn't happen but there's just a part of me that's finding it difficult to reconcile the whole matter".

 

He frowned at the wall, "I feel conflicted. Torn. Maybe I was kind__ a little scared that it was for some other stupid reason, and finding out that it was just a little justified gave me a pause. Like I no longer have a reason to be angry". 

 

And he wanted to be angry; he wanted to smash things, and rip stuffs apart to take his frustrations out of his system. But there was no one to be angry with any longer, no one he could blame for his hurt feelings or his broken heart. He'd had something to hold on to as a cause for his anger but it was suddenly snatched out of his hand; he was now left with a bunch of unvented feelings with no reason at all to have had them in the first place. Someone should be smirking at him and saying 'I told you so', or 'you should have listened to him', or something. But no one was saying anything, no one was calling him a jerk for his inconsiderate behaviour. Even Naruto had not said 'this is what I was trying to tell you'. The silence was beating hard at him.

 

"when he left me yesterday, he sounded defeated, like he had given up trying to fight and is just resigned to whatever came his way from here on". 

 

He didn't want Naruto to give up, just the thought was enough to cause trepidation to crawl up his spine. He gave a bitter smile, he was a selfish asshole. A sadistic piece of shit.

 

"you still care about him anyway", Neji finally thought to speak, "that's why you're here".

 

"that's why I'm here", Shikamaru agreed.

 

"you need time to deal with all that feeling inside you. Right now you don't know what to do with it and there's no time to do anything about it. But when all this is over, withdraw, find some time alone, sort through every single thing. And when its clear to you, you can decide where to go from there". 

 

Neji wrapped up his half eaten burger and put it back into the bag, re-emerging with a coke which he extended to Shikamaru, "there's no hurry, not in things like these".

 

Shikamaru took the bottle with a grateful nod. Having understood each other, they once again lapsed into a comfortable silence and waited in each other's company as the night passed slowly. 

 

***

 

Naruto sat slowly up in bed, the effort taking much more time than it ordinarily should. He leaned back against the headboard and gave a dramatic yawn. He blinked, his eyes wandering around the room without recognition. He frowned, trying to remember where he was and how he had gotten here. He shook his head vigorously, hating that he was terrible in the mornings; too slow in everything, thoughts included. He rubbed his eyes and tried to retrace his steps the night before. They came in flashes but ended with him being dropped off by Shikamaru and him calling Konan and... Right, he'd slept in Ino's room not his. He hugged the pillow he'd held on to and buried his nose in it; he was thinking of the things he had to do for the day, top of which was to call Pain. Yes, he thought not entirely too clearly, he had to call Pain. 

 

Forcing his body to respond in time, he reached for his phone and dialled. He picked at the first ring.

 

"morning, pet", came the lazy drawl.

 

Unconsciously, Naruto felt himself relax with a small smile. "good morning"

 

"thinking of me first thing in the morning? I'm flattered", the baritone teased

 

Naruto gave a small chuckle, "you wiggled your way into my dream"

 

"your dreamt of me? This keeps getting better"

 

"actually it was a nightmare"

 

"a nightmare where yours truly saved the blond one, thereby saving the day?", the man happily guessed.

 

Naruto's smile was likely to split his face in half, "you were the Freddie"

 

"ouch", Pain groaned with a chuckle. "so, how are you?".

 

Not entirely doing well, he thought, "I'm great"

 

"getting set for work? Its in a few days, you know. I put in a good word for you, and the chef is really great, so there's no need to be nervous".

 

Naruto smiled at his not so subtle clucking, he was lucky to have kept the man's acquaintance, or rather he was lucky that Pain wanted to keep his acquaintance despite their class difference and even after he'd refused to be exclusively his. Shikamaru had asked if he loved any of the men he'd slept with, he'd said no. Yet he knew somewhere inside of him that he could grow to love Pain if things were different between them.

 

"umm actually I wanted to talk to you about that".

 

Pain went silent for so long Naruto started to think they'd disconnected. The man finally sighed. "I guess you feel uncomfortable after all", he said tightly, "if you no longer__"

 

"what? No, that's not it"

 

"no?"

 

Naruto could almost see the man's brow cock in question. "no. It's just... Well something's come up, it's urgent and it might take a while to resolve. I wanted to ask if you could please let me start a little later than next week".

 

Pain maintained an unreadable silence on the other side that kind of made Naruto feel uneasy. He went on, "I'm sorry. I know this is impromptu but it just kind of came up and... Please?"

 

"what sort of matter is it?"

 

Naruto gripped his phone harder, "family".

 

Again the silence. Naruto thought wildly: Pain might be upset about the sudden change in plans, he probably thought he wasn't serious about the job, maybe Pain thought he should have given it to someone else. Much as Naruto wanted to say the man could let someone else have the job, he couldn't bring his tongue to work that way. Truth was he needed that job, he wasn't sacrificing it with his own hands; if it was going to be taken away, Pain would have to be the one to do so himself.

 

"something I can assist with?"

 

"it's fine, really, we've got things under control", he swallowed at the lie and prayed Pain didn't ask keep asking questions. He didn't think he would be able to keep up with the lie.

 

"if you need me...", the man opted to say. Naruto thanked God for his understanding.

 

"thanks. I'll let you know". He was certain Pain was not all together satisfied but still the man didn't press the issue.

 

"take all the time you need, the job is not going anywhere"

 

And Naruto finally breathed a sigh of relieve. "thank you", he whispered gratefully.

 

"it's fine. As long as you remember I'll be here if you need anything"

 

"I will"

 

They made small talk for a short time, before Pain finally said goodbye. 

 

***

 

When Naruto caught sight of Shikamaru, the brunet was standing right before Ino's door, talking to Dr Tsunade. Their voices were hushed and their faces looked very serious. He felt his heart skip a beat. With his pulse racing, he hurried over in an attempt to join them but before he got there, they separated. The doctor nodded an acknowledgment and hurried away, most likely to see another patient, while Shikamaru looked at him in surprise.

 

"I thought I told you I'll come pick you up?"

 

Naruto shifted from one foot to the other, feeling a reserve of the nerves from the previous days tingle from his belly down to his toes. "yes but I was up early so..."

 

With a sigh, Shikamaru pressed a hand on his lower back and led him to the waiting chairs. Naruto felt a worrisome tinge where he was touched; as soon as Shikamaru's fingers made contact with his back, his heart skipped a beat; it might sound cliché but he didn't think there was any other way he could describe it. The touch was light enough to remind him of the Shikamaru he knew, but demanding enough to make him stay on his toes. It was weird how a single gesture or look could tell you more than words themselves would.

 

"I saw Neji drive out. I waved but I think he didn't see me".

 

"he came over to wait with me last night. I told Kiba what happened, he was there so he came over"

 

Naruto blinked, he was surprised but grateful nonetheless for their thoughtfulness. He made a mental note to call Kiba or maybe send him a message later. 

 

He took out the meal pack in his side bag and handed it shyly to Shikamaru, "I made you a sandwich", he explained with a blush, "sorry, I could have made something better but I was in a hurry".

 

From the way Shikamaru stared at it before shifting his gaze to him and then back to the sandwich, he was almost sure the man would decline. But his expression relaxed a little and Naruto saw the ghost of appreciation pass over his face, "thank you".

 

"it's nothing", he replied with a small shrug. He waited until Shikamaru had taken a few bites before he spoke again. "what were you and the doctor talking about?". 

 

The fear was apparent in his voice. Every single interaction in the hospital gave him a reason to pause, every time he sighted the doctor, he became jittery whether or not her expression was grim. But it was quite worse today, the look he'd seen on their faces didn't let his stomach settle. He waited expectantly while Shikamaru swallowed, the action seeming to take an eternity.

 

"she told me Ino was responding fine", Shikamaru paused and regarded him with a gentle look in his eyes, Naruto didn't know what it made him feel but he knew for sure that his heart shook some more. "and that they're likely to do the surgery soon".

 

He gulped, "soon?". Soon. If he was standing, he would've had to sit at this bit of news due to the sudden weakening of his legs.

 

"two, three days tops", this reply came with a slight narrowing of his eyes. He was watching Naruto's reaction carefully for a sign of distress. He could see the fear clear as day all over him but other than that, he seemed to be steady.

 

"you think they can?", he asked in a voice that made Shikamaru touch his hand gently.

 

"of course. And I believe she'll pull through", he added, truly believing it.

 

Naruto nodded in a faraway manner, his eyes not exactly fixed on Shikamaru. "me too". He turned scared eyes back on his companion, "she would, wouldn't she?". 

 

He'd sounded like a little kid, and that in turn made Shikamaru squeezed the hand still nestled in his, "let's hope".

 

***

 

A day later, standing quietly outside Ino's door after the doctor checked her. He received news from a serious faced Tsunade that they were proceeding with the surgery in exactly six hours. Having no one else to call, he called Shikamaru and waited with a shaky heart and a prayer on his lips as he counted down the minutes. Nothing at this point could be worse than the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The uses of sorrow.
> 
> (in my sleep I dreamed this poem)
> 
> Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.
> 
> It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.
> 
> -unknown 
> 
>  
> 
> For those who might be wondering what Naruto meant when he said Pain was the Freddie in his dream: Freddie is the killer in the thriller 'nightmare on elm street'. He kills by getting into people's nightmares, hunts them, and then kills them there.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I drink these memories like fine wine, getting drunk on your ghost each night.  
> \- Jessica Katoff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I've been MIA and I'm sorry for doing that with no warning at all. I can now update and all because school is officially on break and I've got just work to worry about. 
> 
> So I'm sorry. For the delay and for disappointing anyone who looked forward to reading this new chapter weeks ago.
> 
> We've got just one more chapter to go. It just so happens and we'll simply roll with it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this update.

Naruto wasn't able to sit still for more than a second to save his life. As the time rolled by, his anxiety increased in such manifold that after just thirty minutes of waiting, he was sure he would combust. He wrung his fingers silently, feeling a little parched but unable to go down to get a drink. They still had a little over five hours before Ino was wheeled into the operating room; another five hours of waiting with jitters and nerves. Shikamaru had called earlier to say he would be there soon; granted, it was barely fifteen minutes since the call, yet he couldn't help but feel it was taking the brunet too too long to get here.

 

He couldn't remember whether or not he'd had anything else to eat after his breakfast that day but he couldn't care less because he didn't feel like putting anything in his stomach, and even if he could try to brave it, he didn't think he would be able to hold it down. What then was the point? He resisted taking another look at his watch, if he was able to, he would also refrain from breathing because it seemed like with each breath he took, his anxiety tripled.

 

He debated going down to the hospital chapel to pray but he found that he was unable to move his feet in any direction that took him away from being as close to Ino as he was allowed to be. He needed to see her before she was taken into the theatre; he wasn't saying he wanted to say his goodbye because she was going to die, what he was saying was that he just needed to see her and talk to her before the procedure began. She might not hear him, hell for all he knew, she hadn't been aware of anything at all since she'd collapsed in their kitchen about a week ago, but he couldn't resist the press to see her and touch her and tell her that he loved her. And that he would be waiting when all this was over. He needed to tell her that Konan would also be there and that Shikamaru had always been there despite his anger directed towards Naruto. He needed to tell her that she was not alone and that... God he needed to tell her so much.

 

If he could only find that doctor... 

 

***

 

Konan sat on the ridiculously comfortable mattress in her hotel room, her already parked bags waiting at her feet; she scowled at her phone, what the hell did they mean no flights were allowed to take off yet due to bad weather? Her flight wasn't due to leave until another four hours but she was all set to go. It was rather unfortunate that she hadn't been able to get an earlier flight out but it was as well. At least she had been able to get one last minute. She checked the weather again to see if it had bettered even though she had done so just a minute ago. It was still the same. No, wait, it had just gotten a little worse. Konan gritted her teeth in annoyance; this was her problem with Russia this time of the year, it was so cold and the weather got so bad. The good thing now though was that at least it wasn't terrible, there was still the possibility of it getting clear at any time.

 

She opened the dialer and thought of putting a call through to Naruto. She wanted to find out how they both were and to tell him when she would take off. To say she'd been on her toes since Naruto told her about Ino was understated; she hadn't been able to rest, even sleep seemed like a faraway thing. Just thinking of her girlfriend been in a dire condition was enough to scare the bejesus out of her. Her heart ached. Her girlfriend was stuck in a mild coma and was probably facing the possibility of death, yet she was thousands of miles away from her. When she had gone ahead to date Ino despite hearing about her health, she had considered various perilous situations and envisioned how they could all end; yes, she had known that sometimes, things like this ended in death, but she had kind of held on to the frail hope that they would pull through together. Now though, she had lost practically every bit of her confidence and her hope kept getting frayed the more she thought of it.

 

There was so much she was yet to do with Ino, a lot she hadn't found out about her, a lot she hadn't told her yet. Like the fact that she loved her. She thought, as her heart twisted painfully, that she was yet to tell Ino how much she loved her. She'd never said it to her because she felt they were too early into their relationship. At first it had to be about testing the waters, then going deeper, spending more than just a few months together before you realised the attraction had morphed into love when you weren't looking. That was how she'd thought to let it go, she hadn't wanted to rush things and end up scaring Ino away. But with everything happening now, she just wouldn't be able to forgive herself if Ino died without even knowing how she really truly felt about her.

 

She dialed and waited for the long distance connect to be made. The weather was bad, it was possible it might either not connect or it would be reception would be poor. She would take the bad reception though over it not going through. However, though, she heard the operator's commands, selected her options and waited yet again. She wiped her palm on her jean clad thigh, wondering how she could afford to have them damp despite the chilly atmosphere. It rang for a while, and just when she thought it might end, Naruto picked up

 

"Konan?", came the small sounding voice at the other end. If she didn't know better, she would have said she was hearing a little kid talk

 

"hey kiddo. The weather is still god-awful over here, we're at a standstill. No flights can leave for now but my flight isn't supposed to take off until a few hours. I hope everything will calm then"

 

"a few hours?", Naruto asked in a voice she could hear was shaky even with the static

 

"yes. I'm sorry I can't be there earlier but I should make it before the surgery"

 

Naruto's breathing greeted her for a few seconds before he spoke. "she's... I mean the surgery, they said it'll be in a few hours"

 

Konan's heart slammed hard against her chest she was almost sure her ribcage had a few cracks in it. "what?". Her mouth was suddenly dry

 

"roughly five hours. I was just told an hour ago"

 

Konan gripped her phone tight. She wanted to ask why Naruto hadn't informed her as soon as he was told but of course even if he had, what could she have done about it? It wasn't like she could automatically get the fucking weather cleared, or get a private jet to brave through the situation, or that she had powers of teleportation to take her back to Tokyo.

 

"I'm sorry, I should have let you know as soon as they told me", Naruto went on like he'd read the question in her silence, "but I had a lot on my mind..."

 

"its ok", she waved it off without a seconds' thought. There were even more pressing things to consider at the moment. "why so suddenly?". Usually weren't they to fix a time that spanned for over day? It wasn't always that an emergency surgery was called.

 

"the doctor, she said that Ino had improved. But...", his breath hitched as though he was trying to keep himself together. He let out a breath and went on, "but she'd seen something distressing and if they didn't do it soon...", at this point, she heard his barely muffled sob.

 

Christ, why was this happening? Did that mean she wouldn't be there for Ino while she went through something like this? And there was Naruto, he was alone, scared shitless and simply out of his head with worry. With every word he let out, Konan heard clearly the fear he was feeling. Naruto didn't want to lose Ino, he would be devastated if she didn't survive; she found it relatable because she felt the same way.

 

"hey", she said gently, "pull yourself together, ok? Let's be strong for her", she said this as her eyes watered. It was a good thing Naruto couldn't see it.

 

"yeah", came the sniffled reply.

 

Konan shut her eyes, the tears rolled slowly out the sides, "I'll see you in a bit, and I'll call to check on you before take off"

 

"ok". His reply this time was muffled, he probably had his face in a face towel.

 

Why the hell did a twenty year old kid have to sit through this alone? Right, she remembered he'd mentioned Shikamaru the last time they spoke but was Naruto ok been alone with him considering what happened between them? She didn't know the full story but Ino had described the breakup as rough. Very rough, she'd said.

 

"Naruto you aren't there alone, are you?"

 

Naruto took a little longer to answer, "Shikamaru was here"

 

Was. "and now? he's not with you?"

 

"he's at work, but he said he'll be here soon".

 

Konan sighed to the high heavens. She hoped Shikamaru would at least be there before they began the procedure, because it wasn't just about waiting while they were carrying on with the surgery, the wait before that was equally something to pay mind to. She could only imagine how Naruto was feeling, how much of a wreck he was in both emotionally and physically. The boy needed some support.

 

"he'll come back", Naruto told her with certainty and a sad kind if wistfulness that made her chest hurt all over again.

 

"alright then". She was going to say more, but her throat suddenly choked up and there was no way she was going to let Naruto hear her cry after just telling him to be strong. She cleared her voice and said a tight goodbye.

 

Her hands shook as she checked the airline site and the weather once again, the blasted thing was still the way it was. Letting her frustration get the better of her, Konan slipped down to the foot of her bed as her tears began to fall in earnest. She was afraid; she was afraid of slipping and falling. And losing Ino would do just that to her. No she wasn't scared, the pounding in her heart corrected, she was terrified.

 

***

 

Shikamaru made it to the waiting area in front of Ino's room to an agitated Naruto pacing up and down the hall and looking very much in need of grounding. At first glance, one might've waved it off as simply nerves but Shikamaru knew Naruto well enough to know that it went way beyond that. The blond was very much upset about something other than his sister's impending surgery. He hurried to Naruto's side.

 

"hey", he called softly to him so as not to spook him even further as Naruto already looked scared and ready to bolt out of his skin at any little startle.

 

Naruto didn't seem to hear even when Shikamaru called out again, it wasn't until he reached out and grabbed a thin arm that Naruto jerked into focus. He turned watery eyes on him, the tears making them look even more like the ocean. Shikamaru took in Naruto's face, the boy looked absolutely miserable and ripped apart. Shikamaru felt a protectiveness surge through him and immediately his mind began to think of several things that could've put naruto in that state. If it was news on Ino, he was pretty sure he would've known about it earlier cause Naruto would have called to let him know.

 

"what's wrong?"

 

Naruto opened his mouth as if to speak but his lips began to tremble; the wetness in his eyes increased until their blue colour all of drowned in it. Naruto blinked, and they began to roll down his cheek. Shikamaru felt his heart clench painfully; God it hurt him so much to see the one he loved in so much pain. If only there was a way to take it away. In that moment where he let the softness of his heart weaken his resolve, Shikamaru let himself do what he'd been craving to but hadn't been able to after their falling out. With the hand still gripping Naruto's arm, he pulled the blond closer to himself and wrapped his arms tight around his skinny body. Naruto didn't even hesitate, he buried his face in the crook of Shikamaru's shoulder and truly began to sob. 

 

Shikamaru listened to the heart wrenching sounds and felt something inside of him crack. His arms tightened around Naruto's shoulders, drawing him towards his warmth, trying desperately to shield him from whatever it was that was hurting him. He buried his nose in the blond hair, barely registering the sweet scent of Naruto's shampoo that he loved so much; he whispered quietly into the spiky mop, cooing softly as he would a child. He didn't flinch when he felt the tears soak through his shirt to touch his skin, and when Naruto pressed closer to him as though he too wanted to escape from the reality he'd shut his eyes against, Shikamaru buried a palm in the head still resting on his shoulder to let him know that he would hold him securely until he was ready to pull away.

 

Shikamaru had no idea how long they stood that way and he didn't care, all that mattered was the boy in his arms. His grip on Naruto slacked only when he felt him start to relax, as Naruto pulled reluctantly away, Shikamaru let his arms fall to the boy's waist in a loose hold but he didn't step away. Naruto's gaze remained on the floor as he tried to take steadying breaths amidst his low hiccups.

 

"Naruto?", he called out softly to him again. This time, Naruto looked up immediately, seeming a little embarrassed at the display and maybe just a little unsure about their current position. Shikamaru briefly thought of putting him at ease about that but he was more interested in what had upset Naruto before his arrival. He rose an arm and used the thumb to gently wipe at Naruto's cheeks one after the other. The blonde's eyes fell to the ground again but Shikamaru was having none of that; he wrapped his long fingers under Naruto's chin and rose his head to meet his eyes.

 

"what happened?", he inquired in a voice that broached no room for beating around the bush.

 

Naruto bit his lower lip to control its quivering and looked to the side possibly to get his bearings again. After a short while, he looked up at Shikamaru again, seeming more in control of himself

 

"I asked the doctor if I could see her before she goes into the theatre. I just...", he paused for a sniff, "I just wanted to see her again before she goes in, you know? I wanted to... I just wanted her to know we were here", he finished with puckered lips and swimming eyes. 

 

He sniffed again before continuing, "she refused", at this point, he had started crying again and every effort he tried to put into getting back in control was mostly wasted. "she wouldn't let me see my sister before she gets operated on". 

 

His eyes were pleading, the devastation very clear in them. Shikamaru immediately understood and he sympathised with Naruto, but more than that, he wasn't happy with the doctor. He got that she was just trying to be cautious, doing all within her power to increase Ino's chances of survival, but denying her brother the right to see her before she went into the operating room was quite cruel. 

 

He gently pulled back from Naruto, wiping his face with a handkerchief he'd found in his pocket before leading him to a chair. He indicated for Naruto to sit. "wait here, I'll be gone a minute, ok?"

 

Naruto blinked up at him in confusion, and as Shikamaru made to move away, he jumped back to his feet again, looking panicked. "please don't leave", he pleaded in a barely-there voice broken by fear.

 

Shikamaru studied him some, watching the way he wrung his fingers around the handkerchief in his hands. Was Naruto afraid that he would up and leave him to go through the day alone? Was he scared that the brief show of emotion they'd exhibited just moments ago was pushing him away?

 

"baby, look at me", he said softly. Naruto did and if he was surprised at the term of endearment Shikamaru used, he didn't show it. "I'm not leaving you here, alone. I need just a minute to get something in order and I'll be back. You won't even notice I left".

 

Naruto took a breath like he wanted to speak but Shikamaru brushed his protest aside with a soft peck on the mouth. Surprise crossed Naruto's face, followed rapidly by shock that then gave way to a look of longing. It made Shikamaru's chest ache.

 

"give me a minute, ok?", he requested once more. He stood rooted to the spot, unable to move until Naruto nodded his acquiescence. Shoving aside the temptation to kiss the blond again, Shikamaru quickly pulled away and started back the way he'd come. 

 

***

 

It didn't take Shikamaru long to find who he was looking for. She was standing with another doctor outside a patient's room on the other side of the floor, examining a chart. He made his way towards her as quickly as he could, his movement drawing her attention as she looked up just as he neared. Tsunade nodded a dismissal to the other doctor and faced him expressionlessly.

 

"Shikamaru", she greeted when he stopped in front of her.

 

"good afternoon. Naruto told me the surgery scheduled in a few hours", he waited for her to confirm this with a slight tilt of her head before he went on, "why so sudden?"

 

"we were going to wait until tomorrow, but when I examined her charts, I saw something that gave me a pause"

 

Shikamaru blinked at her which she took as a signal to go on. "her system was beginning to respond better, her leucocytes multiplying well enough. But when I checked her that morning, I realised that they were weakening again. They were weakening and disappearing gradually"

 

Shikamaru frowned deeply. How could that happen when she was getting constant attention and get treatment was literally continuous? 

 

Reading his concern, Tsunade went on. "we're not sure how it happened, why it happened, or how it's happening, but I figure we need to go ahead with the surgery now before she regresses even further". She let out a sigh, "if were going to save Ino's life, it has to be done as soon as possible. A delay wouldn't do her any good. I apologise for the inconvenience this sudden decision is causing, but know we have her best interest at heart".

 

Shikamaru nodded, "of course. Thank you".  
She made to move away but he stopped her with an index finger giving the 'just a moment' signal. She stood still. "Naruto also told me you aren't letting him see her before she gets wheeled in".

 

Tsunade carefully schooled her expression so he wasn't able to read it. "its basic precaution. We're still careful about letting anyone close to her except the doctors and nurses. And the cleaning people"

 

"you let the cleaning people in to see her but you won't let her brother?", he asked incredulously, trying to make her see the absurdity of the arrangement.

 

"the cleaners aren't going in to see her", she corrected him like he was a kid she was trying to explain basic algebra to, "they're going to help disinfect the room by cleaning it up. And they're usually protectively geared up when they go in"

 

"still", Shikamaru protested, "you're telling him his sister is about to get operated on, her body right now is so fragile she might not even survive it, and he's not allowed to see her perhaps for the last time? That's cruel, don't you think?"

 

Tsunade had the good grace to look a little uncomfortable, "listen__"

 

"and you didn't let him see her for most of the time they've been here. Please cut him some slack. He did as you asked all this time, just give this to him. He's crying his eyes out on the other side of this wall"

 

"she might survive this, we're not saying she's going to die...", Tsunade tried

 

"but it's a possibility", Shikamaru pressed to drive home his point. "I'm not trying to be negative here, just realistic. Not everyone survives a major surgery like this, and her current state... Please, you have to reconsider"

 

"its a preventive measure", she countered weakly, "if something goes wrong due to my negligence, the hospital might suffer a suit"

 

Shikamaru scoffed at that. "Naruto won't sue and nothing will go wrong if you let him see her while wearing a quarantine suit. Give him a quarantine suit, tell him what to do and what not to do. I know Naruto, he won't disobey your instructions even if you're not there". Tsunade looked torn between feeling doubtful and relenting, Shikamaru exploited her momentary indecision. "Let me call this in as a favour".

 

Tsunade tapped the file absently on her thigh, she now had a sympathetic look in her eyes. "fine, I'll see what I can do"

 

He breathed a sigh of relief. "thank you"

 

She gave his shoulder a pat, "go back to him, I'll see you in a bit". 

 

***

 

Shikamaru went back to see Naruto sitting on the edge of his seat, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. His current body posture screamed dejection. He hurried over and sat close to him, close enough to say 'I'm here' without needing to say it out loud. Naruto glanced up at him; his eyes were red rimmed and puffy but Shikamaru was at least glad to see that he had stopped crying.

 

"you're back", he said quietly as if he hadn't been expecting Shikamaru to return

 

"of course. I told you I'll be back"

 

Naruto nodded slowly, "you did". He took a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut, looking resigned.

 

"I spoke to the doctor about you seeing Ino"

 

Naruto's eyes flew open, "you did?"

 

"yeah. She said she'll see if she can let you see Ino briefly"

 

Naruto gaped, "she did?"

 

Shikamaru smiled at his recurring answer, Naruto obviously didn't even know he was talking the way he was- a monotonous series of answers that made him seem like he was on repeat. "yes. Let's see the magic she'll work, ok?"

 

Naruto nodded again, "thank you"

 

"it was nothing__"

 

"no, thank you. For being here when you didn't have to be. Thank you for taking care of me, and staying that night with Ino, and talking to the doctor, and...", his voice broke.

 

Shikamaru placed a warm palm over one of Naruto's hands, "Naruto, it's nothing". 

 

He too paused, wanting to say more: that he loved him and he wouldn't dream of leaving him to go through all of this alone. That he wanted to forgive Naruto for what he did and similarly apologise for walking out on him instead of listening to him explain why he'd done all of that. He wanted to tell Naruto that he was thinking he could still do this -them- that they were possible if they could sift through the mess and continue from where they stopped. He wanted to tell Naruto that he didn't want them to end, that he was willing to try again and again and again until they finally got it.

 

He didn't say all of that, he said instead, "I'll be here until the end"

 

Naruto's eyes filled up in gratitude, "thank you". 

 

He kept his gaze locked on Shikamaru's, he looked like he wanted something else, and from the longing swirling in the blue eyes, Shikamaru could guess at what was gnawing at him. Some part of him wanted Naruto to go ahead and say it, but another part -the part still struggling with the tiny pangs of hurt and betrayal- didn't want to hear it. Not because he wasn't interested, but because it wasn't ready to dive in. Yet. He still needed time to reconcile, sort through, analyse, fight, and then break the walls down. Until that happened, Shikamaru knew it was all hopeless.

 

"you came straight from work", Naruto observed. He sounded a little surprised.

 

Shikamaru was barely able to conceal his amused smile. Yes, he had driven straight down to the hospital right after the meeting at the office, telling his dad there was emergency he had to attend to and that he might not be back that day. He'd ditched his blazer in his car, swapping it for just the overcoat he was still wearing. It didn't come as a surprise that Naruto hadn't noticed this earlier what with his distress, but he still found it amusing nonetheless.

 

"I did"

 

"why?", Naruto asked distractedly. He rubbed a palm over his face, before shoving the hair back and out of it. The locks stayed back for about one second before they fell back to his forehead. "you should have gone home first to... eat. Or something".

 

Shikamaru reached over and pushed the offending locks out of Naruto's eyes, noting that the blond needed a trim. "I'm not hungry"

 

"Konan, Ino's girlfriend. She's stuck in Russia, can't fly yet cause of bad weather but she'll be here as soon as she can"

 

Shikamaru wondered if Naruto was actually talking to him or if he was trying to tell himself that Konan's not being here at the moment wasn't of her own making. Perhaps it was both. Naruto still seemed distracted, Shikamaru guessed though that it was the stress getting to him. He couldn't dare suggest that Naruto go home for a bit and he knew Naruto wouldn't rest at all until after Ino's surgery. And even then, the boy would begin to worry afresh about her recovery.

 

"she will", Shikamaru affirmed in a soothing tone, "it's the weather else she would have been here as soon as she heard".

 

Naruto nodded once again and lapsed into silence. Shikamaru said nothing else either; he leaned back into the uncomfortable chair and tried to get comfortable. All the while, he didn't let go of the hand he held.

 

***

 

Naruto sat still at his sister's bedside and smiled sadly at her, she looked better than the last time he'd seen her. Her skin wasn't as pale, there was a hint of colour on her cheeks now and he could swear her lips were curved into something of a smirk. He almost chuckled at his imagination.

 

"hey", he began softly, soft enough that no one else would have heard had they been in the room with them, but loud enough for it to carry to Ino if she could hear him. "sorry I haven't been here earlier, they told me I had to stay outside. Some kind of medical caution. They made me wear this space suit thingy before they let me in. I look ridiculous and I know you won't let me hear the last of it of you see me".

 

He ached to touch her but Tsunade had expressly forbidden any form of physical contact and he was definitely not going to go against that and endanger his sister simply because of his impulses. "you're going into surgery soon, real soon. But you'll be ok, you'll come out better and you'll recover quickly and we'll get back to life as usual".

 

At this point he had to wonder who he was putting up a positive front for.

 

"so... Konan isn't here yet, apparently Russia has got very bad weather right now. It must be really bad if it could keep Konan back. Anyway, Shikamaru is here with me, he's been here for days. Did you know he spent two nights here? Well he did, one time he was with Neji, Kiba's fiancé. We're all here. You're not in this alone, you've got people who love you and want you to get better soon"

 

He gulped in a breath and blinked his eyes clear.

 

"I'm scared, Ino, I'm really scared and I can't wait for the day to end. I miss you and I need you back, ok? You have to promise me you'll survive this and you'll let me take you back home. It's more comfortable on your bed anyway than in here. When you open your eyes, we'll all be here; its a promise".

 

He heard the door open and he realised with dread that the five minutes the doctor had given him was spent. 

 

"time to go, be good", he said with a wistful smile, "everything will be fine, you'll see".

 

He said a hurried goodbye when he felt a hand on his shoulder; soon as he was done, he stood and walked out the door. He didn't look back at his sister or at the doctor still with her; if he looked back he might break down, and he didn't want to break down in tears again. He wanted to be strong at least for the moment.

 

***

 

Sitting where they waited outside the operating room, Naruto was wired to do anything productive and too exhausted to pace. They'd wheeled Ino in almost two hours earlier and Naruto felt time couldn't go any slower. Kiba had called, he'd wanted to be there also but he was tied up in bed -doctor's orders- and Neji was currently not in the country. Business emergency. Konan was still stuck in Russia and the last time they'd talked, which was about twenty minutes ago, she'd sounded very frustrated. Shikamaru was right beside him, quiet but comforting; his mere presence at this time meant everything to Naruto. It put him at ease and made him feel he could go through the day without breaking down completely. Shikamaru had said he wouldn't leave and he hadn't, he'd said he would be there as long as Naruto needed him and he'd kept true to his word

 

Naruto leaned back against the chair and shut his eyes. Something weighed heavily in his chest, it pressed so hard he could feel it crack his sternum and before he knew what he was doing, he began talking.

 

"I was fifteen when I left my foster home", he paused, waiting for Shikamaru to say something or at least let him have the chance to comment on the non sequitur. The brunet offered nothing verbal, but from the warmth he felt pressing closer to him, he knew Shikamaru was listening. 

 

He swallowed and went on. "my foster family, they were nice to me. They tried to make me comfortable, they treated me like their own kid". A hand found it's way to two set of dark coloured bead bracelets on his wrist, his fingers played over the unique looking beads through, absently rubbed his over them as he spoke.

 

"I never forgot their kindness, so even after I left, I sent them gifts every holiday or a card or something. When I turned eighteen, I got this parcel from them. There were five smaller boxes inside the big box, one from each parent and the three kids", he smiled a weak, wistful smile, "it was... great. They still thought of me after three years and it felt great. Barely a weak later, I got another tiny parcel, it was from the mum. It had a letter that told me she had apparently gotten into this craft thing and she'd made me two bracelets. She'd used marble beads and they were beautiful. Not perfect but still beautiful.

 

"two months after that, it was Christmas; I'd been saving for close to a year to buy the gift I got them. Two weeks after I sent it, it got mailed back. Turns out they'd moved and I hadn't known. They didn't tell me".

 

He gulped against the lump trying its best to choke him, seeming to sense his pain, Shikamaru touched him lightly on the thigh. It was warm and grounding. Still leaving his eyes shut, he went on.

 

"I tried calling but all their numbers were out of reach. I had the oldest kid's email, so I sent him a message. He sent one back. They... ahh... their mum? She died two days after she sent those bracelets, a car crash. She umm...", he swallowed again, "she died on impact. Almost immediately after her funeral, they moved to a different country. And I didn't know".

 

If Shikamaru wondered why he was sharing this story, he didn't say, and Naruto was certain that if he opened his eyes to look at his companion's face, bewilderment was that last thing he would see.   
His forehead creased in a frown, "everyone I love leaves me..."

 

The hand on his thigh squeezed in gentle assurance, "that's not true__"

 

"first it was my mum. I didn't get the chance to know her. She died. Then my dad, my foster mum", he opened his eyes now and looked pointedly at Shikamaru, "you".

 

He heard Shikamaru's sharp inhale. The brunet looked ready to speak but Naruto didn't let him, "and now Ino might__"

 

"she won't", he managed to make out what Shikamaru said considering how hoarse the man sounded

 

"but__"

 

"but nothing", the other man sounded stern this time.

 

"I'm scared", Naruto admitted after a beat. His voice was small, defeated and too quiet. "I don't want Ino to leave me, I'll be alone if she does. I don't have anyone else"

 

"she's not going anywhere", Shikamaru replied in a tight voice of his own, "and you won't be alone no matter what", he added in a much quieter voice.

 

Naruto shook his head sadly. He didn't have the strength to look at him again or say anything else. He shut his eyes and said a quick, quiet prayer in his head. When he was done, he took out his phone and sent Konan a quick mail to give her an update about Ino -though there wasn't much to tell- and asked about her flight. Konan's reply was immediate: they were cleared for take off, the plane will be boarding in a few minutes. 

 

***

 

After nearly six hours of waiting and numerous calls and messages from Kiba and Neji, Konan finally arrived in the hospital looking exhausted and on edge. Naruto was pleased to see her, Shikamaru was relieved she could be there for her girlfriend, and Konan was almost at the verge of tears when she slumped in beside Naruto. The blond gave her a quick update -still nothing much since they weren't out of the operating room- and inquired on her journey. Apparently she shouldn't have been in Tokyo already, but when she got notified about the weather change, she'd made her way to the airport and a customer who wasn't in a hurry agreed to switch tickets with her when she explained the urgency of the situation. She'd come straight from the airport, her luggage was downstairs and she had no intention to leave until Ino got out. She had spoken emphatically and both men knew better than to argue with her. 

 

***

 

More hours of waiting, and the doctor finally made her way out of the room, followed closely by the others that had worked in there with her. They jumped to their feet, and stood askance around her, not daring to breathe. 

 

She stopped briefly and nodded to them, "it was a success. Hopefully, we won't get any complications but we'll keep a close eye on her. She'll be awake in 24 hours, give or take. I have to run, another surgery in a few hours". She made away, oblivious to the melting tension she left behind.

 

Naruto's relief was palpable, his knees buckled and would have given way if Shikamaru hadn't held him. The brunet subtly slid a hand around his waist, offering support in that silent manner of his. 

 

"she's fine", he breathed against Shikamaru's ear. The man locked eyes with him and smiled

 

"she is"

 

***

 

Naruto was stationed by Ino's bedside, holding a hand and watching her sleep. She looked rested, much more than before her surgery. The doctor said it was a good sign, that she was healing fine and that her recovery would be faster than they had anticipated. At first Naruto had been worried about that considering that she'd been in a coma before the transplant but with that bit of news, his fears had been put to rest. Ino stirred and Naruto held his breath expectantly. She'd been doing that for a short time now, stirring in her sleep as though uncomfortable with her current position. No surprise there, Ino preferred sleeping on her left side but because the kidney was planted on that side, she was laid on her right. His lips tugged in a small smile, he couldn't wait to hear her bitch about it when she woke up.

 

Naruto rubbed a thumb across the warm skin of her hand, "Ino I think you've slept enough, seriously how much sleep can a person get in one day? Its time to wake up". 

 

His head was bowed and his eyes were shut. The silence in the room was oddly soothing. Konan had mercifully agreed to go home to wash up and change and Shikamaru was out taking a call.

 

"stop playing with me, that suspense shit isn't good for my heart. Wake up now before I have a fucking heart attack".

 

The warmth radiating from Ino was comfortable and very calming.

 

"I'm gone a few hours... and you've already got a sailor's tongue?". Naruto's head whipped up so fast he was shocked he didn't snap something. Ino was staring blearily at him with a weak smile on her lips, "your bedside manners are shocking".

 

Naruto was torn between flinging himself on her to hug her hard, running out to get a nurse, or sagging in his chair in relief. He hadn't imagined he still had so big a weight on his chest until he'd heard her voice and seen her eyes open. They were actually open. He felt a slight quivering on his lips and he gave a shaky nod

 

"I didn't exactly have a choice. He has a way of rubbing off on people, that sailor".

 

Ino squeezed her eyes shut as she let out a quiet chuckle. God he'd missed her. He settled for a long peck on her temple and reluctantly pulled back; he reached for the remote-like thing the nurse had said he could press in case of an emergency and sat back in his chair.

 

"the nurse will be here soon. Are you in pain?"

 

She shook her head once, wincing when she did. "I think I've missed you, buddy", she slurred out. Before the nurse made it into the room, Ino had fallen asleep again.

 

***

 

It wasn't until another three hours passed that Ino woke again. This time she looked stronger, her lips were less parched -Naruto was certain it was all thanks to the kisses Konan had been stealing since she'd gotten there, her colour had improved, and she had gotten a little of herself back though she wasn't able to say much. Ino had thanked Shikamaru as profusely as anyone who had just gone through surgery and still had a lots of pain meds in them could, while Konan watched her like a hawk. Naruto had seen the inquiring look Ino had given him when she sighted Shikamaru, a look that asked if things had somehow gotten back to normal while she was indisposed. His eyes must have been crestfallen because hers had immediately turned sympathetic.

 

He stood by the doorway, watching Konan fuss over his sister and wishing that that could have been him and Shikamaru. Minus the whole hospital/surgery thing. He missed just being with Shikamaru. He wondered what Shikamaru was going to say to him the day he went over to their apartment, he wondered if he could still try one last time for another shot at what they had. He wondered if now that Ino was ok, they were going to be finally over. Those days sitting in that god-awful chair just outside Ino's door had made him realise more and more that if Shikamaru left him, he was going to be too empty and alone. He didn't want to be alone, he was tired of being alone; he realised that he needed Shikamaru. Really needed him and he was willing to grovel if it would get him back the man's affections. To hell with pride, fuck that self-respect bullshit. If holding back from what he wanted all because he was trying to keep an iota of self-respect would erect an iron wall between them instead of breaking down the brick wall currently standing in their way, he would shove that shit to the side. And he would beg. 

 

Shikamaru had excused himself to talk to the doctor. They were standing down the hall and if anything, they should either be done talking or almost through with it. He was ready to wait for them to finish, he'd just step out and let Shikamaru see him so he'll know he needed to talk to him. Glancing one more time at Ino, he took a deep breath, stepped out of the room, looked to the side Shikamaru and the doctor had been standing, and saw nothing. The hall was empty. His breath caught, his heart began to thud painfully. Shikamaru could have walked with the doctor to her office, he could have gone out to take a call, he could be downstairs getting a drink, he could... That was just a stupid attempt to make him feel better, because deep down he already knew. Shikamaru was gone, he'd left them in that room and he'd walked away because his role here was over. 

 

Naruto slumped against the wall, his eyes filling up without warning. Automatically his hand reached for his phone, he knew Shikamaru wasn't going to pick his call but he dialed anyway. It went straight to Voicemail. He tried to speak but all he managed was a choked sound before he ended it. He didn't bother trying again, it would be futile. Shikamaru had made his choice. 

 

He had walked away, and he hadn't thought that Naruto deserved a proper goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These hands carry the burden of the memory of your skin stained red upon their palms, the remnants of the love we made and killed.  
> \- Jessica Katoff
> 
>  
> 
> This chapter might not be half as filling as you expect, but given the circumstances under which I put it together, its a miracle I was able to produce this. If I was an author, I'm pretty sure my agent would have given up on me ages ago. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading. Have a great time.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello beautiful people. We have come to the end of our journey here, its been so amazing having you all with me. 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking around, thank you for your kudos, thank you for your comments, and thank you for you. 
> 
> My cast and I wish you all happy holidays. And we hope the new year is awesome for you. We love you. I love you.
> 
> Je vous remercie tous pour la lecture, mes amis, je t'aime.
> 
> See you around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The finest souls are those who gulped pain and avoided making others taste it.  
> -via word porn

The light filtering through the window of his bedroom was weak and had a serene feel to it. He had been lying in bed, watching the rays of light play a kind of play that he would have normally thought was beautiful had he not been in such a dour state. They said that when you got your heart broken, everything lost taste and colour; he'd thought it was a fable- an overly dramatic way of painting a picture to people who hadn't experienced it just for the sake of being poetic- until he'd gone and gotten his own heart broken. Since the day he walked out of that hospital, he had been going about his day to day routine in a rather monotonous manner. To anyone who had things different, they would say he was living a bland life at the moment and Shikamaru couldn't have agreed more. Nothing was the same anymore.

 

He was not blaming anyone for making him leave that day, it was nobody's fault. Truth was, the time had come for him to walk away and do what he'd been doing all this time. Filtering. He had left to do just that. Pick up the pages, read them through, study them critically, put aside what needed to be put to the side, and burn the rest to ashes. It hadn't been a simple task, not at all easy. He had thought the hardest part was turning his back and marching the other way from Naruto and all that came with the blond, but that didn't even come close to it. It was waking up every morning with the knowledge that he couldn't make those gestures he'd gotten so used to making. Like reaching for his cell for a quick call to to hear that happy voice that had a way of putting his heart at ease and then remembering he couldn't; it was going to bed at night, lying in that big bed and knowing he couldn't share all that empty space with the man he loved while he told him what had happened to him that day. It was sitting hours and hours on his couch, thinking that if he could just go back... 

 

Hours turned to days, days to weeks, weeks to months; and now three months later, he was still lying in his bed, thinking. He started out by thinking that if only Naruto had talked to him, opened up and told him there was a problem instead of shutting him off at every point, then things wouldn't have ended up the way they had. Then he'd begun thinking that if he'd only been a better boyfriend, they might have gone around this mess; he had beaten himself up about it so much, placing lots of focus in that direction that it had all of blinded him to searching for a means to step up and get himself going. But now, he was in bed on a Saturday morning and wondering if perhaps things were the way they were because it just so happened to be. They had both been playing the game life set before them and this was it's way of saying "checkmate" but instead of starting a game of their own, they had thrown in their pieces and given up. He had given up.

 

He blinked against the now brightening light and thought of Naruto. They hadn't spoken since. He'd never called or tried contacting Naruto but the blond hadn't given up on him easily. Naruto had called several times but each time, he had let it go to voicemail. The messages got increasingly broken and choked the more they came, he had sounded so heart wrenchingly sad that Shikamaru had to struggle not to pick up each time to beg him to stop breaking his own heart some more. And each time, he felt a little piece of that same heart crumble to dust when the message ended. He began to truly feel out and away, the distance between them had gotten more palpable, the ache in his chest throbbed even harder. The last call had been about a month ago and since then, it had been a stretch of total silence. 

 

With a sigh, Shikamaru pushed off his bed and strolled into his bathroom for his morning routine. He had made his decision, it was time to get things in motion, time to end this feeling. It was time to lay it all to rest and move on.

 

***

 

Nodding an approval to himself for a job well done, he shut the door to sister's just-cleaned bedroom and made his way to the kitchen to make his breakfast. Since he had weekends off, Naruto decided to do a clean up of their apartment and try out this new recipe the head chef taught him that Friday. It was much easier to do without anyone in the house with him, that way he could focus on polishing his skills without having any form of interference. Ino was generally doing ok and she was mostly healed. Her therapy sessions had mercifully come to an end, she was still on meds but the quantity had lessened considerably over time. When Naruto got back from work the previous day, Ino had fed him pizza she'd ordered, given him a tight hug and said "much as I love you, your precious company, and your amazing cooking, I've just about had it seeing your beautiful face. I'm going to Konan's for the weekend". And she had taken their just adopted kitten with her. 

 

In general, he would say life was going well. His sister was fine and happy, they had a tiny kitten who Naruto had named Kurama though they were yet to figure out if it was male or female, and work was going well. His new boss, chef Iruka, was way younger than Naruto expected, gentler than he anticipated, and was patient to a fault. And he was a badass cook. Pain called him on occasion to check on his progress and once or twice a month, he dropped by the restaurant unannounced, cleared a specific side of the kitchen and asked Naruto to surprise him with a dish. It could be off throwing, but the satisfied upward curve on a corner of the man's mouth when he had a taste was always fulfilling. Despite the fact that they couldn't be together, Pain still stuck with him as a friend but didn't let that get in the way of being his boss. The man had even dropped by their apartment a number of times to check on Ino after Naruto finally came clean and told him what happened. 

 

In specific, he would say not having Shikamaru to share these times with really sucked. It wasn't like he hadn't tried to talk to him because he had, perhaps to the extent of making a fool out of himself. Leaving voicemails Shikamaru might not listen to, sending messages he might not read. When the doctor called him aside the day Shikamaru left the hospital to tell him that they'd just talked and that the man had settled their outstanding bill, paid for Ino's medications, and dealt with other medical expenses including that of the nurse who was to drop by their apartment every day for a few weeks to look after Ino, Naruto had called to thank him for the "parting gift" but ended up having to leave yet another voicemail that might not had been listened to. Three months passed and he'd gotten nothing at all from the brunet as an acknowledgment. Nothing at all.

 

He got out the chopping board, laid a sharp knife on it and sighed loudly. So much for the promise of staying no matter what happened. The thought wasn't bitter, just defeated. He'd had that suspicion that depending on how Shikamaru heard about his alternate lifestyle and from whom, his reaction would vary. It was understandable that he would be so upset, but why did he have to leave without saying so much as a goodbye? He'd had so much he'd wanted to say to Shikamaru that day but now, he'd have to stow them away to rot some place because Shikamaru was not willing to hear them. He stood idly, wondering if the time truly had come to let go and try to move on from this. Tokyo was a big city and they didn't run in the same circles, so the possibility of them running into each other was low, wasn't it? 

 

A knock on the door of their apartment jolted him from his thoughts. His eyes automatically went to the clock in the kitchen, it was just 10:08, they rarely had visitors at that time in the morning. He dusted his hands on his shorts and made his way to the parlour. When he opened the door, he felt his breath catch. He blinked, thinking that maybe his imagination was playing tricks on him and was simply conjuring things up based on his own longings. But it wasn't so. The dark eyes staring back at him were as real as real could get and the sudden pangs in his heart were no feelings in abstraction. It was Shikamaru, standing not three feet away, staring so intently at him as though he was the only other person left in the world. Just like their first meeting, Naruto could almost swear that time had slowed for them to savour the moment because it was saying there won't be a repeat; just like that day, he felt something inside of him shift as though from the wrong place to the right. But unlike that day, there was bittersweet nostalgia dancing in the foreground.

 

His knees grew weaker and he had to hold on tight to the doorjamb to maintain his balance.

 

"Shikamaru", he rasped out by way of greeting. The man cocked his head slightly in answer, his gaze not wavering from Naruto's. It was a strong gaze, quite compelling, subtly demanding.

 

Naruto's heart pounded long and hard, he was sure the beats had turned irregular. There was suddenly a pit in his stomach that somehow seemed to affect his breathing as it dug deeper and got wider. He couldn't think of anything to say, and he knew at the back of his mind that he should invite Shikamaru in but he was too numb speak. Too numb to even think. His eyes of their own accord traced the strong planes of Shikamaru's firm body; they travelled from the handsome face, trailing a path down the broad shoulders that had held him on the occasions he'd cried on them, to the solid chest that had cushioned him when he'd needed to rest his head, to the lean muscled arms that used to touch him like his body was the only one they knew, to the long legs that never wasted time to come to him when he was in need. He ached to take the steps necessary to close the distance between them and throw him arms around the older man's neck.

 

"may I come in?", Shikamaru asked quietly. The gentle timbre of his voice sent bolts straight to Naruto's chest, whispering in his heart how much he had missed hearing that voice and reminding him of just how much Shikamaru meant to him. And just how much losing what they had was ripping him apart.

 

He gulped and tried to speak but his throat was closed too tight to take in air so he nodded instead and stepped aside to let him through. But Shikamaru didn't move immediately. He held still, their eyes holding for a fraction of a second more than necessary, going on to a second, and then a few more before Shikamaru broke the contact and walked in. 

 

Watching Shikamaru walk in, Naruto noted that the man's feet were as light as his voice. Eyes fixed on the brunet's back, Naruto had this feeling of déjà vu; it wasn't the first time he'd watched Shikamaru's back as the man left him behind, it wasn't the first time the effect was so gripping it damn near broke him and left him crippled. He wasn't sure why Shikamaru was here, but Naruto prayed with all of his heart that it was the last time he would have to feel that way again. Watching something you loved and needed as badly as you needed air walk away was the worse feeling ever.

 

"how are you?". Shikamaru's voice hadn't gone any higher though Naruto could hear him fine. He knew Shikamaru well enough to know that he hadn't asked the question as a mere formality, there was actual concern there to know how he was faring. It was oddly comforting.

 

He nodded shakily, trying to push aside the way Shikamaru's presence was affecting him. "I'm fine"

 

"and Ino?", continued the sincere inquiry, "how is she?"

 

Naruto's lips gave a small smile as they usually did when Ino came to mind, "she's doing great. Healing very well"

 

"can I see her?", he asked with a sideways inclination of his head. Naruto had always found it sexy when Shikamaru did that.

 

"she's not in. She's..." he paused to take a steadying breath, "she's spending the weekend with Konan".

 

It was Shikamaru's turn to nod. It was good that Ino was doing ok, and it was even better that she wasn't in the apartment at the moment. He wanted to talk to Naruto, and it wouldn't do to have an extra pair of ears to hear what he had come to say. Things like these had to be done in private at least as a matter of courtesy, respect for the other person's feelings.

 

Seeing no further need to beat around the bush, he said simply "we need to talk".

 

If ever there were words that had the power to give Naruto a heart attack, they were just spoken. He shut his eyes and swallowed hard; there went his heart once again, doing that funny thing he didn't quite understand. When he opened them, Shikamaru was watching him with unconcealed concern. Naruto knew he wouldn't be able to pull off a reassuring smile, he opted for tilting his head to the couches. Shikamaru understood what he was trying to say and followed quietly behind. 

 

They sat side by side on the same couch, close enough to hear each other without having to strain their voices, but with a respectable enough distance to not have any body parts touching. This was the way it had become with them, Naruto thought sadly, stupid boundaries suddenly present when they shouldn't be, forced detachedness where familiarity should have been, polite talk instead of conversation with a lover. Yes, the pangs went deep.

 

Shikamaru watched Naruto for a while. The blond wasn't looking at him, his eyes were fixed obstinately on the hands resting on his thighs. His brows furrowed in sadness when he noticed the nervous wringing of Naruto's fingers. He wanted to reach out and grasp those thin fingers but he had to maintain his distance if he was going to do what he was here to do. He knew the boy was scared to listen to what he was going to say and if he had read Naruto right, then the blond might prefer not to sit down to do this. But it had to be done. The moment Naruto opened the door, Shikamaru was able to see, in his unguarded expression, just what the past few months had done to him. He had glimpsed fear, loneliness, self blame, regret. He had missed Naruto like crazy, and the longings he'd had to fight every minute of every day didn't make any of it easier. Soon as the door had opened to Naruto standing behind it, all messy and inviting, he'd found himself close to backing down because he knew that this was going to hurt Naruto very much. 

 

"it's ok, Naruto, please look at me".

 

Naruto's head rose jerkily before he forced his eyes to meet Shikamaru's. The older man saw the way he'd had to steel himself before he obliged. The blue eyes were swimming with many emotions, making them unfocused and much darker than normal. Naruto could barely look directly at him but he left his head raised.

 

"we never got to talk about it"

 

Of course by "it", Shikamaru was referring to what had happened to their relationship: the fight that hadn't exactly been a fight, the break up they'd gone through without out rightly saying they were through, the lies that hadn't been straightened out, the feelings still swirling around them like dust. 

 

Naruto's voice found the courage to break out of his throat. "you're right, we didn't".

 

Shikamaru sighed, not really knowing where to begin. Things needed to be said, but they needed to be said in a manner that wouldn't upset Naruto any more. Before leaving his apartment, he'd had a carefully laid out script to follow; now, his head was blank. He made a go for it still.

 

"if I don't say what I have to say and get the answers I need from you, I won't be able to move on".

 

The knife was back in Naruto's heart, plunged deep into a wound still struggling to heal, and twisting cruelly. Shikamaru just said he wanted to move on, meaning he was leaving him and his baggage behind to try for something better, something that didn't come alongside sex with wealthy men. So all those calls he had ignored, those messages he hadn't replied, they were all Shikamaru's way of telling him to back off and he had so stupidly failed to take the hint. Who's the fool now?, the situation seemed to taunt.

 

"of course". Even to his own ears, his voice was hoarse and the words forced. He had known this moment would come; it was inevitable that one day he would have to hear it directly from Shikamaru's mouth that they had officially come to an end. At least the man had enough courtesy to do it to his face. He felt his eyes burn and blinked over and over again to keep his cool, he was not going to cry over this. Not while Shikamaru was here.

 

Shikamaru had to ask himself if he was going about this the right way. Naruto was obviously trying not to cry and the mere thought of the boy hurting this much because of him was weakening. But it was just as he'd said, there was no moving forward without dealing with what should be left behind.

 

Not exactly sure where to begin due to his scrambled plans, he started with the question that had haunted him for as soon as he'd learned of Naruto's escort job, "why didn't you tell me?"

 

For Naruto, that was probably the hardest question to answer. Could he have told him? Definitely, if only he'd had the gall to. Why hadn't he told him? That was kind of the trick question.

 

"I was afraid". He paused shortly, asking himself if that fear was worth it and once again coming to the conclusion that absolutely nothing had been worth breaking his relationship with Shikamaru. His fears had not necessarily being unfounded but his mistake had been letting it play an active part in his decision making.

 

"I thought that if I had told you, you would have walked away. That you wouldn't want me anymore. I've never had with anyone what we had and I was so scared of losing you that I let it cloud my judgement. It ended up doing exactly what I wanted to avoid".

 

He felt Shikamaru shift agitatedly beside him. "so you were never going to tell me?"

 

Naruto shook his head in denial though he kept his eyes away from Shikamaru's face. "I was. I just kept getting cold feet and postponing the moment".

 

Shikamaru scoffed lightly at the explanation. It was a classic thing to say when things went south but he believed that Naruto was not lying to him. It was like pages of a missing story were finally turning up and making some sense. He already understood why Naruto took that job and why he had sex with people even while they were together. He got that Ino was Naruto's only family, everything he had and that he would do anything for her. But what he'd never understood is why Naruto wouldn't tell him no matter how many times he asked what was eating him up. He knew the blond felt guilty for lying to him but why he'd chosen to stay quiet had been beyond him.

 

"when I first started the job", Naruto further explained at Shikamaru's silence, "it was quite easy. Meet men, be their arm candy for the night and leave with your money. But then things started to get worse with Ino and I panicked so I went ahead to sleep with some clients because it paid better. Ino didn't even know what I was doing until that night after Kiba brought me back home".

 

He dared a glance in Shikamaru's direction but the man was not looking at him. His dark eyes were focused on the rug lying in the center of the parlour. Naruto could not read the expression in them to tell if the man was believing his story or not. He sniffed silently and pressed on.

 

"when I met you, I wasn't sure you and I were going to get serious". Shikamaru's hands clenched into fists where they rested, causing Naruto yet another pause. When it was obvious the brunet was not going to say anything, he went on. "then we did. Meanwhile as time went on, I found myself struggling with it more. I hated that I was keeping a secret like that from you, I hated that I was lying to you and giving you a wrong impression about me. It's just that I..."

 

He drifted to a screeching halt at that point. It was just that what? What was it he'd wanted to say just then? It was just that he couldn't bare to let go of something he probably didn't deserve? Was that it? The truth, Naruto came to realise, was that any excuse he tried to give right then was simply inconsequential compared to what he'd had. That was probably how Shikamaru saw it, and that was why he was probably ending things officially. The despair was back in his chest. 

 

"I was going to tell you", he whispered, "I swear I was. I just didn't... I didn't have the nerves to tell you. I wasn't sure how you would take it and I was so scared of losing you". God, could he sound more pathetic than he was right now?

 

Shikamaru's silence stretched, causing Naruto to give him a pleading look. "Shikamaru please believe me, I wouldn't have lied to you if I thought I had a choice"

 

Naruto's companion wiped a hand wearily over his eyes as though to clear them. "bullshit", Shikamaru replied without heat, "you did. You had a choice, you knew you had a choice, but you chose to keep me in the dark"

 

"that's not fair", Naruto protested weakly in a pained voice. "I was stupid, I made a huge mistake and I'm so sorry about that. I would take it back if I could"

 

Shikamaru rose to his feet and looked out the window, "but you can't". His voice held regret. "you didn't trust me. If you had told me, I would have helped. Even if you wouldn't have taken my money, I could have helped get you a decent job"

 

Naruto hung his head. If he opened his mouth to speak, he would end up saying he was sorry and at this stage, he was pretty sure Shikamaru was sick of hearing him say sorry. Of course the man was right; Naruto wouldn't have wanted financial assistance from him, but then he hadn't thought Shikamaru would have helped him get another job. He had been so focused on trying to get the money they needed while keeping his other life a secret from Shikamaru that his mind had closed up to multiple other possibilities.

 

"when I found out, I was pissed", Shikamaru started to pace the length of the room in measured strides. "I was angry, with you and then with myself. I beat myself up because I felt I should have known. But I was blinded by the whole idea of you and the picture you had painted in my head, I couldn't see what was staring me in the face"

 

He stopped pacing and faced Naruto squarely, looking directly into his eyes. "I loved you. And after everything, I still do". He shook his head in a dazed fashion like he couldn't understand why that was. "I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I really needed you"

 

"you left". Naruto hadn't meant to say it in such an accusatory manner but unfortunately it came out that way. "you say you needed me but I needed you too. Yet you still left".

 

And there was the very thing he was bitter about. Aside the pain of Shikamaru's rejection and the shame it had cost him, he just couldn't get past the fact that Shikamaru had walked out without even letting him explain. Without talking to him. Without saying goodbye. The older man had to find a few things out because Ino had been admitted. What would have happened if Ino hadn't collapsed that day? What was it Shikamaru had come to say to him that day he'd found out they were in the hospital? Back in the hospital he'd thought things were going to get better from there, but no. And after? Shikamaru hadn't wanted to pick his calls or reply his messages.

 

"I did", he replied after a moment, "I needed to think about us. What to do".

 

The fact that Shikamaru ignored the better part of what he'd said didn't go unnoticed by him and for some reason it hurt a lot. The man was ignoring him yet again. He swallowed against the dread stuck in his throat and asked, "did you?"

 

He nodded absently, "I did"

 

Naruto didn't want to hear it but he had to ask, "what have you decided?"

 

Shikamaru's face was blank as he spoke. "that I've had enough. I want to leave this behind me and just move on"

 

This time, Naruto's eyes filled up and he let it; he felt like he'd just been punched hard in the gut. He'd suspected Shikamaru was here for closure and he had thought he would be able to take it. But he had been wrong. It was too painful to hear. Reality had cruelly yanked away the frail blanket of hope keeping him cocooned. Here was a man he loved dearly, standing a few feet away from him and telling him they were over and Naruto didn't know how to take it. It was painful, just hearing Shikamaru say out loud what he himself had known all along, and by God it hit him so hard he couldn't see right for a while. 

 

He rose unsteadily to his feet also and tried to subtly wipe his eyes on the sleeves of his tees. "so that's it?", he asked softly because he knew raising his voice any higher will only cause it to crack under the pressure of emotions he was keeping at bay. "we just... end. Here? Just like that?"

 

Shikamaru blinked at him with pain in his eyes. Naruto saw it, he wanted to grab a hold of that emotion and not let go until the man budged. He took a stuttering step forward but as soon as he did, Shikamaru looked away. 

 

"you won't even look at me while you do this?".

 

It took a few seconds for Shikamaru to look in his direction once more. He waited for the man to say something, anything at all. He didn't. He simply stayed quiet, rooted to his spot and letting his eyes drill a hole in Naruto's heart.

 

"I'm sorry, about everything", Naruto pleaded against the heaviness seeping through him, draining every bit of the fight he had left in him. "I really don't want us to end". Give me another chance, he wanted to add, but his throat had closed once again.

 

Asking for another chance was an thing. Both to him and to Shikamaru. He had wronged his boyfriend very much, infidelity was not an act most people forgave. He had been so naïve, and his naïveté was costing him everything. He wiped his eyes to clear his blurry vision. It was really cruel, having the one he wanted barely a few feet away but not able to reach out and touch him. 

 

Shikamaru's eyes softened some as he watched him. But he still remained silent.

 

Naruto hung his head in defeat and looked up at his companion from underneath his lashes. "I understand". He really did, but understanding didn't make it any less harder to accept. "I'm so sorry".

 

Finally, Shikamaru moved. He shook his head in unvoiced exasperation, causing tendrils to fall out of his loose ponytail to frame the sides of his face. "that's the thing, I don't want you to say you're sorry"

 

"what do you want me to say?", the boy asked sincerely in a voice shaky with hurt. He'd say whatever Shikamaru wanted him to say if it'll help the man feel better.

 

"that you would never lie to me again". 

 

Naruto's head snapped up in shock and incomprehension. He vaguely noticed Shikamaru moving slowly towards him with a contemplative frown now sitting on his forehead. 

 

"I want you to tell me that if anything ever bothers you, you'd come straight to me to tell me because that's what people do when they're in love".

 

The man stopped right in front of him and looked deep into his eyes. That was when Naruto was able to see the shift in Shikamaru's eyes, like a barely-there spark. It was so subtle he would have missed it if he hadn't grown to know Shikamaru as well as he had those times they'd been together.

 

The spark got bigger, making Naruto get fleeting glimpses of the man he had fallen in love with. It was like the ice was breaking and was slowly melting by the gentle heat burning somewhere in the background. 

 

"the time we spent apart got me thinking", the brunet continued in measured tones, "and it made me realise that I was wrong. Somewhere along the line, I'd gotten it very wrong".

 

He paused, trying to put in words what he was feeling and totally failing. It was an inexplicable feeling like trust, a fleeting sense of loss and nostalgia, all mixed together to create the feel of... home. Naruto was like home to him; the thing you couldn't get enough of, the thing that no matter how far and long you've traveled, you'd always return to. It was buried so deep inside you that you tasted it, felt it. Loved it.

 

"see, no matter that I try, I can't seem to let this go". He gestured between them in a back and forth motion, "us. I can't let us go" 

 

He tapped a foot once, twice, and then stilled. He wanted to begin pacing again, his thoughts became clearer if he paced while thinking on his feet. He quelled the urge though, not just because he didn't want to say this while walking away, but mainly because he really didn't need to think about what to say. The thoughts had already been planted.The words hovering right at the tip of his tongue he only needed to loosen the hold he had on it and they would tumble out. Just like they were doing right now. 

 

"I can't bring myself to walk away from you so easily". He remembered that he had at one point dared to think of them as a couple even before their third meeting; he had so effortlessly imagined them being together and having kids together. He'd imagined them as a family and it had been one of the most comfortable thoughts he'd ever had. He stood there, realising that he still wanted that. He still wanted Naruto to be the one he'd go home to every single day. Naruto was the one he wanted to share the good times and the bad times with, to talk about his day with and hole up with in their apartment when weekend came.

 

He wiped the tears from Naruto's cheek and moved even closer so that they were practically sharing the same airspace, cupping Naruto's face both palms . Naruto looked shaken and possibly scared but he didn't flinch away.

 

"I realised that I was careless with you, I'm sorry. I never let you explain when I found out about your escort job, and for that I am so sorry. I'm sorry I shut you out without giving you a chance to tell me your own side of the story. I was thinking of myself and my feelings that I ignored the fact that you were hurting too. I can't apologise enough for that".

 

Before Naruto could think of a word to say in reply, he put an arm around the boy's waist and pulled him into a hug. The blond head immediately came to rest on his shoulder and Shikamaru felt the warmth he'd been missing those past months seep into him. 

 

"you mean so much to me, and I'm willing to try with you again and again until I get it right. I know you felt like you were alone all that time but you weren't, I was right there. I just didn't help you see it".

 

He heard Naruto sniff, felt the gentle quaking of the thin body that signified the blond was trying so hard not to sob out loud. He tightened his hold on Naruto, and reflectively, Naruto burrowed closer. 

 

"this time around, I won't let you feel that way again". He bent his head lower, and spoke softly in Naruto's ear, "I love you, I would make sure I show you every single day so that you'll know you can trust me with anything". He added after a moment's hesitation, "that's if you still want another go with me".

 

Naruto lifted his head and searched Shikamaru's eyes. He was confused at the sudden change in the direction of their conversation, and much as he knew this was really happening, he almost couldn't believe it. 

 

"you mean that?", he whispered hopefully

 

Shikamaru gave a definite nod, "I do. You did what you had to do to help your sister, I shouldn't have held it against you".

 

Naruto let out the sigh he hadn't known he was holding back. "I left that job", he said with a sniff

 

Shikamaru gave a small smile, "I know". He'd figured Naruto would do that.

 

Naruto licked his lips nervously, "I got a job at a kitchen. A restaurant. I'm still training under the chef but I get paid ok". He licked his lips again and looked down at their joined chests, readying himself for what Shikamaru's reaction might be to what he was about to admit but he told himself that if they were going to do this again, they might as well do it right. "a former client owns the restaurant, he gave me the job".

 

The older man stiffened, inhaling sharply as he did. Naruto waited for an explosion but it didn't come. All he was asked was, "is it ok?"

 

"it is".

 

Naruto shut his eyes and said a quick supplication in his head to the heavens that Shikamaru didn't ask him to leave and look for another job some place. He loved where he was and what he was doing, he enjoyed working under Pain and Iruka, and the other cooks that were his seniors. It won't be easy finding a better restaurant where they'd pay him as graciously as Pain did though by normal standards he should be paid less. 

 

"we'll talk about it" 

 

That got another nod from Naruto. Afterwards, they simply stood that way, looking into each other's eyes, their hearts beating so quick it was almost comic. Despite the quickening in his heart rate, Naruto's breathing had slowed to short and shallow bursts. The fuzzy feel in his chest was spreading upwards to his head, making them feel light. As though he was floating. Shikamaru's eyes darkened as his pupils dilated and while Naruto pondered what he was gazing at, he missed the exact time Shikamaru moved. Less than a second after he registered it, his boyfriend's lips were on his. They were warm and soft and familiar, moving in such a way that stole his breath away. They splayed across his in bold demand, saying much without needing to actually speak, and Naruto found himself all too ready to give anything and everything they wanted. 

 

The kiss this time was different; it was raw, stark, naked. There was nothing gentle about it, no permission to be granted, no hesitation to take what was wanted. It warmed it's way through Naruto, grazing him where he was already wounded but instead of hurting the bruise some more, it soothed and he felt himself begin to heal. It was more than just the physical contact, it was also an emotional proximity; they were reconnecting, mending their bond, sealing the vacuum that had found its way between them. He panted against Shikamaru's lips, grabbing on to his tees to get support and pushing closer even though they were already flattened against each other. As Shikamaru's hands gripped his waist tighter, Naruto felt steadier.

 

"I'm sorry", he rasped when Shikamaru pulled away to kiss his neck, "please don't be mad"

 

"I'm not, not anymore", the older man murmured a reply from his busy mouth. He trailed kisses from Naruto's neck to just under his chin; he grazed under his jaw, nicking a spot gently with his teeth. "I won't be here if I was"

 

Naruto clutched at the older man's shoulders."you were so angry, I didn't think you'd come back"

 

"Neji was right, I just needed some time alone". He lifted his head to look at Naruto's face, "and that time alone helped me to see the guy I had fallen in love with". He kissed the left side of Naruto's mouth, "I saw how it would be without you and I didn't want it". He moved to the right side and kissed it lovingly, "I saw a chance to fix what we unhinged and I took it".

 

In all of his life, no one had ever loved him the way Shikamaru had loved him. No one had ever done what Shikamaru was doing now; it didn't take a genius to figure out that what the man was doing took a lot, and even if he lived to a million years, Naruto knew he couldn't say thank you enough to the powers that be. Second chances didn't come often enough, he'd be damned if he let it slip past him this time. 

 

He wiped his eyes on a forearm, "I really loved you too. I still do. Very much"

 

Shikamaru nuzzled Naruto's neck, unable to stop the smile splitting his lips. Despite knowing what Naruto had done, he couldn't shake off the innocence he'd glimpsed in the boy while getting to know him. Naruto had a pure heart and a very vulnerable soul, he wore his heart on his sleeves which was why he was always deeply affected by things as they happened to him. That was why he laughed so quickly and very often, and that was why he cried so easily. He was so empathetic it was beautiful to watch. 

 

"that's great. Because I really want you to meet my parents"

 

Naruto's shock was evident. "you do?"

 

He nodded, still smiling

 

"I... I don't know what to say".

 

All the while, Shikamaru hadn't taken his arms off Naruto. He tightened his hold on him and pressed their foreheads together, "say yes".

 

Naruto remembered when Ino used to talk so much about fate, and soul mates, and what the stars had to say about a person's love life. He remembered how she used to paint it as an elaborate fairytale and how he used to say he didn't believe in fairytales. He remembered that on the night Shikamaru had run into him, Ino had told him they were meant to be and that it'll all work out. He wasn't sure what was at play here or how it had managed this feat, but he was wiling to take what had been given back to him after his naïveté had all of caused him to throw it out. He clutched with both hands and swore that this time, it'll be better.

 

He gave a watery smile of his own and whispered, "yes".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Dream catcher.
> 
> Some people are like beautiful dream catchers,  
> absorbing the most terrible things for those they love  
> and leaving them only the softest, gentlest thoughts behind.  
> -Nikita Gill


End file.
